billythehat

Ping –

Nah, the apartment didn't happen as I didn't like the details in the contract. If you know anything about construction and contracts and you smell a Rat, it is a Rat. I returned to England for my business and I'm glad I did. It looks like my visit to Lalaland this Kitmah may be have to be curtailed due to the current Rugby match at the Bangkok airports, although I've heard from a lad I know in Bangers, that America is about lend a hand to settle the problem. The report was that Bruce Willis was currently crawling through the ventilation ducts of Terminal 2 at Swampy airport and had indicated that he, single handed, would secure the place ala 'Die Hard 2'…..wotta guy…

Amanda –

Yes, you missed something, although I'm sure you're a nice guy.

No, you cannot have my hat and besides, I'm not convinced that a very old Irish crumpled green felt hat would go with your lovely brown eyes. It would however cover your face.

……is that hounds I hear?.....

…..crivvens, you goons are sure getting some mileage outta this one …over 12000 views and 200+ replies….hee, hee..it was just a little old story..read fiction..

Normally I'd let the hounds loose, but having been banned once, had posts deleted, dodged several girly handbag swipes and a veritable avalanche of comfortable shoes that would make even Imelda Marcus jealous, it can get a little tedious…..oh yawn…

Chock dii folks.

ps. I see the posse of JD and that bastion of God's favourite country, Mr H Bear, are still manning the parapets, but Is Ping still alive?

Billythehat, while your dream is certainly better than mine it fails to account for the environmental impact. It's bad enough raw sewage ends up in the Patong beach waters (where unsuspecting tourists frolic, splashing themselves with eau de kaka), but dumping so much toxic waste into the ocean at once could result in a massive fish kill.

Good point, but ya gotta crack a few eggs to make an omlette.

Gentlemen, more than a few of these threads would suggest some sort of genocide, regarding this section of hardworking, honest and upright citizens, the Tuk-Tuk pond life.

I couldn't agree more, but feel that the big problem is lack of self-esteem with these wee brown folk. I suggest that they each be given a badge and a whistle, played hypnotic music (ala Pied Piper of Hamlin) and marched off the cliffs at the southern part of the Island. This would be a green and humane method that would even get the nod from the comfortable shoe squad, and cause less mess.

"there is ample anecdotal evidence to suggest that a high proportion of farang-managed businesses fail in LOS."

Good grief…..

"I would never, ever contemplate in engaging in any form of business in LOS."

Agree totally.

Quote markg:

However, try to bear this thought in mind.

Do you think the bar girls actually want to be there?

Have you considered how desperate you and/or your family are for money for you to prostitute yourself?

I firmly believe that everyone has their price. Would you prostitute yourself for say 1000 USD? No? A million? No? Ten million?

There comes a time when the price is right and you would do it.

It's just that we, generally, wouldnt prostitute ourselves for a week's worth of rice.

We're the lucky ones, arent we.

Some of the girls have little choice.

Oh Buddha, are we gonna wheel this old chestnut out again, "those poor bar girls, sniff, sniff…gotta buy a little rice…boo hoo"

Get real, old chap, she's also gotta have the cash for a more expensive mobile than I own, nice clothes, food and lodging, advanced lying and deception technique classes, etc. The money, if it gets back home, has gotta pay for houses, motosai's, 4WD's for the extended family, etc.

"Do they wanna be there," you say? Rhetorical question really and a quite preposterous question to put to anybody from a 1^st world country…

Erm, er, also, were exactly do you buy your rice from?

There are still people living in tin shacks, tapping rubber trees in Phuket

Welcome to the 3^rd world, Bub….have you travelled around Africa recently?

If you would substitute the word Thai with your own nationality in that post, you wouldn't feel slighted or marginalized in any way?

Ho hum, no Padre, I wouldn’t, and why would I? What an absurd proposition.

Shoes still a bit tight then?

QUOTE: Lujanit

Thai's are very hedonistic, they can only think about right here, right now. They are incapable of thinking what may result from actions taken now. I don't agree with any 'sting' operation unless you have all the facts and can prove a 'scam'. The answer is really simple, go drink elsewhere.

Ping replied:

Agreed, some Thais are, just as some farang are. A bit harsh to generalise, don't you think?

…..mmmm..quite possibly, my dear Mr Ping, but by only selectively quoting in your reply, you negate to mention what the OP also said in his last sentence. If by experience, empirical or otherwise, an individual has an opinion that is perceived to be a generalisation, doesn’t necessarily make it so. My own ‘generalisation’ on the OP was that I don’t think he is any more bias than your kind self and furthermore it both saddens and amuses me when the comfortable-shoe-squad alight from their chairs to ‘tsk-tsk’ anybody who is judged to take a swipe at those lovely wee brown folk .

Quote Master Chief:

“Do you think that the tourism here at its current proportions would survive without a sex industry?”

No.

‘The comfortable shoe squad’ and anybody who has a cut/interest in the tourist industry, will quite rightly, opine the limited ‘qualities’ the island has to offer, whilst at the same time ignore certain realities of the place. It’s normal – it’s called business. A lot of Thais are complicit in the porking industry and I doubt if any of the movers and shakers are interested in losing their share of a rather large pie. Die-hard mongers who come without the extra cost and hassle of partners and families are unlikely to be put off by extra fuel and sundry expenses.

So will the number drop?

Monger numbers and lads on the lash – fractionally, if at all.

Families – Yep, for sure. Credit crunch problems and the increasing bad press of murders, etc.

“Are there other options that would draw such hordes of tourists?”

Probably too late. The rot is too far into the wood. Sticking plasters will only be sticking plasters.

“If to regulate the sex industry how would it be done, any suggestions?”

See my first answer above.

The TAT in Phuket expects over 250,000 Swedish tourists to visit Phuket during this year's high season

PHUKET: -- Talking from her previous experience stationed at TAT's Stockholm office in Sweden, Ranjuan Thongrut, the new Assistant Director for the Tourism Authority of Thailand, Phuket office, anticipates around 254,000 Swedish tourists visiting Phuket.

About 80% of packaged tours are already reserved.

Airlines or direct flights play prominent roles in this busy travel market. At present Thailand's national carrier provides direct flights from Stockholm to Bangkok 6 times per week with plans to increase to 7 in November.

Some other charter flights will also resume their services this high season.

--thaisnews.com 2006-09-09

Good news for Phuket, that's why I have ordered 300kg frozen lingonberries .

Gerd

..and don’t forget the many different types of pickled herrings. The one’s in jars look like the leftovers from a major surgical operation and the tinned types are in tins because once opened they stink worse than 5 day old Som Tam.

I tried the pickled herrings with mustard, when I was over in Stockholm once and it wasn’t too bad, but I dunno, I prefer me fish freshly cooked and warm. Not a patch on home-made chips ‘n gravy, though..

Ah well, mix with the pond-life and don’t be too surprised if some of the scum sticks.

It’s happened to most folks (yes, even the holiest of reprobates here on this forum, including the lass’s - whose purses are normally closed tighter than a mozzie’s chuff) at least once, but if it keeps happening to ya…mmmm…..

So ya lost a few shillings and a fake friendship with a chimp…So who’s really the winner here? See what I’m getting at? Lesson learnt and moving on.

I’m not knocking ya for giving the heads-up on potential scam locations. Forewarned is forewarned and don’t say I didn’t tell ya so.

From JD's musings Post#13…

This is the first I have heard about this and I see no supporting evidence to back these claims.

YES, WELL I SUPPOSE WE SEE WHAT WE WANT TO SEE…

Yes I even rode the bike after a few beers on occasion.

Don't drink and drive is the answer (as if there was ever any real question about that idea!)

I SEE YOU CAREFULLY CONSIDERED YOUR ENLIGHTENING REPLY TO THE WORLD TODAY…..RIDE AFTER A FEW BEERS…..THEN DON'T DO IT?

PERHAPS, AND I SAY THIS MOST CURTEOUSLY, FOLLOW YOUR OWN ITEM 1 RULE BEFORE ENGAGING ONE'S BEAK?...

There should be 2 rules about posting on political topics!

1) Have a brain that is not put in idle .....

Gravey and chips, "food of the God's"? Is that the God of bland slop?

Billythehat, how are you with spicy Thai food? I would think a spicy Tom Yum Goong, with some big goongs would be closer to a "food of the God's". Or a big lobster....

Now, now, my dear Mr Bear…

I believe you may be a fine person from God's favourite country, the USA, and I have taken this into account in my measured reply. As a gentleman, I feel that I must take issue with your good self, with your quite scandalous attack on the humble spud. That's 'potato' to you yanky fellows, although when they have arrived at your table, they are called 'fries', however, I digress..

Bland dish? Crivvens, no and no, again Sir. Oh, such pitiful and galactic ignorance.

What I'm talking about here are 'proper chips' and not the reconstituted mush that forms the so-called French Fries. I have personally contacted the French Government about this abomination, but their answer was in the form of waving white flags and the whole country going on strike.

Aye, real chips, every fan has there own method of preparation:

The best spuds are from England and Ireland (that's Goddam Limeylandshire to you yanky chaps)

An Irish recipe:

Cut the fresh spuds into the traditional finger shapes (amphibious landing craft shapes are acceptable, but may be a bit ambitious for the beginner)

Rinse off the starch and dry off on some kitchen paper (your sunbathing TGF will do if you cannot find any paper, but ensure she has eaten within at least the last 15 minutes)

Frying – don't under any circumstances use 'Honest Somchai's 20/50 Oil' for this fine dish. Simply take the fat from a (lightly killed) Goose and use that. Heat the deep fryer and cook at high heat until light brown, but not fully cooked and remove from the cooker. A couple of minutes before serving put the par-cooked chips back into the fryer and finish cooking to a deep golden brown. Remove and drain slightly but ensure you have left a good coating of the shiny, tasty artery clogging fat.

Gravey – dead simple – Use real chicken and vegetable stock, the meat juices from the lightly killed goose, a generous dash of Irish Whiskey and a little corn flour to thicken.

When drunk, curry sauce can be used, but the Chinese varieties are preferred as the Thai curries are a bit too watery.

Serve, belch loudly and tip most generously.

Spicy food? I'd rather lick poisonous Toads.

Good day to you, Sir.

My own views on tipping:

First off, everything's getting more and more expensive and so I want more, not less, for my hard-earned wad. I don't owe you a living as much as you owe me one, Somchai or Nok, and I hope that's very clear from the start. If you can see the name, Santa Claus, on my passport, i will concur that you may have a point.

If I go out for a meal, I want good service and grub as the norm. I refuse to tip for pig's swill and bad service, but will tip well for what I went out for and that is the combination of the good food/service experience. Nobody should accept anything less.

This goes for both Thai or Farang owned places. If some fat, bald & tattooed clown (I mean very handsome man) who's been DisneyLand for too long thinks he can pull this kinda malarkey, can think again.

Don't get me started on the 'Service Charge' scam.

Good recommendations can help avoid the above; all ya gotta do is ask around.

"Aye, pass me a bit more of that gravey for me chips, there's a good lass..eeeee…food of the God's, so it is.."

I'm sorry, I found Billy's post one of the funniest (and most accurate) I've seen in a long time!

Stop the thread 'cos it's too honest?! NOOOOOOO!

You can laugh at yourself elsewhere, why not here?

Cheers, guv, but you’ll have to believe me when I tell ya that was the heavily self-moderated version. I’ve had M’Lady on my case before and have been threatened with the paddle – fortunately for me, she had acquired said paddle from Jung-Ceylon, and this broke long before she had a chance to weald it in anger.

No refund either.

Regarding dear Old Phuket and its’ environs, I fear that it may already be too late to promote Eco holidays there. Long before it was in its current ruinous state, the island had been abused for many years by uncontrolled and miss-managed tin mining, etc, which had caused terrible ecological damage to an already fragile eco-system.

The 50+ tonnes of fuel it may take to haul ya azz over to an Eco holiday may seem contradictory to some I suppose…

Anyway, back on topic:

“UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DRINK THE WATER FROM THE TAP”

Mainly because drinking the seawater would be less deadly. Furthermore, you will avoid acquiring the not so alluring smile worn by the toothless old lady who sells som-tam from her wagon on Soi Bangla.

“EXPERIENCE THE THRILL OF RIDING A JET-SKI!”

Don’t – Period.

Your chances of survival are greater, should you turn up at President Mugabe’s house dressed as one of the Ku Klux Klan.

Private Limo Transfer: Somchai's Second Hand Bangkok Taxi (With hole where the roof light used to be)

You’re one lucky guy – at least you got the convertible option.

The hole in my taxi was in the floor – a la Flintstones.

…gulp…was that racist? ...I get so confused these days with the definition of what I know to be real racism. There was nothing in these posts which was racist. A topic was opened about Tourists biggest lies on a Thai Forum – Waddya think the peeps were gonna post about? The rainy days in Aberdeen? Sheesh, lighten up a bit.

Praise the Lord that the Missus didn’t succumb to the no-laughter PC brigade and kept the topic open.

..mmmm…yep, I’ve got a few:

“WELCOME TO THAILAND”

Hi, Suckers!

“HOTEL LOCATED CLOSE TO ALL AMENITIES”

Ensure you are very fit indeed. A black belt in karate and some knowledge of the correct use of firearms would be a distinct advantage for that long walk home after a good night on the lash.

“FREE WELCOME DRINK SERVED BY OUR FRIENDLY STAFF”

Out-of-date fruit juice with too much ice – definitely not the booze you were expecting – served by a glowering harpy who will shoot you her best ‘free’ Chairman Mao facial expression and still expect a tip.

“EXPERIENCE THAILAND’S FANTASTIC FOOD”

Pack more underpants than shirts. If you are a little over-weight, you’re guaranteed that there is no surer weight-loss program available. Ensure that your ‘Will’ is up to date.

“TAKE A RIDE ON A TUK-TUK”

See ‘Hotel Located…’ above paragraph

“VISITORS ARE TO RESPECT THE LAWS OF THAILAND”

Example:

Policeman Somchai CorruptPornTitti says;

‘Hey, Farang, yoo no wear helmet on moto sai. Yoo mutt bribe, I mean pay, me 500 Baht fine’

&

(6 Thais riding on an old Honda 50, with no helmets, no lights and bald tires)

‘No popem….’

And many, many more..oh, ya gotta laff..

And sometimes it's just other folks perception of rudeness.

Some parts of the world are known for courtesy, and others are not. The visitor, particularly one engaged in business or diplomacy, must make adjustments. Frank Australians could unwittingly spoil their relationship with a Malaysian host in the first five minutes. Aggressive North Americans may so offend a Japanese visitor that negotiation fails.

The bifurcation of peoples into the polite and the rude is not random. To put it in the blunt manner characteristic of my own country, the division boils down to this: Western cultures are rude, and other cultures are polite.

I can sense your reaction…. First, there are far too many exceptions. When you visited Denmark the people were very polite, but your trip to India was marred by constant harassment in shops and on the street. Australians wait their turn, while Chinese push their way ahead of you. Canadian drivers courteously yield to pedestrians, while many African motorists ignore them. Tel Aviv is a non-Western city and yet not particularly known for courtly behavior.

Even when my generalization seems to hold, there are bewildering variations and inconsistencies. Japan's elaborate rules of etiquette maintain harmony on the street as well as in the boardroom. France is no less known for etiquette (the very word is French), and yet who can be ruder than Parisians? If the Chinese share the Japanese concern with saving face and respect for feelings, why are they are prone to loud arguments and even fisticuffs in public places? Latin Americans are famous for solicitude and displays of affection, and yet theirs is the land of machismo, popularly associated with violence and abuse. The Shona people of east Africa charm everyone with their friendly nature and gentle good humour. But superiors bark orders at subordinates, and affability can vanish in an instant where ethnic rivalries are concerned.

Beneath the complexity, however, there is a principle at work. To put it briefly and abstractly, Western cultures are rule-based. They are deeply influenced by the justice tradition of Judaism and Islam, as well as classical Greek rationality. Laws believed to be based on reason and justice, provide a foundation for living together. Other cultures find other ways.

They may rely on authority, group solidarity, or sensitivity to the feelings of others. Whereas Westerners try to resolve conflict by appealing to principles of fairness, non-Westerners strive not to give offense in the first place. They develop a tradition of courtesy, empathy and deference to superiors.

This is not to say that Westerners are inconsiderate. They are bound by rules that protect the rights of others. This should not be misinterpreted as courtesy, however. Rule-governed behavior respects the rights of any person, or at least any citizen, including those one has never met. It is based on abstract principles of justice. Courtesy respects the feelings of the people at hand. It is based on concrete empathy and concern. A rule-governed Westerner might work on behalf of strangers in a distant land while ignoring the feelings of people in the same room.

My apologies for waffling on a bit, but I'm just saying…

i was actually meaning that it will be blamed on the burmese, not thais. THATS what i was getting at tax.

….mmmm….nope, I couldn’t make out the cipher either, so maybe you help out the viewer’s by stating that you are using code in your posts, maybe with a prize for the winner who correctly guesses what you may or may not be inferring.

Shouting down Tax after he had made a reasonable and coherent post about a very serious topic was childish and showed a considerable lack of professional judgement. I sincerely hope that the day never comes when anybody close to you is touched by the incidences mentioned in these topics.

…mmmm….not always having much to do with being a so-called expat in Disneyland East.

Not matter how long you've been rotting away the most productive years of your life in some one else's country, the walls you built around you in your own country remain pretty well fixed, viz;

" I wouldn't put up with these c**ts in my own country and I'm not gonna put with 'em here either, gibber, rant, foam...bring back national service, that's what I say…. "

Indeed Sir, but irony is it not that what you detest in your fellow countrymen has followed you here…crivvens, whatever next….militant feminist marches in Patong?…

I'm so glad you don't have tattoos. As for better educated, I doubt that. I'm an old Etonian then went on to Harrow.

Obviously, you haven't been here long, otherwise you would have seen all the riff-raff congregating in that cess-pit called Patong.

My point is, if you don't have money to live a respectable life here, you really shouldn't live here.

As I've said many times. I'm not a snob. I hate snobs, maybe even more than the riff-raff and their dodgy wives when my good lady and I go shopping.

You wouldn't happen to know of a gardener that needs a job perchance? Having servant troubles at the moment, you see?

Not actually at the moment, me old Bellend, but I hear there are plenty of ‘up-hill gardeners’ in Soi Bangla who are looking for a little extra work in the low season. I trust this of some assistance to you.[/size][/font]

You'd also need staff who aren't stupid, lazy, rude to the customers, and/or who always get orders wrong.

Great line and so true.

No matter how good the product, if the customer service is poor, you will see those customers only once.

Probably your hardest task will be getting a good team together here. It might be an idea to do some further research from folk who have undertaken such ventures and who are still trading or have folded. Ask around. You can’t beat experience.

Absolutely sound advice, I can concur. I use Irish Gaelic, which has worked marvellously in my encounters with the unpleasant variety of wee brown folk. The art of barely audible monosyllabic monotone is totally lost on them.

A double-edged sword it is too, as it works on many of the concrete-slipper brigade, sorry, my humble apologies, I mean expats. Once, a particularly dull American chap was berating me about my dear hat, and I replied in IG, to which he responded with:

“Hey, buddy, are you Dutch or something?”…..

…and best of luck to the guy…I’m sure he knows the risks..

Fairer to say that he probably thinks of himself as a businessman, and not as a tout….

The 'Thai' people were severely beaten on several occasions by the Burmese,

eg at Ayutthaya..

a modern, educated society..

they said, "because they are Burmese and full of diseases and things"..

Yep, intrinsically racist and shameful behaviour. But, hey. Tonto, you’re not in Kansas now.

A modern, educated society? Yeah, right, but in their eyes (Thai) there is 'no popem' at all.

Would people still come here in the same masses if it were not for the women of Thailand, with the attitude it has towards any other race? Probably not..

I try to go out of my way and make eye contact with Burmese workers i happen across and say Hello.

Good on ya Mark.