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Worst Joke Ever 2024


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A fish needed surgery, but didn’t know if he’d be able to pay for it. He met with the doctor to talk about how much it would cost.

“Don’t worry at all,” said the doctor.

“I’ll give you a discount on the price. I admire and respect your cousin, so I am honored to be taking care of his family.

 

He is, beyond any doubt, an excellent sturgeon.”  

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A speaker, who was less than modest, was booked to address an audience at a university. About two hours before she was supposed to speak, however, a couple of student jokers loaded all the folding chairs from the auditorium into a truck and drove off.

No one knew about this until the audience began to arrive for the lecture. It was too late to do anything about it, and the audience had to stand throughout her talk. That evening she wrote a letter to her mother:

“It was a tremendous success. Hours before I got there, every seat in the house was taken, and I was given a standing ovation throughout my speech."  

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A computer rolled into a bakery and went up to the counter. There were doughnuts and muffins and pastries, but the computer pointed at a plate of cookies.

“Hello,” it said in an electronic voice.

 Astonished, the counter person replied, “Wow, we don’t get too many computers in this store. Do you want some of these cookies?”

 “Well,” said the computer, “I might. Could you tell me how many bites are in each one?”

REPLY NUMBER ONE

 “I’m sorry,” said the counter person. “There aren’t any bytes in these cookies, just chips.

 

OR NUMBER TWO

The number of bites you take depends on the type and size of your input system!

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 A frustrated customer calls tech support with a very tricky problem. She cannot print blue, it just doesn't show up. All the other colors print fine, except blue, which is very unusual.

 The tech support person on the other end tries everything he can think of to help the customer. He asks her to reinstall the program, to reboot the computer, to turn the printer on and off. None of it helps.

 Finally, after hours of troubleshooting, he asks the customer if she can send a photo of her computer, the sys info screen, a screen shot of what she is trying to print and a photo of the printed result, the printer settings, the cable connections and everything on her computer desk.   She forwards the pictures by e-mail and on receipt  he instantly understands what the problem is and tells her,

 

“From now on, print on white paper instead of blue!”  
 

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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She Is Not a "Babe" or a "Chick" - She Is a "Breasted Adult."

2. She Is Not a "Screamer" or a "Moaner" - She Is "Vocally Appreciative."

3. She Is Not "Easy" - She Is "Horizontally Accessible."

4. She Is Not a "Dumb Blonde" - She Is a "Light-haired Detour off the Information Superhighway."

5. She Has Not "Been Around" - She Is a "Previously-enjoyed Companion."

6. She Is Not an "Airhead" - She Is "Reality Impaired."

7. She Does Not Get "Drunk" or "Tipsy" - She Gets Chemically Inconvenienced."

8. She Does Not Have "Breast Implants" - She Is "Medically Enhanced."

9. She Does Not "Nag" You - She Becomes "Verbally Repetitive."

10. She Is Not a "Tramp" - She Is "Sexually Extroverted."

11 She Does Not Have "Major League Hooters" - She Is "Pectorally Superior."

12. She Is Not a "Two-bit Hooker" - She Is a "Low Cost Provider."

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A tourist was fishing off the coast of Florida when his boat tipped over. He could swim, but he was afraid of alligators and hung on to the side of the overturned boat. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted out, “Are there any ’gators around here?”

 

 “Naw,” the man hollered back. “They haven’t been around here for years!”

 

 Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming calmly toward the shore. About halfway there, he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the ’gators?”

 

 “We didn’t do anything,” said the beachcomber. “The sharks got ’em.”  

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Once upon a time in a magical land, there lived a snake named Nate.

In this land, actually rather close to Nate’s house, there was a great road, and next to this road was a lever. The lever was ancient, and the myth around the lever was that if you were to push it, it would trigger the end of the world.

One day, Nate was slithering down the road. When he came upon the lever, he began crossing the road so he could get a look at it. At the same moment, a truck came zooming around the corner, and the driver found himself in a dilemma: either hit the snake and run him over, or swerve, hit the lever, and end the world.

Needless to say, the driver ran over Nate and went on his merry way. What’s the moral of this story?

 

 Better Nate than lever.  

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