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Worst Joke Ever 2024


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Sophia, a beautiful young lady in her mid-twenties, went on three dates: one with an acupuncturist, one with a massage therapist, and one with a chiropractor.

Afterwards, she told her girlfriends how each date went.

My first date was with the acupuncturist. That ended right away because he was such a prick, needless to say.

My second date was with the massage therapist, and he talked about marriage right away. He was applying too much pressure on me, and I can’t handle that touchy subject right now.

My last date was the chiropractor. He was perfect. I like him because he is so well-adjusted. He has a spine, standing up for himself. And best of all, he’s funny – he cracks me up.
 

 

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The farmer and his wife are entertaining the local bigwigs when their son runs in and announces to his father in a loud voice, "Dad, dad, the bull's f**king the cow." 
After a moment of shocked silence, the farmer turns to his son and calmly says, "Next time, son, be a little less explicit. 
You should have said. 
"The bull is surprising the cow. That sort of language comes from associating with riff-raff." 
Lo and behold, the following week the farmer and his wife are entertaining again when their son rushes in. 
"Dad, dad, the bull is surprising the cows." 
"Well done, son, you've remembered what I told you, but you should have said the bull is surprising the cow ... it can only surprise one cow at a time, you know." 


"But he can, dad," insists the boy "He's surprising the f**king horse." 

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How to Speak about Men and Be Politically Correct:

1. He Does Not Have a "Beer Gut" - He Has Developed a "Long Term Liquid Grain Storage Facility."

2. He Is Not a "Bad Dancer" - He Is "Overly Caucasian Subjected to uncontrollable erratic movements."

3. He Does Not "Get Lost All the Time" - He "Investigates Alternative Destinations via Telepathic and Non Reading or Verbal Methodology."

4. He Is Not "Balding" - He Is in "Follicle Regression With a Shiny Exterior."

5. He Is Not a "Cradle Robber" - He Prefers "Non Orthodoxia Generational Differential Relationships."

6. He Does Not Get "Falling-down Drunk" - He Becomes "Accidentally Liquidly Induced Horizontally Focused."

7. He Does Not Act like a "Total Ass" - He Develops a Case of "Rectal-cranial equine Inversion."

8. He Is Not a "Male Chauvinist Pig" - He Has "Non Judgmental Swine Empathy."

9. He Is Not Afraid of "Commitment" - He Is "Relationship Challenged with a Wide Ranging Social Entourage."

10. He Is Not "Horny" - He Is "Overly Sexually Focused."
 

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Mike went fishing one day, but at the end he had not caught a single fish. On the way back home, he stopped at a fish store.
 “I want to buy three trout, please,” he said to the owner.

“But instead of putting them in a bag, can you throw them to me one at a time?”
 “Throw them?

Why do you want me to do that?” the owner asked.

 

 Mike replied, “So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish!”  

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 A recent computer science graduate starts his new job at a giant computer company.

He’s shocked when the manager tells him that his first job will be to sweep the floor.

He protests, “But I can’t do that, I’m a graduate of the Super-Duper-High-Tech Institute of Technology!”

The manager pauses and thinks for a second.

 

“Well,” she says, “then your first task will be to learn how to use a broom!”  

 

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A madman escapes from the local asylum,  finds his way into town, and goes into a laundrette, they was  a woman wearing a short skirt filling a washing machine, so he had his way with her when he was done, he runs out of the laundrette.

The following day local newspapers headline "Nut screws washer and bolts".

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