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Problem with Alcohol. When did you realize, what did you do?


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I don't have a problem with alcohol, I have always been a moderate drinker, even as a young man, but for many on this forum I am sure you have dealt with the issue, when it becomes the wife's problem with alcohol.

 

What are you guys doing about a situation that pops up where the wife ends up drinking more than she should? I ran into this recently and it has reared its ugly head a few times in the past. The issue is that most of her friends love to drink, and many of them cannot stop themselves, once they start. They say environment is stronger than willpower.

 

Recently I just told her you're going home to your village for a month, you're going to get sobered up, and if this keeps up, I may do something drastic like go back to America for a year. I also did an intervention, and told her parents, and they gave her a stern talking to, as they are quite sober and responsible people. It seems to have had some impact. My wife's is a very good woman, and is fairly angelic, and very sensible, on every other level so I tend to be pretty understanding. 

 

I know we are going to work through this, but I'm just wondering what kind of experience some of you other guys have had with this sort of situation. Personally, I find drunken behavior fairly unappealing, though she is a very pleasant drunk! 

 

Edited by spidermike007
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55 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

I know we are going to work through this, but I'm just wondering what kind of experience some of you other guys have had with this sort of situation. Personally, I find drunken behavior fairly unappealing, though she is a very pleasant drunk! 

Would point out it's not considered normal in Thai society to let a wife go out without you.

If you're with her, just get drunk as well, then make passes at all her friends in front of her.

She'll soon stop drinking.

Edited by BritManToo
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I used to drink the equivalent of a bottle of Jack Daniels, with about 5 litres of Coke, on a night out in the Bangkok bars when we'd consume 25-30 Jack 'n Cokes in the course of a night visiting the 'Pong, Nana and Cowboy; and never thought much of it. I'd even drive home, and never once felt like I was drunk though clearly I must have been. I was invincible, and In the good ol' days of the late 90s on an expat package and with not a care in the world, that was 2-3 nights a week.

 

Until I spent a night with bad pain on my left side and went to my doc the next morning, and then after many scans three days later was told I had Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. When I asked "how the hell do you get that", the answer was alcohol and cigarettes. I'd clearly passed the test! Thanks to an early discovery and great surgeons and oncologists here in Bangkok I'm one of the few who live to tell the tale.

 

So that was it. I'd had my last Jack 'n Coke and last visit to the bars. Went 5 years without a drink at all while I recovered, and these days it's just one glass of beer or cider - any more than that and I'm <deleted>! 🙂 

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1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Would point out it's not considered normal in Thai society to let a wife go out without you.

If you're with her, just get drunk as well, then make passes at all her friends in front of her.

She'll soon stop drinking.

Thankfully, we are not a normal couple. There is nothing about normal, that has ever appealed to me. We are both independent. I take trips with my buddies and she takes trips with her gals. She spends alot of time with her friends, and I love every minute of our independence. 

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When the gout attacks struck, I finally quit cold turkey.  In my case gout Felt like broken glass needles in all your joints. Beyond excruciating pain. 2 years ago.  I threw away all liquor.  Down the toilet.

 

Warning signs ignored over the years were family members dying in automobile wrecks while under the influence.  Friends and acquaintances crippled or dying in motorcycle accidents.  Several were in a vegetative state unable to walk or eat due to acute alcohol poisoning.  Their body just gave out under the stress.  My nurse friend assisted one home on an overseas flight.

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3 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I know we are going to work through this, but I'm just wondering what kind of experience some of you other guys have had with this sort of situation. Personally, I find drunken behavior fairly unappealing, though she is a very pleasant drunk!

Sometimes others can be an effective catalyst to help someone to confront their drinking problem. However, for the change to have a greater chance of long-lasting success (meaning sobriety and working on becoming a better version of oneself) there must be strong internal reasons (e.g. honestly taking stock and realizing that life is unmanageable and admitting to oneself and others, who can provide meaningful support, that help is needed) in order to initiate and sustain sobriety.

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The doctor said...."If these were my results I would never drink again"

 

Didn't stop, but cut down dramatically, avoided the 'boys' trips, only drink if and when we go out, never at home.

 

Wife doesn't drink....that helps

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  • 2 weeks later...

 

On 10/12/2020 at 4:30 PM, spidermike007 said:

I don't have a problem with alcohol, I have always been a moderate drinker, even as a young man, but for many on this forum I am sure you have dealt with the issue, when it becomes the wife's problem with alcohol.

 

What are you guys doing about a situation that pops up where the wife ends up drinking more than she should? I ran into this recently and it has reared its ugly head a few times in the past. The issue is that most of her friends love to drink, and many of them cannot stop themselves, once they start. They say environment is stronger than willpower.

 

Recently I just told her you're going home to your village for a month, you're going to get sobered up, and if this keeps up, I may do something drastic like go back to America for a year. I also did an intervention, and told her parents, and they gave her a stern talking to, as they are quite sober and responsible people. It seems to have had some impact. My wife's is a very good woman, and is fairly angelic, and very sensible, on every other level so I tend to be pretty understanding. 

 

I know we are going to work through this, but I'm just wondering what kind of experience some of you other guys have had with this sort of situation. Personally, I find drunken behavior fairly unappealing, though she is a very pleasant drunk! 

 

 

Perhaps ask her if she want to stop drinking. IMHO, it's important to find out if she is an alcoholic or not. It doesn't matter how nice she is or how desperate she is to stop, she can't if an alcoholic. If she is not an alcoholic, there are ways to cut down. 

Maybe a stay in a rehab is called for; there are many across the country. 

She could talk to a Thai AA member. You can look on the following website for the helpline in Thai or English.

Feel free to message me if you need any literature on alcoholism in Thai. 

 

https://www.aathailand.org/

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On 10/12/2020 at 8:18 PM, 2 is 1 said:

I think many know that Finnish people are heavy drinkers.We have saying: drop don't kill you and you can't 

drown in bucket. Cheers

I worked in Finland and didn't know there were people that drank more than me, a Scot. Wow, I lasted 3 months there. I tried stopping and going to AA but then they offered me some hot spicy wine at the Xmas party which I thought would be OK -  nope, another 6 years of drinking before I quit.

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1 hour ago, Neeranam said:

I worked in Finland and didn't know there were people that drank more than me, a Scot. Wow, I lasted 3 months there. I tried stopping and going to AA but then they offered me some hot spicy wine at the Xmas party which I thought would be OK -  nope, another 6 years of drinking before I quit.

Lol this one whit raisin and almond. Drink in xmas . I think i never going to quit its my nature :drunk:.

 

 

Unknown-1.jpeg.14eeb4258f232bdea2ae1cee61df6844.jpegUnknown.jpeg.4c3e1cbc4433045e94120cdbba47ca14.jpeg

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5 hours ago, Neeranam said:

I tried stopping and going to AA but then they offered me some hot spicy wine at the Xmas party which I thought would be OK


That's fairly unusual for an AA group.

 

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Yeah it was a Sunday early afternoon in scunthorpe about 18 years ago. I'd been in the same boozer the night before and somehow managed to stay alive after taking a leak through someones letterbox whilst knocking their door.

 

I knocked booze on the head after that night. Very rare for me to get drunk. Last time was about 2 years ago after and difficult trip overseas. 

 

 

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12 hours ago, Neeranam said:

 

 

Perhaps ask her if she want to stop drinking. IMHO, it's important to find out if she is an alcoholic or not. It doesn't matter how nice she is or how desperate she is to stop, she can't if an alcoholic. If she is not an alcoholic, there are ways to cut down. 

Maybe a stay in a rehab is called for; there are many across the country. 

She could talk to a Thai AA member. You can look on the following website for the helpline in Thai or English.

Feel free to message me if you need any literature on alcoholism in Thai. 

 

https://www.aathailand.org/

 

Good points. Thanks. Thankfully, she is definitely not an alcoholic. She can go days without a drink. And she only drinks a few nights a week, when she is out with the gals. Her primary issue, is that in my opinion, when she does drink, she sometimes drinks too much. But, I am nearly sober, and drink very little, so it annoys me to see her even moderately drunk. She never gets sloppy drunk, like many of her friends. The problem, is most of her friends love to drink, and environment is generally stronger than will power, for most people. I send her up to the village, when it gets to be too regular an issue, as her family drinks very little, and her mom and dad are very good influences on her. 

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46 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

 

Good points. Thanks. Thankfully, she is definitely not an alcoholic. She can go days without a drink. And she only drinks a few nights a week, when she is out with the gals. Her primary issue, is that in my opinion, when she does drink, she sometimes drinks too much. But, I am nearly sober, and drink very little, so it annoys me to see her even moderately drunk. She never gets sloppy drunk, like many of her friends. The problem, is most of her friends love to drink, and environment is generally stronger than will power, for most people. I send her up to the village, when it gets to be too regular an issue, as her family drinks very little, and her mom and dad are very good influences on her. 

She needs to avoid these friends. I avoid people that always need someone to drink with them. 

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3 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

it's nice that there is a "I drink too much" forum because this is a serious issue.

 

but what about a forum for me?

 

"I boom boom too much"

 

that is also a serious problem. 

 

This is also a serious issue. 

I advise you first decide if you are an addict or now -  answer the questions.

https://saa-recovery.org/am-i-a-sex-addict/self-assessment/

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9 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

it's nice that there is a "I drink too much" forum because this is a serious issue.

 

but what about a forum for me?

 

"I boom boom too much"

 

that is also a serious problem. 

 

  What problems does it cause you ?

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9 minutes ago, CorpusChristie said:

 

  What problems does it cause you ?

Maybe circulation of blood in wrong place 🤣. Cause dizziness.

Edited by 2 is 1
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On 5/9/2020 at 4:17 PM, JeffersLos said:

At what point did you consciously realize that you had a problem with alcohol?

 

What did you do about it?

 

TIA. 

do not know.....was hungover too much to remember any think

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32 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

it's nice that there is a "I drink too much" forum because this is a serious issue.

 

but what about a forum for me?

 

"I boom boom too much"

 

that is also a serious problem. 

only if you can do IT one time per session !!!

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27 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

i just took that test and i had to answer yes to about 75% of the questions. 

anyway back to drinking topic.

it was you who brought up the topic of sexual addiction. I hope you seek the necessary help.

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On 5/9/2020 at 4:25 AM, Oldie said:

What disappointed me a little bit was that I don't feel better or fitter without the booze. 

 

I find that. It is disappointing when after two or more weeks without a drop and having begun an exercise programme I still don't feel much different. Horror of horrors ..... could it just be old age slowly creeping up on me.

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5 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I send her up to the village, when it gets to be too regular an issue, as her family drinks very little, and her mom and dad are very good influences on her. 

In short, you 'ground' your wife 😛

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  • 3 weeks later...

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