I have a friend who is married to his Thai Chinese wife. She has a well-paid office job, is nice and IMHO boring. He has an even better paid job.

Mostly they are happy together. Married over 10 years. I wouldn't call it the big love, but comfortable living together, no kids. He is over 50, she a little under 50.

He is playing with the girls since forever. He never told her. But she should know that maybe he is not only drinking beers with his buddies on Friday night.

He is discreet and he avoids beginner mistakes.

But there is no perfect way to keep secrets forever. Maybe one day she finds out. And then?

How likely is it that she will divorce him and demand money (because he makes a lot more money than her)?

Will she give him first an ultimatum that he should never do it again?

What are other possible consequences?

She is not a bar girl from up country, so I guess the duck feeding process won't happen.

Do you have any experience with a situation like that? What happened with you or a friend in such a situation?

 

For the record. I talk about my friend and not myself. My long-term gf is an ex-bargirl. I am sure she would react differently. 

A 50 year old Thai woman will probably accept it reasonably well. 

When/if she finds out don't know how your friend will feel though. Used up a decade of her life with lies and deceit. Caused someone he supposedly loves so much pain and disappointment.  How does a man recover from that?

 

On the other hand they might have already discussed this long before any cheating took place and are both fine. TiT.

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

But there is no perfect way to keep secrets forever

You'll find most Thai bar girls/working girls/freelancers etc. will keep their secrets forever. 

 

Feel sorry for hubby, scanky girls. 

 

What the heck, as long as people are happy. 

 

Try not to focus on the stuff you can't control, enjoy life. 

 

Secret to a happy marriage, he has fun, she turns a blind eye, long marriage

What she decide will entirely depend on her character. Both are in a comfortable position in life. I personally know a couple who divorced very amicably, without any demands, either way. They are still doing well individually, and friendly with each other.

I do not think my wife would like to Sharing, even it is caring

A post advocating violence has been removed.

6 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I have a friend who is married to his Thai Chinese wife. She has a well-paid office job, is nice and IMHO boring. He has an even better paid job.

Mostly they are happy together. Married over 10 years. I wouldn't call it the big love, but comfortable living together, no kids. He is over 50, she a little under 50.

He is playing with the girls since forever. He never told her. But she should know that maybe he is not only drinking beers with his buddies on Friday night.

He is discreet and he avoids beginner mistakes.

But there is no perfect way to keep secrets forever. Maybe one day she finds out. And then?

How likely is it that she will divorce him and demand money (because he makes a lot more money than her)?

Will she give him first an ultimatum that he should never do it again?

What are other possible consequences?

She is not a bar girl from up country, so I guess the duck feeding process won't happen.

Do you have any experience with a situation like that? What happened with you or a friend in such a situation?

 

For the record. I talk about my friend and not myself. My long-term gf is an ex-bargirl. I am sure she would react differently. 

A lot of guys do this, especially Thai men.  Probably one the the kindest acts of nature in having your libido take a nose dive, and you wake up one day and realize that you really don't care all that much about sex.  Speaking for myself.  Interesting though as my "T" is fine, all the hydraulics work dandy, I just don't have a lot of interest.  Been there, done that.  Now it's good enough to just enjoy "eye candy" without dipping into the candy box.    But stepping outside of a "comfortable" relationship simply is not that unusual here, and in this culture a lot of otherwise well-to-do women know this.  They allow their husbands a long leash as long as he is bringing home the bacon and she enjoys a certain amount of social status.  It's a trade off.

6 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

He is playing with the girls since forever. He never told her. But she should know that maybe he is not only drinking beers with his buddies on Friday night.

She knows or will know soon enough.

 

6 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

How likely is it that she will divorce him and demand money (because he makes a lot more money than her)?

Most likely not going to happen since she grew up here unless he messes up and one of the side chicks comes hounding him at his residence and becomes a public shame. If she were a Chinese national she’d most likely take him for all she could get. But who knows, everyone is different and have different levels of breaking points.

If there's no profit from divorce they won't bother much.

50 with no kid in Asia, she gets nothing.

2 hours ago, ravip said:

What she decide will entirely depend on her character. Both are in a comfortable position in life. I personally know a couple who divorced very amicably, without any demands, either way. They are still doing well individually, and friendly with each other.

This.

 

There is some idea that all Thai (or Thai/Chinese) women are somehow unhinged and unable to handle what is a perfectly normal course of events.  I divorced with my wife of 8 years (ex-bargirl) amicably, without any financial compensation, and remain very good friends after 10 years.  The onus is on him to have the balls to live an honest life and tell her what he wants to do.   

She should divorce the creep he has no respect for her.

She's no doubt doing the same thing herself.  At least, I'd hope so!

1 hour ago, Upnotover said:

my wife of 8 years (ex-bargirl)

You can take the girl out of the bar, but can not take the bar out of the girl.

1 hour ago, proton said:

She should divorce the creep he has no respect for her.

Maybe he has a lot of respect for her and that is why he is so good at not getting caught.

Thanks for all your comments.

Sure, there is no "this will happen". But it's interesting to read what happened to others.

 

And about the general idea to have some fun: IMHO we only live once, and we can't perform forever. Some guys just accept that when they are married that's it. Others still have (a lot of) sex outside marriage.

I wouldn't want to be old and think about how much fun I could have had when I was young. And with him it's the same. Enjoy life as long as you can.

 

And telling her? IMHO there are very few women who want to talk about that and who would accept a situation like that. From what I see the best a guy can expect is that she does not ask and does not want to know.

If he would ask and she would say no, then he can't pretend she does not care. So not asking is the preferred version from many gays and I guess the somehow preferred version for many women.

10 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Thanks for all your comments.

Sure, there is no "this will happen". But it's interesting to read what happened to others.

 

And about the general idea to have some fun: IMHO we only live once, and we can't perform forever. Some guys just accept that when they are married that's it. Others still have (a lot of) sex outside marriage.

I wouldn't want to be old and think about how much fun I could have had when I was young. And with him it's the same. Enjoy life as long as you can.

 

And telling her? IMHO there are very few women who want to talk about that and who would accept a situation like that. From what I see the best a guy can expect is that she does not ask and does not want to know.

If he would ask and she would say no, then he can't pretend she does not care. So not asking is the preferred version from many gays and I guess the somehow preferred version for many women.

most woman manage to get revenge if you step on their toes to long. and my wife, do have a bone in her nose, so our relationship as we got it now would be destroyed. if she would leave me, Im not sure, but she continue to tell me so. She would easily manage to find a new man still at 40, and a decent man to. 

Hard to predict what a woman  or a man would do if either found out the other was sleeping around. My best friend in the USA had his wife's lover show up at the door while he was having a party.  What a hellish experience and he was emotionally a mess for months.  He got back together with her months later and had a couple kids. 15 years later they seem happy enough but he still mentions it at least once a year as a reason why he behaves in a certain way.  His decision but I think he should have left her and moved on.

My experience of Thai women of all ages are they are forgiving but they most likely will never trust you again, push a little to far and the gloves may come off.

He needn't worry too much, all the time he's out playing Jack the Lad, she'll be doing the same with some young stud.

On 11/23/2024 at 8:36 PM, brewsterbudgen said:

She's no doubt doing the same thing herself.  At least, I'd hope so!

 

Probably.  Has a Thai toy boy tucked away somewhere and her shopping trips are just a cover. Perfect arrangement , neither side wanting to get caught. Just ask your friend , if he ok with her getting it from another guy. I would imagine he would be relieved.

If they have been together for a long time, then she already knows.

She seems quite happy with her life and as long as your friend stays careful, all is normal.

Make his actions public and she looses face, then he will need to watch out.

On 11/23/2024 at 2:58 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Thanks for all your comments.

Sure, there is no "this will happen". But it's interesting to read what happened to others.

 

And about the general idea to have some fun: IMHO we only live once, and we can't perform forever. Some guys just accept that when they are married that's it. Others still have (a lot of) sex outside marriage.

I wouldn't want to be old and think about how much fun I could have had when I was young. And with him it's the same. Enjoy life as long as you can.

 

And telling her? IMHO there are very few women who want to talk about that and who would accept a situation like that. From what I see the best a guy can expect is that she does not ask and does not want to know.

If he would ask and she would say no, then he can't pretend she does not care. So not asking is the preferred version from many gays and I guess the somehow preferred version for many women.

Imagine the reverse but different scenario. She secretly takes money put the joint bank account to give to siblings and justifies the "don't ask, don't tell policy" how would the guy feel? Lies and deceit or just that. Most expect more from the primary relationship of their life.

10 hours ago, sidjameson said:

Imagine the reverse but different scenario. She secretly takes money put the joint bank account to give to siblings and justifies the "don't ask, don't tell policy" how would the guy feel? Lies and deceit or just that. Most expect more from the primary relationship of their life.

 

IMHO the problem is that with most people, and include myself, it is very difficult to rationally talk about sexual relationships.

I.e. would I agree if my gf would ask me if she could have sex with other guys? NO! But would I really care if she would do it somewhere far away and I would never know about it? Sometimes ignorance is a bliss. 

7 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

IMHO the problem is that with most people, and include myself, it is very difficult to rationally talk about sexual relationships.

I.e. would I agree if my gf would ask me if she could have sex with other guys? NO! But would I really care if she would do it somewhere far away and I would never know about it? Sometimes ignorance is a bliss. 

I think you would care. There is no way of being 100% sure you wouldn't find out for one. Secondly if someone is sleeping with another person they're probably not the person you believed them to be. Third, the cheater is investing time/emotion/money into another. If the cheater doesn't care and the cheated on doesn't catch on then what does that say?

Is life simply chasing maximum pleasures at minimum cost or should we be aiming to be better than we were? If the latter then I don't see how cheating (as against an open relationship) is helping in any way.

She is Chinese, not a Thai.

On 11/23/2024 at 12:10 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Do you have any experience with a situation like that?

 

Yes I do because....well....as I mentioned zillion times my wife is 100% Chinese blood.

 

She knows about his escapades, Chinese women are not stupid. She allows it because Chinese culture allows it. It would be much better if he wasn't hiding it like a pu$$y that he is as she would be totally ok with him playing around. Being the age that she is she would probably chose a girl for him and even drop him off and pick him up afterwards. 

 

God, I love my Chinese wife. No drama.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 hours ago, sidjameson said:

I think you would care. There is no way of being 100% sure you wouldn't find out for one. Secondly if someone is sleeping with another person they're probably not the person you believed them to be. Third, the cheater is investing time/emotion/money into another. If the cheater doesn't care and the cheated on doesn't catch on then what does that say?

Is life simply chasing maximum pleasures at minimum cost or should we be aiming to be better than we were? If the latter then I don't see how cheating (as against an open relationship) is helping in any way.

 

I think there is a huge difference if emotions are involved or not.

It seems many guys, and I include my younger self in that group, just like to have sex with lots of sexy girls. Ram, bam, yeah, next one. There are often no, or few emotions involved. And because no emotions are involved, this activity does not really compete with the loving wife at home. Because with husband and wife there are emotion involved.

If suddenly the time with the sexy girl also contains emotions, now then it gets difficult.

 

 

Men are naturally polygamous. Women tend to be monogamous, although there are exceptions.

 

IME all hell breaks loose when the woman finds out. That's because the support the woman is getting becomes threatened by another woman.

On 11/23/2024 at 12:10 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

But she should know that maybe he is not only drinking beers with his buddies on Friday night.

Why don’t you go let her know. Please let us know what happens, I’m curious.

On 11/23/2024 at 4:28 PM, SAFETY FIRST said:

scanky

 

*skanky