Positive Long Term Thai Girlfriend/Wife Experience'S?

[crazydrummerpauly]

I was a little younger than you when I moved here. I led a great single life until I met my wife when I was 43 and she was 23. By then I had my own life in Thailand and spoke the language. I wasn’t dependent on her for my understanding of Thailand and was actually in a position to introduce her to some aspects of Thailand that she might otherwise have missed.

My advice is, master the language and the country first and only settle down after you have gained more experience. The old guys in the twilight of their lives don’t have the time or luxury of being prudent. They often grab the first thing than lifts its skirt. Some get lucky and others pay a price for their rashness and inexperience.

Don’t be in too much of a hurry and enjoy the ride. You came to Thailand at a good age.

The advice about learning the language is very very solid, BUT...it does mean that you'll be able to hear the sometimes hostile remarks that Thais make behind your back as you swan happily down the street or round the TescoLotus with your Thai love - can easily ruin the sweet atmos !

[crazydrummerpauly]

I was a little younger than you when I moved here. I led a great single life until I met my wife when I was 43 and she was 23. By then I had my own life in Thailand and spoke the language. I wasn’t dependent on her for my understanding of Thailand and was actually in a position to introduce her to some aspects of Thailand that she might otherwise have missed.

My advice is, master the language and the country first and only settle down after you have gained more experience. The old guys in the twilight of their lives don’t have the time or luxury of being prudent. They often grab the first thing than lifts its skirt. Some get lucky and others pay a price for their rashness and inexperience.

Don’t be in too much of a hurry and enjoy the ride. You came to Thailand at a good age.

Thanks for sharing, and yes I'm definatly not in a rush and will take my time!

I wasn't sure what to expect when I left Canada and came to Thailand. My friend recommended I come to Korat for a true Thai experience. I love it here and plan to make my life in Thailand. I've travelled around and while some other city's I've found to be alot of fun Korat looks like a good home base, only problem being english here is almost none existent, but like you said just have to learn the language and thai culture!

Interesting plan - just wondering, as you are way too young to get Cat 'O' or Retirement Visa - and as you say, you are single - how are you planning to stay long-term legally ?

[crazydrummerpauly]

My advice is supersimple and based on personal experience: LEAVE Thailand and go to the Philippines.Plenty of interesting girls over there.I do not know even one long relationship in Thailand which stands: the few multi-years relationship are based upon ' giving up' and ' quite resignation' from the side of the foreigner.I wrote a short essay on thai women, if you want I can send it to you.In the Philippines 90 percent of relationships between local girls and foreigners are successfull.Here it 's the reverse.

And be ruled by the Roman hegemony ?

BTW : 'Quiet resignation'

[crazydrummerpauly]

Like share values that can rise or fall, relationships can succeed or fail. Don't get disillusioned like some here. Take it all in stride. Culturally speaking, Thai women are quite different from western women but deep down, they are also looking for the same things - love, care, kindness, understanding, patience, tolerance AND security, both emotional and financial.

Really, the highlighted section is self-contradictory. It is precisely the EXTENT to which Thai and Western women (and men) are culturally 'quite different' that is the root of so many relationship tensions. And being so different culturally means that, IN DETAIL, they are not 'looking for the same things', except in the minimal sense that the same words - 'love', 'care' etc... - can be used to describe the approximate goals. Concrete example : you are feeling unwell but it is one of the 'sacred' times on the calendar when your Thai partner is 100% expected to travel way across country to visit the Family with all her/his siblings, cousins, aunties, uncles, etc. Who will she/he place as first priority ? That is when the cultural difference will sweep aside all the superficial symptoms of modernity you read as proof she/he is not THAT different to western partners. In the west, your partner will tell the Family the festival will have to go ahead without her/him...in LOS, if you're lucky, she/he will find someone else to look after you (best case), and be out the door to fulfil the heavy cultural expectations which all Thais are taught in childhood and which never go away. When speaking about 'Culture', remember, it is not something 'out there', or even something with a capital 'C'...culture is us, and we are culture. Which is why only a very small percentage of Thais who are taken to live in their farang partner's country manage to settle and get away from the magnetic pull of their Thai-home's needs and expectations. For some, the greater the distance between home and adopted country, the more unbearable the cultural ties become. Obvious really : if culture is inside us, how could any of us run away from it ? Years ago, i heard the old joke about a Thai girl's list of priorities : 1. Her MUM ; 2. Her KIDS ; 3. Her JOB/Money : 4. The Extended Family ; 5. YOU. Not all that funny, and certainly not universally true - no generalization ever is - but that some partners of Thais have actually found themselves in Position 5 is true, and it is something that is well worth watching out for from day 1.

[kiniyow]

Going on 12 years here and no cheap charlie by any means...4 Live ins and what I found was soon the weight starts adding up from to many restaurants...Need a Maid to do any house cleaning..Starts out good but soon turns to Gold shops and shopping malls...My Money is then their Money...Jealousy sets in on her part Etc so I'm still looking....Go slowly, Love is never easy to find in any country....

[BigJohnnyBKK]

OK I'll bite.

I have had many many wonderful relationships with Thai girls - and even some women.

However the "long term" part is both more difficult, and in my case not even expected, often not desired. But I'm an incorrigible player and poor to boot. If you're a faithful man with dependable sources of funds, then that will greatly increase your odds. Doing your best to treat her well, taking her needs into account when making decisions - without playing the fool of course - will often do wonders.

So will accepting older women (25+, some are even willing to go to 35!), particularly if they have children you're willing to take on board. Learning Thai enables you to weed out those with any level of English, which greatly improves the odds.

But nothing is guaranteed.

If you get a few good years, and then disentangle yourselves when things start to go south without permanent damage, you've done better than most.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Here is a positive experience. I met my wife in a bar. She had been working about 6 months. I knew it when we met but she was just so cool. I didn't care. As many do I offered her a pension so she could stay at home and not need to fuc_k for a living. She took it and might have fuc_ked a bit for fun but all in all much less than I did. So six years later we have two lovely children. I am sure one is mine and the other gets my beer. We have a house up country that cost me 400,000 baht and is on 1 rai of land. I have fun everyday. My breakfast is always ready when I wake up and life is grand. We play at the local waterfall and I have stopped being a playboy just cause I enjoy being with her so much. If she should stray a bit I don't mind much. Hell if I was fuc_king a girl twice my age I would stray occasionally too. I do know when I was sick for a while she was by my bedside 24/7 till I got better. So this is thailand and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Perfect. Many guys are totally unrealistic in their expectations and try for what would be "normal back home".

If you're open and tolerant and willing to be flexible happiness is possible even with (some of the) bar girls.

But of course you need to protect yourself and the family assets and keep in the back of your mind your exit strategy for if/when things go south.

[beerchang]

Dude! Check out the members on TV! Awesome eh! Handbags at dawn!

I been married 10 years and I believe it's totally down to luck who you fall in love with. My family (Thai) amazing. My wife....to put up with me for 10 years deserves a medal! But as she says..."I only marry one time in my life".

Language barriers can be a problem, also culture adjustment, but hey, roll with it mate and I wish you nothing but the best and all the luck in the world. (Even if it means I won't win the lottery this month!)

[Koratpat]

Perfect. Many guys are totally unrealistic in their expectations and try for what would be "normal back home".

Who would want what is normal back home? Yuck!!!!

[kerryk]

Perfect. Many guys are totally unrealistic in their expectations and try for what would be "normal back home".

Who would want what is normal back home? Yuck!!!!

Most of the posters on Thai Visa.

[beerchang]

My advice is quite simple: LEAVE

Hope you have!

[how241]

I dated a ton of Thai girls and never found one of them to malicious, gold digging crazy, stupid, lazy. citizenship hunting etc (things I have heard said about Thai women).

What I did find in the Thai woman I dated? Easy going, slow to anger, not stressful, clean, intelligent, fun, funny, sweet, hard working, considerate, polite, affectionate, faithful etc. I found them, like most woman around the world to have feelings, looking for a man that was faithful and able to care for them and a family. Thai girls laugh, cry, think about the future, have worries, have dreams - just like all women.

I found some special traits in my wife - she is a best friend, lover, a wife, a girl friend and not to abuse an old cliche, but a lady on the street, a chef in the kitchen and........! She is also a super mom, housekeeper, and businesswoman. She is extremely accommodating and will to meet me way over the halfway mark when it comes to western food, culture thinking etc

Eric, let me advise you to date around a bit. If you see a hint of headache and trouble in the early stages of the relationship - run. If you see traits you could never accept - run. These things get worse and will irritate you more in a long tern relationship or marriage. When you find the one that clicks with you, you will know it without any doubts or fears.

I would stay away from relationships with girls that are birthed on money for services, unless she is your nurse in the hospital you are at when you fall off a motorbike! Stay clear of the bar girls or the ones that ask for money.

+1

[beerchang]

I dated a ton of Thai girls and never found one of them to malicious, gold digging crazy, stupid, lazy. citizenship hunting etc (things I have heard said about Thai women).

What I did find in the Thai woman I dated? Easy going, slow to anger, not stressful, clean, intelligent, fun, funny, sweet, hard working, considerate, polite, affectionate, faithful etc. I found them, like most woman around the world to have feelings, looking for a man that was faithful and able to care for them and a family. Thai girls laugh, cry, think about the future, have worries, have dreams - just like all women.

I found some special traits in my wife - she is a best friend, lover, a wife, a girl friend and not to abuse an old cliche, but a lady on the street, a chef in the kitchen and........! She is also a super mom, housekeeper, and businesswoman. She is extremely accommodating and will to meet me way over the halfway mark when it comes to western food, culture thinking etc

Eric, let me advise you to date around a bit. If you see a hint of headache and trouble in the early stages of the relationship - run. If you see traits you could never accept - run. These things get worse and will irritate you more in a long tern relationship or marriage. When you find the one that clicks with you, you will know it without any doubts or fears.

I would stay away from relationships with girls that are birthed on money for services, unless she is your nurse in the hospital you are at when you fall off a motorbike! Stay clear of the bar girls or the ones that ask for money.

+1

+2

[saroq]

she's thai chinese....need I say more ??

Please leave your Thai Chinese stereotyping out of it. I know many wonderful Thai Chinese ladies that are married to my farang friends.

she's thai chinese....need I say more ??

Please leave your Thai Chinese stereotyping out of it. I know many wonderful Thai Chinese ladies that are married to my farang friends.

You immediately put the odds of having a happy and successful relationship in your favor by going Thai rather than Chinese (mainland Chinese I mean). My personal experience is that the only thing the Chinese part is good for is in the breast department. Happily with and now married to a lovely Thai lady for 6 years, Happily divorced from a money grubbing, physo, evil tempered Chinese devil for 11.

[moonbarman]

she's thai chinese....need I say more ??

SNAP

[ozzieovaseas]

If i had to say something positive about my previous relationships here, the only thing i can think of is its a bitch being lonely in Bangkok.

When your with a Thai girl there is always SOMETHING happening..and never a dull moment.

However, as it is with all relationships, it all comes at a price...when things are good they are truelly golden, BUT when things are seriously bad you can really understand why so many farangs jump off tall buildings!

[maprao]

Make sure she is Thai Chinese University educated good girl that has never used sponsorship to get through her uni days lol.

Oh yeah and never had a Thai BF! LOL

[johnnycthedog]

Tips from an old dog who has been married to a Thai girl for 8 happy years and 3 more not so happy years.

1. If you get into a serious long term relationship with a Thai girl in Thailand - rent for the first 5 years or so. Never buy a property (which will be in their name). If it goes pear shaped you walk away without losing your gonads. The same rule applies to motor vehicles.

2. A Thai girls behaviour with you will usually be better in Thailand. Why - because they know they can be replaced very easy if they cause too much trouble.

3. Once they get back to a Western country (in your case Canada) they become "westernised" very quickly and lose a lot of the Thai appeal.

4. You are young so an age difference will not come into play.

5. Where there's 20 years or more in age difference most Thai / falang relationships will fail.

6. So many falang who marry Thai girls are "losers" or "boosers" in their home country so the marriage is doomed to fail,- especially once she has her citizenship papers.

7. If you are not prepared or ready to support her family a little or a lot then bail out now. Family for most Thai girls is more important than any falang partner.

8. For many Thai girls f**king around is no different than breathing, eating or going to the toilet.. It's in their nature. So many "good" girls in good jobs have probably been mistresses to an older & wealthy Thai man in their past.

9. Thai girls from wealthy and refined families are most likely to want to meet young Thai men from equally wealthy & refined families to keep their wealth "in house". Very, very rarely will a falang get inside this circle. That's why the Issan girls are so popular and available for falang men. Those girls mostly come from an impoverished background looking to get lucky by marrying a falalng to feed the family back in the village.

Anyway enjoy yourself & I hope it goes well.

[ericg]

Tips from an old dog who has been married to a Thai girl for 8 happy years and 3 more not so happy years.

1. If you get into a serious long term relationship with a Thai girl in Thailand - rent for the first 5 years or so. Never buy a property (which will be in their name). If it goes pear shaped you walk away without losing your gonads. The same rule applies to motor vehicles.

2. A Thai girls behaviour with you will usually be better in Thailand. Why - because they know they can be replaced very easy if they cause too much trouble.

3. Once they get back to a Western country (in your case Canada) they become "westernised" very quickly and lose a lot of the Thai appeal.

4. You are young so an age difference will not come into play.

5. Where there's 20 years or more in age difference most Thai / falang relationships will fail.

6. So many falang who marry Thai girls are "losers" or "boosers" in their home country so the marriage is doomed to fail,- especially once she has her citizenship papers.

7. If you are not prepared or ready to support her family a little or a lot then bail out now. Family for most Thai girls is more important than any falang partner.

8. For many Thai girls f**king around is no different than breathing, eating or going to the toilet.. It's in their nature. So many "good" girls in good jobs have probably been mistresses to an older & wealthy Thai man in their past.

9. Thai girls from wealthy and refined families are most likely to want to meet young Thai men from equally wealthy & refined families to keep their wealth "in house". Very, very rarely will a falang get inside this circle. That's why the Issan girls are so popular and available for falang men. Those girls mostly come from an impoverished background looking to get lucky by marrying a falalng to feed the family back in the village.

Anyway enjoy yourself & I hope it goes well.

Interesting, alot of points make sence.

Number 8 I found a little surprizing. I thought outside of the p4p industry Thai girls are quite conservative, especially regarding sexual relationships?

[poanoi]

9. Thai girls from wealthy and refined families are most likely to want to meet young Thai men from equally wealthy & refined families to keep their wealth "in house". Very, very rarely will a falang get inside this circle.

How painfully true this is, i was secret lover to such girl 7 years, no way she would let her father see me

[TommoPhysicist]

Number 8 I found a little surprizing. I thought outside of the p4p industry Thai girls are quite conservative, especially regarding sexual relationships?

Thailand is all about appearances, Thai girls appear to be shy and conservative, but in reality most of them (if pretty enough) have at least 3 lovers when in their prime.

[payak]

you all talk about thais do this, thais do that, are there no individuals in thailand.

perhaps to many people are finding the same girls in the same places.

[arthurwait]

Tips from an old dog who has been married to a Thai girl for 8 happy years and 3 more not so happy years.

1. If you get into a serious long term relationship with a Thai girl in Thailand - rent for the first 5 years or so. Never buy a property (which will be in their name). If it goes pear shaped you walk away without losing your gonads. The same rule applies to motor vehicles.

2. A Thai girls behaviour with you will usually be better in Thailand. Why - because they know they can be replaced very easy if they cause too much trouble.

3. Once they get back to a Western country (in your case Canada) they become "westernised" very quickly and lose a lot of the Thai appeal.

4. You are young so an age difference will not come into play.

5. Where there's 20 years or more in age difference most Thai / falang relationships will fail.

6. So many falang who marry Thai girls are "losers" or "boosers" in their home country so the marriage is doomed to fail,- especially once she has her citizenship papers.

7. If you are not prepared or ready to support her family a little or a lot then bail out now. Family for most Thai girls is more important than any falang partner.

8. For many Thai girls f**king around is no different than breathing, eating or going to the toilet.. It's in their nature. So many "good" girls in good jobs have probably been mistresses to an older & wealthy Thai man in their past.

9. Thai girls from wealthy and refined families are most likely to want to meet young Thai men from equally wealthy & refined families to keep their wealth "in house". Very, very rarely will a falang get inside this circle. That's why the Issan girls are so popular and available for falang men. Those girls mostly come from an impoverished background looking to get lucky by marrying a falalng to feed the family back in the village.

Anyway enjoy yourself & I hope it goes well.

Interesting, alot of points make sence.

Number 8 I found a little surprizing. I thought outside of the p4p industry Thai girls are quite conservative, especially regarding sexual relationships?

In the main yes but it depends on the girl and the morals she has and times are changing. The young are shagging about big style same as every country, but there will be many girls raised with old fashioned morals here who follow them.

Older generations are more conservative. One of my wifes friends all around 35 years old has 2 men on the go at the moment and the rest think she's loose moraled for that and that she's had something like 10 boyfriends in her life , but all of them are certainly not shy about talking about sex or films or even bar and restaurants of an adult nature.

A lot of poorer girls (sorry I know) will for extra security, something to do while probably even more wouldn't and all classes for fun , bored with their husband same as everywhere. If the husband doesn't satisfy their wife then there's going to be more trips to the temple, gym, shopping mall, korean BBQ than usual.

Someone else my wife knows isn't interested in settling with one person at all and has numerous <deleted>> friends across 2 continents. She certainly doesn't need money.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Interesting, alot of points make sence.

Number 8 I found a little surprizing. I thought outside of the p4p industry Thai girls are quite conservative, especially regarding sexual relationships?

In the main yes but it depends on the girl and the morals she has and times are changing. The young are shagging about big style same as every country, but there will be many girls raised with old fashioned morals here who follow them.

Older generations are more conservative. One of my wifes friends all around 35 years old has 2 men on the go at the moment and the rest think she's loose moraled for that and that she's had something like 10 boyfriends in her life , but all of them are certainly not shy about talking about sex or films or even bar and restaurants of an adult nature.

A lot of poorer girls (sorry I know) will for extra security, something to do while probably even more wouldn't and all classes for fun , bored with their husband same as everywhere. If the husband doesn't satisfy their wife then there's going to be more trips to the temple, gym, shopping mall, korean BBQ than usual.

Someone else my wife knows isn't interested in settling with one person at all and has numerous <deleted>> friends across 2 continents. She certainly doesn't need money.

Like everything here, appearances are not the reality, and Thais hold much more stock with the former than the latter.

Traditionally, the rural peasantry had very flexible and unregulated courtship/mating patterns, while the elites was at least outwardly very rigidly controlled, but not at all along the same lines as in the west.

Victorian morality made great inroads via the aristocracy, and hence into the rest of society, but out in the country and among the poor didn't penetrate too deep.

Then you have the "foreign corruption" of the modern sexual revolution in the west, again affecting the wealthy first and strongest, but only in actual behavior, not publicly.

In practice, if a Thai can get away with it they'll often fool around outside of marriage, much more so than in the west.

But in public all the "good families" daughters' virginity is very closely guarded, especially against the farang marauders.

Really does remind of Victorian England, they did get up to some of the kinkiest stuff behind closed doors!

[bumpkin]

Find a girl with her own, succesful and legitimate business. Establish your own separate career. Dont spend all your income. There are many rainy days in Thailand, but the sunny days are glorious. Speaking with many years practical experience, and no reason to feel pessimistic about the future.

[maxme]

you all talk about thais do this, thais do that, are there no individuals in thailand.

perhaps to many people are finding the same girls in the same places.

Actually i have to agree with payak here. I wonder where u guys dig up ur gals since u have to make such a profound list. I guess u dont know how to look or are just too darn insecure.

Edited April 16, 2012 by maxme

[wana]

i always though a GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE (GFE) was another thing entirely!

[BuffaloRescue]

This has made my day! We've already got one "Me and my Thai-Chinese lass get on great because she's rich" poster....

Any more??

"My wife went to university".....Guffffaw!

[pianoman]

American, Retired from the Music Industry at the relatively young age of 52... Had many musician friends who lived and worked in Bangkok, so after numerous trips / visits, decided to start my retirement here... Resisting all of the young girls offered by friends and friends of friends, I hired a nice Thai lady who was at that time 39 years old and was a friend of the older sister of one of the "Younger" ladies on offer... She was to be my Housekeeper / Cook / Assistant / Compainion... It is now 11+ years later and she is still with me, and quickly became my "GF / Wife" after just a few months when I truly got to know her and she got to know me...

She is, and always has been a very hard working Isaan Farm Girl, and the oldest of her family... Love her dearly, and trust her with anything and everything that I have or ever will have...

Pianoman

[maxme]

Speechless...