Children: Thai culture/european culture

[laolover88]

We have tried to raise our children in what I suppose might be called a bi-cultural environment. We want them to have

the skills, attitudes, dispositions of what is best in both cultures. That of course is our issue!

We wish for them them, and they are girls, the confidence, independence, sense of person and self regard that Thai girlsseem to have; and we want them to have the skills, independence of mind, stroppiness, ambition, sense of potentiality,

disregard for so-called authority, and, of course, confidence that european girls appear to be able to achieve. We are

not much interested in "respect for parents" "dutiful daughters" etc. though, naturally acceptable behaviour can be an

issue!............and that has led us on..to whether as half children they can achieve a happy life with a Thai partner or an asian one, or whether we should take them; I was going to say home!!; or back to Europe. Any thoughts? Actually

after a bit of thought....!! I know many forum members are happy to be in Thailand, as am I, but.....if we could not

take the kids back to Europe, for them to experience that, what would I think? It is very difficult, do you not think,

to sever all the ties?

Edited April 4, 2014 by laolover88

[wym]

All depends on the quality of your back-home (sub) culture.

I sure wouldn't want my kids exposed to poor urban high school culture in America.

But out in the nice suburbs or most northern country areas, especially if there's good public schools, IMO much better off than being brought up Thai.

[brit1984]

what is best for your kids development into good citizens / adults, depends on your individual circumstances

i think in most cases choosing the right school for each of your kids, and creating / maintaining a happy / positive / supportive home environment are more important than which continent you live

[cabanlit]

Left 'Land of Stupidity' two years ago. My daughter doing well in school, mastering music fine, and has great outside interest clubs like judo and brownies and athletics. Most importantly, school and society strongly support initiatives like anti-bullying and anti-racism. In a nutshell, she is learning right from wrong. Thailand is no place to bring up a child if you aspire to them having the chances and opportunities that you yourself had.

[recycler]

A tough one that we also struggle with. Back to Europe is not really an option for us as my work is here.

I'm not overly impressed by Thai culture as most of it can be summarized by a single word "Baht". On top of that comes the "culture" that is poured over society by all television channels imprinting people with an extreme violent feudal and lawless caste society where promiscuity is the norm but is sex is taboo.

The Thai education system is not stimulating any individual initiative or development and is targeted at maintaining the status quo of a society with majority of people that are kept poor and stupid. Even expensive bi-lingual or English program schools are not able to change this leaving even more expensive international schools as the only alternative for a proper education where kids can develop as individuals. Even the top Thai universities are at the lowest level compared to Western Europe, the US, Japan or even China.

On the other hand I must say that my son of 17 from my first marriage who is in an international school here since 3 years has benefited from it becoming much more international and multi cultural. The international school offers a truly international environment with about 40 nationalities and is not stuck in the Thai system.

For the younger kids of 6 and almost 2 years the current choice is a bilingual school because we think they have to learn proper Thai and keep the option of Thai further education open. But I start to doubt this choice because the education, though of a good level, is still too much stuck in the Thai system not stimulating individuality and creativity. Maybe in a few years and depending on our resources we will move them to an international school.

At home we try to compensate by offering as much international content in the form of educational software, movies, games, internet, etc. as we can and virtually no Thai TV (even my wife is not interested in that).

[SNGLIFE]

We decided to not choose between Thai or American. We just raise them as concerned and interested parents and let them develop as they will. Our 12 year old (full Thai, she was almost 3 when we married) has vacillated from Thai to American to Thai and now seems to be a blend of both and able to effortlessly move between either culture depending upon those around her. She is tops in her school, and has been accepted into a very competitive EP M1 school/classes. At home she is very American. Flops about, a bit of sass, but stays on the correct side of the line (barely). Out in society, she is gracious and polite to all and respectful to us. She deserves an Oscar acting award!

Our son (mixed, 4 years old) has no idea at all he is Thai. Wouldn't wai if his life depended on it. Doesn't speak or understand a lick of Thai. Behaves and speaks exactly as an American born and raised son. He will choose American at age 18 and head off to university in the States thereafter, so we see only detriment to raising him Thai. We plan to homeschool him to age 7 and then decide whether to enroll him in a USA online school or local international school. He will never be accepted here as Thai. We are not about to force him to think or act Thai.

[soalbundy]

A tough one with no easy answers. Not all Thais are bad or stupid or violent.I know a good many Thai parents who sacrifice a lot for their children,i also know some Thai men who i would like to be my son in law.We have jerks a plenty in farang land as well as good people.

What it boils down to is,are your children going to spend their lives here? if so then it is better that they embrace the Thai culture or they will be like fish out of water. My son is 6 years old and i am retired,he has a lot of farmland and two western style houses in his name as well as a large bank account to see him through university. Financially he will be better of here. The alternative,living in rented accommodation in London in a yobo culture of boozing and drug taking, living from hand to mouth because the cost of living is so high. He speaks fluent English and i am teaching him to read (not to many sentences papa it gives me a headache,yes he is already immersed in the culture) Fluent English is another 50% in his wage packet or salary, i can do no more for him, the rest is up to him. I set him an example in behaviour,i don't do drugs,i don't drink to excess and i am respectful towards his mother.

all the best to you

[wym]

what is best for your kids development into good citizens / adults, depends on your individual circumstances

i think in most cases choosing the right school for each of your kids, and creating / maintaining a happy / positive / supportive home environment are more important than which continent you live

As the kids get older - the influence of peers and the surrounding (sub-)culture - school & neighborhood - takes over in importance and influence.

Witness new arrival families back home, often huge differences between just one generation.

Sure parents remain "important" but don't really shape the end result past, what, 13-15?

[ppmacready]

My 50-50, 10 year old daughter has been home schooled from 7 years old.

With the emphasis on being happy when she finishes her education.

I include Yoga, Meditation and Taekwando.

The results speak for themselves.

[i claudius]

Our son was educated in a very good junior school in the UK ,then on going to senior school ,it was the pits ,so now he has been educated at a private school and at present is in university ,his language skills are excellent and he is getting very good grades ,we made the right choice.

[ggt]

We decided to not choose between Thai or American. We just raise them as concerned and interested parents and let them develop as they will. Our 12 year old (full Thai, she was almost 3 when we married) has vacillated from Thai to American to Thai and now seems to be a blend of both and able to effortlessly move between either culture depending upon those around her. She is tops in her school, and has been accepted into a very competitive EP M1 school/classes. At home she is very American. Flops about, a bit of sass, but stays on the correct side of the line (barely). Out in society, she is gracious and polite to all and respectful to us. She deserves an Oscar acting award!

Our son (mixed, 4 years old) has no idea at all he is Thai. Wouldn't wai if his life depended on it. Doesn't speak or understand a lick of Thai. Behaves and speaks exactly as an American born and raised son. He will choose American at age 18 and head off to university in the States thereafter, so we see only detriment to raising him Thai. We plan to homeschool him to age 7 and then decide whether to enroll him in a USA online school or local international school. He will never be accepted here as Thai. We are not about to force him to think or act Thai.

Learning the Thai language...will be a plus in your son's life...for so many reasons...not least of which...employment opportunities needing both languages...

[krisb]

Just being a good parent plays a huge part.

My 2cents.

[krisb]

My 50-50, 10 year old daughter has been home schooled from 7 years old.

With the emphasis on being happy when she finishes her education.

I include Yoga, Meditation and Taekwando.

The results speak for themselves.

interesting.

[SNGLIFE]

He will naturally pick up Thai language. That goes without saying. The point in my post being I don't go out of my way to help him learn it. All 3 of us can speak Thai. However, we actively teach him English because the best learning materials are in English; and his general learning trumps learning Thai language.

As for his future: if he ends up being ANYONE's employee, then I failed. I raise my kids to be entrepreneurs. Hopefully, he will do that outside Thailand and my daughter will do that inside Thailand; and they will help each other where needed. TYVM.

[wym]

As for his future: if he ends up being ANYONE's employee, then I failed. I raise my kids to be entrepreneurs. Hopefully, he will do that outside Thailand and my daughter will do that inside Thailand; and they will help each other where needed. TYVM.

Agree about the entrepreneurship, my daughter wants to be an MD, in the states that's running your own business.

BUT why the boy and girl growing up to live in separate countries?

And why that way around? If anything I'd hope my daughter would NOT end up in Thailand. . .

[jacksam]

Funny, in another forum there was talk about Thailand is no longer LOS.

Im sitting in Cha Am on beach. Most expats know this is pretty much Thai holiday joint. OK my point. Today had minor spill off the bike . so many Thai rushed to help me. More detail but too long. As I sit drinking families walk by with big smiles to me as I smile back. Sitting with very young kids I guess most are uni or school kids.

My gf just asked if I want another drink. With a big smile.

I LOVE THAILAND.

[jacksam]

Funny, in another forum there was talk about Thailand is no longer LOS.

Im sitting in Cha Am on beach. Most expats know this is pretty much Thai holiday joint. OK my point. Today had minor spill off the bike . so many Thai rushed to help me. More detail but too long. As I sit drinking families walk by with big smiles to me as I smile back. Sitting with very young kids I guess most are uni or school kids.

My gf just asked if I want another drink. With a big smile.

I LOVE THAILAND.

[jacksam]

Whoops that post was for another forum. Also posted it twice.Geez they mmake the screwdrivers strong here

[ggt]

Whoops that post was for another forum. Also posted it twice.Geez they mmake the screwdrivers strong here

We get it...you are operating under the influence...booze and smiles...good for you...

[brit1984]

what is best for your kids development into good citizens / adults, depends on your individual circumstances

i think in most cases choosing the right school for each of your kids, and creating / maintaining a happy / positive / supportive home environment are more important than which continent you live

As the kids get older - the influence of peers and the surrounding (sub-)culture - school & neighborhood - takes over in importance and influence.

Witness new arrival families back home, often huge differences between just one generation.

Sure parents remain "important" but don't really shape the end result past, what, 13-15?

i agree but there are good and bad schools / neighborhoods / social circles in every country (even in every town / city)

and plenty people who had the best of all this but still end up as messed up adults due to poor parenting, or vice-versa

i think the key is to give the kids the best chance your circumstances allow but not to overstretch yourself so much that the kids miss out on the basic fundamental parenting

[wym]

Absolutely time is much more important than money.

But decent schooling is IMO very important for THEIR economic future, and available for free back home at a level that would cost millions per year here.

[brit1984]

Absolutely time is much more important than money.

But decent schooling is IMO very important for THEIR economic future, and available for free back home at a level that would cost millions per year here.

i know what you mean but it's really not that simple as living in the catchment area for a good free school doesn't come cheap, and the equation also needs to factor in relative income and other living costs (and all the non-financial factors)... it really depends on the family's circumstances

[casualposter]

I raise my kids to be entrepreneurs.

How do you do that?

[brit1984]

I raise my kids to be entrepreneurs.

How do you do that?

give them some soil and some seeds, instead of pocket money

[ppmacready]

I raise my kids to be entrepreneurs.

How do you do that?

give them some soil and some seeds, instead of pocket money

My daughter grows vegetables and goes round selling them to our neighbours.

She has always sold out.

Who can resist a 10 year old farmer?

[hgma]

Thai-Asean---dependent

EU way -----independent.

Dutch way------independent with a social face not facade!

We choose the Dutch way!

[lostmebike]

A tough one that we also struggle with. Back to Europe is not really an option for us as my work is here.

I'm not overly impressed by Thai culture as most of it can be summarized by a single word "Baht". On top of that comes the "culture" that is poured over society by all television channels imprinting people with an extreme violent feudal and lawless caste society where promiscuity is the norm but is sex is taboo.

The Thai education system is not stimulating any individual initiative or development and is targeted at maintaining the status quo of a society with majority of people that are kept poor and stupid. Even expensive bi-lingual or English program schools are not able to change this leaving even more expensive international schools as the only alternative for a proper education where kids can develop as individuals. Even the top Thai universities are at the lowest level compared to Western Europe, the US, Japan or even China.

On the other hand I must say that my son of 17 from my first marriage who is in an international school here since 3 years has benefited from it becoming much more international and multi cultural. The international school offers a truly international environment with about 40 nationalities and is not stuck in the Thai system.

For the younger kids of 6 and almost 2 years the current choice is a bilingual school because we think they have to learn proper Thai and keep the option of Thai further education open. But I start to doubt this choice because the education, though of a good level, is still too much stuck in the Thai system not stimulating individuality and creativity. Maybe in a few years and depending on our resources we will move them to an international school.

At home we try to compensate by offering as much international content in the form of educational software, movies, games, internet, etc. as we can and virtually no Thai TV (even my wife is not interested in that).

where promiscuity is the norm but is sex is taboo.

Yes that makes me chuckle too.

[Crazy chef 1]

at the end they will be aliens in both societys .not accepted by Thais and looked down in the west.i know a nice lady who got brought up in the west and now try work here.all misbehavior we farangs are doing are( more or less) over looked by the Thais because we are just stupid long noses,but for the poor girl a westerner in a Thai body- nothing get's excused they purely hate her...

[recycler]

He will naturally pick up Thai language. That goes without saying. The point in my post being I don't go out of my way to help him learn it. All 3 of us can speak Thai. However, we actively teach him English because the best learning materials are in English; and his general learning trumps learning Thai language.

As for his future: if he ends up being ANYONE's employee, then I failed. I raise my kids to be entrepreneurs. Hopefully, he will do that outside Thailand and my daughter will do that inside Thailand; and they will help each other where needed. TYVM.

Naturally he will only pick up the spoken Thai language that he hears most, probably that of your wife. As he is Thai it's very important for him to learn not just the spoken, but also the written language with a proper vocabulary without the influence of a possible dialect. If he for whatever reason stays in Thailand he needs to be able to read for example his tax form etc... Depending on others for everything written in this country is not what you want for your kids.

It's also difficult to foresee the future of education on a global scale and in the year between now and when he goes to university many things can change, we therefore opt to keep more options open, including Thai university eduction.

Raising a 4 year old to be an entrepreneur seems a bit projective, he might be missing a happy career doing something he really likes.

[wym]

Absolutely time is much more important than money.

But decent schooling is IMO very important for THEIR economic future, and available for free back home at a level that would cost millions per year here.

i know what you mean but it's really not that simple as living in the catchment area for a good free school doesn't come cheap, and the equation also needs to factor in relative income and other living costs (and all the non-financial factors)... it really depends on the family's circumstances

IMO sacrifice must be made or you're not being a responsible parent sorry but I calls it how I see it.

God forbid my kids feel more at home in Thailand or stoop to getting their tertiary here. If either is ambitious I want them prepared to succeed in a top career in HK London NYC wherever they might choose.