The poisonous Brother in Law

[oldhippy]

20 hours ago, Been there done that said:

Its all about parenting. Blame the mothers for raising no good sons. Nobody though seems to get that on here.

It is true that in less developed cultures, no - good sons are raised mainly by their mothers, who should accept some of the responsability for that.

Next --- more important question: Why is this the case? What can be done about it?

If we find the answer, perhaps we can e mail it to Muslimland?

 

 

 

[HenryPattaya]

30 years ago i new a Belgium guy here he was going to get all Thai people to sit at a table and eat 

[jcates29]

The best thing you can hope for is to stay out of the way.  There are bad apples in every family across the world.  Change must come from within the person and outside influence is largely wasted if there is no desire to change in the subject layabout.  Thailand is somewhat unique in that there is literally food everywhere you look, either growing on a tree or at any of the thousands of temples.  No one need starve in Thailand.  That has a good side but makes it easier to be a layabout too.  I count myself lucky that my wife of 31 years has reached the point of realizing she has done enough for everyone in her family, and that at some point more support with no reciprocal attitude of self-improvement is making things worse instead of better.  If your wife/significant other is reaching a similar conclusion about her brother, you are headed in the right direction.  Count your blessings the brother-in-law isn't addled on Ya Baa and hanging around your house at odd hours demanding money and making threats.  Things could be worse!

[wow64]

You'll should just buy him a tractor.. why are you being some mean to him. 

 

Its your fault its life has turned out like this. If you didn't come along his childout sweetheart sorry I mean sister would be still sending him money everyday from her resturant gig.

Edited July 3, 2017 by wow64

[NoshowJones]

3 hours ago, williamgeorgeallen said:

the true idiots are the western men who funnel money at families who then hand it out to create a dead beat welfare state within that family.

The guys that you mention are mostly deadbeats in their home country, cannot get a girlfriend for various reasons, mainly being fat and unattractive, they retire, sell their 

house and move out here, easy to get a goodlooking woman in a bar because he has offered to look after her and the parents financially, even the brothers etc.

Then the wife ends up in an affair with a Thai guy because the deadbeat husband from Farangland cannot satisfy her in bed.

[oldhippy]

2 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

The guys that you mention are mostly deadbeats in their home country, cannot get a girlfriend for various reasons, mainly being fat and unattractive, they retire, sell their 

house and move out here, easy to get a goodlooking woman in a bar because he has offered to look after her and the parents financially, even the brothers etc.

Then the wife ends up in an affair with a Thai guy because the deadbeat husband from Farangland cannot satisfy her in bed.

That will surely often be the case.

 

But what about:

Daughter gets cancer?

Perfect son dies of heart attack?

Happened to me.

Your advise please?

Yes I know, if I was not married to my Thai wife, what would they do? So it's not my problem?

 

And yes, if I had thought of all this before, I would never have married a woman from an underdeveloped country.

PS. My wife was 52 when I married her, me 56 - but she was gorgeous and still is. And intelligent, apart from her thainess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Been there done that]

3 hours ago, oldhippy said:

It is true that in less developed cultures, no - good sons are raised mainly by their mothers, who should accept some of the responsability for that.

Next --- more important question: Why is this the case? What can be done about it?

If we find the answer, perhaps we can e mail it to Muslimland?

 

 

 

Not only in less developed cultures.

 

In Thailand its culturally ingrained in the way of life that girls are being raised to be more? responsible than boys. 

 

Education education aiming as well to make children become more independant from family. Eradicate the familymanipulation as much as possible.

[Odysseus123]

3 hours ago, jcates29 said:

The best thing you can hope for is to stay out of the way.  There are bad apples in every family across the world.  Change must come from within the person and outside influence is largely wasted if there is no desire to change in the subject layabout.  Thailand is somewhat unique in that there is literally food everywhere you look, either growing on a tree or at any of the thousands of temples.  No one need starve in Thailand.  That has a good side but makes it easier to be a layabout too.  I count myself lucky that my wife of 31 years has reached the point of realizing she has done enough for everyone in her family, and that at some point more support with no reciprocal attitude of self-improvement is making things worse instead of better.  If your wife/significant other is reaching a similar conclusion about her brother, you are headed in the right direction.  Count your blessings the brother-in-law isn't addled on Ya Baa and hanging around your house at odd hours demanding money and making threats.  Things could be worse!

I think that you have hit the nail on the head.

Food is easy to get.

Work is not essential if they family is running some sort of co-operative mini welfare state.

 

My Mil once made an interesting comment to me.

She was describing an incident back in the 1960's where the Thai gov't banned the Vietnamese from participating in the markets in this region.

"Why did they do that?" inquired I.

"Because they worked too hard" quoth she.

Then we all tucked into some rolls at the local Vietnamese restaurant in town.

Edited July 3, 2017 by Odysseus123
clarity.

[madusa]

On 7/2/2017 at 1:28 PM, marko kok prong said:

The problem here is most Thai boy's are treated like little emporers and never subject to discipline,my ex wife stepson was the same,at 13 he had the brain and attitude of an 8 year old,so no wonder they grow up to to be useless ,feckless adults,really no more than adult children,this does not apply across the board,many richer Thai familys take a much more disciplined approach. My current girlfriends children are wonderful,polite,well bought up,and actually do work around the house,such as cleaning,sweeping ect,polar opposites from my ex wife's son.

This problem is the legacy of those days when Thailand was land of plenty. In ancient days we talking about 200 years or more Thailand didn't have a big population and the land provided more than enough to eat. They only had to work few hours to get enough foods to eat. Subsistence farming that is what we called it today. They didn't even bother to store up more foods in case of famine or natural disaster because they were hardly any.  They grow enough to eat and rest of the time they sang songs and fornicated(is copulate a more polite word i wonder).

So if a child grew up and not willing to help much in farming or doing other work to earn a living they could easily put up with that, they just fed him, after all foods were cheap then. Imagine in old days, they ate handful of sticky rice with a bit of chili and some fish and that was it.

Now the Farangs are wondering why the families are putting up with these bunch of useless idle lazy men in the house always asking for money.

If you have done some social-psychology studies on Thailand you will come to this conclusion. It has always been like that and you want to change it?

Just ask one of these bums "Do you think you should ask your sister and mum to buy you a motor bike while you are not working at all?"  He would look at you and surprised that you should ask such a question. To him it is perfectly ok to ask for money. Is there anything wrong with that he may ask you.

      Ancient Thai saying, "Nai na mi kow, nai nam mi pla" - translated it says , "In the field there are rice, in the river there are fishes" . Well, this saying reflects on the mentality of the Thais, they said there are plenty of foods you don't really have to work so hard, just go to field to get the rice and to the river to get the fish. This land is bountiful (that is what it meant really). So why work so hard? (very damaging psychologically for the young in this modern world of consumerism.)

Edited July 3, 2017 by madusa
add words

[oldhippy]

I agree with you Madusa.

Of course the problem now is that Thais have chosen to go Farang style in stead of Thai style.

Smartphones, Toyotas and Leo unfortunately do not grow on trees.

 

[Foozool]

If you don't need trouble just keep yourself away from disease. 

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

Been there.

TIT

[The Dark Lord]

10 hours ago, madusa said:

This problem is the legacy of those days when Thailand was land of plenty. In ancient days we talking about 200 years or more Thailand didn't have a big population and the land provided more than enough to eat. They only had to work few hours to get enough foods to eat. Subsistence farming that is what we called it today. They didn't even bother to store up more foods in case of famine or natural disaster because they were hardly any.  They grow enough to eat and rest of the time they sang songs and fornicated(is copulate a more polite word i wonder).

So if a child grew up and not willing to help much in farming or doing other work to earn a living they could easily put up with that, they just fed him, after all foods were cheap then. Imagine in old days, they ate handful of sticky rice with a bit of chili and some fish and that was it.

Now the Farangs are wondering why the families are putting up with these bunch of useless idle lazy men in the house always asking for money.

If you have done some social-psychology studies on Thailand you will come to this conclusion. It has always been like that and you want to change it?

Just ask one of these bums "Do you think you should ask your sister and mum to buy you a motor bike while you are not working at all?"  He would look at you and surprised that you should ask such a question. To him it is perfectly ok to ask for money. Is there anything wrong with that he may ask you.

      Ancient Thai saying, "Nai na mi kow, nai nam mi pla" - translated it says , "In the field there are rice, in the river there are fishes" . Well, this saying reflects on the mentality of the Thais, they said there are plenty of foods you don't really have to work so hard, just go to field to get the rice and to the river to get the fish. This land is bountiful (that is what it meant really). So why work so hard? (very damaging psychologically for the young in this modern world of consumerism.)

Dear Madusa  that is a most enlightening post, thanks. I think forication is boom boom outside of marriage and copulation the act itself but as it has been a long time since either happened here, I may be wrong!

 

how do we explain away the ridiculous lies that the feckless males spout all the time, surely that cannot be ingrained culture?

[Odysseus123]

37 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

Dear Madusa  that is a most enlightening post, thanks. I think forication is boom boom outside of marriage and copulation the act itself but as it has been a long time since either happened here, I may be wrong!

 

how do we explain away the ridiculous lies that the feckless males spout all the time, surely that cannot be ingrained culture?

I think it is.

Remember..that they cannot usually be confronted due to issues of "face."

A perfect world for confabulating-and getting away with it.

 

I agree with you about Madusa's post.It was excellent.

[The Dark Lord]

Just now, Odysseus123 said:

I think it is.

Remember..that they cannot usually be confronted due to issues of "face."

A perfect world for confabulating-and getting away with it.

 

I agree with you about Madusa's post.It was excellent.

You know Odysseus old chum, I think you hit the nail almost perfectly on the head. 

 

Perhaps add add a smattering if the ingrained refusal to accept anything was their fault and we may have hit the solution!

 

 

[oldhippy]

When we tell lies in Farangland, at least we put in a little effort to appear truthful.

But here even my wife tells me sometimes ridiculous small lies - with a straight face.

And I have learned not to challenge her on those lies 555.

 

Thailand, the hub of alternative truths.

 

[Odysseus123]

11 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

You know Odysseus old chum, I think you hit the nail almost perfectly on the head. 

 

Perhaps add add a smattering if the ingrained refusal to accept anything was their fault and we may have hit the solution!

 

 

Dark Lord,

It took me several years to work out ('cos I am a slow learner) that my family's collective right brain was communicating to my somewhat bewildered left brain..

Some famous confabulations;

The family restaurant will make millions!

The karaoke bar..ditto..!

The chicken farm-amazingly profitable venture! (I'm laughing now)

Breeding Pitbull puppies..the road to riches!

Australia..the streets are paved with gold!

 

I am listening to my wife confabulating right now-unstoppable flow...

Have a great day!

[The Dark Lord]

10 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Dark Lord,

It took me several years to work out ('cos I am a slow learner) that my family's collective right brain was communicating to my somewhat bewildered left brain..

Some famous confabulations;

The family restaurant will make millions!

The karaoke bar..ditto..!

The chicken farm-amazingly profitable venture! (I'm laughing now)

Breeding Pitbull puppies..the road to riches!

Australia..the streets are paved with gold!

 

I am listening to my wife confabulating right now-unstoppable flow...

Have a great day!

Thanks old chum but unlikely to have a good day.

 

The current ( and unless she changes her attitude, soon to be former) Mrs DL has somehow got it in her head that I fancy this hippopotamus like female that she detests because I spoke to her for about three seconds. No reply just a polite comment over her attire. 

 

A completely over over the top reaction involving a hammer, the door, my clothes, the balcony and an endless stream of messages on Facebook ( not to me coz I don't have FB) 

 

Methinks we should add the inane soap operas being endlessly played out on Ch3 etc to the list of contributors to the moral standards adopted in the Land of Soaps. 

 

And as for the ridiculous  things they get suckered into, or would if we were not so sensible, I am flummoxed to find a solution. 

 

If if I try to stop the salesman at the door or the donation of baht to some pyramid scheme on Facebook that the FB friend has recommended etc I am an butthead ( to put it mildly) because I am not thai.

 

if I am reluctant to shell out some obscene amount of money on buying a brand new BMW then I am again..... ( bearing in mind her son stole the Toyota and took a loan out against it) 

 

i dispair of ever changing the mindset in which the farang is wrong ( because he is not thai) 

Edited July 4, 2017 by The Dark Lord

[transam]

It seems every family has one........

[The Dark Lord]

4 minutes ago, transam said:

It seems every family has one........

Never  a truer word spoken old chum!

[transam]

1 minute ago, The Dark Lord said:

Never  a truer word spoken old chum!

I could tell some stories about Mrs.Trans (one of seven) siblings and problems but l think you can guess...

 

[Odysseus123]

3 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

Thanks old chum but unlikely to have a good day.

 

The current ( and unless she changes her attitude, soon to be former) Mrs DL has somehow got it in her head that I fancy this hippopotamus like female that she detests because I spoke to her for about three seconds. No reply just a polite comment over her attire. 

 

A completely over over the top reaction involving a hammer, the door, my clothes, the balcony and an endless stream of messages on Facebook ( not to me coz I don't have FB) 

 

Methinks we should add the inane soap operas being endlessly played out on Ch3 etc to the list of contributors to the moral standards adopted in the Land of Soaps. 

Hmmm...

 

Not so good.My wife tried to drive us off a bridge once merely because a Thai Baptist lady stopped to talk to me when I was in hospital.The wild west,eh?

 

If we take Madusa's post as a starting point and envisage a lot of subsistence farmers and hunter gatherers sitting around swapping yarns and telling tall tales as a way of life for generations (chuck in the Lao Kow for free) then we are probably close to the source of the manifold fantasies.Toss in the colour and love of drama and you can get a most potent (and dangerous) brew!

[The Dark Lord]

16 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

When we tell lies in Farangland, at least we put in a little effort to appear truthful.

But here even my wife tells me sometimes ridiculous small lies - with a straight face.

And I have learned not to challenge her on those lies 555.

 

Thailand, the hub of alternative truths.

 

Hi old hippy my friend, surely it could only be the hub of alternative truths if they understood what actual truth is! The level of self denial here is staggering. 

 

Ex I know a girl in Phuket who was on the game in Singapore for a number of years ( trust me I know)  she has caught herself a clever and very rich guy from UK who lacks any common sense . So far so good. 

 

She he initial,y denied ever having been to singapore ( to me in a one on one discussion whilst in a social event) then admitted to having been there once but only selling underwear. 

 

For crikeys sake i shagged her there and paid her for it and saw her working every night. She claims not to be a sex maniac or a deviant but I beg to differ. I told her I had no issues with either but that she should try to be a little more honest with herself. No dice. Even the current Mrs DL knew her whilst she ( the other bird) was working as the nightclub we went to was fantastic and that was where we socialised. But still the denial. 

 

[The Dark Lord]

4 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Hmmm...

 

Not so good.My wife tried to drive us off a bridge once merely because a Thai Baptist lady stopped to talk to me when I was in hospital.The wild west,eh?

 

If we take Madusa's post as a starting point and envisage a lot of subsistence farmers and hunter gatherers sitting around swapping yarns and telling tall tales as a way of life for generations (chuck in the Lao Kow for free) then we are probably close to the source of the manifold fantasies.Toss in the colour and love of drama and you can get a most potent (and dangerous) brew!

Yes but sadly after many years in Asia, no longer my brew of choice. Life is too short for this shit. 

[LannaGuy]

On 7/1/2017 at 11:22 PM, Rc2702 said:

You mean like cutting off funding the parents who fund the fool. Already in motion. If people do not act now whilst they have the chance what hope in hell has this layabout got when they are gone. 

Who cares 'what chance' he's a waste of oxygen forget him and distance yourself. Don't forget if you are foolish enough to marry a Thai you marry their family also.

[LannaGuy]

33 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

Thanks old chum but unlikely to have a good day.

 

The current ( and unless she changes her attitude, soon to be former) Mrs DL has somehow got it in her head that I fancy this hippopotamus like female that she detests because I spoke to her for about three seconds. No reply just a polite comment over her attire. 

 

A completely over over the top reaction involving a hammer, the door, my clothes, the balcony and an endless stream of messages on Facebook ( not to me coz I don't have FB) 

 

Methinks we should add the inane soap operas being endlessly played out on Ch3 etc to the list of contributors to the moral standards adopted in the Land of Soaps. 

 

And as for the ridiculous  things they get suckered into, or would if we were not so sensible, I am flummoxed to find a solution. 

 

If if I try to stop the salesman at the door or the donation of baht to some pyramid scheme on Facebook that the FB friend has recommended etc I am an butthead ( to put it mildly) because I am not thai.

 

if I am reluctant to shell out some obscene amount of money on buying a brand new BMW then I am again..... ( bearing in mind her son stole the Toyota and took a loan out against it) 

 

i dispair of ever changing the mindset in which the farang is wrong ( because he is not thai) 

Dude... ditch her and never do it again - life's too short

[Odysseus123]

21 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

Yes but sadly after many years in Asia, no longer my brew of choice. Life is too short for this shit. 

Yes,I am going home in two weeks.

 

This has become another rich source of confabulations as my wife is continually "advised" on sundry matters by her 742 facebook/line Thai friends.

 

They are all "experts" in the field of visa and such..so every morning I am presented with a different plan usually from the latest Thai person she talks to...

 

Foreigners (me) just do not cut the mustard on such mundane matters as plane fares,visas..etc.

 

Nevertheless..I have my parachute strapped on,have hooked up  and  am standing in the door.

Edited July 4, 2017 by Odysseus123

[YetAnother]

the 'marry me , marry my family' has burned a lot of farang here

[NanLaew]

1 hour ago, The Dark Lord said:

She claims not to be a sex maniac or a deviant but I beg to differ.

But maybe you brought out her wild side?

 

Otherwise, I do recall her as being a bit of a starfish.

Edited July 4, 2017 by NanLaew

[owl sees all]

The US Ambassador to Thailand spent 17 years in Thailand back in the 1960s and 1970s. In his telex (remember those)  reports he constantly referred to Thailand as the "Land of secrets and half-truths". (Source Wikileaks). That was at the higher levels of Thai society.

 

It's little wonder some are struggling with the problems in the villages. Understanding what is really going on and trying to decipher the truth within families is very difficult, and stressful, at times.

 

A similar way of thinking from top to bottom. Just look at the nonsense put out by governments and the smoke screens on the news.