Quentin La Connelle

She wouldn't get a job at Lotus or 7-Eleven, and I like the fact she as high standards, and she doesn't fancy working in a restaurant.

She must have incredibly high standards to have worked before as a bar slut, to have had a dope-dealing boyfriend, and to pair off with a born loser earning 95 baht an hour.

This is a piss take

I occasionally teach when I'm in Bangkok. I do so "illegally" and have been doing so for a number of years.

Of course, it goes without saying that both I and all the thousands of other "illegal" teachers really could not give a shit about the opinions of a handful of worthless people (<please play nice (KK) who more likely than not don't even live in Thailand.

So, who are the different characters in Bangkok, and at what night spots are they to be found? I offer the following:

1. Washington Square Man

Washington Square man is perhaps the easiest character to identify. Invariably an expat, he is usually an American, casually dressed, and of limited financial means. As befits the rather dingey and dimly lit bars he inhabits, Washington Square man is generally middle aged, reserved, uninspiring and dull. Only rarely does he take a girl out of the bar, and when he does so his choice of partner is lamentable. Good taste, it seems, is most definitely not his strong point.

2. Soi Cowboy Man

Soi Cowboy man is also an expat, although in terms of age he tends to range from the surprisingly young to the sprightly but elderly. Better dressed and more outgoing than Washington Square man, he is adventurous in his pursuit of pleasure and is often to be seen hopping from one outlet to the next. Be warned though: Soi Cowboy man can be more than a little cliquey when he is with others of his ilk, and is generally averse to making the acquaintance of tourists.

3. Nana Man

Nana man is harder to define as he can be either an expat or a tourist.

If he is a tourist he tends to come from Europe (particularly Germany and the UK), Australia or the US. Only very rarely is Nana man an Asian. Instantly identifiable by his obesity and social ineptitude, he is seldom fashion conscious and frequently exhibits a curious tendency to wear trousers which terminate 2 or 3 inches above his ankles. Much speculation surrounds this last point, but the general consensus is that he is simply preparing himself for a flood.

If Nana man is an expat however, he is usually younger, considerably neater in appearance and much more likely to resemble a human being. More sociable than Soi Cowboy man and Washington Square man, he is happy to talk to both tourists and girls alike, and at most times does so with a pleasant, natural charm. Also noteworthy is his superior knowledge of the industry: with the possible exception of Pattaya man, Nana man displays a depth of understanding unrivalled by that of his colleagues at other leading venues. Interestingly, Nana man's preferences veer towards short time liaisons only: not for him the hassle and bother of lasting relationships.

4. Soi Zero Man

A sordid hive of squalor and iniquity off Sukhumwit Road, it is in the darkest and deepest recesses of this unpleasant soi that Soi Zero man is to be found. Always an expat and always a loner, Soi Zero man is a truly disgusting creature. Badly dressed, disshevelled, and displaying a pitiful look of world weariness and resignation, he is anti-social in the extreme and all too often a victim of appalling body odour. Be warned: on no account whatsoever should one attempt to approach and converse with Soi Zero man.

As for Patpong man and Pattaya man, I'll leave that to you.

After wading through yet more few pages of insults, offence and abuse, I find myself more committed than ever to my belief that this is a site very much in decline.

Quite clearly, the British yob culture is alive and flourishing here on the internet: loutish behaviour, working class manners and barely a hint of respect shown amongst fellow members.

Indeed, I notice that on this very thread one particularly unsavoury gentleman even goes as far as to ask if I drink “beer chang”.

And just who, may I ask, is this extraordinary character calling himself Dr Pat Pong. Am I to conclude that he is some kind of professional sex therapist?

Quentin La Connelle

As a relative newcomer to this site I am frankly appalled by the inferior intelligence and social class of those who are allowed to contribute.

Indeed, many of the comments posted onto this forum are quite clearly from individuals who can only be described as ill mannered, brutish and coarse.

Would it not be possible to introduce some sort of screening process whereby this sort of semi-literate “steerage” could be weeded out and denied permission to contribute to what is otherwise a most informative and stimulating site.

Additionally, I suggest it would be both both wise and prudent to remind "members" that this an expat forum designed to facilitate intelligent communication between individuals who do actually reside and work here, and not a platform for the ravings of occasional sex tourists who in reality know pitifully little about the country or expat life.