Need Some Advice About A Girl

[shontrashi]

Okie i'll be very honest here. Please don't judge me wrong based on this story.

i have a long term gf who is not Thai but living and having business in Thailand . We have been going out for last 8 years and things are looking really good. We have planned to get married in two years. I'm 30 years old and she is 28. We both are financially independent.

Now, she has gone back to her country for 6 months in order to spend some quality time with her parents as they are getting old. All these years, i have been very honest with her and never cheated. (very difficult if you are in thailand). However,she is gorgeous, smart, highly educated and wealthy. I do love her lot and she does the same.

Now, the office that i work for, there is this fabolous looking Thai girl joined just 2 month ago. Al though she is not under me, but there are lots of issue that i have to discuss with her. In my 8 years stay in Thailand, i havent' encountered such smart Thai woman as her. She is 30, well traveled and talkative. She has got a great English and she talks with me a lot whenever she gets any chance. She thinks i'm funny and she enjoys being with me. Since i said, we are in the same office but different dept, she really doesn't need to impress me for any reason.

now , for me, suddenly food tasted better, going to Gym often, spending lots of time on my looks, getting new branded threads, drinking Cappuccino instead of Mocha as she likes it and soon i realized, i'm kind a falling for her. i'm not sure it's one sided but it seems i'm getting positive gesture from her although she said she has BF. We talk a lot every chance we get about many things and she laughs almost every joke i make. She praises me a lot and quite honestly, i feel great!! I keep thinking about her all the time. When ever we bump into each other, my heart really starts to beat faster. I keep looking for her during the lunch time, although we don't eat together. I'm still not sure whether it is just ME or she is also interested. How do i test ? I have never went out with a Thai before.

AT the same time, it is a disaster for me. Workwise and lovewise as i have a very good reputation in the office. I obviously can't leave my GF and not able to get rid of this thai out of my mind. Since my gf is not currently in Thailand, so i'm not able to divert my mind. Our activitiy is only within the office and we never went out or spoke on phone. But we email each other regarding office work and as you can guess, another 2 massive paragraphs will be added cracking jokes and fun.

I can't leave my job, i can't leave my GF. But i really need to get out of this loop. Cheating on my gf is something like cheating with God as she is close to God. She is also very emotional and i dont' want to hurt her. Talking with her regarding this issue is not a good idea and i have to fix my mind myself.

The thai woman, she didn't come office for last 2 days , i wonder what happened. it seems a very odd practise for thai's to leave the job without any notice. But me, i don't know i keep checking her car in the parking , i keep checking my mails, unnecessarily going to bathroom too often just in case if i can catch a glimpsee of her. But my unconscience mind is praying so that she doesn't join the office again.

sorry, long story. i need help. I need to fix my mind. i don't know how. if she doesnt show up , then it would be easy as i can delete her phone number or something. Not sure she is on holiday but if she return, my heart will beat fast again. I'm not attracted to her sexually or somthing, i just love her presence.

please advice what should i do.

thanks.

Shon

Edited March 2, 2009 by shontrashi

[samuibeachcomber]

thank you for an interesting post,a nice diversion from the posts re the financial depression.

[submaniac]

Ummm...before you make any decisions maybe you should find out whether this girl actually 'likes' you in the same way you like her. As you've said, she's already got a BF. Believe it or not, sometimes girls like hanging out with guys just as friends and nothing more. Find out before you do anything because 1) it will ruin your relationship with your fiancee and 2) it will make you look really really bad in your employment.

Furthermore, if you are already having thoughts of another woman, before you are even married, perhaps she is not the one for you. This is not a good sign so soon...and couple that with 20-30 years of 'togetherness' the feelings for other women may just intensify over time.

[nonthaburial]

Best you learn very quickly that business and pleasure do not mix. Make one move and the whole company will know about it within seconds. Suggest you keep your same friendly attitude but thats it

[samuibeachcomber]

come on guys,its trolling,but a nice diversion.

[sbk]

I am curious as to why the post in Ladies? Unless you are looking specifically for women's opinions this isn't really the appropriate place for this post.

[shontrashi]

Hi SBK,

i browsed through all the threads and thought this could be the most suitable. otherwise you are free to move the thread to appropriate one. A woman could understand a woman mind so thought somebody can advice whether it is just too friendly attitude or ....

i'm desperately looking for some solution here.

submaniac, thanks for your post. just that i'm in love with two woman at the same time. i have no problem with my existing relation and quite happy.

i asked some of my friends and they said it's just an infatuation. they said time will kill it but as far as i know myself, i'm moving forward and stepping my foot on a hot pan!! before that i want close this chapter. i really cannot afford to lose my reputation like you said. But my MIND! how to control it?

[shontrashi]

not to mention, it is affecting my work and i'm not able to concentrate. Big project coming up and i really need to put my head together.

[patklang]

Have you seen her momma and poppa,as she is 28 and you say her folks are old.Do you think 48-55 old or 56-70 old???

i would be worried if my gf said she wanted to go back home and take care her mum and dad because they are old,and she is 28

[scottyd]

Don't spoil a a good thing.

[Pakeha]

Best to finish with your gf now! I'm not joking. You will find throughout the course of a relationship (beautiful) challenges are continually thrown at you. If you think you would like to leave your gf for this other girl you are best to leave your gf now IMHO.

A long term relationship involves commitment and sacrifice. You commit to each other and sacrifice the opportunity to chase or become emfatuated (spelling?) with others. That's just the reality.

Or the alternative - realise you truly love your gf and want to be with her until you're old and grey and forget this gorgeous girl that's driving you nuts!

OR, if you're a troll please go away. I don't think you are but it's a pretty troll sounding topic sorry

I'm not a woman but do keep finding myself in your section sorry ladies

[Boo]

Sounds like infatuation to me. The old saying, don't shit where you eat comes to mind. I suggest you makea surprise trip to visit your gf for a weekened (if close enough) or else find ways to avoid coming into contact with this other woman.

If she has a bf then leave well alone. She is in all likelyhood just being nice to you & enjoys practicing & conversing in English. Maybe she ius angling for a job in your department.? But don't assume that becuase you have a crush, she does.

[shontrashi]

hi all, thanks for your interesting post. i'll go one by one.

Patklang, she is very attached to her parents unlike me. She sends them money which is highly unlikely for a westerner. i'm not suspicious as i know her parents very well. they are not that old but not in good health. She usually takes this long holiday every after 3/4 years. Trust me! she is not the problem here. Its me and my bloody mind!

byoung2, can't leave her man. she is my blood.

Boo, practicing-english-thing sounds more appropriate. Yeah i remember, she often told me to fix her english if she is wrong or if i don't understand some particular words. But she really has good English as i often speak with my natural pace and it seems, she can catch me well. No, she can't get a job in my dept coz i'm in IT. she is in marketing. i already thought about this possibility. but come on! she would do all these just to practice english?

guys i know i'm wrong. but i just not able to control myself. this girl comes in my dream to often. I even went to talk with the HR just to know what happened to her although i couldn't really ask.

if you want to avoid somebody, how do you do it in professional way?

[malcolminthemiddle]

When someone makes a commitment it doesn't mean that you stop fancying other people. Fancying other people remains normal. Just ask someone who is married.

Your problem, is because you haven't yet made that commitment you are tormenting yourself because you fancy some one else.

[sbk]

Regardless of where the relationship could go with this girl from work, you will have made a fool of yourself at your job. Is this really the direction you want your life to take? To jeopardize not only your relationship, but your job and possibly your career?

Time to start thinking with the big head.

[shontrashi]

When someone makes a commitment it doesn't mean that you stop fancying other people. Fancying other people remains normal. Just ask someone who is married.

Your problem, is because you haven't yet made that commitment you are tormenting yourself because you fancy some one else.

so far the best post.

yeah, all your guys are right. i'm making fool out of me. i will have to control my emotion. Anyway, all your married out there, do you guys often fancy other women or men? dealing this sorta thing quite tough yeah?

[Chaimai]

You wouldn't keep a car for 8 years would you ? At least not without test driving a newer model

[0Mix1up]

"you talk a lot"

why do you both not talk about your respective partners?

if i talk a lot with some one then a lot of talk is about them.

so your hiding ?

[mssabai]

Yup sounds like a classic inafutuation case....I am a terrible one for those I must say. Most of them go nowhere and petter out after a while (andyou look back and go <deleted>).

Sounds like (as with most extra curricular activities) it has got nothing to do with this lovely girl (who may well be disgusted to hear of your thoughts about her - she may see you as a complete non-threat due to your secure relationship) but more to do with your relationship with your gf. How long is she away for? When is she coming back? How often do you communicate? As I am currently in a long distance relationship, I can see how getting attention can be extremely flattering but is it really worth risking your own face as well as your relationship?

Still the fact you have posted tells me you are quite far in already. If it helps - try and picture your gf's face if she found out. Does that hurt you? If it doesn't then perhaps it is time to call it a day...

[F1fanatic]

Tell your g/f about your feelings for this new woman. If you're genuinely close, she deserves that.

Your g/f will probably tell you to 'go away'! Then you will be free to pursue your new relationship. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get over the guilt v quickly. Be honest here, you're only concerned about your own feelings of guilt.

The other posters are far kinder than me, I've no doubt the Thai woman thinks you have money and is playing you to find out.

Your g/f deserves better than someone who is infatuated with someone else. If you feel this way now, it can never work long term!

[shontrashi]

Tell your g/f about your feelings for this new woman. If you're genuinely close, she deserves that.

Your g/f will probably tell you to 'go away'! Then you will be free to pursue your new relationship. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get over the guilt v quickly. Be honest here, you're only concerned about your own feelings of guilt.

The other posters are far kinder than me, I've no doubt the Thai woman thinks you have money and is playing you to find out.

Your g/f deserves better than someone who is infatuated with someone else. If you feel this way now, it can never work long term!

i don't think all thai girls are after money. She is not a bar girl. She graduated from Chula, Completed her MBA from Singapore, well traveled and our company provides more than average money even to Thai's. I'm 30, not yet to that level where i can be authorized to recruit a new employee although i can just recommend. She knows it.

i think i'm not able to explain here. I'm not interested for this Thai girl but i don't know why i feel great to be with her. i seek every chance to see or meet her.

she was on holiday and she joined back today. But i'm acting more controlled today after reading your posts. trying to concentrate on my work rather flirting. But i noticed she already had 3 cups of coffee today. That coffee corner is kinda our meeting place.

I can't tell all these to my gf, she is emotional like other girls. But i was thinking, calling my gf for lunch and take her to lunch infront of everybody in the office. i'm not able to control my feelings, so it would be great if the Thai stops all these . But my gf will return back after next month.

i'm a very calculative guy. i avoid taking risks and rather happy with what i have. But this whole issue is all over my head. very disturbing.

thanks so much for your posts. really helped me to understand the situation.

[F1fanatic]

Tell your g/f about your feelings for this new woman. If you're genuinely close, she deserves that.

Your g/f will probably tell you to 'go away'! Then you will be free to pursue your new relationship. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get over the guilt v quickly. Be honest here, you're only concerned about your own feelings of guilt.

The other posters are far kinder than me, I've no doubt the Thai woman thinks you have money and is playing you to find out.

Your g/f deserves better than someone who is infatuated with someone else. If you feel this way now, it can never work long term!

i don't think all thai girls are after money. She is not a bar girl. She graduated from Chula, Completed her MBA from Singapore, well traveled and our company provides more than average money even to Thai's. I'm 30, not yet to that level where i can be authorized to recruit a new employee although i can just recommend. She knows it.

i think i'm not able to explain here. I'm not interested for this Thai girl but i don't know why i feel great to be with her. i seek every chance to see or meet her.

she was on holiday and she joined back today. But i'm acting more controlled today after reading your posts. trying to concentrate on my work rather flirting. But i noticed she already had 3 cups of coffee today. That coffee corner is kinda our meeting place.

I can't tell all these to my gf, she is emotional like other girls. But i was thinking, calling my gf for lunch and take her to lunch infront of everybody in the office. i'm not able to control my feelings, so it would be great if the Thai stops all these . But my gf will return back after next month.

i'm a very calculative guy. i avoid taking risks and rather happy with what i have. But this whole issue is all over my head. very disturbing.

thanks so much for your posts. really helped me to understand the situation.

I repeat, your g/f deserves better and if you're experiencing infatuation with someone else before you are even married, the relationship can never work.

[samuibeachcomber]

I'm still having trouble understanding why a 30 y.o. man feels the need to bare his soul on TV over such a frivolous issue.

Not being able to work this out at your age is amazing..................like you've just come out of kindergarten or somthing.

[LadyHeather]

I'm still having trouble understanding why a 30 y.o. man feels the need to bare his soul on TV over such a frivolous issue.

Not being able to work this out at your age is amazing..................like you've just come out of kindergarten or somthing.

That's not very nice samuibeachcomber, but understandable.

I agree with F1Fanatic, if this is the way you react to a pretty girl when the "love of your life" is home visiting her parents then you really need to end the relationship because you are clearly not ready for commitment.

And just curious, if this girl does really have a boyfriend what kind of person does that then make her if she is also interested in you? The kind of person you prefer? Think about it. In fact, you might just try thinking period. It usually helps.

Edited March 3, 2009 by LadyHeather

[Pakeha]

A friend once said to me: just because you're chained to the fence it doesn't mean you can't bark at the passing cars.

Make of it what you will op.

[samuibeachcomber]

If the guy was 10years younger i could understand a little better,but this guy has an 8year relationship with a western lady and now he's all in a flutter over the supposed attentions of a thai co worker and wants to be told how to handle it.

These sort of temptations are there everday for everybody and at 30 y.o. i just find it pathetic he cant just sit down in a bar over a few drinks and work it out himself.

[LadyHeather]

I can't say I disagree. But some people need to hear the cold hard truth from others since facing it themselves seems so difficult. Perhaps he is one of those people.

[jtp]

A friend once said to me: just because you're chained to the fence it doesn't mean you can't bark at the passing cars.

Make of it what you will op.

Haha,well said.

[F1fanatic]

Why the hel_l are any ladies worried about his concerns? He has a decent girlfriend out there who has no idea that he's lusting after another woman!

Let's worry about her - not him!

The poster is looking for an excuse for his guilt.

[samuibeachcomber]

I can't say I disagree. But some people need to hear the cold hard truth from others since facing it themselves seems so difficult. Perhaps he is one of those people.

yeah maybe he is LD.