Gumballl

"The End" by the Doors.

Did the man use his right hand to knock on the door?

Did he still have the briefcase in hand while knocking on the door?

Did he use his head to knock on the door?

Lifeboat with oars... if all on the right side, the boat would travel in circles? Hmm?

In the time that this thread has been running, have the police changed their report to reflect that the dead man committed suicide?

Hmm, where the police involved in the murder/suicide?

Note: Guide above applies to most Thai weddings, middle to upper middle-class, in Bangkok. Not sure about the traditional Isaan, traditional Northern/Southern or very Chinese or Muslim, or super "hi-so" weddings though. 

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When I married my first wife, she and her family, I suppose, were considered middle-class (they owned property, wife was educated, worked as school teacher, etc). We had our wedding ceremony at her family's house, in Nonthaburi (Parkkret). For the reception, we had dinner at one of those huge outdoor restuarants.

After the divorce...

Married second Thai woman, this time from Korat. She and family I suppose are considered low-class, even though they have nice concrete brick home, and lots of land. Once again, wedding ceremony was held at the house. So was the dinner reception, although this was held the night before. After wedding ceremony, we had a lunch reception.

Heh heh... I probably should mention that I am considered upper middle class, but that status is slipping with the increasing costs of living. I predict someday I will be on welfare, if housing and transportation costs keep skyrocketting!

Eastender -

Congratulations!

The post by bkk_mike is right on. I went thru the same... running around to get one document after another; I was dead tired at the end of the afternoon. I did not have the wedding ceremony until 6 months after getting married.

If you want, you could always get your GF an engagement ring, either with diamond(s), or with her birthstone. Also, consider going on a honeymoon vacation. There is nothing to stop you on go on yet another honeymoon at a later date.

Out of curiousity, why are you getting married in Thailand? Do you live there?

I am now divorced from my first wife, but back then, we elected to get married in Thailand. We did the legal stuff early to get a jump on getting her a visa to come to the US. Still had to wait 18 months!

With my new GF, I am attempting to get a Fiance Visa (K-1?). Should take a lot less time (maybe 6 months), and I will get married legally here in the US.

I'm no expert when it comes to mosquitos, but the ###### pricks sure do love me. I think that mosquitos "see" on the infrared spectrum, and when they see a heat source, they usually go for it. This means that the blood circulating thru your veins makes a nice target for mosquitos. They may also be attracted to CO2 (carbon dioxide). Heavy breathing (which usually occurs after consuming lots of alcohol), means more CO2 being exhaled, and a sign for the critters to find you.

If you want to avoid mosquitos, here are some tips:

1. Empty all containers, pots, etc that may have standing water in them. I call these "mosquito hotels". They seem to be everywhere in Thailand!

2. Avoid using heavy amounts of cologne/perfume, and in general, smelling too sweet.

3. Avoid alcohol. (hey, I did not say this would be easy!)

4. Install a yellow light (also called a bug light), in lieu of a white light.

5. Burn incense, or other burning mosquito repellant.

6. If possible, setup a fan to blow directly in your direction.

7. Try to avoid thinking about mosquitos. If you worry too much about them, your blood pressure may rise, and that leads to more warm, juicy blood flowing thru your veins.

P.S. Dress up all you want. Some mosquitos can drill right thru some clothing, like socks, t-shirts, and even underwear!

I have been to 2 Thai weddings... mine!

Most Thais wore slacks, and a shirt. Do NOT wear shorts, t-shirts, flip-flops etc., nor anything that is black. (Black is supposedly a bad-luck colour). Just remember to dress comfortably. You probably will not be "participating" in the wedding. Usually this is for the bride and groom, the immediate family, and of course the monks. A typical wedding lasts about 4 hours, of which most of the time you will be able to socialize with other attendees, and perhaps enjoy a whiskey and soda on the rocks.

As for the monetary gift, I have seen the red envelope used, but I do not think that it is that important. You could always use a white envelope.

As for the amount to give, it's whatever you can afford. Most people usually give anything from 100 baht up to 500 baht. If you want to be remembered, give a 1000 baht, as a previous poster mentioned.

BTW, towards the end of the wedding, there will be a procession (maybe that's not the word), in which you will approach the bride and groom (who will be neeling), and you will pour water (maybe containing rose petals) into their hands. It is at this point that you hand over your money gift (there will be a basket or metal bowl). You may also get a souvenir.

Have fun!

Gumball, I think it's meant to be Vitally, not virtually.

Number 5s a nightmare.

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You're right. I think I know the answer now. The last sentence (It isn't all that difficult?) should not be phrased as a question, since it is merely a statement.

1. Opposite (South)

2. ?

3. ?

4. 1 hr 20 min = 80 min Therefore, same same.

5. "vitually" is missing the "r"

6. comprehension

I am as worried about a tsunami hitting thailand again, as I am worried that I will get rejected by a fat and ugly TBG.

Please... end this boring topic!!!!! Who gives a flying flock about freak acts of mother nature that can't be predicted. This topic is about as stupid as someone asking you if whether tomorrow you will eat corn flakes or eggs for breakfast, and live to tell about it.

Sorry for the sarcasm, and the piss poor attitude, but the OP's query belongs in the sewer with all of the other heaps of crappola.

Do it yourself... use http://www.turbotax.com. Cost is about $40 (for federal) and additonal for state, and you can file electronically (for additional fees)..

I have been using this product from Intuit for several years now... it is a cinch to use. Since I am a recurring customer, my state forms are free, and I get a refund for electronically filing my federal taxes.

Let me get this straight... People have already donated money to the relief fund, but the Thai gov't is withholding the monies (for whatever reason) from Thai people of Koh Phi Phi, thus hampering the rebuilding efforts.

Seems to me that the Thai people should be doing something on their own to resolve this issue with their government! If they can't do anything, then why should a farang bail them out? Thailand is known for it's corrupt gov't, and as farangs, we are in no position to do anything about it. Therefore, do the Thai thing, and just "accept" it.

As for Koh Phi Phi, although it was indeed a tragedy that many lost their lives and livelihoods, I for one would like to see the islands less developed. I have been to Koh Phi Phi twice... once in Oct 1997, and again in Sep 2004. I was appalled at how much development there has been between my two visits, and how many tourists were on the beach. Why on Earth would I want to contribute money to bring back this "ugly" sight?

Ponder -

Just pay the amount, and wash your hands (no pun intended) of this matter, and enjoy your new place.

The calculations done by Lopburi:

Fine: 15x17=255 baht

Monthly cost: (4 units/10 days) 12x17=204 baht

show that the amount in question is chump change. This is far less than anything you would pay in the West.

I also wear size-10 shoes, but in Thailand I have always found in near impossible to find shoes that actually fit. I have shopped many times over the years in the malls and shops of BKK, and it is a hit or miss to actually find a size-10 pair of shoes. Once found, though, I find the shoes to be too narrow, and hence not fitting properly. I suppose Thai men (maybe other non-US farang), on average, have narrow feet.

Unfortunately, most shops don't seem to carry the extra-wide (what is it, EE or EEE?) size shoes. In fact, some store attendant don't understand the concept!

Good luck in finding a pair of shoes, whether they be formal or casual. For the most part when I am in thailand, I wair my flip-flops... and save my US shoes for "important" occasions only.

P.S. I believe the equivalent of a size-10 shoe in Europe is size-44 (maybe 43?).

Another gov't plan without merit. Most folks will merely buy their alcohol before they leave for their driving trip. When they stop at the petrol station, all they will need to purchase will be ice cubes!

Want to curb road fatalities... teach folks how to drive better! Also fix the decrepid road system, with highways that do not run smack thru a major town/city.

I think that IE is just grand. I love having my PC vulnerable to security threats each time I browse the web, and I get a thrill loading MS security updates onto my system every fortnight.

Just kidding... Firefox is my brand.

I just woke up from a good night's sleep, and this morning I had the opportunity to read the latest posts to this topic. Thanks for all of your answers!

This is what I have concluded from the answers given: The ceremony for a newborn child is practiced by some, and by others, it is not. Gold is the typical gift given to the child. Food (and presumably something to drink) is given to monks at a Wat or at the mother's home. Hair of baby is shaven. Family and neighbours are treated to food and libations. Everyone is happy.

Apparently my TGF comes from a Thai family that believes in practicing this type of ceremony (and maybe so because she is "married" to a farang). From what has been posted, it would seem that 50K baht for this type of celebration is a bit steep, but since I will not be able to attend, I will probably never know whether this is true or not, much less where the money will be spent. (hmm, maybe I should ask for receipts!)

Every month I support my TGF and the baby with what I can afford: 20K baht (US$500). I don't quite understand how my TGF can conscienciously (sp?) spend all of this money each month, but she does. I guess some Thais do not believe in moderation when it comes to spending, nor any thought about saving money for the future.

The ceremony that my TGF wants to hold will take place in May. That gives me 2 months to come up with the 50K (US$1250), on top of the 20K I already send her.

Can I afford this... sure. But like most people who do not have too much money to toss around, I began this topic by trying to determine if a Thai Buddhist ceremony for newborn babies does indeed exist. I have found the answer to be Yes, but yet not practiced by many Thai families.

Now, as to whether the 50K expenditure is justifiable, well that's a different issue altogether.

Cheers, and a warm thanks to all for your responses!

P.S. Sorry I am unable to post photos of my baby at this time; I'm not quite sure how to do this.

Just to throw a spanner in the works.

Thais do have parties/blessings for new born children, but its not that comman and usually its just the better off families. it does not need to be expensive and even with a few hundred 50,000 sounds a lot as you are just looking at food and some money for the monks. you could even just go and "tam boon" at the local wat and give food to the monks (usually 7) probably a few thou.

Buying gold for the baby it very comman here and is considered good luck, it is'nt usually a lot up-to 1 bhat, we bought my nephew a 2 salung (0.5 bhat) chain and you often see babies with ankle/neck chains. You have to relise that most thais view gold as money in the bank.

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RC -

Thank you so much for your post. You have shed a little bit of more light onto the Thai customs that I am so unfamiliar with. My GF speaks very little English, and has had a hard time explaining to me what is it that she wants to do for the baby. All I know is that it is something religious, and I think your answer may be what she is referring to.

Now I just hope she will accept a little less money, than 50K, and still be happy. (my fingers are crossed!)

As much as I wish could, I cannot return to Thailand at this time.  I just started a new job, and it would not look good to immediately take a week or two off.  Prior to this, I was out of work for 14 months, spending over 8 months of this time in Thailand with the GF; the other period looking for work (here in the US).

As for my GF, we are "married".  We did participate in a Thai wedding ceremony last year (Feb 28, 2004), however we did not register our marriage at the local Amphur.  Hence the marriage is not a legal unification.

Now, either you are just winding me up (and this is the conclusion I am reaching, so this will be my last posting) or...so just in case you are not:

You must have been penniless to be able to spend 8 months in Thailand considering you were unemployed for 14 months.

You seem to me the sort of person that can find all sorts of wonderful reasons for not doing the responsible thing whilst at the same time displaying a marked inability to understand the motivations and requirements of your Thai family.

Send your wife the money and tell her it will be the last from you. This will be cheaper for you and in the end better for your Thai family. They will be able to realistically plan for their future whilst being able to wash their hands of the farang looser they once thought they knew.

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TM -

I have a great idea... why don't you be a "hero" and give me the 50K, and will cheerfully pass it on to my TGF's family. That way, everybody will be happy.

If you disagree with this proposition, then I think you should refrain from making anymore comments. You don't have the slightest clue of the circumstances surrounding my relationship with my GF, much less all the crap I have gone thru to help her thus far. She simply is scamming me for more money. Period!

Surely you've heard the saying "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". I have given in to my GF's requests (for money) in the past, but I am sure as heck not going to cave in this time to satisfy your insignificant sense of morality.

Politics aside, I think that US ex-prez Jimmy Carter is a fine person for all he has done in his life. He's probably no hero by today's definition, but I think he has done a lot to make this a better world.

Live up to your responsibilities, man. Use your money to return to Thailand; marry your girl; be a father to your daughter.

Thomas,

As much as I wish could, I cannot return to Thailand at this time. I just started a new job, and it would not look good to immediately take a week or two off. Prior to this, I was out of work for 14 months, spending over 8 months of this time in Thailand with the GF; the other period looking for work (here in the US).

As for my GF, we are "married". We did participate in a Thai wedding ceremony last year (Feb 28, 2004), however we did not register our marriage at the local Amphur. Hence the marriage is not a legal unification.

I recommended that we take this path because it takes 1 year, if not more, to get a visa for a spouse to come to the US. (I've been there, done this before, with ex-wife). For a fiance, the process only lasts about 6 months or so.

Anyhow, if you want to continue saying that I did a stupid thing, and that I shouldn't have had a kid, then fine. I already know that. But it is a little late to worry about what I should have done. I must now deal with what I have done.

As for the GF, she is not upfront with me, clamps up when I ask direct questions about where she spends the money I have been giving her, and other issues concerning this Buddhist ceremony/party she claims is "normal" to hold for newborn babies.

In the many times I have been to Thailand, I have met but two types of women: 1) the honest and kind/giving type, and 2) the deceptive type. My GF falls under the latter category, although you never would have guessed in the first few months after I met/married her.

I will support my baby girl, but whether or not the mother decides to spend the money I send on something constructive is the real issue. I think that this party she wants to throw is a waste of money, and there is no justification for it; well, at least none that she, or you, have given me.

Anyhow, to put my OP back on topic, I was only really hoping to hear from TV members whether they have heard of ceremonies/parties being thrown in honour of a newborn child. So far, I have only had one constructive reply concerning my OP (thanks Kringle). I am hoping to receive more replies, and hopefully not the type that judges whether I am a good father or not. If Thai law permitted, I would take custody of the child, and bring her to the US. As it is now, I am beginning to believe that the GF (or perhaps her family) is merely using the baby as a bargaining chip to drum money out of me for purposes unrelated to the upbringing of the child.

Moderator - Please close this thread.

Thank you.

  I'm married to a Thai and have a beautiful little girl but I'll be damnnned if I'm going to give most of my money to her family. I married her, not her family. I do not and will not spend money to support her family and she says the same thing. To give OUR child the best that WE can does not mean living on the basics so we can support everyone else. We help when we can but that is it.

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Kringle, I accept your point of view - I don't share it, but all families and circumstances are not the same.

But what separates you from Gumball is the fact you have taken responsibility for your actions and married your Thai girl and are quite rightly sharing your parental responsibilities with your wife.

Gumball is in the States and all he is worrying about is, is his Thai family "blackmailing" or "bribing" him.

You bet your life they are. Because seen from their eyes, on just a whim, can Gumball cut them off and forget them. What is there to stop him?

And then who is going to take care of his girlfriend and their daughter?

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Thomas,

If I give in to this request, then what is to stop the GF, or her family, for asking for more, and more, and more.

If the 50K is for something legitimate, then I would gladly give the money. But my GF has not come forward with the true reason for the money. I cannot believe that a poor family such as hers, would plan a 50K party. After all, her father has had 6 kids... I cannot believe that he had spent 50K, or even 10K, on each of his kids when they were babies for a party!

I have repeatedly asked the GF for clarification as to why she needs the money, and all she states is that it is for a party, and because I am not Thai, I cannot understand.

Sorry, but from where I come from, that is not an acceptable answer. Imagine if your spouse (or GF, whichever is the case) were to ask you for a substantial amount of money, but didn't give you a reason why she needs it, other than to throw a party for 150-200 neighbours. Would you pay?

I work hard for the money I earn, so that I can support myself, and my child. But I will be damned if I am going to wine/dine every person in the neighbourhood just because my GF wants to.

What my GF, and perhaps most Thais, need to realise is that not every farang has a money tree.

Moving to another thread is not going to ease the nature of your replies to this question.

You have fathered a child – a human being not an old car or beat up piece of stereo, real estate or crate of beer, or anything else you may want to use your hard earned dollars on.

You are living in the States whilst your girlfriend and daughter and her family are living thousands of miles away in Thailand.

You should be giving every penny you earn to your Thai family. The only relevant question you should be asking is, “What is the bare minimum I need to exist in the USA, as yet another absentee father afraid to seriously take responsibility for my actions?”

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Thomas, I think your views are a little extreme. Sending a wad of money, if not all, to the Thai family does not guarantee that the baby child will benefit from such. I think it would be better to save money in a trust fund, that the child can use when they reach a mature age.

Anyhow, FYI, I am sending the mother/child approximately 20K baht each month, as support, until I am able to bring them to the US (hopefully within the next 6-7 months).

The GF has no real expenses, since she is living at home with the parents. She does pay the electricity (for the aircon I installed in her room), and she buys food & clothing for the baby. Also there is the baby's monthly visit to the doctor for health checkup.

Here's the catch... If I do not send her the 50K for the "party", then she states that she will not come to the US, and hence I will not be able to be with my child. Since the word "blackmail" does not figure into the Thai venacular, it is hard to vent my frustration at the GF. Perhaps I should substitute "blackmail" with the word "bribe".

Gumball, I think you got some responses on the other thread but it really doesn't matter. I am married to a Thai lady and did NOT have a party for our baby being born and my wife never mentioned anything about this being a custom. If you want to throw a party then that is your biz. I spent the last 24 years in Hawaii and the Hawaiiians do a party (luau) for the kid making a year old but then that is because the kids used to not make it to the 1st birthday there years ago so it was a BIG thing if they did.

  I would also agree withthe other guys in the other thread that the 50,000 baht figurre is out of line and should not be done.

  He11 man, if you have money to burn, then do it or if you have to watch what you are going to spend in the future for this child (education and such) then don't.

  A fool and his money are soon parted and I think some of these guys that have either the money to burn or are idiots might send you the wrong info. Do whatever is comfortable for you is mybest suggestion.

Cheers,

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Thanks for your input. You gave me the answer I was looking for (first paragraph, second sentence). As for spending 50K, I will try to see if I can get more feedback from my GF as to why the exhorbant amount.

Personally, I think that it is ridiculous to throw a party for a baby, or even buy gold for the baby. The baby will not be able to understand such things, and I think that the money would be best if left in a bank account to collect interest (as you mentioned, for an education and such).