zyva

Here's the update of my situation. 

So we did go for the date. Flowers, presents, coffee, dinner and a drink at a skybar. It was a good night. 

I can see some effort on her side to adjust herself to accommodate to me. I also did the same by avoiding things I know will make her uncomfortable. 

But it still didn't work. Which was a shame because I really like her. 

We continued to text each other after the date. But I just felt that I invested a lot of time and effort but she did not seem to be very responsive to these advances. So naturally, I started to slowed down my pace and texted her less, to which she protested. And then when I started texting her more she did not respond enthusiastically. 

So I got tired of this, again. It might well be a communication barrier. It could be something else. Maybe she just didn't like me that much. My instinct was that she just wanted someone to give her attention. But this time, bearing in mind there might be cultural differences, I just thought there's nothing to pursue here and that whatever this is, it's time to end the game without hurting anyone. 
 

3 hours ago, kenk24 said:

 

Respect your time? I understand where you are at - that is a business person's view of life and it works fine, indeed is necessary in business... it is not just Thai culture that you are running into, but females in general. I had the same issues with my wife in USA - I have it with my wife here too. The biggest difference is that here, I am retired and I learned to bring a book with me wherever I go. 

 

Precision is great in business and not so great in relationships. A relationship is better more relaxed. It is helpful to be more accepting, because she will be late, she will be unhurried - and if it works for you, it might be nice to have a relationship that is more relaxed and easy going. 

 

I have a friend who does this internet meeting and he is always getting pissed off when a girl is ten minutes late and doesn't call - - so, they meet and he is angry and surely she is thinking, what a jerk... I know not everyone will agree with this, but, if you want to get on with someone, you have to be a bit more flexible at times. If he were to greet these ladies with, 'how nice to see you' instead of a lecture on punctuality, - do you think the rest of his evening might not go better? - even for his own sake, relax.... 

 

Guy: She is ten minutes late! She has no respect for me! 

Girl: I don't understand why he gets so angry?? What is wrong with him? I was only ten minutes late - right on time. 

 

Hey, good luck - dating is supposed to be fun stuff, not business stuff - relax and enjoy... 

Business is so much easier in that respect :D

I understand that valuing time is a business way of life. But I also think some form of it will also applies to friendship and relationships. 

 

4 hours ago, bamukloy said:

Dont often do it, but i must reason with the Thai girl side on this.

 

First up..man, you stiffed her on her birthday!

Didnt you think the fact it was her birthday should have trumped your needs and expectations, if not just for that one day?

 

Also, many Thai girls would not have asked permission and bought a friend along anyway.

 

As it was, you caused her to loose face in front of her friend..and on her birthday.

What did you expect? 

 

Whatsmore, you didnt even consider it an issue enough to mention in your post.hmm. 

Man im suprised she even contacted you again.

 

I guess when she stiffed you on the next date it was a tit for tat revenge thing.

Incredibly immature, yes.

Thai girls like that.

 

To explain her interest now, im sure is because she reasons you were not pissed enough at wasting the cost of plane tickets and are actually considering going through the whole cherade again.

 

Shes probably thinking..oh, hes rich and a bit silly..

Thai girls like that.

 

On hindsight, it was definitely not a nice thing to do on anyone's Birthday. 

1 hour ago, Berkshire said:

 

So your conclusion is that you're a straight-up honest guy, but she's deceitful and devious.  Does that about sum it up?  If that makes you feel better about yourself and your situation, so be it.

 

The cultural influence would be that because you're not family or lifelong friend, you mean nothing to her.  Your  opinion means nothing.  She owes you nothing.  Not until you've earned a place in her "circle of trust."  Try to look at it from that vantage point. 

I've said things in my own form of words. I like clarity and she doesnt. How does that translate to what you said at all? I spoke nothing about honesty and deception. If thats what you inferred then that's your problem. 

I didnt say she was deceitful. I said she likes hints and games. I jist mean to say that I was more direct and she was indirect. If that doesnt accurately sum up the situation, what words will you use? 

I am now in the opinion that we both made mistakes. On her side she clearly could not understand how to respect my time and on my side I was being an <deleted>.

There is a mismatch of expectations on what we both wanted. I prefer clarity. And she prefers subtle hints and games. I guess this says a lot about how its going to be in future if we really dated.

So well, yes, now I have to reflect on how not to be an <deleted> and move on to other things in life. 

1 hour ago, manarak said:

 

 

The other nice thing in Thailand is that you don't need to be afraid of "losing" a girl, because there are so many opportunities. It's probably the country where the advice "just be yourself" works best.

Good advice, definitely have to be ourselves and not change for anyone. Now I do understand a little on their custom, and she seems to be making a little changes, we'll see if that works out. 

Thai dating is definitely different by the way, not the most efficient way to date I will say. 

1 hour ago, AlexRRR said:

If your for real then she's dicking you around, once blocked leave blocked, cant believe you few in from HK just for a date, in the end it says a lot about you, Thai girls can be inconsiderate for sure and buddy if she "dint get it" when you flew in twice was it? just to go on a date with her she isn't worth the trouble, plenty of attractive Thai women who would have appreciated the gesture.

Well I don't think there's anything wrong to fly in for a date, tat's if the other party is sincere as well. I was definitely pissed that she didn't respect my time too. If I was staying in Bangkok and she stood me up once or twice, I probably would have been more chilled about it. 

I told myself the same anyway, she isn't worth the trouble. just adopting a wait and see attitude now to see if she's making big enough a change. 

Thank you for the advice.

I now understand that I have screwed it up at the very start. I didn't know it was a custom to bring along a friend. 

I cannot imagine being the friend brought along for this purpose. It would be super awkward.

But just for discussion sake, if she brings a friend, does that mean I can bring one too? 

I travel to Thailand every 2 months and met May at work. She is a 20ish Thai girl who has just started her career as a marketing associate. I am in my early 30s and have not had many experiences with Thai girls.

May and I hit off rather well and we would message each other on Line. It then became video call on a nightly basis. Nothing kinky, just decent chatting and some mild flirting. I thought that she liked me.

However, asking her out was very humiliating... Here's the story.

She initiated our first date. Asked me if I wanted to go JJ market with her on her birthday and then somewherr else for a nice dinner. I asked her if it was a date and she said yes. So I made plans to go Bangkok on her Birthday.

Fast forward to the day, one hour before our meet up, she messaged and asked if she can bring along a friend. I was completely surprised. I was wondering if she didn't know what a date is, or that she was trying to back out of it. So I told her, if she wanted to hangout with her friend, she can just do so. I would not be joining her anymore . She became very upset and updated her Line profile with a black image, stating in her mood that someone  spoiled her birthday. I was completely speechless.

So I thought maybe I offended her and I went to her workplace the next morning to explain. I said I was pissed cos I was expecting a Date and I explained to her what a date is. We pinky promised that my next trip here, we would go on a date, one on one. 

I left for Hong Kong and during that trip we were on very good terms. We continued to video call each other and one night she cried and asked me to come back to Bangkok ASAP. Se said she missed me terribly. Being cautious this time, I asked her to choose a date. She said Saturday as she wold have the whole day with me. I said ok.

Fast forward to Friday, I was back in Bangkok to get ready for Saturday. We talked online and she asked me if she should work OT for her company on Saturday. I was again pissed. Like hello, didn't you ask me to fly in to meet you this Saturday? She said I didn't understand her. Yea, I really couldn't understand. I asked her why she wanted to schedule work on the day she asked to meet. She avoided the question and suggested we could probably do pizza for an hour in between her work. I said no thanks and I flew out of Bangkok.

her Line profile turned black and someone has spoiled her day.... again. 

I went to Singapore and we were still talking on Line. However, I became confrontational and asked her if she wanted to date me. She couldn't give a direct answer and I told her that it's fine, I'll take it as she didn't want to date and I won't ask anymore. She replied  . I asked what was wrong with her. When I wanted to date her she treated me like a monkey. When I wanted to stop she  . I decided she was probably mind fking me and I blocked and deleted her Line contact.

2 months passed, and I thought of her a lot. One day, her friend messaged me and said she wanted to reconnect. I added her back and we started talking. This time, she was very proactive in flirting. I told myself not to fall for it again.

then she sent to,d me she missed me a lot, and that she will wait for me to be back in back in Bangkok. She asked if I knew what that meant. I really don't.

So I am writing this because I need some advice. Is she playing me or am I missing something here? Is there a culture thing here I'm not aware of?

murpch appreciated

Hi, I am a Singaporean who wants to relocate to Phuket. I am very concerned because I do not know if I can find a job or do something on my own to sustain my life there. In Singapore, I'm working as an IT consultant and a private tutor for GCE O Level subjects. I am wondering if it is realistic for me to do private tuition for IT or GCE O Level related subjects, especially since I do not speak Thai. At the same time, what is the legal requirement for private tutors who are from another country?

Any advice is appreciated

Thanks!

Zy

Well thanks for all your replies.

To answer some of your questions:

1) I'm teaching Mandarin, not Cantonese or Hokkien.

2) Yes I'm well aware of the legal system here due to my commitments in Thailand. Thanks for your concern.

Judging from responses I think I won't get much interest here. Oh well, at least there's the sun and the beach... praying hard for the rain clouds to go away for that few days.

Hi. I am a Singaporean who is visiting Phuket frequently (cos of my commitment here) . I would like to provide Chinese Conversational lessons to interested people. I just like to know if there is a market for Chinese conversational lessons and at the same time, make some tourist and local friends. . I guarantee you will be able to converse somewhat proficiently after each lesson.

The takeaways for the lessons will be

1) Able to remember and use commonly used phases

2) Practice in a context of your choice (social, casual, business...etc)

3) Notes and tips

4) My personal email that you can use to ask me further questions

As an introduction to my lessons, I will charge only 500Thb for a 1.5 hour session. I will be available for lessons from 24th to 29th, location in Chern Talay and the lessons will be held in a cafe next to a swimming pool. If you are interested, please leave me a reply. *email edited out*

Thanks! Looking forward to hear from you!