I'd like to add my own story here it might be of help to some of you, even if it just the ones that are on about suicide being a cowards way out.
My wife of 12 years who I dearly loved died (in an accident) about 6 years ago, I was in my early 30's she was 30, we had no children.
I was devastated, no warning one minute she was there next she wasn’t. I felt my life had come to an end. After the initial intense period of grief, I just found my life empty. I'm very good at covering up my emotions so most people thought I was adjusting quite well.
I had a good well paid job, nice house, car ect all the trappings of a successful man, it doesn’t mean sh!t. I started throwing myself into work, working all hours, going anywhere at the drop of a hat usually living out of hotels most of the week. I started to get noticed at work and was promoted twice in 2 years. The problem was no matter how much I worked I still had to come home and when I stopped doing stuff my life was very empty, I started drinking more, and living for going out with my mates on the piss.
I started to realise how meaningless every thing was, I've been one step away from suicide (literally that one step would of been off the bridge), I've gone home at night after a gut full of beers closed all the doors and windows, turned the gas fire and cooker on (without lighting) just to see if I'd wake up in the morning. I did but it gives you a splitting headache. I got to the point that I'd be thinking up reasons not to kill myself, like "oh I won’t kill myself today as we are all going out on Friday I'll wait until Saturday I might be a bit better then".
Anyway a mate of mine suggested coming to Thailand on holiday, I was a bit reluctant as we actually came here on honeymoon, but agreed. As can be expected given my mental state we hit the bars and basically had 2 weeks of drink and sex, all still pretty meaningless as well but as I was making good money and could get lots of holidays it did help, now I found that when I felt like topping myself I could say "well wait until after the next holiday" so I started coming out every 3 months.
The problem was I still didn’t care if I lived or died, the holidays were just an excuse not to die. After about a year of this my company started offering redundancy packages and as far as I was concerned I had nothing to loose. So against all good advice I sold every thing and came out here all I had was the clothes in my case and money in the bank. Of course every one thought I was crazy (I might well of been), "what if something goes wrong" "what if you want to come back" what they didn’t realise was that for me there was no going back it was a one way deal, I was going to find some happiness or die.
I'd met someone before I came to live out here, we weren’t having sex but got on really well and I thought she was sweet, but young (this wasn’t why I came), anyway we started living together and had the usual arguments about trust and money "how can you be sure she really loves you and it's not just about money ect" her "how can I know he's not just run off with some bar girl" so I just stuck 3 million baht in her account and told her it hers go or stay up to her (ok I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone but at the time as I wasn’t really bothered about living so it didn’t really matter).
To cut a long story short we've now happily married, all the money in her bank we used starting a business which does well and I hardly ever think about killing myself any more. I've been very lucky but a lot of people aren’t, it could well of been me balcony diving in pattaya.
I'd just like to say to all those who might be contemplating suicide, give yourself short term goals, think of reasons not to kill yourself or reasons to put it off until an other day and then an other ect, you never know what the future holds.
To all those who say its a cowards way out I hope you are never in the position where life is so bad you feel that dieing is a valid option.
I've changed my nick for this one post, as I wanted to share the story, but I'm not that open to do it on my normal username.
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Suicide
in ASEAN NOW Community Pub
Posted
I'd like to add my own story here it might be of help to some of you, even if it just the ones that are on about suicide being a cowards way out.
My wife of 12 years who I dearly loved died (in an accident) about 6 years ago, I was in my early 30's she was 30, we had no children.
I was devastated, no warning one minute she was there next she wasn’t. I felt my life had come to an end. After the initial intense period of grief, I just found my life empty. I'm very good at covering up my emotions so most people thought I was adjusting quite well.
I had a good well paid job, nice house, car ect all the trappings of a successful man, it doesn’t mean sh!t. I started throwing myself into work, working all hours, going anywhere at the drop of a hat usually living out of hotels most of the week. I started to get noticed at work and was promoted twice in 2 years. The problem was no matter how much I worked I still had to come home and when I stopped doing stuff my life was very empty, I started drinking more, and living for going out with my mates on the piss.
I started to realise how meaningless every thing was, I've been one step away from suicide (literally that one step would of been off the bridge), I've gone home at night after a gut full of beers closed all the doors and windows, turned the gas fire and cooker on (without lighting) just to see if I'd wake up in the morning. I did but it gives you a splitting headache. I got to the point that I'd be thinking up reasons not to kill myself, like "oh I won’t kill myself today as we are all going out on Friday I'll wait until Saturday I might be a bit better then".
Anyway a mate of mine suggested coming to Thailand on holiday, I was a bit reluctant as we actually came here on honeymoon, but agreed. As can be expected given my mental state we hit the bars and basically had 2 weeks of drink and sex, all still pretty meaningless as well but as I was making good money and could get lots of holidays it did help, now I found that when I felt like topping myself I could say "well wait until after the next holiday" so I started coming out every 3 months.
The problem was I still didn’t care if I lived or died, the holidays were just an excuse not to die. After about a year of this my company started offering redundancy packages and as far as I was concerned I had nothing to loose. So against all good advice I sold every thing and came out here all I had was the clothes in my case and money in the bank. Of course every one thought I was crazy (I might well of been), "what if something goes wrong" "what if you want to come back" what they didn’t realise was that for me there was no going back it was a one way deal, I was going to find some happiness or die.
I'd met someone before I came to live out here, we weren’t having sex but got on really well and I thought she was sweet, but young (this wasn’t why I came), anyway we started living together and had the usual arguments about trust and money "how can you be sure she really loves you and it's not just about money ect" her "how can I know he's not just run off with some bar girl" so I just stuck 3 million baht in her account and told her it hers go or stay up to her (ok I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone but at the time as I wasn’t really bothered about living so it didn’t really matter).
To cut a long story short we've now happily married, all the money in her bank we used starting a business which does well and I hardly ever think about killing myself any more. I've been very lucky but a lot of people aren’t, it could well of been me balcony diving in pattaya.
I'd just like to say to all those who might be contemplating suicide, give yourself short term goals, think of reasons not to kill yourself or reasons to put it off until an other day and then an other ect, you never know what the future holds.
To all those who say its a cowards way out I hope you are never in the position where life is so bad you feel that dieing is a valid option.
I've changed my nick for this one post, as I wanted to share the story, but I'm not that open to do it on my normal username.