MrSabai

The 14th has come and gone any updates OP?

Well I did make a post on the 15th but ended it “with more to come” so I guess in can share a little more on the outcome and status as of today and the fact is that I just came back 4 days ago after 1 month in Thailand so I been kind of busy getting back into my normal routine with work and stuff.

So like I said I my last post MIL changed her mind from a 2 million THB sin sot request to a lot less and yes it still hurt like hell having to go against my beliefs and values and pay sin sot but if I want to make a life with this girl I need to do as much as I can to follow a tradition that shouldn’t exist in today’s modern world, still this is something I’m willing to do based on how our relationship is working out so far.

The final amount is just above ¼th of the 2 million THB and in this ¼th every upcoming expenses for our wedding party, ring, gold, resident permit, tickets and so on will be deducted from that amount and from my calculations just party, resident permit and tickets will eat up close to half of the total sin sot we agreed on.

Also I don’t have to present all of the money at the ceremony/wedding day, this is something her mother says you can fix with my daughter when you live together and also we agree that in case of pregnancy no more money will be set away for any sin sot.

At the moment me and my GF is planning to marry either in September or November(we will decide in a week or so) and we keep talking and fixing the general details for our wedding as well as applying for resident permit for her to move to my country.

Like I said above I spent the last month in Thailand and most of that time I have spent together with her and she have time after time gone against her family and lied to her mom just to be able to spend as much time as possible with me as a couple, taking shorter trips and weekends together.

Even though I’m on my guard there isn’t anything so far that I can doubt about what she told me or about the way she behave, everything she told me have proven to be true and the few white lies she told me I could spot right away and that was lies she told me just to keep me from knowing she lied to her family to spend time with me.

This is a wonderful and an extremely beautiful woman, she is smart, funny and well educated and even though our relationship isn’t that old I’m feeling things I can’t remember I felt before even for my ex-wife and the way she feel for me seems honest and the same. I can’t say anything other than I feel extremely lucky to have met this girl and as it is now I can’t see anything other than a bright future for us both.

Things never turn out like you want but I’m sure as hell going to do my best to make this work and not make the same mistakes as I did in my previous marriage.

So im getting married later this year and we are talking about september or possibly november and when ever its goin to happen im will not have to much time to spend in Thailand.

At the moment im in Thailand and have all papers needed for my embassy to give me the paper needed to get married, this of course i need to translate and get legalized at MOFA.

So again my question is if i get the papers fixed and ready now, will they still be valid in around 6 months? please dont guess if you dont know.

J

Ok so we had our little meeting and ill tell real quick how it went and make it more detailed later on.

So MIL kinda changed her mind, sure she like the best security for her daughter but she understod me when i was explaining that i can take care of her better if im in charge of my own money.

So she kind of said that if you love each other you shouldent wait to start life to long and suggested we marry this year and then let her daughter decide how we should do about sin sot.

So to make it good for my future wife ill be paying for wedding, some traditional gold and small amount of sin sot, no details decided, everything with in reason as it should be.

So ill follow tradition, family will be ok and the wife will feel a bit secure and be happy about it.

So all is not black or white, and people may suprise you.

More to come

Well I have no problem saying no if it’s an unreasonable requests and this I will know on the 14:th but maybe I was unclear in my post why I’m asking for advice, it’s because I want to be prepared for the time I sit there and trying to agree with her mother, because she is have a very sharp mind.

I’m trying to get my head around how she thinks.

And like I said I have no problem investing in my own and my future wifes life but to just putting money to someone that clearly not need it will be easy to say no to.

I’m also very clear that this is no country side girl I’m dating and I’m very clear about what costs to expect of a wedding party and ceremony in BKK.

Well my information about the family status is based on what my GF tells me so it might be incorrect, for example GF drive a car from last year but she didn’t pay it in cash so she still have a loan for it. Also I think that mom’s partner’s money is what paid for both of her daughter’s education.

Her mom is a real-estate agent for Thai people and from what I heard she got the central apartment instead of getting money for sales she did in that building complex, her mother also own a small food/drink shop, and the house they live in is in the Bang Khen – Khan Na Yao area in BKK. When my GF dad married her mom he didn’t pay any big sin sot because they lived a different life then and also from a way simpler background in Phitsanulok.

I keep hearing that the most important thing for her is that her daughter have a secure future but at the moment that might be in the way of her happiness, my GF is very stressed about the whole thing and keep getting headaches and feeling a bit down and she herself also think it’s a bit stiff asking for that amount, even if she is on her mothers side of the table.

I fel kinda crappy putting this info here but what to do if I dont have anyone to get advice from in real life.

First of all excuse my poor English writing skills but till do my best to keep it understandable and thank you for taking time and read this.

I need advice like so many others before me about the sin sot issue, I have read all I can find online and build a good knowledge about the traditions and culture but still very unsure on how her mother is thinking since she ask for a unreasonable amount of money for sin sot.

I been married to a Thai woman before and we just divorced last year after more than 6 years of marriage and 8 years in a relationship, when we marry I had no clue on Thai culture and thinking back now I think I was a little bit of a moron not reading up better and trying to understand better but anyway I never did pay any big sin sot at that time and we only made a ceremonial engagement with her mom and then married in Sweden, so this being said I don’t have any good knowledge from my past relationship about sin sot. My ex-wife was a “good” girl from Issan with a BD in English but never married or kids and she was 25 when we meet her and I’m 7 years older.

So I I’m in a relationship now with a woman I really love and so far there isn’t any doubt in my mind about her honesty and feelings for me but of course I always keep my eyes and mind open for bad signals but still follow the flow and have a great time with her.

My future wife is 8 years younger then me, she have never been married and have no kids, but have had a Thai and farang boyfriend before and she lived with her falang boyfriend for a few years when she studied abroad. She has a good education and come from what I guess is a upper middle class family that lives in BKK, her mom owns a house there and a new apartment in center of BKK, both my girlfriend and her sister have good educations from UK and USA all paid by the family. My gf’s dad and mom are divorced since 20 years and her mom have a new “partner” that paid a big sin sot to her mom even if they didn’t marry, so this guy is pretty well covered money wise. Her mother is very old fashioned about relationship and even if my gf have had quite a few guys courting her they never got to the point where they talked about marriage, I think mostly because her mom scared them away, also I think her mom is worried because gf’s ex was a quite a jerk and fight a lot with her mother and never wanted to get married. Since I also know the family isn’t that big, and they don’t interact with their nabors it seem like her mother isn’t thinking that much of “showing” the money just to look better, it do feels like she just want to make her daughter secure in the future but that still doesn’t explain the unreasonable request

So on the 14 th in going to meet her mother to discuss me and my girlfriends future and from information I got ahead she is asking for 2 million thb and a “ring" in sin sot, this is to me very unrealistic number and even if I had that money its doesn’t feel right to accept anything that isn’t reasonable.

I done my part and trying to respect and understand the culture and Thai tradition but understanding how her mother thinks is not an easy thing, I have a plan to present a reasonable amount of sin sot, and a good plan to make my future wife be secure in the future and even though I know you can’t ask for sin sot back I will in other means make it clear that most of my offer I will invest in my and girlfriends future life.

So what am I asking for here? Well like I said I have a good plan but I could still need some advice and I would like to know how others with experience marrying a “higher class” woman would think and react to the situation.

I’m not an idiot that will put all my money or my life on the line just to marry but since everything feels very good about this girl and I because she is an amazing person and make me becoming a better person myself and she makes me very happy I’m going to do whatever is possible as long as it’s within reason

Thank you for your time and replies.