ProblemSolver3

Hate to be the fly in the ointment cuz i know no one, male/female alike, likes them But rubbers do eliminate the need to trust that she is faithfully taking her pills.

. And unlike abortions or 'oops pills', condoms prevent oozing pus, scary warts & scabby sores (herpes/syph) on your 'happy parts'.

;-) food for thought

People can talk about being a man this and that. But if 2 people are not ready to bring a kid into this world, then actually going through with that can be just as bad to the kid as they will not have a proper upbringing. Your 2 options are either convince her to have a something or tell her she's on her own.

Its amazing the shit people tell themselves. Once you have sex, it is your responsibility to take care of the child if the woman becomes pregnant. If you don't like that fact then maybe you should abstain from vaginal intercourse.

Mistakes happen and that's why man invented the morning after pill or abortions. If the OP is not happy having the child then the mother should not just go and have it anyway. It should be a joint decision. Yes it takes 2 to tango but it also takes 2 to raise a child.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Dear Ramone,

Now i see this topic has some heated-ness following it from last thread.

Errand first:

You are starting to come off as cad in your last post. As:

The girl is talking money bcuz babies need to eat and while she knows that cant force u to marry her just b'cuz she chose *not* to insist in a condom, she also knows that she didnt get impregnated alone.

So please dont play the "Oh shit!! she is one of those Thai gold-diggers i was warned about" card if you would like *neutral*/balanced advice from one who speaks from experience (8yrs living among thais, not in sukhumvit/phuket) and who made the choice to "do the right thing" in thailand (which despite Ramone's potential character flaws, you are dead right to be concerned about meeting the parents. Both for any potential violent reactions (some girls' dads are racist, the world over) and because:

. While It may be look worse on the surface to refuse a mtg, if u would meet them it sends the wrong message: false hope to the family. A groom only meets the bride's family as a step in the courtship/eventual marriage. So of i were the family i would prefer a cad being str8, than a gentleman leading me on.

But i can tell u that child-support laws ARE on the books here & all she must do us file (not yet prove) a police complaint that u r a father shirking child support and it will likely affect the outcome of your Visa request if someday i want another holiday in The Kingdom.

About the tests:

as a PhD Biochemist, I can tell u all about pregnant tests.

They test for HGH-antibodies, meaning the presence of "hunan gonadotropin" hormone which begins to be released from the egg, into the bloodstream upon implanting into the uterine wall and builds to detectable serum concentrations within the first 7-12 days of preg. (Google 'preg test kit human gonadotropin to find exact minimum time to test effectiveness)

But all antibody (from preg to hiv) can give false positives but "never" give false negatives.

So, "she is only 2wks pregnant" is inaccurate. U have only for 2 wks but there is NO accurate way to determine length of time since egg-fertilization. If there was an accurate test, MDs would be able to schedule most deliveries much more accurately)

With that finished, Regarding comments on my initial post:

As my ID suggests, i am here to help people find workable solutions to problems in an unfair/imperfect world. so I dont generally follow up to posts made by other than the topic's initiator.

But i will state my experiences that led me to say that u r making the best long term decision for everyone, even the baby (by not marrying her, child support is another issue.)

1. Dad doesnt want kids

2. Dad doesnt want a wife

(ok so then to be sure he doesnt get one on accident, he must use a condom. but that didnt happen...imperfect world rears its head, so now what to do?)

My father admitted that he didnt love mum when they married. It was taking the good catch off the market, as was popular culture when he was 25. Stupid or not, whatever. But mom not being an idiot, likely put that disappointing fact together all on her own shortly after the honeymoon. Hence the start of a 50 yr-long war of nerves.

So the practical result of "staying together 4 the kids" included a constant background of tension, screaming matches and drinking to escape the reality of a bad marriage.

...kids are damaged rather than helped by "mommy n daddy MUST live together" (an opinion that too often stems from worrying about neighbors calling daughter a slut rather than long term psycho-social impacts on daughter and kid/s.

During my formative yrs, I often suggested they throw in the towel for the sake of a peaceful home even if required making 2 separate homes ..peace for all 4 of us not just my own.

But u cant fight City Hall (culture), so they are still together, forcing smiles while bitterly grinding their teeth, after 50yrs. I know it is "the right thing to do" but my experience says different.

Lastly, i will put my hat in the ring this much:

i dont support "abortion is only option" that u will accept bcuz I saw no mention of broken condoms nor ineffective 'morning after pill'

-u didnt think ahead and do what u could have done to prevent it-

so it is unfair* to dump more than 1/2 the financial responsibility onto her/family. When birth controls fail, i cant blame folks for abortion even if i dont support it. (But there is that unfortunate fact of "unfair world"/free-will coming up again... :-/ )

Child support is so very low here, do u feel ok about tacitly pressuring her into an abortion with economics (since 2 ppl required to make baby, neither one can usurp authority for what do to about it. She cant *force* u to pay nor stay. likewise u cant force her hand either. U can try to coerce her ('talk her into it') into an abortion by using the unfair economic situation currently extant in our imperfect world, by saying u wont pay for any support, but would that be cool with u if u were on the receiving end of it?

let me offer this from a 40 year old's perspective who has learned *a lot* about life in the last 10yrs:

Life's hardships over the long-haul have a Way of softening the "dead certainties" and other stubbornnesses/recklessness of youth.

Trust me, In 5-10 yrs u might look back on all this with bad feelings about your decisions. It can be wrenching to face oneself in the mirror when such shifts in personal-philosophy occur.

Additionally, it is often better to compromise a little to preserve a workable (not necessarily 'great') relationships with people. Such a person is always welcome back (dont underestimate Biological urge to successfully reproduce...15 yrs ago, i was dead-sure i would never have kids even if i was to marry. So, in 8 yrs u might *want* to see the fruit of your loins) But burning bridges will eliminate that future option. It will makes 'friends' into enemies ... and life has enough burdens without adding the need to 'look over one's shoulder' too?

(To be clear: "Over shoulder" is metaphorical. i dont imply she has an avenue to pursue damages or potential revenge outside of thailand)

In the end, my advice is:

You're doubtlessly operating atleast partly in "fight or flight" mode = stressed about this mess.

So plz consider the words of a calm voice of reason. After all i have nothing invested in this. I just hate seeing situations compounded by 'panic and/or (culturally) ill-informed decisions.

Switch off thai.visa and

take a big step back from all that's going on within this situation and picture your reaction to it as if your own sister was the preg. girl in the scenario. Then let your own personal conscience guide you through the decisions you'll have to make before all this is settled.

Because i dont generally follow threads, I request that u PM if you have follow up questions, esp regarding longer-term legal/Immigration impacts of current decisions.

Best wishes to all,

M

Thanks for the tips. I'll be switching jobs and doing some conservation work, getting back with nature after 18 months surrounded by concrete in BKK. It will be nice.

I can pay all that pregnancy package. But long term... no. I could pay for her to fly somewhere and get rid of it. If she refuses, that's her choice, her personal responsibility for not accepting my offer. I'm not going to pay her long term support just because she believes in spirits and ghosts.

I did the maths, we hooked up 17 days ago.

(Not being a lady, i am curious: Do adult virgins typically decide to finally lose their virginity with a 'hookup'?)

Is this long enough for tests to be accurate? I am a little suspicious now... especially how she is pushing for me to meet her parents and has started mentioning money.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Ramone,

I havent read the thread that was shut down for some time. But i assume you got teased along the lines of:

. Now u know why (if u can understnd thai) Thai men will tell u "never let a girl know where u really live or work...ever."

. And the "sad story" of it is that, yeah, her life is all upside down bcoz she took the risk of unprotected (more fun/intimate but more risks) sex.

So especially with young (not finished with education goals) girls, you learned two lessons the hard way. (lol as did I have my own 'misfire' here as well with an export manager)

4 yrs ago When my exwife was pregnant here, it was 20,000 Baht for the "McValue Preganacy Pack" (fāhk.tong or fāhk.khan) at Lad Plao hospital in BKK (good reputation with a mod-market pricetag). McValue means there r services bundled at a discount from were u to buy each service seperately over 9months.

There were two ultrasounds one at mid and one late term.

All scheduled doctors consults, labs & vitamins, etc

The cost of a standard delivery is also included.

I u want i can find the female MD we used there. As i am a PhD biochemist, she is 1 of only 3 Thai MDs that i have ever been impressed with (other two work at Mayo).

In closing, u r making the right decision now. And u r technically correct that she was the one who had last-say on the "condom or no condom" decision.

But if u really felt pity for the panicked young woman, then next time, put on the rubber even if she is too horny/shy/inexperienced or culturally-conditioned to not insist on one (professional girls r never shy to insist...then insult...then assault if u dont yield to their condom 'request' bcuz they arent naive. They know the risks (both babies n diseases).

So respect the fact that such girls are "good girls"=prob. naïve since shes a virgin & not a "working girl", by thinking ahead to this eventuality when u its time 4 u to decide "should i put on the "jimmy-hat" or not???"

- M

PS

Child support upcountry is 5-10k these days depending on family's socio/economic ranking. Probably 8-15k in BKK, Phuket per month.

What will u be doing on The plains of Africa when u go back?

Take care R.

"a bit of time simply absorbing the language? I am talking about a place that people would be willing to converse but are not interested in learning English."

--> Taxi drivers, they aren't the best bcoz do u want them to try to be understanding u while they are hurtling down the road dodging motorbikes/pedestrians?! Besides, that, most of my taxi rides aren't long enough to get a good 'practice' session in.

--> hawkers in the market (they will pay attention and 'help' bcoz you haven't paid them for the som.tum yet!) CAPTIVE AUDIENCE! 555)

--> The bus works, as it is safer/longer than taxi rides. ... and they 'common' people are more friendly than the 'hi-so' folks in malls [your friends too, i assume]./

i LAUGH my ass off everytime a thai person TELLS (not ask) me that i speak fluent Thai because my girl/wife taught me. HAHAHA

As you said, in an hour it's back to the easy way (Thai)...so we never learn Thai.

the last option is to do what i did: date an Issan girl who works in a factory. She didn't go to college, so she didn't get much English. SO, it's the hard way, but you will for sure meet another culture, another language, and have a profound adventure. :^)

The last option is to come with me to the Market and hang out with my Thai friends, who only ask me occasional curiosities about English: it's 100% colloquial Thai.

PM me,

M

เเก (gae) is middle-tone, not "old". Old is "แก่"...low tone.

'gae' is not rude/crude (crude is "meung" มึง)...but it is _familiar_...so if the person is not a friend, the same age (or younger), then DO NOT use "gae", use "Koon"

working on anything except a Non-B or Non-O visa is risky...but much less risky in Thailand than in, say, Korea where the private-tutoring-schools have a lot of political clout.

So, as long as u keep things low-key, you'll likely have no troubles (as there are no "Tutoring Police" specifically trolling BKK).

(If you tutor behind closed doors rather than at a Coffee SHop, then the risk is likely very close to zer0)

Best of luck SomTum,
M

I can not stress enough how important it is to learn to read.

Once you learn to read, you will automatically know what 'tone' a word has. No need to separately remember the "word" and the "tone" separately.

I started learning with transliterations like "mai(h)" = wood.... it is terribly burdensome for anything other than Pidgin Thai.

Best of luck!

Mike

to 'cock one's head' is เอียงหัว

...literally translates as "to crooked one's head" as in to make one's head crooked.

-M

One more side note...I know it is easy to learn to speak Thai by using the English alphabet (transliteration)

but you'll never have proper pronunciation.

for example: "Pai nai" is the transliteration for "where are you going" (ไปไหน) but without 'accent marks' for intonation, it can also sound like "inside" (ภายใน).

So, despite the bonus of being literate (can read signs and generally know what's going on around you), you also gain proper pronunciation , as the "tone" is indicated by how the word is spelled.

YES! I can sympathize. I wanted to find some Elementary-school-level materials but could never find anything appropriate for an adult foreign learner.

After I built myself a foundation of spoken Thai (using a combination of total-immersion *living* in Thailand, going to the market myself, etc....and the Jumbo Dictionary (because i could not read Thai at that time), I wanted to understand correct grammar and other more advanced topics.

So, I bought Benjawan Poomsan Becker's Intermediate Thai...Soooo very boring. And I wasn't impressed with the day-to-day practicality of the material in those books.

So, instead I got a job as a Chemistry Professor at a rural University ... all the memos and communications were in Thai...THAT was very engaging!

Failing that, I would suggest private lessons with a westerner who can read/write/speak Thai.

If you are interested, please send me a PM. I live in the Sukhumvit area.

-Dr. Mike

Dear B,

I am a professional freelance editor from the USA, living and working in Thailand for over 7 yrs.

I am fluent in written/spoken Thai, so send me the text.

Best regards,
Mike

She, na pa, needs all the money people have borrowed back, she is looking after 2 sick people?

in the PS, she asked for the debtors to not be angry at her because she has 2 extra "lives"...which more likely means 2 kids (or adults ,it's not really specific) to take care of, rather than 2 sick people. The last sentence says she says that she's trying to find money to take the 2 (kids) on a trip...to where or for what reason, again is not specific.

Best of luck!

-Mike

Dear Jackson,

I work as a professional freelance editor. I am fluent in written and spoken Thai, having

studied and worked in Thailand for over 7 years.

My team and I can also handle Thai-Eng-Thai translation work for private use

as well as official certified-translations of documents for use in the Ministry

of Foreign Affairs.

Please PM me with more details so that I can give you a quote on the price.

Best regards,
Michael