outofbalance

Thanks Kenny 202!

“GOLDBUGGY” your points are noted

I do want to escape the boring life that I lead now, but I realise that this boring life provides a great income that I still need for probably the next 4-10 years (or maybe not maybe I should just bite the bullet and call it all quits right now- I might just be able to afford it).

To mention again I never intended to send more money than I can afford to lose. So me paying off the house for her is out of the question. She knows that.

At the present time she is paying for her son’s education he is in his second year of a commerce degree at Chiang Mai University. To help he works as a “barista” in coffee shop, and has another part time job. She has supported him and herself for the past 20 odd years.

She also gives some money to her parents.

She has a post graduate Chiang Mia University education.

I have never been asked to contribute any money for his education or to her parents. In fact I have never been asked to give her any money at all.

I know that I should spend time living together before making any commitment, and that was my plan as mentioned in my post.

I also feel that I should spend quite a long time at a Thai language school.

And as you suggest I will tread very lightly.

_Ok

_{Thanks for all the good advice, many people have gone to a lot of trouble and I am grateful and humbled by that.}

_{I have done quite well up to now in terms of saving and investing for retirement. I don’t intend to squander it all away so I will be very careful.}

_{“Arunsakda” you suggested to “get a hobby”. That is something that I know I have to do.}

_{The restaurant /café was my plan of a hobby. Working (managing, helping with cooking, cleaning, baking and so on) in the café/ restaurant was my idea of my “retirement hobby” .So if that can work out somehow in terms of “being allowed to work” then that would be ideal for me.}

_{If the venture fails well that is fine it is not like I am going to invest my life’s savings in that.}

_{If everything else in Thailand if fantastic but the café idea does not work then I shall just have to find another hobby.}

_{“steven100” Thanks for you for input and (like some other posts) also excellent and insightful views. I hope one day I will be able to spend several years in Thailand and it will be with the attitude that I will do the best to make a success and have a great time, but if it does not work out then so be it. These are life’s experiences.}

MaeJoMTB why do you say that she is too old?

slipperylobster you are correct - I just think I could stay the way I am and constantly think what might have happened if I had the "guts and determination" to at least try something else or.... I could try something else

Thank you all for your opinions and advice.

I apologise for the delay in replying. There are several reasons for this, I want to post some meaningful response and when I draft a letter of reply then another post appears so then I consider that post. Also there were work / time constraints.

Many of you have obviously gone to a lot of trouble and taken a lot of time in your replies which is very decent and kind and I really appreciate that.

Optimistically I was hoping for many more encouraging opinions but your points are noted (realistically I knew them before I asked) and rationally I know “run” is the safest option.

Is rational thinking always the best way?

I know I must be careful (especially emotionally and financially)

I know I must sort out my life before contemplating time in Thailand.

I know this is midlife crises of massive proportions (and that the easy option is to go out and buy a Harley or a red sports car)

I am not worried that this lady will take the money and run (I have told her that I will not really be able to give her money until I have spent some time in Thailand and decided that I can live there/ work there)

I am pretty sure that what she says about waiting (for me) even for 5 years is truthful and honest. (Yes I have read about scams and Stephen Leathers “Private Dancer”) There are truthful and honest Thai’s. I have had more “love and affection and caring” show to me by her in the few spread- out weeks spent together with her over the past 2 years than I have had in many years during the latter part of my 23 years of marriage.

Ideally as someone pointed out it would be good to patch up our marriage and rekindle- I have tried this for well over ten years now. And yes my wife is aware of my “Thai affair”

I am very worried that the proposed restaurant / café venture will most likely fail, I have told her that several times but she believes she can make a small success of it. If it can work then the profit is not so important for me, I just do not want to make a huge loss. For me it is more “something to do”

A café style garden coffee shop serving homemade cakes, biscuits perhaps bread and perhaps pizza seems like it might be moderately successful. I have visited some such venues with her and seeing those compared to what she proposes- well it is possible that she is correct.

By the way this is in the Chiang Mai.

I am therefore very concerned (according to most opinions expressed here) that I will be unable to work. As I mentioned I do not want a salary. The grand idea was that it would be a nice retirement project something stimulating to occupy time. As the café would be located in her house/garden and I live in the house I wonder if that is still considered that “I am working illegally”. Especially as it is not paid work all I am doing is baking cakes, cleaning crockery, making coffee and so on.

Once again that you all for your valuable insight, and I would welcome more comments.

I am 55, I have a good job/ income, live with my wife but not in a happy relationship for many years. I have a paid off house in the Western world. I am also getting tired and stressed out as far as my job goes. I am currently in the fortunate position that I could probably afford to retire in about 5 or so years. Since my teens in my free time I have enjoyed food related hobbies so in a very nonprofessional way I can cook and bake and am not bad at “handyman” projects.

About two years ago during some bout of loneliness I started corresponding with a Thai lady through a pen-pal internet site (I suspect it makes no difference but still it was a free “meet friends” site not a dating site). She is 47 (divorced for many years with a 21year child). She has a stable job in commerce and has her own recently built new home which is not fully paid off.

She is tired of her job and would like to start a restaurant /café in her new custom built house. The house is already completed, the downstairs area and outdoor garden for the proposed café and upstairs for her accommodation.

Despite not being trained to cook or bake she has the (delightful) Thai optimism that she will be able to make enough money to survive and be happy in the “food” trade.

I have travelled to Thailand and spent time with her (in her house) three times in the past 18 months. For arguments sake let’s just say that I am convinced there is no other man involved with her and no major scam happening.

Could I have more problems, absolutely yes:

We have a good time together despite her poor English and my totally non-existent Thai.

She would like to quit her job within the next two years and her termination payout will be enough to pay off her home. But not enough to support her and she will also probably need some more initial funds to set up the garden café restaurant.

So here is her idea for the next 5-7 or so years I continue to work and earn in the West. I travel to visit and stay with her as many times a year as possible. When I retire I then live with her (happily in love) and together we blissfully produce food and cakes and so on, and run and manage the home-style restaurant.

Importantly in the interim (starting in the next year or so) she will quit her job and start the restaurant during that time I provide the financial backing to support her and this venture. Just for arguments sake, let’s once again, say that I trust her not to run off with the money however I am fully aware that any money that I give to her will be money that I will not ever recover. (As a result of the global financial crises I lost money that I will never recover).

My idea-as far as I am concerned before I start to work in a restaurant I would like to spend 1-2 years almost full time at a Thai language school and maybe even some years part time. If I cannot manage a decent amount of Thai language then I really question if I would be able to live and work in the country.

Until a year or so ago I regarded myself (from a Western point of view) as insightful, mature, conservative, analytical, experienced, but now I aware that what I am considering is anything but that!

What is it with Thai woman (and Thailand) that makes such an impression and somehow entices you to upend your current lifestyle and values?