honestaboutthailand
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I posted this on Stickman a little over a year ago regarding a serious relationship with a Thai girl. Perhaps it holds some relevant information for you since you are tiring of the "short time":
The following is based on my experiences from using dating sites for dating Asian women (GF material not hookers/freelancers), and in particular reference to this article, finding a Good Thai woman. Maybe you are tired of the P4P/Bar/Nightclub scene, or it isn’t for you in the first place. In the past I have used several dating sites looking for a GF and dated a Filipina, Indonesian, Vietnamese and finally 3 different Thai women, including my wife. All in their native countries. I currently live bi-country (USA and Thailand) and I am currently building a house in Hua Hin.
Before I begin, I want to clarify to the vast majority of readers, ignore so many of the guest articles here degrading Thai women and Thai culture are from a skewed and misguided minority. Their altered reality is just that – many because of their perversion/prostitution/inebriation issues. I see you guys all over Thailand – always the same. OK off the soapbox.
I am not here to plug any particular dating site. They all have their ups and downs but if you want a Thai woman pick a Thai centric site (Duh). However, there are some fairly universal truths about site do’s and don’ts, successful strategies, and good Thai women behavior. Regardless of the dating site, if you are looking for a Thai GF or bride then you may want to consider the following suggestions:
Must Do First: Before joining any site, read up on Thai women and family. Read A LOT!! If after reading many blogs, internet articles etc. you understand the basic cultural nuances/differences you will be facing, then start with step #1…
First of all, you have to pay to play. What? You are looking for a good Thai woman why do you have to pay? Premium membership is what I am referring to. Without it, the good girls can’t and/or won’t communicate with you. Also you will lack advanced search options and numerous other beneficial features that let you separate the wheat from the chaff.
Secondly, pay attention to how you set up your profile. Be particular in your description of who you are, what you want/are looking for, and your real interests and hobbies. Don’t embellish/lie because if you meet Ms. Perfect you have already blown it from the start! Fill out the profile as completely as possible. The most desirable women in terms of looks and/or intelligence will scour your details to see if they want to respond to you. In regards to your profile photos, good Thai women love a well-dressed man. Use a photo that shows you accordingly. Maybe a couple of other photos with your dog, skiing etc. Also Mr. Photoshop, use real current pics. Showing 10 year younger pics is a recipe for failure when you do find someone who is interested. Most of us are not Brad Pitt and the good Thai women are not looking for him either. BTW Showing your Porsche, hairy chest at the beach, shorts and flip flops with a beer in your hand will get you hookers and nothing else!
Also, if you are looking for a GF/Bride under 28, and you are over 50 – good luck! Most likely you will find an ATM girl and a future cheater. Most good Thai women don’t even think about dating a Western man until after they have experienced 1 or more cheating, lying, angry, drunk etc. Thai BF’s. I found the prime age group to be 29 and up, never married, no kids. Different strokes for different folks.
Now for some clues how to avoid the scammers/hookers.
Ignore every profile that shows a lot of cleavage, bikinis or a lot of skin. No good Thai woman would ever have those type of profile photos.
Pay attention to the times that they are online – their time not yours! Good Thai girls with real jobs go to bed early. Rarely would they be online at midnight. If they are online past 1am odds are that they are a scammer and/or hooker. The exception is new members because they get excited by all the attention.
Rule #1 - Read their profile...all of it. If they say do not contact me for sex but show sexy photos then they are a hooker. The more detailed their profile the more real they probably are. If their profile says Any Any Any etc. for age and all the boxes and they say little about themselves. They are a hooker. If they are 30 years old and say they are interested in men 70 years or older, most likely they are a hooker.
If her profile shows her Line, Skype, WhatsApp or phone number, she is a hooker.
If they view your profile and 2 seconds later press the Like/Favorite button, they are probably a scammer/hooker. Most good Thai girls (and certainly the hot ones) do not initiate contact on the site.
If they send you a message right away with their Line, phone# or other outside communication app info, they are a scammer/hooker.
If they try to initiate a chat session before exchanging any messages, most likely she is a scammer/hooker.
If they ask you to view a special website, they are a scammer/hooker.
If they ask you for money……ok Einstein you figure it out!
If they are from Pattaya they are/were a hooker.
If they have tattoos they almost 100% are a hooker.
If they are online all day and night they are a hooker or scammer. Good Thai girls with real jobs are not on dating sites for hours at a time.
If they are currently living in smaller towns and rural areas then they are most likely real but that doesn’t mean they are good (see profile hints above). Understand if they are in a small town or rural area they may not have a good job or any job and are very close to their family, if not living with them. That has its own issues discussed later.
Hint for success in your search: If you’re not Brad Pitt, don’t expect to get interest from Angelina Jolie! Don’t think the hottest, smartest women are going to fall for a fat, bald slob- be realistic about your expectations. Also, if you read their entire profile (rule #1 dummy) and it does not match yours don't bother showing interest. They will read your profile before ever responding and ignore you. Example: if you say “don’t want kids” and she says “definitely want” etc. Don’t think your Jedi mind trick will make them someone they are not.
When you find the future maybe-Mrs. if you use a “Favorite” tag and don’t send a message, almost all of them will ignore you (unless they are a hooker/scammer). Write some prose Shakespeare! Understand that these women get dozens (or the super-hot girls hundreds) of messages every day. If you send "you’re cute”, “I love your eyes” (geez like they haven’t seen your tired act before), or some short generic phrase, they will probably never read your message and certainly not reply. You need to be unique (not like the other 650,000 men on the site – yes you have a lot of competition). Make the message about a paragraph long, interesting and with some humor (Thai women love a good sense of humor) Also if you just cut and paste the same message you will have less chance of success. It’s ok to use the same format but reference something you read in their profile (rule #1 again!) so they know you actually read it. The longer they have been a member, the more selective they will be in responding.
Hint: If you see a stunning woman who is your perfect match and she hasn't been online in a few weeks or more she has most likely met someone. There are exceptions as long time members get bored and stay off the site for quite some time and then may come back. You can always leave a message but 99.9% of the chance you’ll be wasting your time.
If she is online she will see you sent a message. Within a few minutes or sometimes instantly she will look at your profile. If she is interested she will usually send a message back. BTW don't expect a good Thai girl to want to chat with you instantly. They usually want to message a few times at least.
If they don't message you back within a day it usually means they are not interested. Move on Don Juan! The supermodel women are super picky. Don't be an ass and send them some angry message because they don't like you.
If they agree to chat with you and you are chatting with other girls at the same time and delay your responses they will move on. You are a butterfly to them. Just looking for sex. If you are really interested Focus! Use the same formula for them. If they are taking a long time to respond (consistently) they are probably gaming the system too. Do remember many of them are using translation programs so it can take a few moments. Also translation programs make mistakes! Be prepared for some misunderstandings (this is true in all aspects of Thai dating/marriage).
Don't ask for a bunch of photos right away. It is a turnoff to them. And never ever think a good Thai woman would send you sexy photos. So don’t be a jack-off pervert and insult them by asking. And John Holmes, she really doesn’t want to see your massive missile! Save it for the honeymoon…
If the two of you really hit it off, ask them for their Line ID and if they would like to get off the site and get to know each other better. Trust me, the good Thai women hate being on the site after a while because they get inundated with messages and chat requests and on and on.
Hint: If you don't have Line, get it. Every Thai girl uses Line.
Once you two have messaged a little more and she is comfortable with you, ask to FaceTime or video chat. Don't expect a good Thai woman to want to video chat immediately. Hey Hugh Hefner, don’t try to video chat from your bedroom or in your undies. Dress to impress!
Hint: If they say they are really interested but can never video chat ever (usually with the excuse my phone have no camera (broken), I have no charge (internet access)) Run! They are a scammer. And if they can only video chat after midnight, they are a hooker!
If there is a real connection happening, ask them to be exclusive and stay off the site. Good Thai women that are serious will! But don't be a loser dick and stay on the site yourself checking out all the new honeys. Sooner or later she or one of her friends will check up on you and see that you are online or were just a few hours ago and you are toast (and maybe chopped dickie if you are sleeping next to her when she finds out!) Good Thai women are very faithful and the main reason they are interested in a Western man is they had a Thai BF in the past that cheated on them (see above). They think we are better BF/marriage material. You get what you play for – you want to play around on her, expect the same in return (or chopped dickie).
Now that you are exclusive she should want to video chat daily. Hint. If she never video chats in the evening and never from her apartment she has a boyfriend or husband! 100%! And if you are living with someone, trust me they will figure it out using the same logic. I know, it’s one of the first things I tell my wife’s friends to do! BTW Hey Romeo, don't profess your love in the first day or two! She won't believe you and will cut you off (you have no idea how many guys do just that or even propose marriage <deleted>!). Be prepared however, many good Thai women will get serious fairly quickly if she is really interested in you.
BTW Read her profile! (I can’t believe how stupid so many guys are with rule #1). If she says she's not willing to move from Thailand she won't! Don't think your George Clooney looks and smile will change her mind. She's not leaving her family behind so don’t start what you can’t finish!
If all is rosy in the rose garden and you have serious feelings for each other, you need to take the plunge and open up that tight-ass wallet and book a trip to see her. Don't expect her to video chat forever! And understand that a good Thai woman with a job won't be able to run away with you for a two week vacation (also they almost always won’t even if they could). Plan on meeting her in her city and expect to go out on a few dates before you even think about any form of intimacy. Most good Thai women won't even consider sleeping with you right away. There are exceptions and guys with exceptional game, but just prepare for the worst so you don't get all butt hurt and act like an ass to her.
Speaking of acting like and ass, just try grabbing her ass or a deep French kiss in public and see how soon you are checking out hookers or back on the site because she left you standing looking like the dick moron you are.
Also, those of you who are constantly courting cirrhosis, a good Thai woman usually does not drink much if at all, so think twice about getting on an 18 hour flight to have her leave you when you order your 4th martini!
Hint: Never show extreme anger or try to manhandle her! She will run away from you just like her old POS Thai boyfriend and maybe a group of Bruce Lees will give you the beat-down in the street you deserve.
IF you do fall for each other, understand that you have to have an end game. She's not going to be your GF forever and wait for your (I’m collecting aluminum cans so I can come) annual visit just because you think you are the World’s Most Interesting Man! You will either have to sponsor her to move to your country or move to Thailand. Either is not an easy proposition, so do your homework on what that entails before wasting time trying to date internationally.
Hint: If she has never been married don’t think being a “committed couple” is going to cut the mustard. If you’re not prepared to put a ring on her finger, you are going to find yourself back on the site (and making the same stupid mistakes you just did). For you Whishy Willies, many Thais marry in a Buddhist ceremony which is not legally binding…Uh I guess that is why you are looking to get married to a Thai?!
Some other notes before you get serious with any Thai woman: Understand if she is from a poor family most likely every now and then you’re going to have to chip in to the kitty. If that's not your thing be honest up front (and get ready to find another girl). A good Thai woman will not use you like an ATM (unless they are living in a dirt floor shack- but you get what you pick!) but they do want to help their family if they really need it. Don't think you are going to take the Thai out of your Thai gf/wife and make her forget her culture/religion. And for you cheapskates don't even bother to date a Thai woman without reading about “Sinsod”. It's a part of the culture and if you’re going to get married to a Thai most likely you will have to do it for the ceremony. Sometimes it is only ceremonial (the family will give some/all back), and sometimes you don't get it back. Understand this completely before you make a commitment to dating a Thai woman with the hope of eventual marriage.
I met my wife through Thai Friendly and we have helped several of her friends find their fiancés/husbands so it can work. But I have also seen from the woman's side (helping them translate and opinions about profiles) that most of the men look and act like complete losers! Hey Dick, don’t be a dick!
BTW for those wanting to just meet hookers, ignore everything I just said and you will score more than you can afford!
Best of luck!
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A suggestion for those who have never been married/divorced before; we all enter a marriage thinking that "this is the one". However for those who have been divorced and are considering re-marrying "should" always consider the ramifications of a failed marriage prior to taking the legal plunge. As such, you should consult an attorney "prior" to becoming legally married in Thailand so that you understand if you need a pre-nup and/or what assets you may have at risk. You then will also understand the process of divorce (ask the questions!) so that you are entering the marriage with "eyes open". History is re-pleat with lessons of leaders who entered an "engagement or battle" expecting only to be victorious but were slaughtered because they had no contingency or fallback plans.
In relation to the OP, if you legally married in Thailand but DID NOT register the marriage with your consulate in the USA (or your home state), your divorce is strictly a Thailand divorce. She cannot file in the USA as she has no "standing" as the marriage is not registered so there is no jurisdiction. Also, for her to apply for a US Visa (travel or otherwise) she would have to disclose the marriage, which would then require that she have you on the documents and almost always present at the interview phase. If she did not disclose on the visa application, the first thing the consulate folks do is check criminal and marriage records. When they discover the marriage the application will be rejected for "false statements".
In Thailand, as many have stated, half of the assets acquired during the marriage are at risk. If those assets are only in Thailand, then the Thai court has jurisdiction. If they are in other countries, it would be a long and expensive process for her to try to "attach" those assets to a Thai divorce decree.
Your best bet is to have a "friendly" conversation with her and mutually agree to divorce. That can be done in a day. If she does not agree, you still need to file to establish a "firm" separation date in regards to debts and assets, but your divorce will not be final for a couple of years.
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A word about tattoo removal: I foolishly got a simple black ink tattoo on Koh Chang almost 5 years ago. It was at the encouragement of my then fiance. At the time I didn't think it was a big deal because it was only 3" square and ASSumed that simple laser treatment would take it off if I changed my mind (or found a new wife!). I have been going to a state of the art laser removal facility in LA (Picoway laser) for almost 1 1/2 years now! Every 8 weeks. Even with this small tattoo it is painful as hell (can't imagine if I had a big color tattoo). And wait until you see everyone's expression when they see your nuclear radiation blood blister bubbles after the treatment! Priceless! I still have 2-3 more treatments until it is almost completely gone. They say it most likely will have some minor residue for the rest of my life unless I get a camouflage tattoo. No thank you!
Word to wise. Consider your tattoo permanent and make your decision based on that before you go under the needle.
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I can flame you losers all day and night long. Your purpose of existence is misery that you want to foist on others. Rather than address your pathetic lives, I prefer to let my advice stand on its own. I don't come from an Ivory Tower perspective and I have earned every penny that I have. And several of my wife's friends have married farangs that are not financially anywhere near my postion. So for those who are gentlemen, have class, and take care of themselves, there is always a chance. Anyway enjoy your constant negative posts based on your miserable excuse for a life and your piss poor understanding of women and life in general. I am glad you have time for thousands of posts to justify your existence.
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I have read this forum and numerous other thai-centric blogs and forums for the past couple of years.
For the uninitiated, please take almost 90% of the comments/articles on Thai women as entertainment at best and pure BS at worst.
My background, very successful 50 year old American involved in real estate and development. Fit, good looking. Two grown wonderful daughters. A prior US Caucasian marriage of 16 years - wife was 6 years older than me. Prior to my divorce never dated or even thought about dating an Asian woman. No Facebook or social media. After my divorce I met a wonderful Korean lady here in USA (6 years younger). Divorced, two kids, absolutely a terrific person. We had a wonderful 5 years and a couple not so great on the wind down.
After that relationship, one late night surfing the web for sports, on espn.com a banner add popped up about beautiful Asian women. Click and my first exposure to any dating site. This site was asiandating.com. next day went back and plunked down my $30.95 for a month membership and began my education about dating online.
First from the dating online aspect of looking at Asian women thousands of miles away: quickly discovered the Filipinas had by far the highest amount of scammers. It was obnoxious the pleas and excuses for needing money. (if they need money before they meet you - run away). But ended up meeting a Filipina (educated but poor, 31 years old) and a Thai (masters, head of business office large Toyota dealership, 34 years old). Got my first Skype account (if they don't/can't get on camera right away - run away) and after 4 months of chatting to both, set up a visit to see both of them. Arrived BKK in 2013, met the Thai lady and we went to Koh Lanta for a week. Turned out, everything she said was accurate except she was actually 42. Chatting and being with someone for a week are two different experiences and she was as boring as a bag of bricks. Took the flight to MNL and met the Filipina. Just as described and on camera. Super sexy, educated, smart and funny. But after 3 days in Manila and dealing with the abject poverty of the country and realizing that getting involved long term with a poor lady was not my bag.
Back to the USA and met a super sexy, smart Filipina nurse (27 years old) on same site, living in Fresno (about 3 hours from LA). 1 month of chat skype every night. Met and was fireworks right away. Dated for 3 months, moved to my beach house and were together for 8 more months. Unfortunately did not work out due to her desire to have a baby (Make sure you get this point worked out prior to getting involved!! my bad.) Then met a Thai lady from Boston educated, smart, gorgeous, not much money - 31 years old. Flew her out for a long weekend. Was ok connection but became obvious she was looking for a husband (visa was expiring in next few months - make sure you ask status before getting involved - my bad again!)
Back online, but this time decided to focus on Thai and Indonesian women only. Met one of each, skype everyday for 3 months, off I go again. First to Jakarta. Educated, gorgeous, smart, great job - 31 years old. We spent a great week together, but in the end, the whole experience of the Muslim side of life made me realize that was a road I did not want to hoe. Off to Phuket, met the Thai lady. Educated, gorgeous, tall, wealthy family - 33 years old. Had an amazing week. We connected on every level and she was athletic, tried scuba diving (be warned if you are a water sport person - 95%+ of Asian women do not know how to swim) This started a 7 month relationship that was amazing at first (I traveled to Thailand every month) to a realization that she was more interested in shop shop shopping then anything else. Finally cut off the money pit from traveling with her and shopping everywhere.
This time changed my parameters and website: thaifriendly.com Met the usual scammers and gold diggers and prostitutes. ignoring them right away. Focused, narrowed in on one gal. Very smart, educated, had her own cosmetic company in BKK, stunningly beautiful, former model and part time actress on TV 3 - 32 years old. Skype every day for two months. Set up another trip. Never believed in Love at first sight but it was as close as it gets. Returned every month and we decided to get married legally 5 months later with wedding to follow. Met the family early on in the relationship. Wonderful people, hardworking (own a hotel in Lomsak) and very proud. Father is a teacher, brother owns a used car dealership. She was never married (as all the ones i dated and no children). Great friends in BKK, but what some of the uniformed ignorant masses here would call Hi-So.
Understand many of the mongers on these blogs and cheap expats and retirees have more experience at the local watering holes with chrome dance poles than they profess, and most of them would never stand a chance with a true classy beautiful Thai lady because many won't even look at a farang for a bf, and those that will are very very picky and don't want some fat old loafer.
With that said for all of the "self professed" experts on marriage and sinsod, ignore them just like the classy Thai ladies do. They are an ignorant lot. It is true that Sin Sod is generally a still practiced custom. I know some of my wife's friends family's in BKK did not request it. I also know that many many Thai celebrity weddings have Sin Sod of $10,000,000 +++. (so before you losers start to say no one pays Sin Sod, just look at some of the celebrity weddings last year!) Myself, I had a clear understanding after spending weeks researching the issue. I agreed to a 1,000,000 baht Sin Sod and 9 Baht of gold. Please note that I also paid for the wedding which BTW has over 7,000 vimeo views in Thailand). We had a traditional morning ceremony and a christian ceremony in the evening. It obviously was a big event - her uncle is a senior general and was one of her benefactors in the morning ceremony. Absolutely and amazing wedding experience. For those who would like to check it out google mark&katy bluesky (it was at Blue Sky resort in Khao Kho). Her parents offered to return half the Sin Sod and instead I had them use it to pay down the hotel loan. We also received 390,000 baht in wedding envelope money. Which I gave to her parents as well.
We have a condo in BKK and I am there every month. Truly an amazing relationship and I feel blessed. However, without the several years of experience gained from on-line dating and my mistakes, there is no chance I would have met/attracted her interest , nor been ready to recognize the one that I want to marry. We have expanded her business and it is now making her/me a net of many multiples of what I paid in the Sin Sod.
Is my experience normal - absolutely not. BUT, my reason for writing this is to let other know to be cautious, learn as much as you can about the culture of who you are interested in dating, take it slow and skype/facetime every day. If you get serious have a rule that you both will answer to facetime/skype anytime of the day or night (that will take care of any trust issues) If she won't do this or always has an excuse why she can't answer - run away. Meet the family sooner rather than later to gauge how she was raised morally. Meet her friends soon after you start dating to see their personalities. In my experience her Thai friends will be more like her than not - if they are name brand shop shop shoppers, then most likely she is too! If she asks you for money, be very cautious. In my experience, even Thai women that are short on funds that are from good family upbringing and classy ladies will never ask for money - it would be a huge loss of face. Don't be afraid of Sin Sod, but research it on your own and make you own decision. Understand that many very wealthy Thai families will require it even if they return some or all of it. Most of all, take enough time to understand the entire scope of responsibility and background of your potential new bride.
Last word of advice, I have no experience at all with the bar scene in Thailand. But from reading several years worth of blogs and posts, and based on common sense, stay away from any girl who has been in that scene. Thailand has a huge amount of classy, well raised, moral women. Unless you are a monger, slob, old, fat, cheap you can certainly find a truly "good" Thai lady to date.
My wife.
The Shop Shop Shop girl
Need sincere consuling
in Ladies in Thailand
Posted
I find it disturbing that Sheryl would have the audacity to assume that "of course he has had sex with someone else" during the marriage. Is she clairvoyant? The OP did not state how long they have been married. IF it has been a long time, then perhaps he is a dormant carrier? She did not indicate the test results showed Type II or Type I.
Many Herpes II can be dormant for years or decades. There are thousands and thousands of documented cases of people who "carry" the virus but do not have any symptoms for their entire life! Symptoms can be triggered by many variables including drugs, etc. Also, OP does not indicate if they had reliable blood tests from the past that were clear and now he is positive. If that is the case, then certainly there can be concern regarding infidelity.
Sheryl is right about one thing - do not trust Thai doctors! Perhaps the OP might want to get a second opinion and test results from a specialist? This forum is filled with posts of wrong diagnosis from Thai doctors i.e. have cancer but don't, don't have cancer but do. Find a urinary specialist (urologist).
I would suggest the OP read from medical professionals rather than forum palm readers and MD's.
Here is a comprehensive article:
https://www.dovemed.com/diseases-conditions/genital-ulcer-sores-male/