tom579

what about in asking your GF what's wrong with that?

I will ask her, but I don't think she will tell me in case she offends me - everyone is just too polite! I'll ask her sister again, but I just wondered if there was a farang explanation that I'd have a chance of understanding.

I asked my wife, actually my wife was at a bad feeling and sorry I don't want to offend, just what she told:

"Nothing wrong with a mirror, but don't know what the buffaloes behind the mountains in Isaan may think, they belive many stupid things if there is a banana tree which looks different, than they also pray to it in the hope to win in the Lotterie"

So I think my wife has a bad day today, but she doesn't know anything about mirrors....

thanks for asking h90, I hope the day gets better.

Could it be that your missus is taking this as you trying to tell her that she isn't looking up to scratch these days and needs to see for herself what she's doing wrong? Just guessing here but that would seem like a reasonable theory.

That thought crossed my mind Bananaman, but I was in the airport and I had to shift to catch my plane. I decided to go with it. I will call her later, but I probably wont find out the real reason as she is quite shy. I wonder if there is some kind of superstition attached (perhaps not a very well known one).

give her cash not mirrors

Yeah, maybe I'll just set up a direct debit, make it really easy.

On a recent trip back to the UK I bought a compact mirror for my Thai girlfriend. It is a proper gift; I bought it in a gift shop. I had no burning desire to buy her a mirror specifically, it was the nicest thing in the shop and it was easy to carry back and I was short of time. She didn't say much when I gave her the mirror. Yesterday her sister called and asked 'what's the mirror all about?' It turns out it was a terrible gift and I caused offence, although I couldn't quite understand why. The conversation ended up: 'perhaps you should call her and apologise'.

Does anyone know what I did wrong? Are there any other 'wrong gifts' to avoid? I don't want to buy her chocolate all the time.

Thanks.

Yes, it is fine to travel there now, because of/inspite of the things fisherd3 rightly mentioned. There is still an expanse of derelict ground from the tsunami, but it wont be long before the island is completely rebuilt. In fact it is being rebuilt even higher: you can now see ground up on the hillsides being stripped of forest and levelled, for new resorts presumably. If you want to see Phi Phi in its natural beauty, you'd better go sooner rather than later. The island is pretty much full all the way through the high season, and the prices are matching the demand. Some people say the island is too crowded (News report here) and it is certainly starting to feel that way. But, the beaches are fine, and there is everything you need as a tourist, so your brother should have no problems there - I hope he has a great trip. I go down there a lot - am off there tomorrow with a holdall of clothes for friends; their bar/home burned down on Sunday. That little part of Phi Phi is not doing so well.

My friends' bar was one of the shops that burnt down. I am so relieved no one was hurt. It sounds like they lost everything. Only two years since they lost everything in the tsunami.

For me, DRM is one of the reasons I would not go to Vista - I have already lost several legally bought music licences through MSN Music. My licences seem to randomly expire, and although the helpdesk are very quick at resetting them, the process fails most of the time. I have given up trying to get them back, and I have also given up on buying music online. However, I expect I am going nowhere as the media world seems set on DRM.

Back to Vista, and bearing PattayaPete's comments in mind: does Vista use more CPU/RAM than XP - and is it a lot more? I have a 1GHz Centrino and 1GB RAM (soon to be maxed to 1.5GB). This is fine according to the sticky label on the laptop itself, and according to Vista Advisor, but I find it chugs painfully though XP and some of my apps occasionally. I have doubts whether it will run Vista. Anyone using Vista on a similar spec?

I am thinking about heading up to Khon Kaen next month from Pattaya...any ideas on the best way to get there....bus it out of the question for me but would consider train. I really want to fly........any ideas who flys the cheapest?

I always go by train: second-class sleeper from Bangkok (Hua Lamphong) to Khon Kaen, lower berth is about 690B I think. I think the upper berth is cheaper still, but the curtain doesn't block out the light. It is comfortable enough, I have no trouble sleeping. The train leaves Bangkok about 20:45 and arrives somewhere around 6am.

Don't know about trains from Pattaya, sorry.

The policy wording for the three policies in that link state you have to be a permanent resident in the UK. I think that if you are out of the country for 10 months, you're not resident.

Tom

EDIT > hang on, which country do you stay in for 10 months?

November Rain, I am very sorry to hear about your husband. Reading your post I felt for you: it is very hard being told that you are not allowed to cry.

Like you, at times, I didn't want to be a part of it all. One particular ritual during our merit making was for me to take a tray of my girlfriend's favourite food outside, away from the house, and wait for her spirit to come and eat. I think I was only supposed to sit there for a couple of minutes - perhaps it was symbolic, although many people asked me if she had come to eat - anyway, I felt much better out there alone with my thoughts. I sat there for about half an hour until someone realised I was missing. Having said that, I do find the action of taking some of my girlfriend's favourite things when we make merit for her a comforting thing to do. It seems sentimental, but I don't think sentiment is part of the Thai approach to death. I suppose it is considered spiritually practical.

It was good to read your post, November Rain. It must be hard to write about your husband dying only this year. But I agree, it is cathartic to reflect on how we came through such trauma. People are different, but in my view it certainly helps to talk. I suppose that is what Dukkha was getting at: it seems to be a major difference between Thai culture and several western cultures. Of course, we travel to experience different cultures, and I am very happy to be part of this one. Sometimes though, it is difficult, for reasons that transcend cultural expectations. It is good to have TV to express that from time to time.

To echo tutsiwarrior, my sympathy to everyone coping with the death of a loved one.

My girlfriend died in the tsunami on Phi Phi also. This is what I experienced in the weeks following her death.

As a westerner, and as someone who had never before experienced such tragedy, I felt an urgent need to let my emotions out. I didn't know what else to do with them. I was pulled up (gently) several times by Thai friends who were concerned about the way I was reacting: I think that, to them, I wasn't accepting the inevitability of death with jai yen (that is my own simple interpretation, as inaccurate as it may be). Consequently I learned to keep everything inside, at least in public. I don't necessary agree that it was the right answer for me, but as a visitor here, I respected it. It was a difficult lesson to learn though, difficult to understand what was happening in the community around me, while at the same time coping with losing my girlfriend. I was among Thai friends, but as a westerner, completely alone. One thing I always remember: during the cremation, a family friend took photos. No one objected, so I did not object, although it seemed completely wrong to me. Two years on, I am so glad I have copies of those photos, along with all the photos of my girlfriend. That's kind of hard to explain.

We made merit for several days after my girlfriend was cremated. I admit that it took its toll on me. One day, I was feeling quite emotional, and as I sat in front of one of the monks, he said very loudly 'Why are you crying?'. Quite a few people laughed (to cover their embarrassment for my tears?). I managed a smile, and his point was made.

One aspect of Thai society I find truly amazing is the extended family. On the evening we arrived back in the village with my girlfriend's body, around 10 women appeared, unasked, at our house. They proceeded to cook and clean for around 40 people every day for the next week (during my girlfriend's funeral and merit making). There was not one complaint, but also no tears: just gamlang jai, and as usual, a lot of singing, joking and laughing as they got on with the work. They encouraged me to remember my girlfriend with happiness, and not to be afraid to laugh and joke, or even get up and dance, as she loved to do so much. Not once did anyone openly dwell on the tragedy of a young life lost.

There was so much to do; there was almost no time to indulge in introspection. I was usually dragged out of bed at 3:30am to drive a gang of women to the market. They sat me in a corner out of the way, with a can of Chang and a straw to keep me awake, while they loaded the pickup with food. The day's work was only just beginning. We were all exhausted by the end of the week.

Naturally, there were indeed tears during the funeral, mainly among older women, close relatives of my girlfriend. To this day, my girlfriend's mother shows her emotions openly, in contrast to everyone else in the village. She was, and still is, totally distraught. Everyday for her, it feels like she lost her daughter only yesterday. As much as I miss my girlfriend (every day), I realise that it is little compared to the grief of a parent who has lost a child. I go to visit the family regularly. My girlfriend's mother appreciates that I think, she knows that I am the one person she can talk to openly, about her feelings for her daughter. Every visit, we go to the temple and make merit for her. That brings a sense of peace.

I know that my girlfriend's father feels the same - I was with them both in the days following the tsunami - but he has hidden his grief away completely now. Just last week I was sitting drinking (whiskey) with my girlfriend's aunt - they were particularly close. When she mentioned her niece, she was told not to talk about that. And that is the way it is. It is the same with our Thai friends on Phi Phi. They don't talk about the people they lost. Of course, I would never confront them about this, but occasionally, when eating food my girlfriend always liked or watching her favourite TV show, I will mention how much she used to like eating that food, or watching that show. Everyone smiles, but it goes no further. I was last on Phi Phi in November. I was feeling quite down about several things, and wanted some space to think. I decided to go to the tsunami memorial garden, and just spend some time thinking about my girlfriend. One of our Thai friends, who had not been to the garden yet, wanted to come along. I had planned to spend some time sitting on the bench in the garden, in quiet introspection. But as soon as I had lit a candle and incense, the friend said we should leave. I don't think she would have understood my need for soul searching at that time and place, so we left. I decided to come back on my own another time.

Reactions at the time of the tsunami are understandably a special situation because of the shocking events that were unfolding. While looking for my girlfriend's body at the mortuary, I found the local Thai people to be a tower of strength - very positive, tirelessly caring, providing food and drinks for the bereaved. Everyone smiled. I cannot say enough about the forensic teams and volunteers, Thai and foreign, who worked day and night to identify bodies. The most terrible job, but they did it with care and compassion. Simply incredible people.

We had no problems with Thai officialdom. Our contact with the police and government departments as we arranged for release of the body, the death certificate and compensation, was efficient at all times.

Much has been said about how mercenary journalists were in their need for a story at this time. One day I stood at the mortuary, holding the hand of my girlfriend's mother, both of us crying - a fairly un-Thai scene. A camera crew - from Korea I think - approached and asked for an interview. My girlfriend's mother simply ignored them and I was physically unable to speak. They backed off immediately and respectfully.

The guy who took Anna's coffin and me to the airport was fairly indifferent, and his kid, who sat between us in the cab of the pickup was curious but cautious. It was early morning and he stopped off for M150 on the way. He had probably been carrying bodies through Krabi for a couple of weeks by then. It was very tough for everyone.

The Thai Airways staff at Krabi were fantastic. They seemed to feel my girlfriend's death very personally; I was very aware of their sadness in losing one (thousands) of their own people. They carried her body to Khon Kaen free of charge. As I waited at the airport, the enormity of what I was doing sank in, and I started to lose any composure I might have had. The airport staff took care of me with great kindness but were never intrusive. The following year I was going through Krabi airport again, and one of the staff pulled me aside as I went to board. My heart started racing as I tried to imagine what law I had broken. She simply remembered me from the day I took my girlfriend home and wanted to ask how I was.

We were met at Khon Kaen airport by a delegation from the village, including the village leader. He escorted us home and to the temple, to begin my girlfriend's funeral. Many people came. In my experience, the people of Thailand responded magnificently during that time. In this regard, I respect Thai people and their ways immensely. I feel privileged to be living here.

Mahout Angrit, I am very sorry to hear about your step daughter. Some people have said that it is fortunate my girlfriend and I did not have children. I think that is impossible to know. I am sure you feel her son is a gift for you to treasure.

Are you expecting another tsunami any time soon?

Why did you bother to post that?

Phuket tourism soars 87% from 2005

These factors included increased confidence on safety measures for tourists

Specifically on this point, I'm interested to hear from anyone there - is this true or is this spin? My only experience is of Phi Phi; there are some small 'evacuation route' signs. Phi Phi is gradually being rebuilt and the tourists are back this year, well up on last year I think. But I can't recall any signs of increased safety measures. I can't help feeling concerned that the evacuation route is being swallowed up under the rebuilding. Does anyone know if there are established safety measures around the region?