farangsay

Vis a vis the ribbips - some years you eat the bear...........

Allez les verts

Hey, I have had religious slurs hurled against me!!!

Jeez.

I didn't know tigers were religious.

We could of course discuss 'shaving' but the last time I ventured into that sort of topic I got some unusual PM's so let's not.

Actually I am unsure whether it was bad judgement or bad taste for these journos to parade the words of an absolute icon when he was obviously 'a bit under the weather'.

Reminds me of a cartoon I saw once with Bush snr ? visiting Yeltsin in rehab where the caption is the doctors saying to Bush 'if he starts talking about a nuclear strike on China just ignore him'.

I hope when I go doolally there won't be tittle tattles repeating my asides to anyone who will listen.

Actually I feel a turn coming on so could you please start the discretion thing now.

If curly hair tangled really easily just think how much more complicated sex would be....think velcro.

Chownah

Chownah , you are a comic genius !

Tigger , Tigger.

Afraid I can't do the group-hug kissy-kissy stuff , even witnessing it makes me queasy.

Best I can do is :

Hope you've got over your time-of-the-month OK and are firmly back in "I'm all right and <deleted> the begrudgers" mode.

But remember

The darkest hour is just before it goes truly pear-shaped

So

Keep your chin up , yours eyes open and your sphinctre tight.

Blimey, it makes you wonder how some some people even manage to get dressed in the morning.

Yes , it is often a struggle.

You have the same problem I take it.

where we draw the line is personal insults, gross profanity and basic trollmanship.

.

Bladdy spoilsports !

Actually I found it quite impressive and I'm normally a sarcastic cynical b@stard.

Have all the potty-mouth's gone to bed ?

ThankGodPopaChangOhthePeace ! tlw

Was at Beauvais airport a while back and they were walking sniffer dogs up the checkin queues.

One dog started waging his tail and getting all enthusiastic over this lad's rucksack.

The handlers escorted him politely out of the line and started emptying his bag.

When they pulled the bag of sausages out the dog had to be restrained.

Bad dog , Fido !

If you're a suicide bomber who screwed up and managed to take one stray dog and two passing blowflies to eternity with him you get to watch all the guys who got it right diddling the four and twenty virgins , the hundred and one dalmations and the occasional camel from behind a plate of armoured glass FOREVER.

Sh1t man,what's the LW thread become!?!

Unruly

Vulgarity tlw

Is Mossy Irish? 555

Is the Pope a Catholic ?

Stayed dead

Unresurrected tlw

We were down at the lake where we used to row one Saturday sipping cold ones in the African sunshine when Mr Loadsamoney Loudmouth roars up in his Range Rover with the dinky little speedboat on the trailer.

He spots a couple of people who he reckons are worth talking to so the missus is delegated to put the boat in the water.

She did the best she could and it should have been his job to make sure the boat was unlatched from the trailer.

He threw such a screaming swearing fit when he turned and saw just the little pointy end of the boat sticking out of the water that she panicked and jumped out of the car.

If he hadn't been shouting at her so much she might have thought to put the handbrake on.

I know cars normally float a little bit when they go in the water but they don't when there's a boat and trailer pulling 'em.

We didn't even try not to laugh.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer fellow.

Pantomime dames and androgynous 'boys'.

Crossdressing tlw

I've never seen or even heard of this for a rented property.

The closest I've come is actually seeing the utility bill and paying the landlord that amount.

Many landlords quote an inflated rate in the rental contract which gives them extra revenue.

Most charge extra for accommodation with a/c AND make a premium on the extra electricity usage.

Cake (having plus eating).

Would a rental contract (plus rental bills/receipts) not be a proof of residence ?

Al Gore and the other morons want you to believe there is a consensus in the science world over global warming with 99+% of the scientist agreeing and some rogue ones 'failing to see the error in their ways'.

But as everything else they put forward, it's hogwash.

There is a school of thought that holds anyone who labels those with views they disagree with as 'morons' qualifies de facto for that epithet themselves. I find myself unable to quarrel with that.

Climate change is not only a reality , it has been a regular event (in geological time terms) throughout the life of the planet.

Whether human activity is having a significant effect on this process is a subject of debate. Given the human population and the level of industrial activity it probably is. However talk of slowing , arresting or even reversing this does rather remind one of the King Canute story.

That is not to say there are no practical measures to be implemented.

Arnold should switch to hybrid Hummers ASAP ( won't change anything but it could make him an environmental hero overnight) and the population of Bangladesh would be well advised to stop their political infighting and start building boats.

Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favourite sex positions.

One said, 'I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best.'

'I don't think I have ever heard of that one' said the other cowboy.

'What is it?'

Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her

from behind.

Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and

whisper in her ear, "Boy, these feel just like your sister's."

Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.

Dialogue of the deaf

Communication tlw

This one doesn't fit because it's a troo story and probably old but I liked it.

One Irishman's solution...................

At a U2 concert in Ireland, lead singer Bono asked the audience for some quiet.

Almost in tears he then he began to slowly clap his hands

Holding the audience in total silence, he leans forward and

says into the microphone...."I want you to think about something.

Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

Stunned, the audience is speechless until a voice

from the front row yells out...."Then stop yer clappin', ya fookin' arseh0le"

Edited to preserve literal integrity despite the cybercensor.

(So stick that up yer jaxie ya stupid bot ya)

Ok Tigger , anything you say.

Compliance tlw

At the space station there are two monkeys and a woman on board. Ground control calls, "Monkey number one to the monitor."

The monkey is instructed to release the pressure in compartment one, increase the temperature in engine four and release oxygen to the reactors. The monkey does everything right away.

A few moments later the control centre calls again "Monkey two to the monitor." The second monkey is instructed to add carbon dioxide to room four, stop the fuel injection to engine three, add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and analyse solar radiation. The monkey goes off and does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of the solar radiation.

Later, HQ calls again "Woman, please approach the screen."

She sits down and straightaway interrupts the control centre: "I know, I KNOW. Feed the monkeys, and don't touch anything."

No need to be an ass FS. I wasnt wound up by Soundmans story, nor meaning to come across as overly judgemental. We all make mistakes. I personally just dont get why drink driving stories are considered funny and I think for good reasons.

OK Eeky baby , here's an old one I posted where I didn't go near a car.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?s=...t&p=1038978