Hiro357

12 hours ago, wildewillie89 said:

Tell me that isn't a serious question. 

I'm guessing your reason of saying that is to suggest that she should walk away. So your so proclaimed Thai laws that protect women's rights don't cover her. No half of a house for the abused Japanese girl.

I 

2 hours ago, wildewillie89 said:

Read the threads about Thai women. 30 pages in and no point or consensus. Just bashing. Just a view from one family circumstance that has been generalised to mean the whole country is the same. It is why you cannot make generalisations in study, as they are worthless. Incredibly restrictive viewpoints. Broaden your mind and go and speak to the local authorities, workplaces, whatever re violence in Thailand. Just last month the assistant head village wife came to my family for help as she was beaten. Her husband now must give her the house she lives in and half his salary or lose his job. 

 

It is not always dealt with by police, as that law is relatively recent. Just like Japan, the police used to never get involved in domestic violence issues. But new laws give them that right, and even if the woman does not go to the police, there are still other options available like above. 

 

It is not acceptable, in modern Thai law, or culture if you want to call it that, to beat partners. Like the post that you agreed with previously. 

I understand that perfectly. But my posts contains no maliciousness of any kind. At least that's my intention. My main purpose here is to help this girl.

So seeing that you have some experience, what would you recommend she do about the abuse she has received?

It seems one can't have a decent discussion without a bunch of snowflakes getting offended for having their illusions shattered. My title and original post both include PROs and cons of dating a Thai. Yet people either focus on the cons due to their over-sensibility, or because they have similar negative experience as my gal pal. Any pros are also welcome. But if people can't handle a discussion, then this discussion board is no longer useful.

3 hours ago, wildewillie89 said:

And the only way to do that is to learn each guy in the relevant context. As everyone is different. Not make a generalisation from one situation and apply to the whole country. The OP hasn't even shown  signs of acknowledging any positive things about Thai men. Which suggests he had preconceived thoughts which are not open to change. So why bother with the thread to begin with? Just to try and ignorantly confirm these thoughts based on incredibly restricted experiences members have had with the odd Thai guy?

Read my first post again. I have listed a number of positive things about this Thai guy, as well as criticism of my own culture. Or were you so biased that you chose to skip those?

1 hour ago, chickenslegs said:

Looking into Thai culture will not help your friend at all. It is not Thai culture (or any other culture) to beat the cr*p out of one's partner.

 

Some people are good, some are bad, some are very, very bad - everywhere. 

 

She needs to distance herself from him as soon as possible and as far as possible, regardless of whether he is Thai or a foreigner - but you know that, and so does she.

You try convince a naive young girl who's been bombarded with lies and sweet talks. It's really not all that simple I'm afraid.

1 hour ago, jenny2017 said:

Well, Hiro, there's the "Mai Phen Rai", the no problem no matter what has happened and the family who stick to their son. If something went wrong and their son did the cruel beating, I'm sure that his mom blamed your friend for it.

 

  It's impossible that their son would do something that's so brutal and unfair. On the other hand would he never tell his parents the truth, it could be another trap to lose face. So, they continue to change stories to something where nobody has done anything wrong and nobody lost face. 

 

When his mom accused your friend as "being disrespectful", because she wanted to discuss something that was a problem for her, but it wasn't one for them, ( because they knew they were wrong), it's clear that the parents were the only ones who were disrespectful to your friend.

 

But that's also an age problem, a younger person in Thai societey can never tell an older one what's right and what's wrong, especially not a foreigner. 

 

   It's always easier to blame somebody else for your own mistake seems to be their motto.  

WOW you actually are spot-on! But how can any problems be solved if this is their attitude? They will keep hurting others in order to "keep face". That's just so wrong! Are most Thais like this? And is there anyway to make them speak honestly about the problems they have caused at all?

Also after everything that the BF has done, his mother told Momoko that her son was "a very good man". WTH.

3 minutes ago, Ruffian Dick said:

I don't know if it's that "black-and-white". You gotta know what you're dealing with, the general character of the country you're in.

Every culture has its pluses and minuses.

I understand. And that is the exact reason for this thread. Not to bash anyone or to generalize a whole nation, but to look into the Thai culture, and see what my friend has gotten herself into.

1 minute ago, Ruffian Dick said:

And I guess that fools a fair number of folks....

Certainly fooled her. 

She was very impressed with the bf's family at first. They dressed well, acted very diplomatically. But when shit happened to her, the mother would tell her to "not think about it" and refused to mention the problem at all. When she insisted on discussing the problem very politely, the mother accused her of being "disrespectful".

16 minutes ago, jenny2017 said:

 But when men who enforce these laws have a similar thinking, you're only banging your head against a wall. 

Is that why it's almost unheard of that a foreign female would date a Thai man? The unjust treatment towards not only a foreigner but also a female?

I think Momoko needs to read this. She sees the abuse inflicted on her as "accidental" and "exceptions". How many (roughly) percent of the Thai males would you say are untrustworthy as her BF? Is it safe for her to stay if she finds a new Thai bf? That's my main concern.

6 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

I'll see if I can find some threads to highlight what I mean.

 

Thank you. BTW it seems the general opinions of Thais/Thailand on this forum is rather low. Then why would so many farangs wish to settle down here for good? Is it because everything's cheaper? Or the women? I get the feeling from people's response here that Thailand is not a safe lawful country. Personally I would only be here for vacations over a short time.

3 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

Sounds exactly like your typical lazy, self centred, uneducated, ignorant, uninformed, cretinous, moronic & witless Thai male, tell your friend to ditch him at the earliest convenience and move to another continent before she ends up in a shallow grave somewhere. If you think I'm joking hang around here long enough and you will soon find out I am not.

 

Is it REALLY that serious??? What do you mean by shallow grave? Is her life actually in danger? That kind of thing is almost unheard of where I'm from. Even in a country like Thailand they have laws to protect women's lives.....don't they??

1 hour ago, Beryl123 said:

What you see is  the true  face of Thailand, oh  sure  many  will pipe up with "generalising/bashing", for me there are  too many lazy liars here, met a few decent ones but majority are selfish and  greedy.

Appearance is everything, the truth irrelevant, not what I'd  call a  decent society

In my Wife's family of 9 children, 3  do all the work and the other 6  look for handouts, sit around  doing nothing much.

Violence in relationships is accepted, sad but true.

Appreciate your candor. It really blows that nowadays people are so sensitive about everything that they would rather hinder the truth than risking offending some snowflakes. Your answer is the first straight up no BS answer I got in this thread. I've talked to more people about this, and my general impression about Thais is similar to yours.

So does that mean that women in Thailand have nowhere to go to for help after being abused??? That's really messed up! Also I've often heard about Thai wives/GFs chopping off their husbands/BFs' penises. Do they actually get punished for it? What do the society think of such incidences?

2 hours ago, cmsally said:

If this is indeed the case  ie talking about a reasonably wealthy family. They are probably thanking their lucky stars that she is Japanese. A similarly placed Thai family would most likely be looking for a substantial settlement after he tried to beat her up.

I hope his next girlfriend is a black belt in something and wraps his head around a railing somewhere.

Why is it a good thing she's Japanese? So that the cops wouldn't care as much?

33 minutes ago, varun said:

What is your ulterior motive in this?

If she is not your wife or girlfriend, why do you care?

 

Are you part of a love triangle? Somchai is the A, she's the B and you're the C?

 

Maybe she has daddy issues or is seriously messed up in the head.

Maybe the more he abuses her, the less inclined she will be to leave him?

 

Why do you feel obliged to interfere in her relationship?

Please don't be an idiot and just get on with your life.

Her problems should be the least of your concerns.

Are people so cynical that they believe the only reason a guy wants to help a girl is that he wants to sleep with her?  

Momoko doesn't know Thais. She only knows her BF. That's why I hope others here could give me their opinions on Thais in general, so to assist her in making her decision if she would likes to stay in Thailand(not necessarily with him) or go home.

For all we know, she could stay single in Thailand and meet another Thai guy who will put her through the same.

5 minutes ago, Aditi Sharma said:

Sir, I was thinking about Indonesia on the lines of a border-run. I just learned that it was called "shortout" in India. I dont think you will be able to visit Indonesia expressly in order to renew your visa. 

I think  natway09 was suggesting that you could be potentially harassed by immigration if you visited more than 4 times in 6 months. Depending upon the time of the day or night, either of you is going to find it hard going. But my question is are immigration officials penalized for NOT harassing such visitors?

No, I'm not going to come here that frequently. I just wish to go home before my tourist visa runs out. Then apply for another one within few weeks or a month.

7 minutes ago, ubonjoe said:

You could get a tourist visa at the embassy in Jakarta or the honorary consulate in Bali.

The want to see tickets to here and out again and proof of accommodations. Also financial proof.

Could you tell me more details about the finacial proof pls?

3 hours ago, stevkob said:

I have had relationships with both a Japanese and Thai woman and the differences are remarkable. I believe that men from these cultures would also share those differences. However stating the differences between the two cultures would require a topic dedicated to it. One thing I would say for sure is that Japanese would "usually" choose honesty in the face of confrontation but Thai's tend to say whatever they need to say to get out of the argument,,, even preferring to lie.

 

The above extract from the OP surprises me. I wouldn't believe an educated intelligent Japanese woman would not accept such behavior, there has to be missing information as to why she allowed this to happen, or was that the reason they split up?

 

 

This IS that topic. I'm not highlighting Momoko's story here. I'm only trying to understand if what happens to her is supposed to be normal so I could help her. 

Yes, the BF's violent behaviors are unacceptable in our culture. But I'm not the one who needs convincing here(I agree with you). It's very complicated as most relationships are. Is there a way at all to make a Thai(in this case, the BF) just be honest with her, so that she could maybe see the truth and make up her mind about things once and for all?

4 hours ago, jackdd said:

 

That's a good post

 

I doubt police would do anything, violence in a relationship is "Thai culture"

And even if they did anything, what would happen? 500thb fine and a wai?

 

Definitely yes. But i have to clarify: Usually they lie to save face, not to deceive someone

Thanks for voicing my concerns. Yes the reason we are not contacting the police is that we heard the local police are usually corrupted and would always side with the natives. I can't believe violence can be a "culture"!....

Is it possible that the BF lies just out of habit? She notices a consistent lying nature in all members of his family. I'm asking this because I want to understand the BF, not to bash the Thais.

5 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

"So the biggest concern of hers is his dishonesty."

Her biggest concern should be him  finding her and emptying a gun into her.

Since the BF is from a somewhat respectable family with business establishments. I highly doubt it would get that ugly.

4 minutes ago, Aditi Sharma said:

What about it? Food sucks. And no change. And the permanent bias against the white skin. Even in my case. And my room service call in Jakarta was answered without talking, geddit? 

And I just looked at the map, they are certainly not represented in the neighbourhood of the Kingdom, Hirosan. 

Sorry I meant to ask if Indonesia's a county I could enter to renew my tourist visa, as I have friends in that country.

5 minutes ago, natway09 said:

There is no definitive answer to your question as after say 4 entries in 6 months they may start to ask questions on arrival as to your situation in regards to "employment " 

I see. And how would one answer such questions to successfully enter?

8 minutes ago, Aditi Sharma said:

You could go to Penang in Malaysia, you could hop into Burma on the east Mae Sot I believe to be the most popular exit-entry point, enter Cambodia for whatever it is worth. Beware of malaria, dengue. 

Thank you. Malaysia seems a safer location than the other countries mentioned. What about Indonesia?

2 minutes ago, Ruffian Dick said:

I don't know Thais well enough to generalize. Sorry. I'd just say that I haven't met a Thai who is as strict about their personal integrity as Japanese.

At first glance they do wish to give good impressions of being respectable and decent though.

5 minutes ago, Ruffian Dick said:

Well, Hiro, are you Japanese? Correct me if I'm wrong, but a typical Japanese person doesn't want to think of himself or herself as lazy, untruthful or unreliable. I'm not saying that most Thais are lazy or liars, but I wouldn't count on that....

Yes, I'm Japanese and Caucasian. The Japanese have our shares of hypocrisy etc. But yes we do look down upon laziness and unreliability. Your answer confuses me even more now. I'm not going to judge you. But could you explain based on your own experience? Are you saying that a lot of Thais are lazy and liars? I want to know if it's just Momoko's BF or otherwise.

9 minutes ago, fishbrando said:

 

In my opinion, any physical violence in a relationship should result in an immediate termination of the relationship.  

 

There should be no further consideration of pros or cons.  

 

"But he's so patient!"  He wasn't so patient when he lost face.  He's a violent bully.  No more trust. It's over.  

 

"But he's submissive and easy-going!"  He wasn't so submissive and easy-going when he was punching her.  He's a criminal.

 

"But he apologized!"  Empty words.  Look at his actions.  No second chance.

 

"But plenty of other people act just like him!"  Plenty of people are undateable.  He's below any reasonable standard.

 

Also, she should have reported him to the police to show that she's not going to help him cover up his crimes.

 

 

I agree. Would the local police be able to help or will they side with the natives?