Such a Hairy Guy

Everyone loves to brag their country has the worst bureaucracy. Well, my friend I am here to tell you that for sheer amount of frustration, nothing can truly beat Thai bureaucracy when it comes to their ahem… efficiencies. They are ruthlessly efficient in their inefficiency. I will go at length to provide examples on how bureaucracy works in Thailand. WARNING! EYE GLAZING CONTENT FOLLOWING!!! (Don’t say I didn’t warn you) To make things easier, I found on the interweb a thing called the Google and the YouTube. Did you know the YouTube is full of educational documentaries? So, to save you time, I dug out 3 short documentaries with people who obviously know a thing or two about Thai bureaucracy. I urge you to watch them as they give you a sense of why Farangs are going bald in Thailand. https://youtu.be/wOKOrXWGa_M https://youtu.be/yKIE3IUkkp8 https://youtu.be/I51_9qpbO14 You think it’s funny, don’t you? Well my friend I am here to tell you that many people in Thailand live this daily! It is no joke. Ah the humanity!!! How many friends have we lost in queues babbling incoherently to themselves? If you still want to see the grisly details, read on. But be forewarned… It’s not pretty. There is hope however… At the end of this article I will provide you with a one-step fool-proof and easy way to avoid this bureaucratic nightmare. First, some background. In Thailand it is the height of rudeness to show any negative feelings such as frustrations, anger, impatience. It also delays the rubber stamping. So Farangs learn to bottle their feelings deep inside, learn to say ‘Mai Pen Lai’ (no worries) and laugh with the paperwork officer when your application is rejected as if it was the funniest thing that happened in your life. Psychologists agree this bottling up of feelings like this leads to drinking. Fortunately, since no one can afford wine in Thailand you are safe from that vice. Here is a true-life case study of wanting to register a car at the local Transportation Office. It can also serve as a ‘check list’ next time you do it. There is no embellishment/exaggeration, or humour added to the following. 1- Drive 1.5 hours to immigration office to update required paperwork 2- Go to the Thai Transportation Website to ensure you have all the paperwork required. Please make sure your pile is at least ½ inch thick. There can never be enough paperwork and they will not reject any. IMPORTANT! Make sure it is in proper sequence 3- Go to the reception 4- Wait in line and eventually hand your paperwork to first receptionist. She will then reshuffle all your paperwork in its proper sequence and rubber stamp a few forms. She also makes sure nothing is missing. 5- She then hands over paperwork to second receptionist who reshuffle the paperwork in its proper sequence, rubber stamps, makes sure nothing is missing, makes you sign all the forms and every single photocopy of your passport. 6- She will then ask the next person in line to witness and co-sign that indeed they have known you all their life and everything you’ve written is the plain truth. Failure for them to comply might land them in jail or worst yet, back at the end of the line. 7- Grab a waiting ticket. You are number C93 but they are currently processing C49. Play games on your phone or watch some weird Thai soap opera in the sitting area. 8- Eventually, old cranky lady process your paperwork, makes sure nothing is missing, reshuffles all the paperwork in the right sequence, rubber stamps a bunch of forms, makes you sign all over the place and instruct you to take your vehicle around the back for inspection. 9- Wait in line to get in the inspection bay. As you are pulling in the bay all the staff go out for lunch 10- Go for lunch. (Pad Ka Pow Guy – Kai Dow – Ped Nit Noy) 11- Staff come back n inspect your vehicle by flashing a light underneath. Satisfied that it is indeed a vehicle they then take a pencil impression on masking tape (!!!) of your VIN number 12- You bring your paperwork to a window and given a number to wait until they are good n ready to give you paperwork back. You see them shaking their heads as obviously the paperwork is not in proper sequence, they also make sure nothing is missing. Oh look! rubber stamps! 13- Eventually, they call your name, pick up paperwork and bring it to other desk across the room where blah, blah, blah 14- Bring paperwork to insurance office and buy mandatory insurance. Though it is not their job, they also make sure nothing is missing and inform you the paperwork is out of sequence. Out of the kindness of their heart they re-shuffle it for you. 15- Bring back paperwork to original receptionist who’s upset because once again you’ve fouled up the sequence of the paperwork. She re-shuffles in proper sequence, nothing is missing etc hand over to 2nd receptionist who reshuffles, makes sure nothing is missing, stamps etc… then assign you a waiting number 16- Wait in queue for your turn then hand over paperwork to cranky lady who re-shuffles your paperwork in proper sequence and… What’s this? Something is missing! Your need a certificate of residency! “But I have one, see?”… She correctly points out it’s outdated by about 10 minutes. Both of you get a hearty laugh out of this and many “Mai Pen Lai” are exchanged. Such fun! 17- Need to go back to immigration to get updated proof or residency 18- 3 PM. Drive back to immigration office to get residency certificate. Ask to produce copies of passport etc. Mention to officer you were there earlier this morning and already produced all this paperwork. “See it’s there right by your always turned off computer/paperweight” you say… “Mai Pen Lai!” He says. Need to start from scratch, busy today come back tomorrow.” Hearty chuckles all around… 19- Go to bank, take out a loan, buy bottle of wine. Go home and drown sorrows. 20- Fill all the forms and bring all the copies required for the immigration office the next day. Everything gets triple checked as if you had never given this information before. Much rubber stamping involved. When all done a receipt is manually written in large paper ledger with a carbon paper copy (Carbon copy!!!) to you. (must pause here because this is another process requiring another article) 21- Go back to MTO and see receptionist #1&2. Repeat process at above at number 1. Now for those of you who shudder at the thought of going through this process, I empathize. And for free I provide an absolute and effortless way to do away with all this bureaucracy. It is only one step. Are you ready? 1) Go to a vehicle dealership and pick a new car/motorbike that suits you. Give them your passport and cash and that is all you need! Everything is done for you!!! The obvious problem with this is, as you can well imagine, is that next year you will need to renew your licence plates and to do this need to go to the Ministry of Transport office (shudder). But I also have a foolproof solution for this… A few days before your licence plates are due, pull of on the side of the road, preferably near a car dealership. Leave the keys in the ignition and abandon your vehicle. Then it is simply a matter of walking to the dealership and buy another one-year free of bureaucratic hassles. Those of you who object on account of “it’s expensive” obviously never had to deal with Thai bureaucracy. For the rest of us it is money well spent! Here is a fun game to pass the time while waiting in line… Can you count how many rubber stamps? In what sequence are the stamps used (important)? Where are the proof of payment stamps? How many paperclips? What is the glue for? Where is the computer? (hint: there is none)

I read on one of the legal website the spouse follower on a NON-O retirement visa had to be below 50 years old. Is this correct? Retirement requirements with a wife | ThaiEmbassy.com I could not find additional information from the Thai Immigration web site on this... Thank you in advance for your help.