ThomasTT

Massage parlours SO important they had to be on the list twice 

Oh wow.... is that where the American sportsbar was ? Or further up? Closer to Sukhumvit or further away?

7 minutes ago, rhodie said:

Been on the cards for ages. Yes, condos I think. Kiwi were looking for new premises.

Quite iconic place. So many of the 'good' old places are gone. Dirty Nelly's on Ekkamai, Witch's Tavern on Thonglor, The Londoner on soi 33..... and now Kiwi, all gone ?

Walked by The Kiwi on Sukhumvit Soi 8 yesterday and couldn't believe what I saw. Used to live in this area and have quite a number of meals here. Anyone know if it is being torn down for another condo or if there was a fire or.....?

I took a picture but don't know how to upload it to this forum?

3 minutes ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

Yes! I think your plan will work for you. All you are required to do here is prove you were married in a country that Thailand also recognizes, which Switzerland is. Having to go through Government Officials here, who may not know there jobs that well, or came across a case like yours before, may be discouraging, but not impossible to break through. 

 

Your Support Payments are Generous. Many may argue far too Generous. In My Books your Wife is getting a very good deal, and perhaps why she is afraid of Divorce and going to Court, as it may not turn out as sweet as this. If it is your intention to keep up these payments after a Divorce then maybe get that down on paper, sign it, and have that legalized, and present this to her to inspect. She may be more co-operative then. (I Hope?).  

No chance. Any word about divorce and she laughs - even at signing to register the marriage. That will cost me a one-time payment of EUR 100,000. Just to get her to sign the registration. 

2 minutes ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

Easy to understand why your wife doesn't want to give you a Divorce. Nobody likes to let the Goose who lays the Golden Egg get away. As long as she has your kids, she has this Goose by the scruff of his neck. 

 

If you get Officially Married in Thailand, this is recognized anywhere in the world.  Or at least in the EU and Americas. The same holds true Visa Versa. So you need to consentrate on getting your marriage recognzed in Thailand. For that you need proof you were legally married elsewhere.

 

This includes a Marriage Certificate and perhaps certified by the Embassy in the Country you got married that this is authentic. A call to that Embassy should help you get started. Perhaps your ID and a sworn oath from a Lawyer, and Official Translation of these papers. You are travelling in unchartered waters so somewhere along the line you will need a lawyer I would think. 

 

All you are trying to do is prove you were legally married in another country, so I don't see why you think you need your wifes co-operation or signature to do that here. This would be on the Marriage Certificate. Once you obtain that you can move on to Divorce. 

 

Of course it would be much better for the Divorce if you had your wifes agreement. Especially when there is 2 children involved here. I am sure you tried your hardest to do that, but without any success. Perhaps when she sees you are serious, and are moving forward with this, she may change her mind. 

 

I don't agree with stopping Child Support. The kids have done nothing to hurt you or your marriage and I see no reason why they should suffer more. Stopping Payments now will probably hurt you in the long run. Prooving you are a good father to your children will aid in your future visitation rights I would think.   

I never intend to stop the child support. I will pay their school and the apartment they live in + reasonable cost for them to sustain. Today my best guess is that there is +40,000 out of the 200,000 I give them every month that goes to herself, perhaps to savings or to whatever she uses it on. As late as last week, I asked for proof of what the money is spent on. Receipts! The housing and school is paid to landlord and school directly by me. 

I have ordered a copy of the marriage certificate at the authorities in Switzerland and it should arrive end of next week or the week after. Then I will have that translated and go to the Swiss Embassy here in Bangkok to get it certified - or perhaps the other way around, get it certified by the Swiss Embassy and ask them where to get it translated and then get both legalised. Perhaps even by my own embassy as well. Then, I will look for a lawyer.

Thank you for the sensible advice. 

9 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

She has herself and 2 children to support, and the amount of monies or verbal promise of sending money at your discretion without any legal commitment is not an ideal situation both for her and your children. Can`t you see, that she is keeping you at bay trying to establish some kind of legal commitment from you.

She refuses to acknowledge and register our marriage here. And she supports f*** all, she has no money and is not working. She is not trying to establish any kind of legal commitment. If she was, then her first step was to make sure our marriage is registered here. 
What you describe is exactly what I want.
And yes, I am already in contact with a couple of lawyers and have talked to two previously, who couldn't help me. Hence why I post here.

6 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

Don`t you get it? She wanted you, not a nanny and a cleaner, a full time husband and father for the kids. Maybe she was feeling insecure and needed your support by just being there.

 

You tried to assure her you wasn`t with anyone else, but you were with other women, you`ve already admitted that and she probably sensed that.

 

You want her to be the woman she was before, but you had 2 kids together and that changes things in relationships. If you knew you were going to be absent on long business trips, not able to share in the physical upbringing of the kids, then why did you have 2 children with her?

 

Any judge, in any court, in any land,  will see this in the same way I do. Wise up and sort this out, you are going to have to compromise,  financially provide for her and your kids, at least provide for children until they reach the age of 16 or 18.

 

Hire the services of a lawyer, draw up a legal contract of financial support for your wife and kids, on condition that she grants you a divorce. This is the only way you`ll get free of it.

 

As for being in a similar situation, yes I have in England.

 

 

I wrote a long explanation previously in this thread explaining what happened. From your reply, I don't think you read it. This went on for 1.5 years before I chose to cheat on her. I also have all the intentions in the world of supporting my kids. You are missing out the most important details in this, which is her refusing to let me see them, when I don't give her what she wants (additional on top of support) and the threats. Please go back a page and read my post.

10 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

You were away for over half a year of every year while your wife was left alone to take care of your 2 children. You claim she was frequently contacting you. 

 

It appears to me that your wife was struggling to cope on her own and you were not there to support her, it also seems you became bored with living in domestic bliss, running a home, being a dad for the kids and that you found other activities and other women outside your relationship more exciting and in your mind you wanted to move on.

 

Your wife`s gut feeling about you was correct and it`s no wonder she went off you physically. Who would want to share a bed with a partner that doesn`t particularly want to be with you. 

 

What you are doing is seeking the most viable and economic ways to get out of this relationship. Sorry, but you are what is described as a deadbeat husband and dad. What often happens in these situations is that the Farang husband or partner moves on, stops supporting the family, the Thai wife having to leave the kids with relatives while she has to work and find a means of financial support.

 

If you take her court, the court will award her alimony and child support from you. You have boxed yourself into a corner, my friend, you are in a no win situation, every which way it`s going to cost you and your wife is smart, she knows that,

 

Do the right thing, have a meeting with your wife and come to some legal financial arrangement, it`s your only option.

I was not away half a year in a row. At most I was away 10 days in a row. My job is like that but I was home 75% of all weekends.... it is not uncommon. I am ok with the fact that you think you have an idea about my life and can judge me, but count into this that my wife (when we lived together) always had two full-time helpers. A nanny and a cleaner/maid who both lived in our house. So the only thing I can reply to the above is no, I did not get bored, I gave up. I wanted nothing more than for her to become the woman she was before so we could still be together...... Oh an in addition, IF I did have a choice, I would love to have my children staying with me, instead of staying with her... but since I travel so much due to business, they would grow up with a nanny or two - is that right? I don't think so. What you have read out of what I have posted couldn't be more wrong. My children and their well-being comes first. Ahead of everything else. 

Edit: In addition to that, I tried skyping her and the kids every night. It was the 30-40 text messages a day containing threats if I didn't reply immediately etc. She knew I was working. She knew that I had to socialise at night over business dinners etc. I went out of my way to even Skype her before bedtime (again) to calm her down and assure her I wasn't with someone else..... I don't think you'll ever understand unless you try being with someone similar.... 

1 minute ago, Topah said:

I just hope you are strong and stay in control without making stupid marriage mistake. Just keep it like it is by providing good times for both and when/if things get difficult, boring or too challenging... You know what to do. You have the edge but seems like you are still too naive about how ladies work emotionally. In future you maybe go for a walk and she knows that you both are in love and talk very beautifully... Then from middle of nowhere there might come a sentence which will make you a "prisoner".

 

Ladies want security but men want often good times/freedom and when good times end, ladies will be lucky if they have that marriage card. Ladies will get old and not desirable so it is hard for them to find someone like you again. I am divorcing myself and now I can do exactly what I want, when I want and just have good time with interesting ladies... Having dinners, interesting talks etc. So many interesting people around. Don't make yourself prisoner again. Just be honest to them and live interesting life. I always say at the first date that "I won't ever marry again".

Good advice mate - I am taking it all in, believe me.

Just now, Topah said:

It does not matter is she Thai or other nationality. I have few questions... Do you pay your new girls dinners, drinks etc or do you share everything? Is she in the same level as education, work status? 

She is not in the same level as education or job as I am but she takes care of herself. She pays for her own clothes, she does as much shopping of groceries if not more than I do, when I am traveling she supports herself. She lives with me and I pay the rent and mainly I pay if I invite her out for dinner but we mainly eat at home. She has never asked me for money, so if I pay for anything it is because I choose to.

10 minutes ago, Topah said:

Seems like you are nice guy and I can relate to "she developed anger issues"... But you don't seem to understand that this new girl can turn to be the same like your current wife. So I try to make this clear for you -> DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE MARRYING EVER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE @@!!!! Just don't do it and make it clear for your new girl(s) since the beginning. 

 

Why you have to marry? It will only make things difficult. Ladies will pressure you but make it certain for her: "I will never marry again, is that ok?". If that is not ok for her, you explain that risks are too big. Marriage makes zero sense today. Atleast be with the new girl 10 years until making stupid decision about marriage. I warned and don't get here crying again later what happened again after you marry. Marriage can ruin your life. PERIOD!

 

Addition... Ladies have this switch type of behavior. It means that they can change in split second to a totally different person if things don't go their way. You cannot negotiate with them and they are masters controlling you emotionally.

 

I understand that fully but the new girlfriend is not Thai, so don't expect the same kind of anger issues based on her nationality and persona but I will make a note that you did warn me ?my girlfriend does not expect marriage, neither am I intending to marry her now - but I can see myself wanting to in the future. She is actually cool about the whole situation and tells me, if she doesn't want to divorce you I don't care.... I will be here for you anyway... so no added pressure there.

10 minutes ago, happylarry said:

Ok, my wife checked this out with the lawyer and it can be done as I said in my previous post. Sue for divorce through court and then the court issues an order to register the marriage and then divorce at the same time. If one party refuses then it goes back to the court and the court then takes the necessary steps to enforce the order. It can take time and money but it is possible to do.

I dont know what the court can do to enforce the order though as the cases they were involved in were settled in the first instance.

HL

I will be in contact soon. Thank you so much.

Thank you everyone for your valuable advice. No matter whether it is slating me for who I became or whether you are genuinely trying to help.

There is no way I would be able to explain what really went on and why I chose to cheat. I am not a cheat by nature but I'd like to try and explain. After giving birth to our second child, my wife developed mental problems. She went through a full year of counselling but nothing seems to change. She developed incredible anger, where when she flared up would lose control and hardly know what she was doing. The next day when she calmed down, she would cry and apologise. On top of this, she developed an almost paranoia, where she would call me several times a day and night while I was on business trips and I travel a lot, perhaps as much as 200 days each year. She would threaten to take my kids away to a place where I would never find them, she would threaten me with telling lies about me to my employer, all kinds of thing. For 1.5 years I dealt with this on a daily basis and tried to remain calm. It was all based on jealousy and all based in her mind that every time I was traveling, I would be f***ing someone. At that point in time, I kept soldering through and praying that it would stop. At one point, I was out for dinner with colleagues and I met what I still feel is one of the most incredible girls I have ever met. We talked and talked and talked almost to the next morning but nothing else happened, as I was still trying to be strong. A few months went by and I went back to the same country again. I met up with this girl again and those two months in between had been absolutely horrid with threats, anger and jealousy from my wife's side. Perhaps I should ask that up until this point, for 1.5 years, I did not sleep with my wife. She shied away from all intimacy and didn't feel comfortable being touched and I accepted that and was waiting for the counselling to start working just a bit. All I ever wanted to do, was to go back to the way it was the first 3 years we were married. However, at this point in time I was not as strong anymore.... I was giving up... I couldn't deal with the anger and threats and I won't go into just how creative she was when threatening me (and still are). I met this girl for dinner and it was not my intention to sleep with her but she fascinated me because she was so calm, so gentle and yes, I guess she was everything my wife used to be and wasn't any longer. The worst part was the jealousy - fighting her jealousy knowing I had done nothing wrong. That night I kind of gave up and gave in. My mind was thinking, here is a beautiful, educated, gently girl who clearly badly wants me for the night. I have two options: 1. I can keep being a soldier and get accused of sleeping around 2. I can sleep with this girl and get accused anyway. I chose the second option. Right or wrong, I personally feel that my wife's jealousy was the main reason I cheated on her - some of you might disagree.

We already had separate bedrooms at that point in time but the last year we have not been living together but in separate homes. Some have asked what it is that I want out of this and what I want out of this is peace. There has been so much shit going on for so long now and it is affecting the kids, I can see that. My wife does not allow me to spend time with my kids, unless it is at her place and that is really tough on me. I have been seeing this other girl ever since I met her and one day I want to marry her. My wife knows this and she refuses to let the kids come to my place and refuses to let them meet my girlfriend. 

It has never been about the money for me and as I travel so much, I actually think it is better for the kids to be with her and live with her. I currently pay ~200,000 THB a month for international school, rent, transport, medical insurance, internet/phone, upkeep for her and the kids and it is too much. It is not about the money but I do not want to fund her personal savings, so I will cut this down to the bare minimum for what I feel is required for rent, school, clothes, food for the kids. So that I have already decided. A whole other thing I did not touch, is my wife's statements that being a full-time mom for 2 means she doesn't have to work. She keeps saying that and of course I disagree to that. The kids are in school from 8-16 every day, so there has to be something she can do to help support the kids. At present it is not that she cannot find anything to do, she flat out refuses to do so.

All I want, is for her and I to be able to act like adults and do what is best for our kids. In my opinion that is sharing custody and them having a chance to see both their parents happy - and no, we will never be together again. I am happy but I feel stuck and feel I cannot move on with my life because we are still married and because the kids doesn't know where dad goes after he visits them for a couple of days. They need to know and see that I also have a place to live and that I have someone special in my life too and that this someone will love them just as much as I do.

Not sure if this has helped explain the situation but I will be happy to elaborate further if anyone has any questions. 

6 minutes ago, happylarry said:

That would be amazing if true..... waiting for your response..... 

 

My wife tells me that you can sue your wife for divorce in the court, when they grant the divorce they will then issue an order for you both to register your marriage at an amphur first in order to then complete the divorce.

My wife tells me she has worked on a similar case before and this is what happened, however she will check it out today to be sure.

I’ll let you know.

HL

43 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Yes but 2 wrongs dont make it right.

You made the children, so you have a  moral responsiblility.

 

I have no problem supporting my children, as I mentioned in the original post and paying a good sum of money to support them. I have a problem with not being able to get divorced. After divorce the support would continue but I am tired of not being able to move on with my life. I feel locked in.

8 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Well you got problems brought on by your inability to keep it in your pants.

Bit of advice for the future, learn to keep your zipper closed.

You could say that.... but then again, keeping it in my pants or not, should not put me in a situation where I am legally locked and cannot move on with my life. I don't think I am the first person in the world, who has been unfaithful. Oh, and by the way, I also have proof that she cheated on me later on - not that it makes much difference as it was probably revenge.... 

@paonoi, that is not an option. Her temper, is like many Thais extreme. If I stop paying, I fear the worst for what she could do to my children. 

I was under the impression that if we were married in Europe, we could together go to some authority here and get that marriage verified, no? My idea was to find a way to get our marriage from Europe registered here without her consent and the file for contested divorce.

If I would be able to get married in Thailand, when I am already married. Well, as I see it, right now I am not married in Thailand, so I guess I would be able to.

One of my Indonesian friends suggested I converted to Islam if I wanted to get married again ?

In all honesty I don't care if I am still married in Europe, as I have no intention of ever moving back. But right now I just want to get divorced, which seems bloody impossible because she is resisting.

I have been married to my Thai wife since 2012. We got married in Europe and have since been moving around many Asian countries, where I have worked as an expat. We have two amazing kids together but in 2016 I cheated on her... yes, apparently sometimes the opposite of the norm happens... and it wasn't only once.... Anyway, our marriage broke down and about a year ago we moved back to Bangkok and she and the kids moved to one apartment and I moved to another apartment. 

I pay her a hefty sum of money every month for her and the kids to have a nice place to live. I pay for their international school but as you can guess she wants more and more and more money. I just say no when I don't feel comfortable paying her what she wants as I know she has more than enough.

However, I want to move on with my life and I am not happy about the way she keeps trying to extort money out of me. It has gotten worse lately, where she has refused to let me see my kids, IF I didn't do this and this or pay her that and that. So we are at a point where I feel this is hurting our kids and I simply cannot let that happen and therefore I want a divorce and get it finalised legally between us.

I am not asking for custody of my kids or not to pay her anything - but I want the marriage to end and to be a free man and know what I legally am bound to give her, so this nonsense can stop.

And herein lies my question: Like I mentioned, I was married in a European country and I have sought legal advice there and I cannot divorce in this country unless I have been a resident there the last 12 months, which I haven't. So dead end.

I have sought legal advice in my home country, which is another European country and that is the same answer. I cannot file for divorce there as I am not a resident and haven't been for 15 years.

Last option is to get divorced in Thailand where we both live. However, from what I have found out so far, that is not possible either because our marriage is not officially registered in Thailand. This of course gets even more tricky because she refuses to get divorced and as I understand it, I cannot register the marriage without her consent. 

So what the heck do I do? I feel I am completely stuck in this marriage with no options to get divorced. However, I can't understand that.... there has to be a way..... A few questions:

1. Is there anyway I can register our marriage in Thailand without her?

2. Would she as a Thai be able to register our marriage in Thailand without my consent? The reason for this question is of course that if the marriage isn't registered, then I am not legally married and therefore a single guy again (at least in Thailand)

3. At one point a few years back in 2015, I lived in Thailand on a spouse-visa. If I can produce this together with my marriage certificate, does that prove to the authorities that I am married?

Any and I mean ANY advice will be highly appreciated... I feel stuck !