Taicha

I’m really sorry all of this has happened to both you and your Mother.  Although your Mom could be showing signs of dementia, I would guess a more obvious reason for cognitive difficulties could be extreme stress/depression that she has been under for a long period of time and maybe even just jet lag from her recent trip.  She also might not be sleeping well lately.  
 
I am am no longer in Thailand, or I would try to help her.  I think she is in Chiang Mai right?  Maybe you could contact NancyL to see if there are some women volunteers who can visit her?  Or she will know who might be available to help her I think?  I’m about to get on a flight now and be traveling for a few days so I don’t have a lot of other ideas right now.  She knows a lot of expat women in Chiang Mai.  

So your Mother spent 40 years in USA and now 8 years back in Thailand.  And you mentioned she just came back from USA after getting her SS set up  and found the house empty.  I am a farang from USA. Retired

Am not sure how your father is retired here with these issues? 

Can he deal with 90 day and VISA issues?   

Any Thai community is not safe for a farang who is abusive or unfriendly to his family (or dogs) is my experience.   Maybe that is why he left,

 

Also, If he has any of the diseases you mentioned or Sheryl mentioned, he should be back in the USA .

 

I may sound heartless, but maybe your mom should just "turn him in" if he shows up back at the house 

 

Alternatively , very possible your mother needs to find another place so as not to confront your father again. 

 

Is she financially OK now she is receiving SS? 

 

Best of luck to your mom and you.  Glad to hear 2 of the dogs are OK also.   Regards SW

 

I'm worried everyday now, I'm scared something will happen to my mom.

I'm trying to work overtime to save more money to come back soon to visit for 3 months to help her out. Like buy a fridge for her.

Dad has a retirement visa. I know he has to report every 90 days to immigration. But that's his problem figuring out what he's gonna do now with what he's done. You're not heartless Skallywag, she wants to turn him in. Though, I doubt he'll return to the house.

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I didn't want to tell everyone everything about the abuse I went threw because I just wanted to get to the point. My mom needs me.. she can't handle the dogs by herself. They fight each other and she can't control them because of how dad treated them. Do you beat dogs with a stick everytime they do something wrong like accidentally pee on the floor or if you get mad because you had a argument with your wife you beat the dogs the moment they do something wrong?

Two days ago my mom got her foot bite by one of the dogs trying to stop them from fighting, lots of blood on the floor(from the dog). Yes, you ask aren't they tied up or put in a cage. Yes they were tied up but mom didn't make sure it was tied securely so one got loose and ran to the other to fight.

My mom forgets things sometimes because she's old. I'm doing the best I can so I can come back home to help her. I wanna cry but that won't do a damn thing to change anything.... She's all alone there. She won't give the dogs away because she's lonely.

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Just read Tanoshi's post (#32), and follow his advice.  The personality changes you describe are typical of dementia, either Alzheimer's or another sort.  Unfortunately, your father is not going to get better. 

 

Help your mother by listening to her problems.  If she has a helpful, supportive person to talk to, even if it's just over the phone, will help her calm down and get on with her life.

 

As for your father, let the police handle it, though they may ignore it as a domestic problem.  Be sure to let the Embassy know about the situation.  I wouldn't be surprised if your father ends up in the IDC (immigration detention center) and is then deported.

 

If your father has  other relatives in the US, you might let them know about the situation so that they be prepared if an angry, demented man possibly shows up on their doorsteps.

Taicha,

 

I’m sorry for your troubles.  I remember reading about you in the women’s forum, if that is indeed you, that I am thinking of.  I think your Father could have Aspergers, also known as HFA, which manifests as strange behavior like you describe in adults, and often their coping methods seem to get worse with age or stress.  They often seem like abusive control freaks who can’t stop ranting and can never see another person’s point of view, because they suffer from something called mind blindness, lack some forms of empathy, have social problems ....you mentioned he lost all his friends, probably from arguing too much, right??  Sometimes they can seem to have personality disorders like paranoid, borderline, narcissistic...but never 100% and wouldn’t qualify for that because, and if, they have diagnosis of HFA.  

 

The men on here, are mostly relating to this post as men with Thai women, who have been screwed over, and thinking quite correctly, that your Mother might have deserved what happened, and that she gets to keep the house due to unfair Thai laws which don’t protect farangs here, etc.

 

 I think this is not the case, you are also both as much or more American, as Thai, so tell them to stick it ...your Father seems to have trapped you in Thailand previously and kept you a prisoner practically with almost no chance of having a life or future ...these guys don’t know that.  I don’t remember every detail, and I doubt you told us the worst, abused people never do, I am pretty damn sure your father has committed plenty of abusive acts that would see him do jail time in the WEST.

 

Please start to read about parents with Aspergers and children raised by parents like that, and see if that fits you, you will need help.  It might not sink in right away and you might to read other people’s experiences before you recognize it, depends how bad or obvious your Dad is ....or I could be wrong and he is just an abusive ass without this problem.  But I have a good feeling about this.

 

I want you to not feel ignored by these men here, shunned, not seen ....but they are more or less, his peer group .....and don’t know the whole story and cannot understand the level you are talking about.  Most people, normal people, can’t ever understand.

 

He was able to give me confidence to stand up to my dad and get on a plane. Now I am working and studying so I can come back to help my mom at the house.

I was researching what was wrong with dad. All I came up with was either Dementia or Alzheimer's.

Now I go research Aspergers.

Thank you Amykat

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We'll good news is mom got a call from the police today and they said they saw him again in the car. They said he rented a house. He's still in the city where she lives. Police said when they catch him they'll bring her to the police station to let her talk to him and see what she wants to do with him.

I knew he couldn't go far with all that stuff he took.

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Defamation is a criminal offense in Thailand.
It could cost you a lot of money and possibly jail if you were to ever visit Thailand.
 
Best to stay out of disagreements between your parents.

Your mom should rent a place and try to figure out what she wants to do. Sent from my CPH1823 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app 

 

 

 

 

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You can use Facebook and other social media , I doubt the moderators here will allow you to reveal his name and post on Thaivisa. 

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Now my mom's family are gonna post his passport and picture all over Thai social media. Thats what she told me on the phone.

My mom asked me to do the same to help catch him quicker.

Should I do that right now starting here?

If anyone sees him they can help us find him.

I also know who his username on Thaivisa. I will expose him. He's usually in the car/scooter forums.

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Okay, I'm reading the TM.30 News article posted. Where the Immigration Chief says. "foriegners must report where they are and who is staying with you." I don't like it but in this case, would this help find my dad quicker. I know he has to report to immigration every 3 months. I think he last went to immigration in April, sometime in July he has to go back there. Since the government is enforcing this law now, it would be bad for him? He has a retirement visa and renews it at the end of the year, like in December but he reports to immigration every 90 days.

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The people replying to your post are just guessing, we don't know if your father is suffering from some form of mental illness or he's just a nasty prick who is showing his true colours, So I would suggest to you just deal in the facts. At this stage the matter has been reported to the police and at the very least he should be charged with theft. I would be worried about personal safety and I feel it may benefit your mother to speak to a lawyer to see if a restraining order can e placed on him. This will not stop him but it gives you a lever if he is seen near the premises.
If you cannot come to Thailand to be with your mother then you support her as best you can, you know what you can and can't do in that department.
Lastly most of these people replying to your post are male as can be understood from some of the replies, I won't go further with that comment.
I am a woman and lived with daily mental and some physical abuse as a child, It has made me a very strong person, you be strong this situation won't last forever, and try and help your mum to be strong, Don't ever give in, otherwise the B_____ds win.

Dear Taicha,

 

           It's indeed a very difficult situation you guys are in. You wrote that he sold all stuff of a house that was just built? Any idea what has happened with the house?

 

  Even when he seems to have mental problems you can't make him to see a specialist, especially when he doesn't think that there's something wrong. 

 

Please be aware that a mental hospital would perhaps not be the right solution, do you know people your dad used to hang out with?

 

Sorry, to hear about your dead dog. just see is the way it is. Shi_e happens and that all the time. 

 

You need to talk to people from your family how to get the car back, but only if he didn't fully pay for it. If he did, forget about the car.

 

  What happened to the house? Is all paid, try to find out why he sold all the stuff and what the problems with the house in his eyes are.

 

If he is abusive then can't you call him on the phone? If not, take somebody who can intervene when he gets aggressive. 

 

First you'll have to talk to your mom to understand what's wrong with the whole situation. She might know more than you think.

 

If your father paid for the car, leave it to him. It's easier to get another car than fighting over it.

 

Try to find out what happened when you mom wasn't there, and why he sold all the things?

 

Almost all is replaceable, you can buy new fans, a new fridge, stuff for cooking.

 

If he's got some friends, talk to them. Do all that he knows that he's the guy who does something wrong, at the same time offer help.

 

  Best of luck getting this difficult situation solved.  

 

He didn't sell all the stuff, he took mostly all the stuff in the house. The house is fine. My mom checks on it and the dogs by getting calls from the neighbors in the village. All the people dad use to hang out with are either dead or they defriended him.

The car is fully paid for. It's in my moms name so it's hers. Everything this man bought was with his and her money. You see, he controls the money and sends some of her money in to her Thai bank, not all of it. She makes way more than him because she has a pension plus social security and he has the nerve to say it's all his money and mom should pay him to fix the house.

Yes, she'll replace some things. Like washer machine and microwaves because they are from America so they run on different current. He used a transformer to convert the current for these appliances.

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You chose sides and he rejected you for your choice. Same with me.
Fathers generally view betrayal by their daughters as a game ender.

From your explanation it appears your Father is suffering from dementia issues.
You describe the classic symptoms, which is first anger, then quite often they start to lash out.
 
If the Police have been advised of the situation let them handle it, but it is essentially a marital dispute, unless your Father has ever struck your Mother, then it becomes a criminal matter.
They'll should be liaising with the Immigration department.
 
You could also advise the US Embassy in Thailand of the situation giving as many details as possible.
At some point I think your Father will need their assistance.
 
Your Mother meanwhile should just concentrate on restoring the water and electric supplies, to make the home habitable.

I've completely experienced a daughter that betrayed me.
Haven't seen her for ten years, doubt I'll see her again.

Presumably he paid for your schools, food and accommodation when you were young.
If you really cared you'd be out here helping your mom, and your dad.

I'll just wait it out.. Let the police do their job.

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Her job duty to fix that.
People who are ill need help, not condemnation.

So  really its the Father who  needs  help with possible mental  illness?

Sounds like she has some money coming in at least. Not much you can do but let the coppers handle it.
There's 3 sides to every story, your dad is obviously upset about something so offer your mother support within your means but they need to clean their own mess up.

And take care of your mom. She should be able to fix her Social Security through the Manila Social Security Office she should not have had to go back to the states for that but they are sometimes worthless in Manila.
 
 
 

You gotta step up son. If your dad is behaving like an idiot you gotta take him out for your mom. 

So your dad is farang? And behaving like this? Not long before the shit catches up to him I suspect.

As I said previously, you and your mother are Thai citizens. In addition, your mother's Thai family are on scene to help her. The matter has been reported to the police.
 
As the majority of the members of this forum are not Thai I don't think there is much further advice we can give you.

What about your mother?

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