40yearoldnumpty

1 minute ago, Tanomazu said:

And how will he transcribe it from a screenshot? He said she sent him screenshots. Presumably in Thai.

 

So he typed the Thai text from the screenshot into Google Translate? Okay.

Nope, the app has a camera button, press that and then import file. The file is scanned and you are given a translation of the text. Alternatively point your camera at the text and it translates it 'live'. Try it. It's clever tech.

19 hours ago, MarkyM3 said:

Sorry to hear of your predicament and I hope it's a genuine post! Plenty have fallen for it. No doubt you will get the usual ThaiVisa keyboard warriors piling on, not from me. 

 

I would request a DNA test, quite honestly, given your wife has lied so much elsewhere. Though that is a hard thing to do, given your daughter is the only positive thing to emerge from this mess. I had a Thai girlfriend pull the pregnancy card on me, she even sent me photos of "my" baby when I was back in the UK. I asked for a DNA test (at my expense) and it was never forthcoming. She turned out to be a total bunny boiler and stalked me on Facebook etc. - she was a barmaid, not a bargirl though. 

 

I would also recommend perhaps hiring a private detective to try to find out what else is going on. 

 

I wish you luck. 

It is a genuine post i’m afraid, I wish it wasn’t! 

There is so much I haven’t included about the past 5 years, namely our experiences together and the things said between my wife and I during this time, her charming way with me and my family really is the hardest thing to deal with when I look back. I have trouble reconciling her actions and personality during the five years I have known her with the current situation and what I know now, the lengths she went to in convincing myself and my family she was genuine… I really can’t put into words how betrayed and foolish I feel for being led on in such a way. She is either an incredible actress, or there were genuine feelings for a time (despite the ongoing adultery), although that is probably me kidding myself a little due to how i’m feeling right now. 

I know it is common for Thai’s to have a ‘little wife/husband’, and perhaps this kind of behaviour is considered acceptable? Maybe she had feelings for me (which is why I was so convinced) but the ‘other’ relationship subsequently developed in my absence, due to COVID we haven’t been together for nearly 2 years. The drug issue maybe a new development, I don’t know. For context, in my youth and formative years I used recreational drugs myself, (behind me now for many years), I grew up in the 1990’s and was a regular raver, so I would easily recognise the signs of drug use. We talked about it sometimes, she had friends who used ICE and she would often put them down for this. In the time we spent together there was no behaviour that made me suspect she was using drugs, although it would explain where some of the money was going.

I am considering the DNA test for sure now, although the thought is disconcerting. I have watched my daughter grow up from birth, and she has spent a year and a half living with me in the UK. There are many reasons to believe she is mine that I would never have doubted without knowing what I do now.

Please don’t judge me too harshly. I know now I have been a fool.

I met my Thai wife in 2015. I had just been through a messy breakup with my fiancee in the UK and was feeling very lonely and depressed. I decided to visit my brother in Thailand to perk myself up a little. I had few preconceptions, and have to admit to being a little naive regarding Thai women. I knew a little about how things work in Thailand, and i’ll admit to looking forward to relieving my tensions with the ‘working girls’ I knew existed and Thailand was famous for. After visiting a bar with my brother I was introduced to ‘bar girls’ and ended up going back to my hotel with one of them. I’ll be honest the experience left me feeling a little cold, and I woke up the next morning with no small amount of regret.

However I proceeded to enjoy Thailand and my brother and I embarked on a trip to the south and stayed in some beautiful locations. On returning to Bangkok my brother and I went out and had fun playing pool. In one of the bars I bumped into my future wife, who was out with friends and not working in the bar.

She was younger than me (I was 40 at the time, and she was 13 years younger) and stunning (to me) in looks and personality. We had an enjoyable evening together and I left her and her friends to go back to my hotel alone. The next day she messaged me and we chatted on video phone, I asked her what she did for a living and if she was free at the moment for something to eat. She told me she worked as a massage girl currently, but had had jobs in a variety of different roles such as retail and factory work. When I pressed her about her massage work she laughed and said ‘not that kind of massage girl’, she worked in a hotel and it was a ‘respectable professional job’. Anyway things progressed and for the remainder of my holiday we spent time together and got along well. I left Thailand, and despite her being upset I was leaving, I never expected to see or hear from her again.

It was nearly a month after arriving home that I had an unexpected call from her, and from this point forward our relationship developed over time and video calls until I decided to go back to Thailand for a holiday together. We had a fantastic time together and I slowly realised I had strong feelings for her compounded by my having to leave her again and return to the UK.

There were no red flags that I noticed, and everything seemed genuine and above board. She introduced me to family members and friends, and revealed to me she had two children from a previous relationship. We continued to build a relationship, and apart from me paying for meals and days out while we were together there was never requests for money or other support.

My brother warned me to be careful, but I completely trusted her and dismissed the warnings to be careful. Then came the news she was pregnant and I was the father. I was shellshocked, we had been careful, however on a couple of occasions the contraception we were using failed. Her pregnancy perfectly chimed with my visit, and the conception calculator proved the likelihood she was telling the truth and the baby was mine.

I promised her I would stand by her, and my trust was such that I never doubted she was telling the truth, even though by this stage alarm bells had started ringing and I had read the horror stories on online Thai ‘expat’ forums. I questioned her and was reassured by her answers and everything still seemed genuine and I foolishly decided to go ahead with the pregnancy and hope of building a life together with the person I had fallen in love with.

I’ll admit to being head over heels in love, and happier than I had been in a long time. Perhaps this clouded my judgement and I had no reason to believe we couldn’t be happy together in the future. I had started to investigate a UK visa for her, and when she suggested we get married (for her security and going through with the pregnancy) I agreed feeling it would be helpful in the visa application, and also allaying her fears I would leave her holding the baby. Her fear about me leaving her went some way to convince me further she was genuine. She often talked about being poorly treated by previous (Thai) boyfriends.

Anyway, it was at this point she stopped working and I agreed to send her money to support her through her pregnancy. She moved back to her parents village and our relationship grew stronger through her pregnancy. She would call me every day and I had no reason to believe we weren’t in a strong loving relationship. Her due date arrived and I travelled back to Thailand to be with her for the birth. This was uncomplicated and by the end we had a beautiful baby girl together. At this point it is pertinent to say that my wife is a dark skinned Thai from Isaan. Our baby took after me, white British. It became the focal point in discussions about our baby, how white she was, how the baby did not look like my wife’s daughter, my wife and her family were overly excited about the colour of our daughters skin.

We applied for a UK visitors visa, and my wife and child travelled to the UK to meet my family. She was excited to come and enjoyed her 6 month visit. She returned to Thailand with my daughter, and we applied for a second visitor visa, and she came to stay for a year the second time. She got along with my family, was outgoing and confident and seemed to really enjoy staying in the UK. However it was after she left to go home that things seemed to change. She became less interested in calling me, appeared different and slightly cold on some occasions. I questioned her about this apparent change in our relationship, to which she got angry and accused me of not trusting her.

There were a few red flags by this point, but I was fully committed to my wife and child, and was working hard to maintain good relations, often overlooking transgressions or doubt as I was so focussed on completing the spouse visa and various hoop jumping required to get them both to the UK to be with me. Then the COVID pandemic hit and things started to move very slowly. Her booked English language exam (part of UK visa requirement) kept getting postponed or cancelled. I had to keep paying for new apartments for my wife and daughter to stay in, ignoring the obviously (now) spurious reasons for needing to move so often. I was simply trying to remain positive and keep the ball moving in making sure the visa application could continue as soon as was possible.

The current situation is dire, it has been a month now and I have not heard from her. She had just been sent her monthly support when on the following day she didn’t answer her phone. She hasn’t read my messages, or called me back. I am obviously tearing my hair out at this loss of communication and completely clueless about what might have happened. So I called her aunt to ask if she has heard anything and this is where the truth came out.

She was arguing with her aunt (who she calls her ’sister’) and her aunt was angry with her when I got in touch. All family loyalty was out the window and she sent me screenshots of the messages between my wife and her. It’s fair to say my world collapsed at these revelations. It seems she is in a relationship with another girl (tomboy), and she was annoyed at being reprimanded by her aunt when her aunt had benefitted so much from the financial support I had been giving my wife, though the kicker was how she referred to me in this message, apparently I was her ‘prey’, or ‘pussy victim’.

To learn that someone you trusted for 5 years has been playing you all along is pretty hard to swallow. She hoodwinked me and my family so convincingly that I am unable to tell them the truth as yet, such is my shame at bringing this nightmare into our lives. My mum, dad and brothers adore my daughter and she is the most amazing beautiful little girl you could ask for. The revelation that it has all been a scam will be heartbreaking for my family so i’m currently carrying this news alone for now while I consider my options.

I had questioned my wife in the past about how much money she demanded each month, but each time I was reassured that it was for necessities, and i’ll admit to ignoring my reservations about her explanations to keep the peace, and besides I was able to afford it even if it did seem slightly excessive. Now I know from the screenshots that her aunt sent me that my wife is addicted to drugs. She was arguing in the messages that she had supported her crippled father, and drunk mother, and two (other) children, plus the rest of her family while also ‘riding a drug addiction’, and how this amount on her plate is reason enough to be angry about being reprimanded by her aunt for neglecting to maintain contact with me (the ‘victim’), and source of the family’s enhanced income. Needless to say her aunt had told me to file for divorce, and come to collect your daughter as soon as possible.

I foolishly paid the aunt money to travel from Isaan to Bangkok so she could collect my daughter and bring her to the family farm in Isaan, and subsequently haven’t now heard from the aunt since. I have found the Facebook account my wife uses, she has multiple accounts and I was not able to see her ‘real’ account until I had done some detective work online. This confirms the lies and double life my wife has been leading throughout our relationship. For some reason (probably an increasing drug habit) the mask she was wearing and her duplicity has slipped, maybe it’s guilt? or pressure from her girlfriend? and she is unable to continue the charade anymore, hence my rejection.

I miss my daughter, and the reason for this lengthy post is to ask for help. What can I do? What options do I have? I have the evidence for all of the above. I have a record of every transaction forwarded to her. I have the grounds for divorce, but I worry for my daughter and if I will ever see her again. I have a horrible sinking feeling that there is nothing I can do about this situation. Is there any legal advice for this sort of thing that I can access, any recommendations would be gratefully received.

To many people reading this I expect there will be little sympathy, and I expect to be rightly considered a complete fool, trust me I feel sick to my stomach with my decisions and choices, so any barbs directed my way regarding the above, I already know what an idiot i’ve been in the pursuit of love and happiness. But when someone sets out to defraud you so convincingly it’s hard to imagine (for me anyway) that another human being could have the confidence to carry through with such a cruel scam.