Insignificant wowser!
(A wowser is slang name for a prudish teetotaller; a killjoy, spoilsport or nark; a person who doesn't know how to have fun and wishes to prevent others from doing so.)
Maybe an insurrection on Capital Hill is worth a try? In actual fact talk of civil war is to appease the ego of a one term insatiably sore loser! Hard to believe so many can be so duped!