Chinaski1990

Relationships between unhappy parents end all the time in Europe and the US. Sticking it out just because my partner is Thai does not seem to make much sense to me. I was damaged enough from my own obviously unhappy parents staying together (they are still bloody together), whether because they thought it was the right thing or they felt stuck. I don't want that but I don't have many options...at least if it was a normal relationship we could split up and my partner would have a support structure of family to fall back on in my country. So choices and outcomes seem very limited in the sense that I'm being squeezed into living the exact same unhappy partnership my parents had. And with my daughter being four, time is running out to end it at an age where it's less likely to be damaging as opposed to say when she's 7 or 8, or god forbid in her teens.

Don't have anyone lined up no. But that type of situation seems pretty common. I've talked to a number of Thai women who have kids with falang ex's and in the vast majrotiy of cases where they are divorced or split up, the kid lives back in Europe or the US with dad and travels to see mum every year for a couple of months. Seems like it works but I dunno.

Not arguing at all about needing professional medical advice. But I'm far from paranoid just don't want to be doxxed.

Yeah they actually are quite happy. Although in the case of my partner it's perhaps unsurprising given the money she earns working here far exceeds what she got in a restaurant in Thailand. After five years living in my country she becomes entitled to a passport here so I know she is holding out for that and I can't say I blame her.

You are obviously not very familiar with the problem of doxxing. But it happens a lot online and I'd rather not take that risk.

Thanks for your reply. My partner leaving to go back to Thailand would be the best solution and I wouldn't mind at all if my daughter stayed with me, particularly as her mum will want to see her for a month or two per year which will give me enough time to travel. With the bond between them though I can't see my partner leaving my country without my daughter accompanying her, which would suck.

To be honest I asked here because a community of Thai expats and travellers are far likely to appreciate where I'm coming from than some therapist who's clueless about this kind of dynamic or situation. I've tried therapy a couple of times for anxiety and low self esteem but it's difficult to avoid the conclusion that it's an industry chock-full of charlatans charging extortionate fees.

Yeah to be clear I would never want to abandon my kid and cut contact with her. Even just sending money isn't being a good dad. But the reality is that I chose the wrong path in life and sucking it up is edging me towards the darker thoughts about whether life is worth it or not. A big part of it relates to my restlessness and inability to live in one place... I'm always wanting to travel solo and see the world and that's not compatible with being a family man. I know there are many happy relationships in which the father works abroad for long periods but my situation is somewhat different...I can't justify taking off every few months for a couple of weeks to travel.

It's easy to call it lame to want to run away but the vast majority of relationships with kids do not pan out like mine where there is minimal interesting conversation or shared interests. Especially an entire eight years. I'm just tired of trying to make it work and still seeing her scrolling social media for 8 hours per day.

Being a parent of a child from my country provides her with a long-term visa.

I've learned a bit but not enough to have a full conversation in Thai. In the same way that her English is still pretty bad for someone who has lived in my country where English is widely spoken since 2020.

Honestly I do believe it. But even if I'm wrong, there is a lack of the normal banter etc that normal couples who either are from the same place or speak each others' languages fluently probably have.

Living in the EU although would rather not get too specific on which country. We are not married. Our child has two passports...Thailand and my country.

Just two long-term relationships in my life. This one and then one with a girl from my own European country when I was 18-21.

I hear what you are saying but they are hardly minimal problems. Normal Western relationships (and most likely many Thai-falang relationships) feature in-depth conversations about anything and everything between partners; mine lacks that. Normal relationships do not see one partner either watching dramas or scrolling Facebook while the other reads books.

Even if that's true (which could definitely be the case) it's only relevance to my current predicament is that it could give me an easier excuse to walk away from the relationship.

^ Our child is 4 years old. I have not discussed this with her because it seems like a lost cause in the sense that as soon as I open my mouth about unhappiness I'll either be accused of cheating or she'll overreact in some other way.

Where can I go though...or where can they go? Neither I nor my partner can afford to pay for two rental places at $2500 per month alongside childcare. Happy to support financially but it doesn't seem viable that we all end up in the same country. Either they leave or I'll have to.

////Deleted post removed from quote/// Apologies. Never used this site before.

My partner and I were together for three years when she became pregnant. In truth it was never quite a joyous relationship. The exoticism of Thailand coupled with riding around to visit new places on her bike made it feel exciting for those first few years. But I then started to realize we didn't have much in common beyond a shared enjoyment of Thai food and travel. Her English wasn't great and a night would often consist of her watching Thai television while I read a book or browsed the internet. We weren't sitting there happily chatting away about books films philosophy and life like normal couples do. The age gap between us is 7 years (I'm actually the younger one at 32...she's 39) A couple of months before I was going to break it off, she became pregnant. This was an unplanned pregnancy although I completely accept my own role in it happening. This obviously threw a spanner in the works for my plans and I felt like trying to make it work would be the best path even though I never really wanted children. I turned out to be a bit better at parenting in the end given my fear and resistance to the idea of it. And I genuinely love my daughter. But I'm still bitterly unhappy in my relationship and with my life. The same language barriers, lack of common hobbies and overall dissatisfaction has continued for four years and I feel at the end of my ability to cope. Part of me thinks it's be best for my kid if I wasn't around at all. I just feel so hopeless, angry at myself and lonely all the time. I guess I've suffered from awful self esteem and depression for many years because I grew up around unhappy parents. It feels like I'm repeating that exact same process. Even though we don't argue, I repress the sadness and loneliness I feel and my mood is often low. There doesn't seem to be any other good way out of this. If I end the relationship, my daughter likely ends up back in Thailand as there's a rental crisis in my country. The alternative is she stays with me and her mother won't want that either. I guess because this is a Thailand forum it seemed apt to ask for advice. It was also important for me to be blunt and honest when asking for advice so if I come across as a <deleted>ty person well that's just how I feel. Thanks for reading anyway.