JimmyB81

To Doctor Tom and Rattlesnake - all advice is appreciated. I am not just going to blindly follow someone's advice without being sure it is the best thing for my situation, but it is very helpful to get the opinions of others who have either been through similar experiences or know the Thai system well. Those two photos from Rattlesnake paint one picture, but I have seen plenty of teenage prostitutes in rural Thailand and boys addicted to drugs and alcohol before they even reach 18. There are good and bad in both countries IMO

This is exactly the reason my ex wants to raise our daughter in Thailand. She doesn't want her to have the same "bad attitude" (her words) that she sees in the youth here in the UK. She has a few Thai friends who have older children living here, and they have all complained about difficulties instilling Thai culture/respect in their kids, blaming the influence of friends and schools here. Not saying I agree with this. Just stating her case for bringing her to live in Thailand. I think things like this should be easily overcome with some proper parenting. Relying on schools to instil values in your child is a bit of a cop out..

I said *she* feels that she is a moral person. And I clearly said I don't trust her word, but I do think she would follow any legal agreement we made, even if it was done in the UK and she could 'ignore' it if she was in Thailand. I genuinely believe she would not go against a formal agreement, but that could just be me being naive....

Saying it's a" great story" means you are implying I've made it up, right? Not sure why anyone would waste their time making up a story like this. I'm a busy man, certainly don't have time in my day to do something like that for no reason. Maybe I've not been clear enough one some of the details / timeline: - My ex has two previous kids from the same Thai man. The kids are 17 and 19 now and they lived with my ex's mom in Thailand while my ex was abroad working the last 15+ years. - She was married to a UK man in 2018, who brought her here to UK to live with him, against her wishes. He abused her. She got awarded ILR for UK. - I met her in summer 2021, few months after she left her ex husband. - We started our IVF in summer 2022. Her divorce from her ex only went through in early 2023. - Our child was born in Jan 24. - We started building our house in summer last year. It is not finished yet. Will be ready in probably two months. Maybe the timeline seems tight to you, but that is what happened. Judge me on my poor & impulsive life choices all you want, but I've not made anything up. My ex has not moved onto another guy, not sure why you've got that impression. We still live together in UK, until she can get some financial assistance to live alone.

wow, complete banning order? That does sound a bit extreme. I genuinely don't think my ex would taker her there if we had an agreement that she stay in uk and just go to Thailand for holidays. I did speak to a lawyer here a few months ago and he mentioned The Hague Convention as being something i could rely on, but he did say that if she took our child to Thailand, it could be difficult/expensive to bring her back to UK

Sounds like your situation is quite similar to mine. So you were not married and had to get your sons signature there to legitimize your rights? It will be a good few years before I can do that. I do have parental rights in UK. I got legal advice before she was born and was told the number one thing to do was make sure I was named as Father on the birth cert, so that box has been ticked, thankfully. Thanks for sharing your side. Yes the primary schools in rural Thailand are a throwback. Open gates, kids able to come and go as they please. I've heard horror stories of kids been raped in school toilets by drunk locals that just wander into the playground. Made me very uneasy about putting her in that environment tbh

So many replies about the poor education system in Thailand. Making me seriously reconsider letting her take her there. I do want to do what is best for my daughter, even if it means I means I need to go back on previous promises with my ex. She could still take her there on summer holidays to experience Thai culture and see her family, while also having the benefit of a better education in UK.

Sorry, I don't understand this, especially the last line. I am the father of my daughter and was never married to my ex. We had the baby via IVF in UK, and signed all disclaimers etc surrounding the fact my ex was still legally married & not divorced yet at that time Are you are saying that in Thailand , they courts would consider her (now) ex husband to be my daughters father? My daughter was born within one year after her divorce from him. But the fact we did IVF and signed all forms should surely negate any laws in Thailand?

A bit of a complicated one - the house and land is currently in my ex's Father's name. My ex still hadn't finalised her divorce from a previous marriage last year, so couldn't put in her name. But she is planning to do that when she goes back to visit her family, probably later this year, as her divorce has gone through. Looks like she can skip that step and put it straight in my daughters name!

Thanks all for the helpful advise so far. To clear something up - my ex does consider herself a morally 'good person' and for the most part she is. The abuse I spoke about was very very subtle, and I didn't even notice until I reached out to someone. She herself had a very abusive mother and that has leaked out into her relationships, as tends to happen. The thing I don't trust about her is her word. Many times things were said that she later denied ever saying and pivoted to something else to suit her circumstances at the time. But I do believe she would honour any agreement we made, even if it was not 100% watertight in Thailand. Before she became pregnant, we had decided (or she had decided with my approval) that our child(ren) would grow up in her village in Thailand. So I feel I should keep my word on this. But I do understand the argument for me doing what is best for the child and not letting her take her there to live. That is something I am also considering. I do want to do what is best for my daughter. I have a few years until it happens anyway. For now, I won't be giving my approval, but I just wanted to put any safeguards/measures in place that are needed to ensure I am recognized as legitimate father there if/when she moves. I thought I could still be recognized as the legal father even outside marriage, as long as the mother agreed to it? About the house - it's not that big a deal as deciding where my daughter grows up, as stupidfarang pointed out. It's more of a 'nice to have' from my pov, because I did shell out mostly all my savings to build it and would like to be able to ensure it goes to my daughter, and not my ex's other kids (now adults) or a new spouse.

I honestly did not know she could do that. My ex said she will do it when our daughter is 18, so assumed it was a requirement there. Good to know she can do now

Details: 1. I am UK/EU citizen and had a child recently with Thai (now ex) Girlfriend in UK. 2. We were not married but she has UK residence (IRL). 3. I am named as Father on the Childs birth certificate (UK). 4. Baby has a UK Passport and my ex is planning to get her a Thai passport soon. 5. Currently, my ex is happy to stay in the UK, but wants to move to Thailand in the future with our child (3-5 years time). 6. Before we separated, we (or rather I) had built a house in Thailand for us to live in the future, with our chld(ren). 7. Things are relatively amicable between us currently. My ex has promised to give the house and land that I paid for to my daughter (when she turns 18). We are about to start the process for custody/access arrangements for our child, for here in the UK, and for the future if/when they move to Thailand. This is at my request. My ex wants to keep things informal. I have been advised to get a formal arrangement by a men's support group and my therapist, who both have told me that I have been a victim of emotional abuse from my ex and that she cannot be trusted. I want to keep things amicable with her (for the child's sake), to avoid the courts (for our pockets sake) and to reach agreement on shared custody with her, either by discussion or mediation. I am concerned that I will loose the parental rights that I have here once she moves to Thailand, so as part of our agreement, I want to make sure all the necessary steps are taken now, or at least formally noted in our agreement, so there is an obligation on her to do what is necessary in Thailand to safeguard my parental right there. What I am looking for advice on is how to: a) legitimize my status as childs father in Thailand ( i can do this by going there with her next time she visits her family), but I'm not sure exactly how and if the child needs to be over a certain age? b) ensure I am allowed shared custody of the child in Thailand (this is an extra step or it becomes automatic with the legitimization?) c) have the ability to take my child outside of Thailand on her summer holidays (subject to prior access agreement with her mom) d) ensure that my ex does put her (my) house and land into our child's name at the appropriate age. I am assuming a pre-agreement of some sort? e) any other steps I should be taking given the situation I'm in? Probably I will need to get advice from a Thai family lawyer in the future before she moves there, but as I said , I want to at least include these requirements for me having my custody rights in Thailand as 'obligations' on my ex to do in future, as part of our imminent UK Custody agreement. Any tips or advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks