santajaws

What an awful version of this joke! Not only is the punch line screwed up with WRONG NUMBERS, but it only makes sense for his FATHER to teach him. Here is my version casting it as a Hillbilly Dirty Johnny Joke: Hillbilly Dirty Johnny was always screwing up and missing the hole when he pissed in the old outhouse. Strangely, he was very shy and preferred the outhouse instead of "taking a country whiz" like all of the other men and boys in the holler. Johnny's ma and pa were pretty progressive for country folks: they didn't want to mess up his mind by insisting he quit acting like a damn Yankee sissy and just piss outside! So his pa took him aside one day to show him the proper etiquette. The old man stood at the hole to demonstrate and said, "Johnny to mike thangs easier Ah'll learn ya how to pee-iss propah by countin' off them numbahs: (1) unbutton yo' ovah-halls (2) pull yo' tallywhacker outta yo' longjohns (3) pull back yo' whickerbill, (4) pee-iss lahk a racehoss, (5) push fo'ward yo' whickerbill (6) put yo' tallywhacker back in yo' longjohns, and fahnally (7) button up yo' ovah-halls." So Johnny did exactly what his pa had done and caught on pretty quickly. Pa said, "Johnny, Ah'm raht prouda yer progress, but ya might could keep practicin' ever dye." A few days later the old man was checking if Johnny had really learned by listening outside the outhouse door (with a crescent moon on it, of course!) Johnny counted out, "One-----, two-----, three-----, fo'--[ssssssssssssssssssssss]--, fahve-----, three-----, fahve----, three----, fahve---, three---, fahve--, three--, fahve-, three-, fahve, three, fahve, three, fahve, three ..."