rods

Two gays were sitting in their apartment on a cold, rainy Sunday afternoon. The only programs on the tube were re-runs. Finally one of the gays let out a long sigh and declared, "I'm bored"!

His partner exclaimed, "Me Too".

After a few more minutes of silence, the first gay said, "I've got an idea. Let's play a game of hide and seek".

"Oh Fun", squeaked the other one, "tell me how to play".

"Well, you close your eyes and count to 25. I will hide and you will try to find me. If you find me, you can have your way with me in any manner you want."

"Oh joy", his partner responded as his face lit up with excitement.

Then the excitement faded and was replaced by a worried look. "But what if I can't find you?", he asked.

The other gay cupped his hands around his mouth and whispered, "I'll be behind the sofa"!!!!!!

That's funny. But why gays???? Don't you straight people ever have fun?!

The quality of posts in this forum is improving!

libya having shamelessly set the bar so low, the only way left is up.

That's a good and valid point, well spotted!

Perhaps it's a limbo dancing competition Libya's starting up. If so.....

"Doctor, doctor. I feel like everyone just ignores me."

"Next!"

"Doctor, doctor. I think I'm a dog."

"Just lie on the couch."

"I'm not allowed on the couch."

There's more, but I expect you know them too...

even if you are on a tight budget do at least 3 bedrooms - extending your house in the future might be difficult or impossible.

thai houses need deep fundation - up to 6 metres beems to reach the steady ground under. Do house on high stilts because of the rainy season water - doing 3 metres stilts will allow you to build an additional bathroom under the house with a washing mashine, a drying area for a laundry, an open air sitting area, a cover for a car/motorbike as well as a storage room or even an additional bedroom.

buy the second hand wood locally - there is a lot of paperwork to be done if you want to bring it from another province. There should be such shop within a few kilometres of your house - they are often on the back, small sois (so ask your neighbours about their address). I have discovered one by chance just by a few sois from my house simply by cycling around the area. However don't buy second hand windows or doors - repairing them might be difficult and replacing them just after a year or two not worth all the hassle.

I would get some help on a semi-permanent basis - local builder will know cheap sources of materials and even do shopping for you to avoid ripping you off by the shop keepers.

Sound advice, Londonthai. Thanks. Though I beg to differ on having 3 bedrooms: our current house has three - we sleep in one and the other two are full of crap we didn't have before we moved in!

Rods,

I built my house myself.....by this I mean that I made all the decisions about what materials would be used and the sizes of beams etc. I also did a portion of almost all of the different types of work but did not do all of any of the types of work. The house is reinforced concrete post and beam on the first floor with concrete block infill walls and wood beams holding up the second floor and all wood above except for one end of the building where there is a bathroom on the second floor so that portion of the second floor is concrete beams and concrete block infill walls like the first floor.

The basic design is the local style so the carpenters I hired used all the local joining techiniques.....I live in the north and around here there is not just one way to make structural joints as I have discovered by looking at various houses. The people I hired were all my neighbors or family and there construction experience is mostly in the immediate area so they all learn the same techniques, some of which I found to be not to my liking. It was very difficult for me to upgrade certain aspects of the design in that I was newly married at the time and my wife did not know whether my ideas were good ones or not and the workers tended to think that anything different was not a very good idea so I had to learn how to slowly (over a period of a couple of weeks) suggest my ideas and then think of ways to calm down the wife and encourage the workers......if you do all of the work yourself you probably won't have this type of problem but I thought I should mention it because even if you want to hire a Thai laborer you may find that it is more difficult to explain what you want than you think because they may have a rigid idea about what it is you want and they are so sure that they know what you want (EVERYONE wants it that way) that they might not even listen very carefully to your explanation and instructions but yet indicate in everyway that they understand you fully...nodding head and smiling reassuringly.

Anyway it took me awhile to figure out how to get my ideas across and I discovered that some workers really couldn't accept the fact that I wanted them to do it my way so I eventually stopped employing them...but even ending their employment with me was a problematic thing since they must save face in the process and if there is any hint that they are leaving because you judge there work to be inadequate then they will make sure that everyone knows how deficient you are in your ideas and personal interactoins and how unreasonable you are etc. etc. etc. You should avoid this type of reaction if possible....perhaps its not good to imply to any worker at the outset that you want to always hire them as a semi steady thing....maybe its better to just hire people for a day for a discreet task and then let it simmer and then hire someone else the next time if you have access to many different laborers. Its not possible to really explain how to handle this...every situation is different so I'm just giving you a heads up and I hope you can figure it out yourself.

Its a huge topic you have started and I don't have time spill my guts all at once so perhaps more later.

Chownah

Thanks, Chownah, for your typically helpful advice. We did in fact have a house built in Bangkok some years ago. Modern concrete construction done by builders but I did most of the woodwork myself. So I can certainly relate to what you say about getting on with (or not getting on with!) Thai hired tradesmen. Hiring workers on a temporay basis is certainly a good idea and contracting out the whole job to one firm is a mistake I won't be making again!

Here's the link I mentioned above. http://www.dtcp.go.th/workinfo/house_model/doc_house.html

The site is all in Thai. It's not too hard to click around and find what you are looking for.

Thanks, Farma.

Hi everyone.

We are intending to build a modest (1-2 bed, lounge, kitchen) wooden house on land in Chantaburi. We will be doing this on a pretty tight budget so are looking for (hopefully local) suppliers of 2nd-hand construction timber. In addition, I would like to do most of the work myself. I know this may sound odd to many people considering local labour costs but I'm a carpenter myself and it's what I enjoy. We'll hire labourers for the hhe hole digging, heavy lifting, etc; I've done enough of that in this life!

I'm wondering if anyone reading this has actually built their own house (as opposed to having one built.) If so, did you engage a Thai carpenter to help you or did you go it alone and figure out the Thai joinery techniques yourself? (If so, do you know of any good resources on the subject apart from the book 'The Thai House'?) Or did you use farang joinery methods? Where did you get your wood and how much did it cost you? Importantly, what are the pitfalls? (there always are!) I'd be very interested to hear about your self-build experiences or if you know of a 2nd hand timber supplier in Chantaburi that would be great.

Thanks a lot

Rods

How's the new cancer treatment going, Tonto?

Not so good, Kemo-scabby.

So how does everyone feel about these? a. /b. / both

Though contributing absolutely nothing to the debate, I hope the following options will amuse.

1. "There's somebody outside."

a. That'll be John.

b. That's going to be John.

c. Actually it's an axe-wielding lunatic, but don't tell them - it'll spoil the surprise.

2. [At a dinner party]

a. Will you have some more wine?

b. Are you going to have some more wine?

c. If you get too drunk you can throw up in my handbag, darling.

"Thank you."

3. My brother's got great patience.

a. He will sit for hours waiting for a fish to bite.

b. He's going to sit for hours waiting for a fish to bite.

c. He's the happiest doctor I know! (groan)

4. "Goodbye."

a. Bye. I'll see you next week.

b. Bye. I'm going to see you next week.

c. Good.

5. "I'm taking my umbrella."

a. "Do you think it'll rain?"

b. "Do you think it's going to rain?"

c. What will I do if it rains, you selfish git?

6. "I've got a splitting headache."

a. If you lie down for a while you'll feel much better.

b. If you lie down for a while you're going to feel much better.

c. If you lie down for a while you'll probably throw up, too.

7. "Jane's putting on weight"

a. She will have a baby.

b. She's going to have a baby.

c. She'll get pregnant for sure. Fat girls drive me crazy!

8. [stuck in traffic, a long way from the destination]

"The meeting starts in 10 minutes".

a. We'll be late.

b. We're going to be late.

c. Who gives a ****? This is Bangkok!

9. "You wanted to see me?"

a. Yes, it won't take long.

b. Yes, it isn't going to take long.

c. Just a photograph will do.

10. "You were a disgrace last night."

a. I promise I won't do it again.

b. I promise I'm not going to do it again.

c. Yes. I hope you had a good time, too.

'I will do it' implies (to me) that it is something I intend to do at some time in the future. "I am going to do it" implies that I'm off to do it right now.

That's interesting, endure, because you're English. TEFLers from England tell me insistently that "I will do it" (spoken with no special inflection or emphasis) is definite, whilst "I am going to do it" is uncertain or indefinite. In American English, I'm 99% sure that there is no difference whatsoever.

The problem here is you are taking things without any context and you also seem to be assuming that each structure has one meaning or function. Both structures are used in a wide range of contexts, some of which overlap and some of which don't.

Will and Won't are brothers and they're both solicitors. Won't likes Will but Will doesn't like Won't, so we can say that Won't will write Will a will but Will won't write Won't a will.

I hope that clears this up for everyone!

But seriously; as you've said, it's about time context. When making an on-the-spot decision, we use 'will'/'won't'. When we've made a decision before the time of speaking we use 'going to' future:

"I'm going to the shops later."

"Oh good, we're out of milk."

"OK. I'll get some."

Despite 9 years' experience in Thai classrooms, my lack of a degree in Zulu needlepoint apparently makes me unfit to teach here. So yes, I am bitter!!!!

Quote of the week!

But in keeping with the request by Ijustwannateach that we keep this discussion serious, perhaps that would be a degree in EDUCATION of Zulu needlepoint. "....then you speak slowly in Bantu language to Xishosha and Buglada, knit one, loop over the green bead, knit one.."

Thanks, PeaceB. I'm glad somebody appreciates me!!!!!

That joke was WRONG!

But very funny. Cross-dressers? - start 'em early!

Another Tommy Cooper Classic, but allways worth repeating

I saw the punch line coming but enjoyed it anyway.

On dogs....

Two guys with whippets in a pub. They're boasting to each other about how intelligent their dogs are. Finally one of the men has had enough and proclaims "My dog's a blacksmith. Watch this." He takes his lighter and sets fire to the dog's boll*cks, whereupon.......

................the dog made a bolt for the door!

(sorry)

Oh, I almost forgot this oldie-but-goldie Colemanball, whish is hopefully new to some:

Commentator: "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willie."

Another by the great John Arlott

"He's standing in the slips, legs wide open, waiting for a tickle"

I like it.

I thought that the words 'maris piper' might crop up though.........

A solid 7/10

How fantastic, Libya grading other people's jokes!

no shame

None whatsoever!

Wicket Before Leg: a batsman with a hard on.

Third man: to make up a gay threesome.

Slip: crossdressing fielder.

Outfield: openly gay cricketers.

Full toss: while you're waiting for the rain to stop.

Got any more?

Oh, I almost forgot this oldie-but-goldie Colemanball, whish is hopefully new to some:

Commentator: "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willie."

The Rules of Cricket

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

If it rains they all go in and the covers come out. Then when the sun comes out the covers go in and they come out again.

Are you Rudyard Kipling ?

I think these rules come from Kipling's era. Good, though.

John; could you translate that Welsh quote for us, please? I'm only half Welsh so it's double Dutch to me!

I think we need to have a serious and detailed discussion about the new teacher's requirements and regulations that may or may not be in place now. On some other websites, bits and pieces of the rules have already been posted. Does anyone have the whole slew of them, and could you please link to them or post them here?

I will "control" posts that take us unduly in the direction of "do you have to have a degree to bake a cake?" but it isn't my desire to stifle debate. Any information that is genuinely helpful in interpreting details of the new policy is welcome.

"Steven"

May I just add that if anyone thinks the MoE would do anything that made sense then they obviously either haven't been in Thailand very long, or really don't have the intellect to be a teacher! (or much else). I'm not trying to insult anyone here, just want to save people who are looking for explanations a bit of time - because they won't find any!

Despite 9 years' experience in Thai classrooms, my lack of a degree in Zulu needlepoint apparently makes me unfit to teach here. So yes, I am bitter!!!!

Some of the radio station phone ins are way funnier that the best, current, British "comedy".

For some real screamers of this ilk check out the 'Dumb Britain' selection in Private Eye mag. online.

A sailor on shore leave is taking a stroll along Southampton docks. He hears sobbing and moving closer sees a goodlooking girl standing on the edge of the wharf, staring down at the black water and crying.

"What's wrong?" he asks. She says: "My boyfriend of five years is now going out with my sister. They're getting married next month. I can't stand it. I'm going to kill myself!"

"Oh, you don't want to do that," says the sailor. "Tell you what; my ship sails for New York tomorrow. Why not stow away and start a new life there? Forget all your troubles!" She thinks for a bit, then agrees, and they arrange to meet the following evening, just before the ship is due to set sail.

The next night the sailor sneaks her on board and hides her in a lifeboat. "Just lie quiet," he tells her. "I'll be back with some food later."

True to his word, he's back at 11pm with lots of sandwiches and some soup. He climbs into the lifeboat and they chat for a while and look at the moon. Then he says "My shift starts now. Just stay in the lifeboat and you'll be fine. I'll be back tomorrow night."

Sure enough, at 10pm, he's there with more soup and sandwiches and a half bottle of wine. As before, they eat, chat and look at the moon. She thinks it's so romantic and doesn't mind when he puts his arm around her. Then he says "Oh no. I have to start my shift. I'll see you tomorrow. Just remember to stay in the lifeboat."

The next night he's back again, with more wine. The moon is full and one thing leads to another. They make passionate love for 2 hours, then the sailor checks his watch. "Oh bugger," he says. "I'll see you tomorrow." And off he goes to work.

They settle into a routine, each night drinking wine and making love in the lifeboat.

Then one day the captain orders an inspection of all the lifeboats and she is found. The crew take her to the captain's cabin. "So what are you doing on my ship?" demands the captain.

"Well one of your sailors helped me to stow away so I could get to New York. He's been bringing me food and screwing me every night."

The captain erupts in fits of laughter. "He's been screwing you all right! This is the cross-channel ferry!"

Being a southern boy (Bristol) I don't get all this about fish and chips being the sole preserve of those born in the sad northern wastes.

Still; here's one that occurrede to me.

A scouse boy goes into a chip shop.....and takes his bike in with him.

And one that's so funny I expect only Libya will get it (!)

Tarzan and Jane are in the treehouse one evening.

Tarzan: What for dinner, Jane?

Jane: I dunno, honey. We got nothing in.

Tarzan: Jane no cry. Tarzan get takeaway. And off he swings into the dusk.

Half an hour later he's back and throws a dead bird and a couple of monkeys on the table.

Jane: Oh no. Not finch and chimps again!

Reminds me of the one about the:

First timer

The young, virgin boy from Alabama drives to the big city in search of a prostitute. He finds one and explains he has never had sex before.

The hooker says, "No problem, honey," and undresses the boy, then herself, and lies down on the bed. He crawls on top of her.

"Okay, stick it in, honey...all the way in...now pull it out...now put it back in...now pull it out..."

"Tarnation, woman!" says the boy. "Will you make up your <deleted> mind?"

There was once an unemployed, married couple. The bills kept coming in and they decided it was time for desperate measures. The wife would have to go on the game, with the hubbie as pimp.

So they take off for the red light district and find a likely spot. Hubbie waits 'round the corner out of sight while she shows a bit of leg.

Soon enough a car crawls by. It stops up the street, then reverses back towards her. The window winds down and she gets the ball rolling. "Evening, love. Can I help you?" "Er....yeah...er...how much for a w*nk?" says the man, in a state of nervous excitement. "Only I haven't got much money, see." "Just a minute," she says and scuttles round to ask her husband: "Here, how much should I charge for a w*nk?" "I don't know," he says. "A fiver, I guess."

Back she goes and tells the young man: "Five pounds for a good w*nk, love." He says "OK, and ...er...how much for a blowj*b then?" "Just a minute....." Round she goes again and asks her husband for the price. "A blowj*b? Well, gotta be a tenner." Back she goes to the car and duly reports "Ten pounds'll get you the best bj you've ever had, darlin'." Says the man: "Oh, right. And for a shag, how much would that be?" "Just a minute....." etc. etc.

Soon she's back at the car, feeling a little tired. "Well it's twenty quid for a full shag." The young man looks disappointed and says "Oh dear, I've only got fifteen pounds on me. I'll have a blowj*b then." So the woman gets in the car and he whips out his manhood. The colour drains from the woman's face. It's like a baby's arm holding an apple! "Just a minute" she says, and scuttling back to her husband says "Quick, love, lend us a fiver!"

I was getting into my car, and this old skinny bloke with a hunchback and rotten teeth says to me:

"Can you give me a lift?"

I said:

"Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go

for it."

Oyster? Fish and chips? Sounds fishy to me!

A poor mother potato has three daughters. When they reach 16 she decides she can't support them anymore and so instructs them to go out into the wide world and find rich husbands.

So off they go with tears in their eyes.

About a year later they return to visit their mum in the humble veg patch of their birth.

"Well" says mother spud. "Did you all find rich husbands?" The first daughter replies "Oh yes, mum. I married a King Edward." "Oh my darling. Well done. You've married into royalty."

She then asks the second daughter how she fared, to which she replied "Oh yes, dear mother. I met this charming gentleman and we were married last month. He's a Duke of York!" "That's wonderful, my dear" says mum. Turning to the third daughter she asks "And you, my sweet child? Have you found a husband?" "Yes, I have, mother dearest" she answers. "I married a rich and famous man. His name's Desmond Lynam."

"Oh no!" exclaims her mum.

scroll down and brace yourself!

"You married a common-tater!"

1950 cup final Warrington v Widnes. Two Naughton brothers played in the final, Danny & Johnny. One was playing for Warrington and one for Widnes. After the prentation, The losing brother gave the winning one his medal.

Easier question. Which was the first team in the south of England to play rugby league. Clue - they did make national news headlines!

I could be wrong but does a rugby league trivia quiz belong here? Or perhaps rugby league is a joke????!!!!