NorthernStar

Are you implying I'm bullshitting?

I have always said I know I played my part in this disaster also. But at the end of the day, his drinking got out of control. He was drunk on a Friday night, he hit the door, his hand was swollen, I took him to the hospital, I spent the whole weekend making sure his hand would look nearly normal when he went back to work on Monday.

He was drunk on another Friday night, he was roaming around Patpong, he provoked a few Thai men, he got beaten up, I spent the whole weekend taking care of the cut near his nose and his black eye, I babysit him, I lied to his then employer so he could take a day off or two, and he gave up his job. May I also add that his then work was probably the best in his field that he could ever get out here in Thailand?

He was drunk on a Saturday night, he started yelling at me for hours because he was angry at one of his mates back home for not answering the phone, he insulted my family & friends & myself, he threatened to throw me out of the window - 6th floor - if I wouldn't let him go out to see his latest shag, I slapped him after being provoked for at least 8 hours straight, we split up. I still have a few sound clips from that night/morning when I was being verbally abused.

That was how he and I spent our weekend.

I am not without flaws. But if you saw the state I was in like my friends did, you wouldn't post a comment like that.

Happy now?

Thank you all. I'm starting to get my life back on track. I'm not completely over the whole saga yet, but am feeling a lot better now.

Thank you, everyone.

Well, he rang me the morning after I had moved out - in tears. Kept aplogising to me and all that. Said he wanted me to come back and be friends like before, but not stay with him everyday.

And I did go to see him after work, bringing in his favourite Japanese food. I'm still annoyed at my stupidity to these days, honestly. I still went over, but when he didn't want me to go round, I stayed home. And shit hit the fan just a few days later. It was very embarrassing and there was another girl involved. So, we split up.

There was some drama afterwards, but now he is no longer in my life and I've started to bounce back. Mum and I are now closer than before as a result of the whole thing. I am forever thankful for all the support and help from my family, friends, kind people at Al-Anon and everyone of you on here who has helped and given me advices even though we've never met.

God bless you all.

And God help whoever he runs to.

Thanks, bkkblueeyes & IMA Farang.

He finally gave up his job. He behaved for about a week. And now he has been out on the piss since Saturday evening. He has been in touch once a day since. He hasn't come home yet, even though he told me yesterday 4pm that he was having a meal and would come home afterwards.

While tidying the flat up alone yesterday, I have finally really realised that this shit has gone too far. Please don't get me wrong, I did know I had to leave him. But being a weak girl that I am, I couldn't just walk away. With his latest drinking spree, my mental health has hit rock bottom. I did all I could to help him. But sadly, like a lot of you said, the only person who can help him is himself.

I have been in touch with Al-Anon. And I am moving out this evening.

Good luck.

Thank you, rixalex.

The next stage for relationships is for the physical abuse to start. The hitting. That can be generated by your partner or yourself. From what you have said there is abuse there now. This is what needs to stop and respect shown by both sides.

Thank you again, Chris, for your post. Physical abuse has started a couple of weeks back, and I was the one who lost it first. After being insulted for hours, I slapped him. Anyway, latest episode was sort of better than the others, as most of the events occured in our apartment and he knew if he was going out on the piss all night, he wouldn't see me again. Hate the fact that it had to go that far to make him stop and think. But...

Meanwhile, you can get excellent help for yourself, at no cost, from people who have been through similiar situations themselves from Al-Anon, which is a group for friends/family of alcoholics.

Thank you very much for the contact details, Sheryl. I will contact them now.

Personally I dont think your partner is really an alcoholic simply a 'bad drunk' - someone who when they drink a lot their character changes for the worse. You find him impossible to be with under such circumstances and I guess so do his friends. Many other people drink as much I would guess but they simply dont have these sort of character change - I have seen it a lot.

If he is being rude and abusive when he gets drunk he is not doing it to have fun. More likely he he is drinking to cover some problem or general unhappiness. Maybe if you could get to the root of that you could stop him going on these drinking sprees.

Thanks for your post, Abrak. I'm not sure if he is just a "bad drunk", as one major problem with his drinking is that, when he starts, he cannot stop. He can drink non-stop for at least 24 hours. One evening, we had dinner, and he was off to a party at 9PM. I found him again at 10PM the next day. And the reason he finally told me where he was was because he was running out of money. He does indeed have other problems, the most serious one at the moment being the situation at work. We have discussed the work thing, as it is obvious it plays a big part in this. We are making a little progress.

I also try to practice damage limitation i.e leave the mobile at home along with all cards and only take a set amount of money - oh and have a substantial meal at the beginning of the session. I also try to practice being nice to people these days !

Good luck BB

Thank you, BB. He already tried leaving most of money at home (can't leave mobile at home yet as he still needs my help when getting around). But when he was drunk enough, he got a taxi home to get the money and spend it all. He is going to get access to his money in his home country very soon. That card will definitely have to stay home!

Your partner needs to want to stop. I don't think that you can make him want to stop but maybe I'm wrong. Thailand is a place where many drunks hit rock bottom but it is also a place where people get sober.

Hi garro, thanks so much, that's indeed a very good point. I will speak to him and see what he thinks about all this. He might be more willing to give it a serious thought now that he is 100% depending on me. Until his pay-day anyway.

Our relationship has been damaged beyond repair, and we will only remain friends. But I'm still with him because I love him and want to help him get back on his feet. And before someone comes along and judges me, I'm the only person in this country that he can trust and he doesn't want me to go. Well, he wants me to leave him for my own sake, but doesn't want me to for his own sake.

Other than that start puting some boudaries in place that have a positive outcome, Your outcomes of rescuring your partner will only reinforce in him that it is OK to abuse you. But the sad thing here is you are giving him the green light to continue?

Thanks for your suggestion, Chris. I will read about it. And yes, you have a valid point. By always being there to clean up his shit, that's definitely the green light.

Go out and enjoy yourself, if you're not there when he gets back thats his tuff shit.

Thanks, Robski. That's an interesting point of view.

The experts will tell you that only when he hits rock bottom will he seek help.

And if he doesn't seek help, there is little you can do.

If he won't listen to you, maybe a close friend can try to make him understand the gravity of his situation.

Thanks again, Mobi. I'm not sure he's going to speak with any of his close friends about this, as he doesn't want them (including his mother) to know he is struggling. But I'll try and see.

Thanks, dekka007. I hope so too.

He and his mother still can't believe I am still by his side, after all the shit I've been through with him. Just spoke to him a couple of hours ago and found out he did spend ALL his money last night and lose his mobile. That's mobile number 2 in the past three weeks.

And his exact words...

"You're too good to me. I wouldn't bother coming back, if I were you."

Or a text after yet another argument, where he wrote "Sorry for being a pain. Thanks for being there for me."

Trust that gives you some idea whether or not I have tried to be strong and to help him.

Any other questions?

Thanks for replies.

I'm more concerned about how he is coping (or Not as the case may be) with a whole new experience of life and this job in Thailand. Not to mention suicides in his family in the past that I believe he hasn't really dealt with them yet. His drinking has damaged our relationship for quite a while now and I will leave him eventually, so the "giks" thing can wait.

And thanks Mobi for confirming my thought. I reckon he will find himself in deep shit here soon enough if he doesn't solve this problem. We have actually talked about this several times now and he always understands and admits (when he's sober) he has problem. And then he drinks.

The front desk girl just told me he is now home. I will find out how much he spent last night when I get home. Hopefully all, so he just might realise how big his problem is.

Apart from AA, what are other ways?

My partner has drinking problem. He can go without booze for a week or more if he has to. But once he starts drinking, he cannot stop. He drinks until he passes out somewhere and doesn't come home. Sometimes, if I'm out with him, I have to step in (usually after 3am) and drag him home - in which followed by big argument and/or fight and none of us gets to sleep until the sun comes up.

He has just moved to Thailand and started a new job. Situation at work has caused him stress, anxiety and depression. And that sure doesn't help at all.

He went out on boys night last night. He rang me at 1am saying that he might come home later. I rang him at 3am and he told me to <deleted> off as he was going to find a new place to drink. I knew where he was, but decided he had to learn his lesson a hard way (he's running short of money this month) so I didn't go out to get him home. He didn't want to come home anyway.

8am, I rang him again and his mobile was off. So, he has either passed out somewhere, or lost his mobile... again.

I'm not sure if his state is classified as alcoholism?

I love him to bits and want to help him. But I don't know how. When he is sober, he is okay and understands he has this problem. But once drinking pass the point of no return, he turns into a complete arsehol_e and verbally abuses me.

What can I do to help him? I'm at my wit's end with this problem.

He may be entitled to it according to his (possible) religion. But he is still under Thai laws.

My opinion is....

Divorce divorce divorce.

Personally, I love the Nana Hotel.

It is clean with English TV, a fridge, air con and a nice swimming pool.

Yes, there are lots of girls around downstairs, but they are most polite and don't bother you unless you bother them. At 1,300 baht - with a big buffet breakfast - it is pretty hard to beat!

Personally, I think Nana Hotel is a shithole.

I, too, prefer the Federal. Last time we stayed there we paid 1,400 bht for a one bedroom suite.

Lucifer - You are correct in that NokAir's policy is the same as another domestic air carrier, such as Air Asia.

Or One-Two-Go.

These are low cost airlines. Not surprising that they reimburse less that high cost airlines, such as THAI Airways. How much is the one way airfare on THAI BKK - HKT? Bht 3,580? How much on Nok Air or Thai Air Asia? Less than Bht 3,000 roundtrip if you plan well in advance? It doesn't surprise me in the slightest that low cost airlines reimburse less than high cost ones like THAI.

So, it comes down to what you think is fair. If you find THAI more fair than low cost airlines, then pay more and fly THAI.

Forgot to mention that I've flown low and high cost airlines. Not once they lost my bags.