trisailer

I'm a 58 year old guy who came to Thailand in 2005 looking for the next great adventure. The first couple of years were spent falling in and out of love with these lovely Thai ladies. I had a number of "girlfriends" and each and every experence was wonderful. I've never experenced the bad things that I read about and continue to like living here. Now I'm married to a woman that I adore and after 20 years of 1-2 year relationships and being a whoredog in between I am adapting nicely. Long term relationships are a challange, but I wake up every day grateful for the opportunity to have something that is deeper than LT/ST. I'm a pretty selfish guy who is always looking for a little more feeling, a bigger rush. This is the first I've been with someone who I care as much about her happyness and balance as I do my own.

I made a lot of friends with BG's and GoGo girls. I loved hearing their adventures and the stories about their lives. I admire their cleverness to manipulate guys and completly control the dynamic of a relationship. Some of the women had been all over the world and achieved status and financial security in spite of their poor beginnings. Some of the girls I met were new arrivals and the sweetest things on the planet. Some had been at the game for a long time and surviving on their whits. A common theme among all was that they never saw cleaning a guy out as steeling and I have to agree. Guys give their money away and seem happy to do it. Some of these women would come and hang out at my place on their days off or some would call me needing a break from work and I would BF them so they could have a night off. None were dishonest IMO and I never had anything taken. I admire them for they have used their god given talent to make their life what they want it to be.

I actually have a lot of experence as a whore for corperate America. My career was selling stuff to people that I had absolutely nothing in common with. I took money for spending time with people that I didn't like. I worked for corporate America and never forgot that I was expendable. I made the people I worked for a lot of money. I did pretty well myself but it was pennys compared to what I generated. The wonderful thing about the incompetence rampant in Corporate America is that as long as I kept telling them what they wanted to hear I was their golden boy. I was their bitch and happily so. The thing that saved me was that I never believed that any of it was real and that allowed me to use it to my advantage. When I got enough I got out and they couldn't believe that I could just walk away. You should have seen their faces. I was a complete fake because while was pretending to be one of them I was always secure in my blue collar roots. The people who actually work, make things, sweat and toil, but get cheated out of their labors by pencil pushers, bean counters and greedy shareholders.

I can't say I feel sorry for the punters who come here looking for Nirvana, illprepaired and unwilling to absorb what the vets are trying to tell them. It's a little like being in combat. Some will listen and try to adapt, but many are so far behind the learning curve that I don't even want to know their names. When I was comming up through the ranks I was given charge of a bunch of hard drinking, harley riding, head busting welders. They had broken several green engineers before me by simply allowing their hubris to run and let nature take it's course. "You want it done how?" ok, no problem. Up to you cause your the boss. When you come here and you want this or that your pretty much going to get it.

We all come here with a wish. It's a life wish or a death wish, there are no other choices. None of us can really be sure which one we have, that's why we came. We know that there is a chance to learn which one and Thailand is hear to provide the lesson. The girls are all happy to help us sort it out. They know that we "think too much" that's why we have no hope of winning at connect four. They learn more about us after a few games of connect four then we have learned about ourselves in a lifetime. They learn it because they live in the world of instinct. They are tied to their ancesters at a subcounscious level and have all the power of thousands of years of experence. We all are born with this power the difference is they use it. They cultivate it and it grows stronger. We on the other hand are taught to live in the now, to shut ourselves off from it. To learn rules and parables which keep us seperated from it's power. The power of the collective unconscience. Everything that westerners do is aimed at keeping that unconscience bottled up. When we are weakened by some event it can pop out unexpectantly but we have learned how to pop it back down. Our culture has endless ways to distract us from ourselves so we can live in the conscience world. I think therefore I am. Boy, did that ever go a long way towards fuc_king all of us. How many of us have had Thail girls tell us "you think too mutt" or "you talk too mutt". They think we're stupid because we live in a world seperated from our humanity. They, like us were born with everything they needed to be a complete human and they would never give it away. We have been molded. Sprit has been wrung out of us and we are reduce to cliches. Our ancesters have abandoned us.

Scott Peck answered the question of "why are we here?" We're here to learn so instead of projecting all or stuff on them and trying to get them to conform to us I want to learn something from this. If I do than no matter what happens it will be worth it.

This experence has little to do with who they are and everything to do with who I am. "Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee"