Moved Back To Oz. Want To Move Back To Thailand!

[RueFang]

After living in Thailand for nearly 5 years, my Thai husband and I moved back to Australia for many reasons - including living with the Thai in-laws (read mother-in-law!) and living in a remote area with no other farang/English speaking people eventually took its toll. And yes, I do speak decent Thai, but it's not the same as just being able to chat about whatever you want for as long as you want! We've been back in oz 2 years next month and I've got to say, I am so missing living in Thailand! I guess the grass is always greener..

There's definitely great things about being back but I miss the lifestyle in Thailand, the cheapness of everything, the beauty, the list goes on. We were planning on staying here (oz) the minimum 4 years to get the hubby Australian citizenship/passport and to have a bub (no joy yet) and then reassess the situation. I just have a big fear I guess of going back and being lonely and frustrated again..... frustrated with the family pressure that is and going back potentially with a small child. The education thing will then of course come up and what to do about making a living! We used to have an internet/office shop but I have no desire to get back into that.

Any other farang women that have gone back to their own country with hubby and then moved back to Thailand? Boo and SBK, you come to mind of course!! How did that all work out? Boo you still in UK for a bit? I know there's still 2 years before I really have to think about this but just venting, publicly!

[sbk]

We only went back to work for about a year, no real plans to settle so I am afraid I am not much help there but I can help you with the serious drawbacks.

Schooling sucks in the countryside. If you want your potential bub to be to have a bright future then you will have to either move elsewhere in Thailand or return back to Oz.

Mothers in law do not improve with age

The loneliness never gets better. I've had friends come and friends go and ended up creating most of my close female friendships online since that was more stable. But its no substitution for the real life friend you can gossip over coffee with.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but frankly, unless you want to live somewhere else if it were me, I'd stay in Oz.

[bina]

hey ruefang, nice to hear updates!!!!

as u may remember, i had wanted to go to thailand with husband to korat; it has been put on hold as middle son is in active duty israeli army, and waiting for youngest(16) to reach 18 yrs...then she goes to army, but its not active duty...plus we too must wait for the israeli citizenship (five years of visa stuff, at least, depending on gov't at the time)...

recently, hubby has made noises that he doesnt want to go back, he seems to slowly be getting used to living working here (long hard haul, that... from thai labourer mentality, to basic israeli worker .

im sick of kibbutz life, but options are to leave and live hand to mouth like in thailand, only here, and never get to thailand, or stay here on tzuba (my kibbutz) until 1. i hit retirement age, then leave to thailand 2. take a half year 'sabbatical' in which i lose my kibbutz status and tenure, with 'possible' option of coming back again, as hubbyi s not a member of kibbutz.

the half year option is because while we are doing his visa stuff, he can be out of country up to half a year w/o losing his residency status.

so we are hurrying up and waiting...

maybe just summers (vacation times) be an option? what about your job? career? hubb'ys work? maybe u can find something that allows u both to be more flexitime between the two countries. we dont have the pressure of kids, and as yet dont have grnadkids, so my pressures are financial only. that is... lack of finances!!

maybe once u have a child u may change your mind as children tend to involve u in a different, active social life (moms/kids/familly stuff) , and as for costs, not sure thailand would be cheaper if u want to give decent education to child/health benefits unless u do home schooling etc... and yes, MOTHER IN LAWS... grass is always greener when someone else is paying for the water to water the lawn (an israeli saying due to high cost of water here)...

either way... write out your pros and cons here so we can all see what we didnt think of previuusly...

all the best , bina /israel

[Nignoy]

hey ruefang, nice to hear updates!!!!

as u may remember, i had wanted to go to thailand with husband to korat; it has been put on hold as middle son is in active duty israeli army, and waiting for youngest(16) to reach 18 yrs...then she goes to army, but its not active duty...plus we too must wait for the israeli citizenship (five years of visa stuff, at least, depending on gov't at the time)...

recently, hubby has made noises that he doesnt want to go back, he seems to slowly be getting used to living working here (long hard haul, that... from thai labourer mentality, to basic israeli worker .

im sick of kibbutz life, but options are to leave and live hand to mouth like in thailand, only here, and never get to thailand, or stay here on tzuba (my kibbutz) until 1. i hit retirement age, then leave to thailand 2. take a half year 'sabbatical' in which i lose my kibbutz status and tenure, with 'possible' option of coming back again, as hubbyi s not a member of kibbutz.

the half year option is because while we are doing his visa stuff, he can be out of country up to half a year w/o losing his residency status.

so we are hurrying up and waiting...

maybe just summers (vacation times) be an option? what about your job? career? hubb'ys work? maybe u can find something that allows u both to be more flexitime between the two countries. we dont have the pressure of kids, and as yet dont have grnadkids, so my pressures are financial only. that is... lack of finances!!

maybe once u have a child u may change your mind as children tend to involve u in a different, active social life (moms/kids/familly stuff) , and as for costs, not sure thailand would be cheaper if u want to give decent education to child/health benefits unless u do home schooling etc... and yes, MOTHER IN LAWS... grass is always greener when someone else is paying for the water to water the lawn (an israeli saying due to high cost of water here)...

either way... write out your pros and cons here so we can all see what we didnt think of previuusly...

all the best , bina /israel

Have patience bina it will all come good, mother in laws are easy to pacify

[RueFang]

Sage advice SBK I could handle living in Bangkok for the schooling thing but I guess I'd have to win the lottery first to be able to afford it!

Re the MIL, since visiting Thailand a couple of times she is remarkably more bearable, surprisingly... it's a different story when you're living in close proximately though obviously!

Think my bubble was already popped to be honest. Would be great if we could figure out a lifestyle of 6 months in each country.

Bina - I always find your life in Israel so interesting.. it just sounds so full on different from Aussie life!! Not that I know the ramifications of loosing your status in the kibbutz if you leave for 6 mths, but it sounds pretty tough and not much of an option! My hubby can only be out of the country for 3 months per year as a condition of his visa so that's a bit limiting as well. I guess I'm lucky with my job that I get 10 weeks holiday a year so we've been able to go back for a month twice per year (coming up in November hurrah!), Haven't spent much time in the village on those occasions though, mostly traveling around and having a real holiday from work. Hubby was lucky in the first year we were here with work but this year not so much.. not much of a job market here at the moment for unskilled workers....all the jobs seem to always need previous experience and I guess his age and being a new immigrant would impact that as well.

It's good to hear from you both, thanks. x

[sbk]

No worries, just sometimes a dose of reality helps

[mssabai]

I have recently moved from the south to Bangkok. My whole experience here has completely changed.I have met a much wider circle of friends who are here permanantly - many without a partner - they are here because they genuinely love living here. I have lived on the islands, where many people are seasonal and at times you have loads of friends and at other times none. I have also lived in small town thailand, where to be honest I found the lack of a large circle of friends very hard. Bangkok though has given me back what I miss from home. However it is a big smelly dirty city and would probably not be what you would want to move back for.

I don't think I would ever go back to island life or small town life on a permenant basis, or until I was at a stage where my circle of friends was less important than my quality of life. I think it is very hard here to blend the beauty and the laid back lifestyle of the country with having a great support network around you. You are forced to make choice. Obviously as SBK said as well, education is a big issue. Outside of large LARGE towns, education sucks here. Definitely the number of biggest concern for my friends who have children here, and the main reason why they leave.

[meme]

Well Rue if you can give me 4 more years at least we will have each other if we are both down south!

Hubby is working and making money but he is so home sick. We promised each other that we would never live in one country forever so I will have to go back and 4 years is when my car etc are paid off plus leaves some room for some possible baby making before we return

I think planning out our lives is all well and good but really its just going to unfold the way it does, so while education is a huge factor I think we will wait until we have kids to worry about it, although our plan has always been A1-A3/P1 in Thailand and the rest in Canada. Life happens while your busy making plans right?

I think it will be next to impossible for me to leave my girlfriends and mom again, not to mention if we have a child but that will have to be done at some point. Our relationship is one giant compromise and if he makes it the here the next couple of years than it will be his turn to pick where we live, which will be Trang but possibly Phuket(which, to be honest I dont know if I.we could hack but I cant take my career very far in Trang) if I could get a good teaching job now that I have a post grad in Education and have built up my resume quite considerably in the past year.

For now I have started to play the lottery so that we could live in both countries :)That is how I am dealing with life decisions at the moment.

I do really miss Thailand and look forward to living there again one day but I do know it will be hard to leave here once again.

[Amyji]

It's so good to hear from you again, Rue!

Golf and I are in the same situation you and your hubby are, back in the wife's home country. We've been back since our son Aidan was born in 2005 and our tentative plans are to go back to Thailand for a few years to immerse Aidan in Thai culture and language.

Two things hold us back right now:

1. A very tight economy. We want a good amount of money saved before we move back and we're barely squeaking by month to month.

2. Potentially dangerous political upheaval similar to what we saw in May. We're not so fearful for our son, but my husband's very politically passionate.

We'd also like to get Golf his American citizenship before returning to Thailand, but the fees have gone up to nearly $700USD! When you're only making it month to month, this is a huge expense.

I've been working on my own business, but it is a long-term venture, paying off in years to come. So I've been working like a dog, but with no payoff right away. It will come though.

We want to be able to go back to Bangkok once Aidan finished kindergarten, which he will begin this autumn. However, we may have to push this plan back another year at this rate, but that's alright. My main concern is going to Thailand, spend a few years then be back in the USA before my parents become too old and sick.

In the meantime, Aidan has Thai school at the local temple in Berkeley, and during the summer months he goes Tuesday-Thursday from 10-3:30. It's all in Thai, of course, and they learn everything from Thai culture, Buddhism, language, music and art. It's a fantastic program and it will do fine until we can move back!

It is SOOO great to hear your update, Rue and I look forward to hearing from you some more. I wish you and your husband all the best and hope you get your little bub soon.

[Goinghomesoon]

Hey Rue, sadly no good ideas here! Seems like you are going through the same thing I suffer every time I visit my favourite country. Have just come back from holidays yesterday and right now I would happily chuck my job in Bangkok and nice life here to go back if I could find a job that would fund international school fees for the little one plus pay a decent wage. Like you though, we need to go back to Oz so hubby can get his citizenship and learn how to function independently in Australia. If something happens to me, he will need to look after kidlet in Australia until she finishes high school, so he needs to practice those skills. Plus of course my permanent work is there, I have no possibility of extending my contract in Thailand. I know in your case Mr Rue would probably get a job if you came back, but would it be enough to support you both? In my husband's case he wouldn't earn enough to support a western family.

Last time I went through one of these periods I seriously considered retraining as a teacher, with the aim of working in the international school system (decent salaries, free or discounted school fees for your kids, long holidays). I also looked at doing a full-time course in hotel management, which I had briefly considered when I was younger. Friends in those industries talked me out of both on the grounds that by the time I got some decent experience and had the chance to start looking for a job in my preferred country, I'd be close to 45 years old and be competing against kids 20 years my junior who have far more energy and enthusiasm. I'm not brave enough, or financial enough, to open or run my own business.

So for now I kind of just plod along at my regular job, although I am lucky that I really enjoy my work and it's not too tiresome. And it's building up the superannuation for a time when we can afford to take off travelling whenever we want.... let us know if you have any better ideas though!?

[sbk]

Good lord Amy, your son is starting kindergarten??? Oh my! I can remember when Golf first started posting on the forum and how he met you!

[RueFang]

Well Rue if you can give me 4 more years at least we will have each other if we are both down south!

Hubby is working and making money but he is so home sick. We promised each other that we would never live in one country forever so I will have to go back and 4 years is when my car etc are paid off plus leaves some room for some possible baby making before we return

For now I have started to play the lottery so that we could live in both countries :)That is how I am dealing with life decisions at the moment.

I do really miss Thailand and look forward to living there again one day but I do know it will be hard to leave here once again.

I'm glad it's not just me that's starting to buy lottery! I have NEVER bought lottery before this year and now do every couple of weeks.... so sad We are in exactly the same boat I know, but I guess at least you know you can come back and get a good teaching position with a decent pay. I NEVER want to teach again!! Is definitely not for me I'm afraid! I think that's why I think we will end up living in oz so long just to save to be able to build a decent business, maybe eco-tourism type homestay or something. I don't know how the hel_l your hubby deals with the cold weather over there cos mine is such a wus even in 20 degree heat wearing a beanie and socks!!

It's so good to hear from you again, Rue!

Golf and I are in the same situation you and your hubby are, back in the wife's home country. We've been back since our son Aidan was born in 2005 and our tentative plans are to go back to Thailand for a few years to immerse Aidan in Thai culture and language.

We'd also like to get Golf his American citizenship before returning to Thailand, but the fees have gone up to nearly $700USD! When you're only making it month to month, this is a huge expense.

It's great to hear back from you too Amy Is your business transferable to Thailand at all? $700 is alot, oz is only $260AU. Hubby just got his Permanent Spouse visa yesterday so that's the first step complete! It means for all purposes he's pretty much equal to an Aussie citizen for medical or government aid, just doesn't have the passport for another 2 years.

Hey Rue, sadly no good ideas here! Seems like you are going through the same thing I suffer every time I visit my favourite country. Have just come back from holidays yesterday and right now I would happily chuck my job in Bangkok and nice life here to go back if I could find a job that would fund international school fees for the little one plus pay a decent wage. Like you though, we need to go back to Oz so hubby can get his citizenship and learn how to function independently in Australia. If something happens to me, he will need to look after kidlet in Australia until she finishes high school, so he needs to practice those skills. Plus of course my permanent work is there, I have no possibility of extending my contract in Thailand. I know in your case Mr Rue would probably get a job if you came back, but would it be enough to support you both? In my husband's case he wouldn't earn enough to support a western family.

It's an interesting point about hubby learning to live independently in oz. If anything happened to me, hub would be on the first plane out of here back to Thailand!! Even if/when we have a bubba... there's just no way he would be able to stay here without me.. he just doesn't really comprehend how life works here, having to call certain people/agencies, bill payments, rent/work contracts... he'd be so lost. Living without family and friends and staying in a foreign country if I wasn't here just wouldn't be an option. We don't have the kid aspect in the picture though as you do, so that makes a world of difference. Oh the perils of inter-country marriages!!

[sunspun]

girls, i feel like i'm reading my life story here!! if only we could all be in one place...all at the same time! there are almost no thai people in my whole province (meme, i think you are the closest, but still 8 hours away!) and i know how i get when i'm in that village for too long! my husband has been so good about being here, but i know he hates being away as much as i do. kids are in the near future... we've been holding off mainly because we don't know what to do when we have one

so far we've been half here and half there...but it's an expensive lifestyle. if any of you find a solution...please share!!!

[bina]

its wierd, recently a very good friend of anon's came to work here, he's about two hours away down south (by gaza/egypt) but he lives near to someone else i had met virtually here on the forum; now we are in contact via facebook, so are planning an other trip down to meet friend and to meet up with farang israeli wife/thai worker husband.... since his friend has come to israel (as a foreign worker just like all the others), anon's moodiness has lessened. i think its cause he suddenly has to explain things to this new guy, and it kind of mirrors back at him all the stuff that he has learned while here... he realizes that he knows more then he thinks he does.

at present moment he is taking driving lessons with a school that has someone that teaches thai workers tractor driving, so the guy is well aquanted with thai bannork driving as opposed to israeli driving-- this is giving anon conficence to pass the test he needs (we were able to transfer his liscense, a bit of pressure and pull from me) once he can drive, we can think of a car and therefore job oppurtunities increase...

however, he still cannot deal with any beurocratic stuff here (the system being similar to thailand that its who u know and attitudes that make or break getting anything done. nothing is strictly professionally decided here.) if i were to die, he has a week to get organized, loses his residency visa, the kibbutz would only allow him to stay for a short while anyhow based on humanitarian grounds, he would have to re home the dogs and get on the next plane to korat; or run off to work with all theother non visa thais...

finding long term friends that are males is difficult for him since they also work every day all hours and dont live the same lifestyle as us (family, trips, days off, etc). and he doesnt really hit it off with our surroundings too well, also because of their innate dislike of non jewish obviously foreign poeple, even if they arent actively racist people here are very ethnocentric and xenophobic, so our friendships are limited to others 'in the same boat' or 'temporary'...

i'd probably deal better as a farang in thailand though.... no more babies (this year marks the beginning of the end of fertility for me ( but three dogs!!! as surogates )...

bina

israel

[Raesum]

Hey Ruefarang you were the reason why I joined this forum not long before you left to go back to Oz.

My Thai husband of 20 years and I went back to live in Perth after 3 years here. We went for a year 2009 / 2010 and we are now back living on the outskirts of Bangkok amongst his family. He lived in Oz for nearly 30 years and has both Thai and Australian passports. We are absolutely loving being back here and it even feels cooler!! We only ever intended to go back for the year and like yourself we had goals to achieve in the time we were there which we did. I think you would regret coming back and hubby missing out on getting his Australian passport. Even though I live in Bangkok I don't know any other farang so my remedy is to get friends to come and visit me from Australia and NZ. Usually have someone here most months for a couple of weeks.Fortunately, due to family property we were able to build a small cottage so we put them in there and still keep our house to ourselves. Although with your 10 weeks holidays sounds like you can continue to have the best of both worlds. Good luck with having a family. I have just applied for my first retirement visa so I won't be having the dilemma of bringing up a baby here!!!

[Goinghomesoon]

Oh Rue - did you see that the residency requirement from 1 July 2010 has now gone up to 4 years living in Oz before our men can apply for citizenship...

[RueFang]

Thanks Raesum, it's lovely to hear from you. How wonderful for you both that you could move back to Thailand to retire. Sounds fabulous!! We will definitely be staying to get the dual passport, it's just hard to know how long to stay for in oz, but we don't have any solid plans either way at the moment!

GHS - It must have been a while since the 4 year rule cos when we applied for his oz visa in June 2008 we were told that it had just changed from two years to four back then. I can't believe it's two years already. Next two should fly!!

[sbk]

I have very few regrets Rue, but one of them is that I didn't require Mr sbk to stay in the US long enough to obtain citizenship. It's 5 years there but we were both young, had decent jobs and a good living condition so it would have been wise to stay. But, the ocean called, his grandpa was ailing and he is the responsible son. So, back we went, he gave up his green card and now he has a B1/B2 visa.

[bina]

ugh..... here they are now trying to put though a new law to change the 'swearing in' statement when someone becomes a citizen from -something along the lines of not doing anything to harm the state/country, abide by the laws, no terrorist acts blablab- to - in addition, accepting that israel is a democratic JEWISH state ' (which it is since religioun is mixed in with state here but up til now, no one was required to state teh original obvious, which of course is aimed for other 'foreign' residents but makes my hair stand on end), - it also means that anon will probably refuse to swear in if and when he is offerred th citizenship. he doesnt really care but hates being FORCED to accept religous sovereinity over himself...

also, son has made it in to full front line troops special forces after a year of fighting with the army (IDF) to get accepted (at a time when other boys are trying creative ways to get out of front line service) ( so i wont go anywhere until he is home safe ...

will wait and see....

im beginning to think that five year plans arent so good in this world day and age as things change far too fast and the rules /regs keep changing, everywhere... by the time anon gets the citizenship and we can think about a real move who knows what the rules will be in thailnd!!

dam_n... shouldnt have thrown out my crystal ball.... even if it was only 50% accurate )

ah well, in the mean time, we have one papaya tree that has survived the winter, and several other thai trees that are making it so... we will soon have a little korat in the side yard much to my neighbhors' displeasure (its a rather thailand style haphazard side yard, not a neat, organized kibbutz garden)

bina