How To Spot An American

[jori]

HOW TO SPOT AN AMERICAN

Someone who reads a newspaper for half an hour before realising it is upside down, thinks short time is one second, long time is five seconds, learnt about sex through page 6 of a cookery book, aghast at Beach road he finds comfort sky diving off Jomtien condos.

Loved moms apple pie, but thinks Taco Bells are superb, thinks Wendy’s is a hook up for gays, thinks Mc Donald’s US road sign slogan “obey all hunger signs “ means every 20 seconds, thinks weighing 20 tons an ideal weight, 70 tons a bit excessive.

Height of a shopping trip, a drive to Wal Mart, but a higher shopping experience is a trip to Target, thinks fine dining is a Trader Joes tube of extra special cheese spread, squeezed out in a burst of half a second straight down the throat, but takes half an hour figuring how to open the tube, knows f*** all about anything, but knows everything about f*** all, thinks the film from Here to Eternity was about a log cabin in Alaska, knows that the film Gone with the Wind was about a hairpiece,

Convinced Donald Duck was the last US vice president and definitely thinks Popeye was a living being, knows there are good people as well as bad people in this world but unfortunately all the good guys are non American ,says “but hey” as he cannot say “excuse me”

Knows John Wayne was a porn star and John Holmes was a cowboy, always calls a dog a mutt , senior moments and spelt backwards dog becomes god, grave possibility of it becoming Dog Bless America and In Dog We Trust, thinks Mason Dixon is a toothpaste brand, can whistle Dixie standing on one leg ,falls over when using the other one

Knows when to go to bed (its dark), knows when to get up (its light) ,knows 2 +2 = 5 ,but sometimes makes 6,can count 1 to 10 backwards but finds it difficult to count forwards, finds a 5 watt bulb a blinding light, thinks Adolf Hitler was the UN human rights commissioner

Thinks his neighbour is a moron ,but his next door but one neighbour is cool, secretly lusts after their daughter and bangs the bishop and chokes the chicken whilst peeping through a crack in the clinker board cladding of his house, wanders why the front of his pants occasionally gets wet. Drives to church like crazy on a Sunday to ask for forgiveness , drives even more like crazy back to his house to resumes choking the chicken

Thinks Larry the Lamb is a good up stand guy, forgets where his recently purchased 6 pack has gone (he’s drank it)

[bkkmick]

<deleted>.

[moo9]

Is that funny?

Can write similar stupidities about each country in the word.

Next round: HOW TO SPOT A BRIT?

Edited October 14, 2010 by moo9

[angiud]

Mmmm, not so funny

[mallyrd]

What a stupid waste of space, a total crock of sh-t

[Beardog]

Jori You win hand down on the <deleted> rant of a decade.

I am not sure what country you are from but reading your posts you don't seem to be a happy person or an informed person for that matter. Let me guess you still wish you were in high school but your really just an old worn out geezer?

[rmicheald]

So much effort for a substandard piece of idiocy. All you are doing is showing how ignorant and uninformed you are. Get a life....

[DoubtingThomas]

Guys he's just trying to be funny. Unsuccessfully. What do you expect from a Canadian..................

[metisdead]

:jerk:

[T_Dog]

Same same plonker.

[gotlost]

[george]

Thread closed.