Butterfly Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Do you consider that your man is cheating when he goes to the "girlie" bar and bar fine a hottie ? knowing he is just doing it for physical reasons but still come back home to you and still love you the same. Or would you consider cheating to be more "cerebral" like a long time flirt with an "office girl" or a private dinner with someone he just met ? what's your expectations with your men in Thailand ? are you prepared ? would you react strongly ? do you mind ? or are you just ok with it ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Why, are you in love, Butterfly? Personally, I don't think I'd mind very much if it was a very occassional thing, but I think I am the exception among Western women. However, there is no way I could date or be involved with a man who chronically patronized bar girls, brothels, or internet porn. It hints at more significant problems, and also an extreme objectification of women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butterfly Posted January 24, 2006 Author Share Posted January 24, 2006 Why, are you in love, Butterfly? Personally, I don't think I'd mind very much if it was a very occassional thing, but I think I am the exception among Western women. However, there is no way I could date or be involved with a man who chronically patronized bar girls, brothels, or internet porn. It hints at more significant problems, and also an extreme objectification of women. Me in love ? always occasional thing ? which one ? the flirting with office girls ? or the girlie bars ? or both ? As for chronically patronizing bar girls, I would understand perfectly. But Internet Porn ? why ? it's harmless. Objectification of women is more frequent on mainstream TV than on Internet Porn sites. Different kind of objectification, less sneaky with Internet Porn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soic Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I'm sure that I'm going to catch a lot of heat, but in my opinion, it's cheating. I'm a guy, and I'm not holier than though. I've been guilty of it in the past myself. It's still cheating. When you're involved in a relationship, it's all of you. There are no days off, no timeouts. That's why they call it fidelity. If your partner feels that a casual encounter with a bar girl doesn't count, I believe that in the long run, you'll find out that there's a lot more that he won't count. If he can't be faithfull to you know, he won't later. Sorry guys! But the truth is the truth!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuketsiam Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I think the simple truth is if you are NOT OK with your partner knowing what you're up to then its cheating, if you bar fine a hottie or take an office girl to dinner and are comfortable with your G/F knowing then its not cheating, else it is. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovejoy Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 would you consider it cheating if your wife/girlfriend did that to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldenbead Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 It is most definitely cheating. When you are in a monogamous relationship with another person, it means that no one else is involved, be that bar girls, office girls or anyone else. I would certainly not tolerate any of the above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gburns57au Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 (edited) I think taking the occasional BG would be cheating...unless youre wife was with you, but thats a different matter Taking a girl to dinner etc...behind your wifes back is also cheating... If you cant be open and upfront with your wife about what you are doing then you are cheating. Monogamy is not a two way street....if you expect it then you have to give it also. Edited January 24, 2006 by gburns57au Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuketsiam Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Thats what I was trying to say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzap Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 It depends what kind of agreement you have with your wife/partner. But I am just another man answering a question in the Ladies' forum... :lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuketsiam Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 exactly, if your other half is Ok with you straying then its not cheating, it all comes down to what you are comfortable with him/her knowing, I have known more than person in LOS who use BG's to spice up their sexlife, full consent and sometimes participation (one case where 'she' liked to just watch) it takes all sorts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibebop Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 It's only cheating if the relationship defines it as cheating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibebop Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 It's only cheating if the relationship defines it as cheating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uma~~ Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 (edited) would you consider it cheating if your wife/girlfriend did that to you? Now that's a good question, I'd be interested to see his answer. Monogamy is not natural at all it is something we have created, but if serious about somebody - very serious, then I subscribe to it with 100% loyalty, just as I subscribe to basic manners and law and order which we have also created. Lots of men come to Thailand so they can revert back to being animals, which I don't have a problem with providing they are not doing anyone any harm. Edited January 25, 2006 by Uma~~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 would you consider it cheating if your wife/girlfriend did that to you? Now that's a good question, I'd be interested to see his answer. Monogamy is not natural at all it is something we have created, but if serious about somebody - very serious, then I subscribe to it with 100% loyalty, just as I subscribe to law and order. Lots of men come to Thailand so they can revert back to being animals, which I don't have a problem with providing they are not doing any harm. Says who? There are many cases of Monogamy in the animal world.Some zoologists say that monogomy is needed because of the time,effort and problems caused by raising young.Mostly,children have to be raised untill their early teens before they can look after themselves.In a perfect world, this takes a big effort by both parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soph Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Of course its cheating. If you are in a loving, equal, stable relationship there should be no need to do that. If you find that acceptable in a relationship, you maybe have some deeper issues. Not that I can talk mind, as I have been in a similar situation before, although there wasnt really much love involved so it was never a huge problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Cheating? absolutely. Disloyalty and dishonesty are big relationship killers, in my view. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uma~~ Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 would you consider it cheating if your wife/girlfriend did that to you? Now that's a good question, I'd be interested to see his answer. Monogamy is not natural at all it is something we have created, but if serious about somebody - very serious, then I subscribe to it with 100% loyalty, just as I subscribe to law and order. Lots of men come to Thailand so they can revert back to being animals, which I don't have a problem with providing they are not doing any harm. Says who? There are many cases of Monogamy in the animal world.Some zoologists say that monogomy is needed because of the time,effort and problems caused by raising young.Mostly,children have to be raised untill their early teens before they can look after themselves.In a perfect world, this takes a big effort by both parents. But what I'm saying is chuchok is that staying faithful is a choice we make. If we followed our desires all the time then no one would be faithful, which is why a relationship takes a big effort, parents or not. It takes effort to keep the relationship happy and flowing and interesting. I once found one of my parents, um.. toys. Understand me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 As others have said, it depends on the agreement of your relationship. For me, it's all or nothing, total monogamy or no relationship. Lifes to short & especially with AIDS everywhere, it's not worth the risk of multiple partners or to accept my husband having a bit on the side. As for porno mags or movies, in moderation they are harmless but an unhealthy obsession wouldn't be tolerated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uma~~ Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 As for porno mags or movies, in moderation they are harmless Do you moderate those too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 in my house, yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butterfly Posted January 25, 2006 Author Share Posted January 25, 2006 (edited) I think the simple truth is if you are NOT OK with your partner knowing what you're up to then its cheating, if you bar fine a hottie or take an office girl to dinner and are comfortable with your G/F knowing then its not cheating, else it is. I was invited on a "hot" double date with a friend a few years ago, and I felt unconfortable with it. I thought of it as cheating. I went to the bar instead and barfined a hottie, but it didn't feel like cheating, strange isn't it ? The great thing about Thai women is that they have "certain" expectations about men, and it doesn't conflict with their feelings toward them. They "understand" it as long as they don't see it or know about it. Terrorizing your husband or your man because of his "natural" obsessions is asking for problem. You will either "castrate" him and make him worthless or "force" him to chase everything he finds which is also pathetic and sad. I think a good balance is needed, As for woman cheating on men, this is a different issue as the "obsessive" physical needs are not there so they have no excuse Edited January 25, 2006 by Butterfly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gburns57au Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 (edited) I was invited on a "hot" double date with a friend a few years ago, and I felt unconfortable with it. I thought of it as cheating. I went to the bar instead and barfined a hottie, but it didn't feel like cheating, strange isn't it ? The great thing about Thai women is that they have "certain" expectations about men, and it doesn't conflict with their feelings toward them. They "understand" it as long as they don't see it or know about it. Terrorizing your husband or your man because of his "natural" obsessions is asking for problem. You will either "castrate" him and make him worthless or "force" him to chase everything he finds which is also pathetic and sad. I think a good balance is needed, As for woman cheating on men, this is a different issue as the "obsessive" physical needs are not there so they have no excuse good job you put that smiley at the end or I would have believed you..... isnt that a "Tornado" in your Avatar..... Edited January 25, 2006 by gburns57au Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Why, are you in love, Butterfly? Personally, I don't think I'd mind very much if it was a very occassional thing, but I think I am the exception among Western women. However, there is no way I could date or be involved with a man who chronically patronized bar girls, brothels, or internet porn. It hints at more significant problems, and also an extreme objectification of women. Me in love ? always occasional thing ? which one ? the flirting with office girls ? or the girlie bars ? or both ? As for chronically patronizing bar girls, I would understand perfectly. But Internet Porn ? why ? it's harmless. Objectification of women is more frequent on mainstream TV than on Internet Porn sites. Different kind of objectification, less sneaky with Internet Porn. I was initially saying that I wouldn't mind as much if it were a very occassional bar girl fine, but nothing else. However, I'm not in a relationship, so it's hard to say. I know I have said the same thing to one of the loves of my life a while ago, but nothing ever came of it, because we weren't together long enough where he would start to get complacent. It's hard to say. It would really only be an agreement or understanding among equals, and with a partner who was obviously also my best friend. Otherwise, a defacto controlled, occassionally non-monagomus arrangement would never work. I think when someone needs to constantly seek stimulation from elsewhere, whether it be from other partners - paid and unpaid - and virtual objects through excessive porn consumption, something is wrong. It is too much of a distraction in a relationship, and signals to me that the person is not really ready or capable of being in a sustained, intimate relationship with someone else, other than a fantasy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daleyboy Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 As others have said, it depends on the agreement of your relationship. For me, it's all or nothing, total monogamy or no relationship. Lifes to short & especially with AIDS everywhere, it's not worth the risk of multiple partners or to accept my husband having a bit on the side. As for porno mags or movies, in moderation they are harmless but an unhealthy obsession wouldn't be tolerated I agree with this point completely, its all or nothing. I admit i have looked at other women and thought wow shes cute, but what seperates me from an animal is i have the power to control my urge, 10 minutes later the girl has gone and so has the thought from my mind. As for the porn angle, my wife and i enjoy watching the occasional porn movie, trouble is i only need the first 5 minutes where the wife likes to watch the whole thing to see how the story finishes i get fed up telling there are no stroy lines to porn. If my wife didnt enjoy the odd porn movie then we wouldnt have any in the house. As for internet porn, never really got that, i have the choice of looking at a 17" inanimate picture or a full size 4"10 beautiful lady i know which one i will choose every time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gulliver_in_LOS Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 (edited) I was invited on a "hot" double date with a friend a few years ago, and I felt unconfortable with it. I thought of it as cheating. I went to the bar instead and barfined a hottie, but it didn't feel like cheating, strange isn't it ? I think the difference is because a date is an emotional event as initially you get to know some aspects of the other person's life and so on. The second case is like a business transaction where both people agreed from the onset about the required "service" and the price. But personally even in this case I will still feel guilty. The great thing about Thai women is that they have "certain" expectations about men, and it doesn't conflict with their feelings toward them. They "understand" it as long as they don't see it or know about it. May be they will not react as strongly as a Western woman. But I am sure that deep down they would feel very hurt about it. As for woman cheating on men, this is a different issue as the "obsessive" physical needs are not there so they have no excuse Agree. It is a scientific fact that men's "urges" are much stronger than women's. But is it an excuse for cheating? I believe no. Edited January 25, 2006 by Gulliver_in_LOS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 As for woman cheating on men, this is a different issue as the "obsessive" physical needs are not there so they have no excuse No, you cannot use that as an excuse when you are in a relationship and you have a woman who is sexually available to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siamann Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Why, are you in love, Butterfly? Personally, I don't think I'd mind very much if it was a very occassional thing, but I think I am the exception among Western women. However, there is no way I could date or be involved with a man who chronically patronized bar girls, brothels, or internet porn. It hints at more significant problems, and also an extreme objectification of women. Me in love ? always occasional thing ? which one ? the flirting with office girls ? or the girlie bars ? or both ? As for chronically patronizing bar girls, I would understand perfectly. But Internet Porn ? why ? it's harmless. Objectification of women is more frequent on mainstream TV than on Internet Porn sites. Different kind of objectification, less sneaky with Internet Porn. Get real! Cheating is deception, and to cheat in a marriage is being sexually unfaithful, once that happens it's time to say have a good life with whatever person he ends up with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glauka Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Well I haven´t though yet about my opinion in this matter...but i know someone who his boyfriend went to this places to see girl dancing and enjoy lap dancing...few days later he was telling her that she should lose some weight and go to the gym...enough say for now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 If you like to look - just take your significant other with you, however its crossing the line when you are slithering around behind his/her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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