Fidelity: noun: Honest or lasting support, or loyalty, especially to a sexual partner.

Personally I approach fidelity with the philosophy of doing unto others that which you would willingly have done to yourself. Cheating inevitably causes hurt to your partner and if it doesn't then I tend to think that there is something missing in the relationship - perhaps a level of consideration and intimacy that just hasn't been reached. At the first thought of straying, a person should put themselves in the place of their partner and see just how they would feel if the cheating was reciprocated, if they believe that they would feel fine then either they are lying to themselves, or questions need to be asked with regards to the validity of the entire relationship. IMO

Re: Internet Porn

I have a "strange" addiction to it. Maybe because it's so diverse and there is the fun associated with the search and the download. However I can't even watch a porn movie, I find them boring and disgusting. But downloading Porn "clips" from the net is quite amusing for some strange reasons. Not really an addiction as I will do it when I have the time but when I do I can spend all night doing it and then forget about it for months.

Re: Seperating the animals from us

You guys got it all wrong. The animals do it ONLY for reproduction, we don't. Only monkeys and we humans do it for social reasons and pleasure. It's a stress reliever and it has other "social" significance other than reproduction. This is how this seperate us from the animals.

In ancient Rome, it didn't stop love and strong intimate relationship from happening. Sexual proximity was "natural" and "swingers" wasn't taboo. Having different sexual partners was expected. I think our anal and "obsessive" culture of "exclusivity" has forced us to be "religiously" monogamous. This is just wrong

In ancient Rome, it didn't stop love and strong intimate relationship from happening. Sexual proximity was "natural" and "swingers" wasn't taboo. Having different sexual partners was expected. I think our anal and "obsessive" culture of "exclusivity" has forced us to be "religiously" monogamous. This is just wrong

Don't leave the bisexual part out of Rome if you must bring it up.....

It is too much of a distraction in a relationship, and signals to me that the person is not really ready or capable of being in a sustained, intimate relationship with someone else, other than a fantasy.

I agree. Some people choose an "open" marriage for these reasons. Is it safe to say that all intimate relationship will lead to disaster one day or another because the exclusivity of it doesn't let any breeze of "fresh" air ?

I think each to their own, I know some couples who have "open" relationships, they seem ok with it, only time will tell. As long as both parties agree to what they want & are honest in their acceptance of it then thats their business isn't it?.

We have an open relastionship but it does cause problems cause it was my idea. I don't think she loves me so it's ok, but we are fond of each other in our own ways and its better to have somebody than waste life looking or waiting for somebody. I got the best of both worlds.

In ancient Rome, it didn't stop love and strong intimate relationship from happening. Sexual proximity was "natural" and "swingers" wasn't taboo. Having different sexual partners was expected. I think our anal and "obsessive" culture of "exclusivity" has forced us to be "religiously" monogamous. This is just wrong

Don't leave the bisexual part out of Rome if you must bring it up.....

Actually a "natural" consequence of it. Sex was the focus, and it didn't care about the physical enveloppe. You were required to love "all" bodies to reach a certain level of "civility"

We have an open relastionship but it does cause problems cause it was my idea. I don't think she loves me so it's ok, but we are fond of each other in our own ways and its better to have somebody than waste life looking or waiting for somebody. I got the best of both worlds.

so that explains the PM's to the ladies

Is this Rome thing something the moog told you about?

Re: Seperating the animals from us

You guys got it all wrong. The animals do it ONLY for reproduction, we don't. Only monkeys and we humans do it for social reasons and pleasure.

I think you will find that Dolphins also have sex for pleasure and not just reproduction.

Is this Rome thing something the moog told you about?

Hence the fascination with Katoey(s) at GoGo(s).

Definitely it is cheating unless there is an explicit agreement between the partners that it's OK.

I have dozens of close Thai female friends and have discussed this with all of them at one time or another. To a one, they tell me they don't like it and feel hurt. But many believe that to say anything about it would risk breaking up the family.

In ancient Rome, it didn't stop love and strong intimate relationship from happening. Sexual proximity was "natural" and "swingers" wasn't taboo. Having different sexual partners was expected. I think our anal and "obsessive" culture of "exclusivity" has forced us to be "religiously" monogamous. This is just wrong

Strange that Ancient Rome should be taken as a comparison for positive reference. Lets not forget that Rome also had rampant crime, massive inflation, animals and people killing each other for mass entertainment, an explosion in government bureaucracy and a decline of patriotism, innumerable unhappy marriages leading to a breakup of the home and a resultant increase in divorce rates, all of which led to the inevitable collapse of national resolve and the eventual fall of Rome. In some ways it seems that the Romans were well ahead of their time! In other ways, thankfully, the human race appears to have evolved a more civilised approach.

In ancient Rome, it didn't stop love and strong intimate relationship from happening. Sexual proximity was "natural" and "swingers" wasn't taboo. Having different sexual partners was expected. I think our anal and "obsessive" culture of "exclusivity" has forced us to be "religiously" monogamous. This is just wrong

Strange that Ancient Rome should be taken as a comparison for positive reference. Lets not forget that Rome also had rampant crime, massive inflation, animals and people killing each other for mass entertainment, an explosion in government bureaucracy and a decline of patriotism, innumerable unhappy marriages leading to a breakup of the home and a resultant increase in divorce rates, all of which led to the inevitable collapse of national resolve and the eventual fall of Rome. In some ways it seems that the Romans were well ahead of their time! In other ways, thankfully, the human race appears to have evolved a more civilised approach.

So, I guess the invasions don't count?

We have an open relastionship but it does cause problems cause it was my idea. I don't think she loves me so it's ok, but we are fond of each other in our own ways and its better to have somebody than waste life looking or waiting for somebody. I got the best of both worlds.

Classic male answer Wes, thanks for the affirmation of some men's perfidy.

I don't think she loves me so it's ok

Wouldn't it be better to say something along the lines of:

I prefer to think she doesn't love me so that makes me feel that my behavior is ok

?

I got the best of both worlds.

But, I doubt somewhat, that she feels she does.

And this is my point about cheating on a spouse or partner: it is a purely selfish behavior that shows the cheater doesn't care about anyone else's feelings but their own. I, for one, would not want to be in a relationship with someone who cared so little for my feelings.

And this is my point about cheating on a spouse or partner: it is a purely selfish behavior that shows the cheater doesn't care about anyone else's feelings but their own. I, for one, would not want to be in a relationship with someone who cared so little for my feelings.

Well said sbk.

Is this Rome thing something the moog told you about?

Hence the fascination with Katoey(s) at GoGo(s).

Jealous much ?

Actually going there this week with The Moog, he is far more knowledgeable than I am on the subject

And this is my point about cheating on a spouse or partner: it is a purely selfish behavior that shows the cheater doesn't care about anyone else's feelings but their own. I, for one, would not want to be in a relationship with someone who cared so little for my feelings.

Absolutely and this is why you have to be very discrete and sneaky so that nobody get hurts. Women are more selfish than men on other matters, so I am not sure what is your point here.

Cheating? absolutely.

Disloyalty and dishonesty are big relationship killers, in my view.

And how!

Although, as a moderately not-so-old guy (mid30s) dating guys that are kinda young (mid20s), I'd have to say that realistically guys that age are going to cheat on you, almost without exception- too many hormones, too few brains. It's sort of the price you pay for dating someone in that age range. If it's not "cerebral," as Mr. Butterfly calls it, I don't mind turning a blind eye to a VERY little of it (perhaps in the same way as Kat). It's when it's a frequent behavior or there's another relationship competing with yours that I object to it absolutely (or if the man is over 30 and should have tamed his hormones or gotten smarter).

"Steven"

And this is my point about cheating on a spouse or partner: it is a purely selfish behavior that shows the cheater doesn't care about anyone else's feelings but their own. I, for one, would not want to be in a relationship with someone who cared so little for my feelings.

Gimme a break sbk, she would be in bed with the first backpacker she saw the moment I turned my back on her. I know this hapened lst time I went home for a couple weeks.

If she loved me more than my money i would not want to hurt her by screwing around but if i stay true to a gal who loves the green more than me then I'm as dumb as you think i am..

And this is my point about cheating on a spouse or partner: it is a purely selfish behavior that shows the cheater doesn't care about anyone else's feelings but their own. I, for one, would not want to be in a relationship with someone who cared so little for my feelings.

Gimme a break sbk, she would be in bed with the first backpacker she saw the moment I turned my back on her. I know this hapened lst time I went home for a couple weeks.

If she loved me more than my money i would not want to hurt her by screwing around but if i stay true to a gal who loves the green more than me then I'm as dumb as you think i am..

Respect is a two way street, you can't get it if you don't give it.

Sometimes, one partner will justify cheating because, hey! why not? the other partner already does. If this is a partnership of convenience for you then just hope it is for her too.

Is this Rome thing something the moog told you about?

Hence the fascination with Katoey(s) at GoGo(s).

Jealous much ?

Actually going there this week with The Moog, he is far more knowledgeable than I am on the subject

That's what I thought...

And this is my point about cheating on a spouse or partner: it is a purely selfish behavior that shows the cheater doesn't care about anyone else's feelings but their own. I, for one, would not want to be in a relationship with someone who cared so little for my feelings.

Interesting topic and I didn't read it untill today.

The OP writes that it is meant for ladies, living in Thailand, but hope he doesn't mind that I talk in general.

SBK, I really respect you and I mean that, but what you say here (above) is a delicate sentence and one could be on 'slippery ice' saying that, but I understand completely what you say and feel, deep in your heart.

There could be at any given point in life such a thing happens, and I mean cheating. But there is a difference in once-cheating and structural cheating.

Cheating (sex) and Love, and I mean deep love for your spouse/partner is something entirely different and should not be compared.

Would one leave their spouse immediately when he/she finds out? I don't know and the circumstances in any given marriage would be different.

I am deeply in love with my wife, and that's mutual but I know I would be very hurt if she told me she cheated on me, but leave her? No, but I also realize that this would be a different matter in many other marriages.

Of course it would be totally different if that would be a structural 'cheating'.

The problem lies in the non-communication by spouses/partners and not sharing their mutual fantasies in their sex-lifes. A lot of couples just live together but don't TALK with each other about their deapest desires. I'm lucky that we share these intimate thoughts.

In many countries in the Far East women are still considered as 'lower' to the man (no, SBK, not in your marriage, I know), and therefore women lack respect from the men.

Like you said: respect is a two-way route, but unfortunately that's, by far, not the case in a lot of marriages in the Far East, let's not forget the Middle East!, and thus, mia nois or second (and third) 'wifes/girlfriends' are common practice and therefore cheating/betray is widely accepted, also by the first wife....in many cases she has no option to leave or find a better life.

Cheating....a complicated subject.

LaoPo

I got the best of both worlds.

WOW....really?

Have you ever considered that there are more than TWO worlds?

In many countries in the Far East women are still considered as 'lower' to the man and therefore women lack respect from the men.

Very true and very bad considering the age we are supposed to be living in - don't get me started on Arab equality.

The problem lies in the non-communication by spouses/partners and not sharing their mutual fantasies in their sex-lifes. A lot of couples just live together but don't TALK with each other about their deapest desires. I'm lucky that we share these intimate thoughts.

I agree, sex is possibly the most important element of a relationship because without it the relationship would just be a strong friendship between two sexes.

I am deeply in love with my wife, and that's mutual but I know I would be very hurt if she told me she cheated on me, but leave her? No, but I also realize that this would be a different matter in many other marriages.

The world needs more men like you, and that's a compliment delivered with respect.

Why, are you in love, Butterfly?

Personally, I don't think I'd mind very much if it was a very occassional thing, but I think I am the exception among Western women.

However, there is no way I could date or be involved with a man who chronically patronized bar girls, brothels, or internet porn. It hints at more significant problems, and also an extreme objectification of women.

I am in love with Kat !!!!!!!!1

Ok let me tell it how it is.

If you are in a relationship it is with that person, not every other person that percy pecker tells you. It really isnt very difficult to say no.

If you cant take control of your loins then i am afraid you are not much of a man. If your feeling horny go home and spank the monkey while thinking of your wife, instead of jumping into the first available bed.

I have been completely faithful to my wife for the last 6 years and if i found out she had cheated on me she would be out the door, i have dedicated my life to her by saying my wedding vows and have no intention of ever breaking those vows, and i expect her to follow those same vows.

Sure the marriage might break down for other reasons but it will not be due to my infeidelity. I trust my wife 100% so i dont worry if she wants to go out and do something, because i am secure enough in my own mind to know that she loves me as i love her.

I believe that anyone that goes out and cheats is very insecure in their lives and relationships and they feel the need to prove to themselves that they are capable of sleeping around, and that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.

Well news flash it isnt big and it certainly isnt clever all you are doing is hurting the person you are supposed to love, grow up get a life and learn to control that thing that dangles between your legs

Ok let me tell it how it is.

If you are in a relationship it is with that person, not every other person that percy pecker tells you. It really isnt very difficult to say no.

If you cant take control of your loins then i am afraid you are not much of a man. If your feeling horny go home and spank the monkey while thinking of your wife, instead of jumping into the first available bed.

I have been completely faithful to my wife for the last 6 years and if i found out she had cheated on me she would be out the door, i have dedicated my life to her by saying my wedding vows and have no intention of ever breaking those vows, and i expect her to follow those same vows.

Sure the marriage might break down for other reasons but it will not be due to my infeidelity. I trust my wife 100% so i dont worry if she wants to go out and do something, because i am secure enough in my own mind to know that she loves me as i love her.

I believe that anyone that goes out and cheats is very insecure in their lives and relationships and they feel the need to prove to themselves that they are capable of sleeping around, and that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.

Well news flash it isnt big and it certainly isnt clever all you are doing is hurting the person you are supposed to love, grow up get a life and learn to control that thing that dangles between your legs

Well said - this applied to any committed relationship, married or not!!!

Ok let me tell it how it is.

If you are in a relationship it is with that person, not every other person that percy pecker tells you. It really isnt very difficult to say no.

If you cant take control of your loins then i am afraid you are not much of a man. If your feeling horny go home and spank the monkey while thinking of your wife, instead of jumping into the first available bed.

I have been completely faithful to my wife for the last 6 years and if i found out she had cheated on me she would be out the door, i have dedicated my life to her by saying my wedding vows and have no intention of ever breaking those vows, and i expect her to follow those same vows.

Sure the marriage might break down for other reasons but it will not be due to my infeidelity. I trust my wife 100% so i dont worry if she wants to go out and do something, because i am secure enough in my own mind to know that she loves me as i love her.

I believe that anyone that goes out and cheats is very insecure in their lives and relationships and they feel the need to prove to themselves that they are capable of sleeping around, and that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.

Well news flash it isnt big and it certainly isnt clever all you are doing is hurting the person you are supposed to love, grow up get a life and learn to control that thing that dangles between your legs

Well said - this applied to any committed relationship, married or not!!!

I second that. Right on Daley!

Daleyboy I like your post...I think you are right...many times when people cheat on their partner is because they feel insecure...when you start a new relationship you can be whomever you want...you can be that person that you always wanted to be...however your real personality comes out after some time...then you look for someone else to try to be that nice person again, and again, and again...

sometime later you want to go back to your partner because you realize that she/he likes you the way you are...with your good and bad things

Insecurity problem is something you have to resolve with yourself...you can´t rely in anyone to love yourself...

Once you learn to love yourself you will love your partner even more...

However I think there are people who cheat because they think to high on themselves...

Ok let me tell it how it is.

If you are in a relationship it is with that person, not every other person that percy pecker tells you. It really isnt very difficult to say no.

If you cant take control of your loins then i am afraid you are not much of a man. If your feeling horny go home and spank the monkey while thinking of your wife, instead of jumping into the first available bed.

I have been completely faithful to my wife for the last 6 years and if i found out she had cheated on me she would be out the door, i have dedicated my life to her by saying my wedding vows and have no intention of ever breaking those vows, and i expect her to follow those same vows.

Sure the marriage might break down for other reasons but it will not be due to my infeidelity. I trust my wife 100% so i dont worry if she wants to go out and do something, because i am secure enough in my own mind to know that she loves me as i love her.

I believe that anyone that goes out and cheats is very insecure in their lives and relationships and they feel the need to prove to themselves that they are capable of sleeping around, and that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.

Well news flash it isnt big and it certainly isnt clever all you are doing is hurting the person you are supposed to love, grow up get a life and learn to control that thing that dangles between your legs

I agree with some of what you say, the basic sentiments of promises made being fulfilled is noble enough. But is it the actions of a man who is secure in his life, to throw away someone who he cherished purely because of one mental and physical aberration on their partners part? All the love and the life they have built together reduced to meaningless ruins, because of one indiscretion?

I have to admit i have never had it happen to me, so i don't know how i would react in the situation, and i imagine i would not be too happy. However, i don't believe that someone who would discard so much so easily because of that pain is either truly secure in their own mind about the depth of love in their relationship or truly loves their partner to the extent that they could.

Although 'cheating' behaviour will always be a disappointment, it is worth bearing in mind that the sexual drive in people is not a product of our conscious mind, but rather acts on our subconscious and propels us all into situations where it can be satiated. In some people this drive appears stronger than in others, maybe some find it harder to control, or maybe some are tired of having to conform to a socially expected behaviour that runs contrary to their nature. In the battle that some wage between their subconscious instincts and conscious control of their behaviour, it is only human to fail occasionally, and many people do. Others, like Butterfly, find life easier when they don't fight the battle, and who's to say both they and their partners don't live a more contented and happy life because of it?