A Ladies Opinion Needed.

[BlimeyCharlie]

Hi

I met my girfriend in the UK and she always made an effort in the way she looks. We moved here to Thailand recently, my girlfriend came a few weeks before me and i joined her a few weeks later. When she met me at the airport she looked beautiful and i told her this as i have always done, but recently she has started to dress pretty drab and doesn't really care about her hair and the way she looks. She just wears short cheap tracksuit type bottoms and a T shirt that I would wear for lazing around in the house, this is how she dresses when we go out shopping.

When we have been shopping I've hinted at clothing that would look really lovely on her but she just dismisses it. This has now led to an argument.

Am I wrong for expecting a little effort if we are to go out. Even in the house I like to do my hair and smell nice because it makes me feel good and I hope it makes her feel the same, but she just dresses really drab. Ok, she's also 4 month pregnant but she is still very slim. I've suggested tops that are loose and flare at the bottom to disguise her pregnancy if she feels uncomfortable with the way she looks.

I asked her politely if she could wear something that makes her look more feminine as surely it feels good to her for me to say how lovely she looks. I've tried explaining that in a relationship that has been ongoing for a while it doesn't mean you don't have to make an effort for your partner anymore.

I did approach this as subtly as possible. Am I wrong for doing so and expecting a little effort that surely will make us both feel good. She has since told me to find someone else as shes not going to change the way she looks.

I know this is just a response to the question i asked and that i've made her feel even more uncomfortable, but sometime i wonder why bother. I'm on 33 a she is of similar age so i don't understand why she has let herself go

Your opinion appreciated.

Edited August 29, 2006 by BlimeyCharlie

[BambinA]

I met my girfriend in the UK and she always made an effort in the way she looks. We moved here to Thailand recently, my girlfriend came a few weeks before me and i joined her a few weeks later. When she met me at the airport she looked beautiful and i told her this as i have always done, but recently she has started to dress pretty drab and doesn't really care about her hair and the way she looks. She just wears short cheap tracksuit type bottoms and a T shirt that I would wear for lazing around in the house, this is how she dresses when we go out shopping.

its pretty common in 70% of women ..before we had relathionship , we try to make ourseves as pretty as we can can to make an impression

when guys belong (DO WOMEN REALLY BELIEVE THIS? ) to us .. sometime i we believe there is no need to make ourselves look good, coz we belive guys (hubby /bf )wont change thier mind(and love us the way we are)..so sometimes we wear silly outfit (coz its comfortable) and sometimes ,some women do let themselves go ..

actually its wrong attitude ..from this behavior makes some guys find other girls, affair

BTW , straight talk to her and explain what do you think is neccesary .

and instead you have hinted at clothing that would look really lovely ..buy it !!

Edited August 29, 2006 by BambinA

[sbk]

Could be she is tired from the pregnancy or some kind of hormonal issue making her depressed. Often, when a woman "lets herself go", there is more at hand than just laziness.

[Boo]

Pregnancy is difficult for many women & especially if she is normally very proud of her apperance, the changes in her body & hormones sound like they might be making her feel depressed. I dont' think making comments or requests for her to dress up will be helping to be honest but I see your point.

Is she thai or farang? if she is farang then being away from home & family during her pregnancy may be contributing to her lack of interest or if she is thai & not from where you are living may be the same thing.

try to coax the reason from her. But during the pregnancy try to understand that her top priority is probably not going to be how she looks.

[BlimeyCharlie]

She is Thai.

Fair points thank you.

[Donz]

my advise is just let her be, its probally all the hormones and stuff, im surprised she didnt take your head off, my friend wife (who hates me) through a glass bottle at me when she was pregnant coz i said she looks fat (as just a joke) she totally went overboard.

Everything should go back to normal after the baby is born

[Jasmine]

Agree with Boo

I felt horrendous when pregnant, nauseous, worn out, over emotional, I worried more than normal and just felt uncomfortable in general.

Some of us breeze through pregnancy and love it but some of us don't !

[BigSnake]

Come guys this is a "NO BRAINER" she just worry that now she is knockup up, you will be getting a little action on the side.

[Mr Jones]

my advise is just let her be, its probally all the hormones and stuff, im surprised she didnt take your head off, my friend wife (who hates me) through a glass bottle at me when she was pregnant coz i said she looks fat (as just a joke) she totally went overboard.

Everything should go back to normal after the baby is born

donz Just how old are you?

Never ever tell a women she is FAT that is unless she's FROM Tonga, or you have a death wish.

Lez

[Donz]

my advise is just let her be, its probally all the hormones and stuff, im surprised she didnt take your head off, my friend wife (who hates me) through a glass bottle at me when she was pregnant coz i said she looks fat (as just a joke) she totally went overboard.

Everything should go back to normal after the baby is born

donz Just how old are you?

Never ever tell a women she is FAT that is unless she's FROM Tonga, or you have a death wish.

Lez

But we hate eachother with a passion. She controls my friend, like she owns him and she hates me because I tell him to stick up for himself.

[sbk]

my advise is just let her be, its probally all the hormones and stuff, im surprised she didnt take your head off, my friend wife (who hates me) through a glass bottle at me when she was pregnant coz i said she looks fat (as just a joke) she totally went overboard.

Everything should go back to normal after the baby is born

donz Just how old are you?

Never ever tell a women she is FAT that is unless she's FROM Tonga, or you have a death wish.

Lez

But we hate eachother with a passion. She controls my friend, like she owns him and she hates me because I tell him to stick up for himself.

then do you suppose the glass throwing had more to do with that then being called fat?

Anyway, back to the topic, which probably should have been called "being nice to your pregnant wife" Perhaps, she might feel better if you spent a bit more time spoiling her, do something thoughtful and unexpected. It will probably cheer her up no end.

[GracelessFawn]

Am I wrong for expecting a little effort if we are to go out. Even in the house I like to do my hair and smell nice because it makes me feel good and I hope it makes her feel the same, but she just dresses really drab. Ok, she's also 4 month pregnant but she is still very slim. I've suggested tops that are loose and flare at the bottom to disguise her pregnancy if she feels uncomfortable with the way she looks.

If she's four months pregnant, I think that you should give her some slack. Pregnancy is confusing and brings a lot of changes in a woman not only physically, but mentally and psychologically as well. These changes could be confusing, and tiring to cope-up with especially if its the first pregnancy. It takes a lot of mental preparation and conditioning as well. Yes, she's slim, but think about all the changes she has to go through. Besides, she's carrying your BABY! I think, she deserves a little bit of slack.

[gisele]

Never ever criticize a pregnant woman's looks, MY GOD!

What were you thinking!

Tell her she looks radiant, tell her she glows, tell her she looks gorgeous no matter what she wears, tell her how much you love her, tell her she is amazing, but never ever tell a pregnant woman how to improve her looks.

[Donz]

Go on a holiday and come back for the delivery.

[taxexile]

She has since told me to find someone else as shes not going to change the way she looks.

i'm told these are difficult times for ladies , and for the next five months ,whilst she is up on blocks you need to be kind and considerate to her.

for example , rather than send her out shopping once a week , have her go every day , it'll be less for her to have to carry back.

little thing like that mean a lot to a woman.

[Boo]

wow what a considerate man you are taxexile

[taxexile]

i do me best

Edited August 29, 2006 by taxexile

[britmaveric]

Being Preggers is the obvious reason. Put yourself in her shoes and I'm sure you can understand the lack of effort. Be supportive and things will work themselves out.

[Donz]

She has since told me to find someone else as shes not going to change the way she looks.

i'm told these are difficult times for ladies , and for the next five months ,whilst she is up on blocks you need to be kind and considerate to her.

for example , rather than send her out shopping once a week , have her go every day , it'll be less for her to have to carry back.

little thing like that mean a lot to a woman.

nice one

[BlimeyCharlie]

The unthinkcable has happened and i can't believe she has done it. I've been told im not allowed to discuss it as what she has done is illegal.

I really can't believe over a simple dissagrement she has done what she has done. I don't know what to do.

[m155g0ld]

The unthinkcable has happened and i can't believe she has done it. I've been told im not allowed to discuss it as what she has done is illegal.

I really can't believe over a simple dissagrement she has done what she has done. I don't know what to do.

I'm speechless...

Are you sure?!?!?

L xx

[BlimeyCharlie]

Yes, i though at first she was just trying to get a reactin from me but i saw a phone number on the table and rang it, it was the hospital. As i said i've been told by the moderators here i can't discuss it but she has.

Edited August 30, 2006 by BlimeyCharlie

[sbk]

Well, I hate to be hard here but you need to ask yourself why your girlfriend would feel the need to terminate her pregnancy after an argument. This is an illegal thing to do in this country and many Thai people oppose it because of their Buddhist beliefs. So you need to sit down and think quite hard about the state of your relationship with her as well as your own reactions to her pregnancy before having any kind of conversation with her about it.

[BlimeyCharlie]

Well, I hate to be hard here but you need to ask yourself why your girlfriend would feel the need to terminate her pregnancy after an argument. This is an illegal thing to do in this country and many Thai people oppose it because of their Buddhist beliefs. So you need to sit down and think quite hard about the state of your relationship with her as well as your own reactions to her pregnancy before having any kind of conversation with her about it.

Theres lots of illegal things in Thailand and as always money is the answer, so that comment is a little comical.

Fair enough on your points on the relationship. We have general dissagreements just like every one else. Mainly issues such as purchasing things and being ripped off, my girlfriend has to be my voice at the moment as i can't complain to them with my little thai, so i express my dissapointment through her. Thats through her and not at her. This has really come as a shock as it's the first time i have mentioned to her about making an effort. Which i did as gently as possibly but quite obviously there is no gentle way.

I asked if i could discuss a sensetive issue with her and she abliged, but instead of talking she blanked me then left within a few minutes only to return the following morning.

So far we have had no problems within our relationship, we were very close when we met in the UK, and decided there to have a child, and that relationship continued here. This has come out of the blue, but what can i do, nothing. I don't feel right about this relationship anymore. I'm not against abortions but this was just over 4 months into the pregnancy. I just don't understand.

[Boo]

I am really sorry, for her to do this is so harsh. Is it possible that she didn't want a child but was doing it to make you happy and then the reality of it made her panic? There are other reasons to why she did as she did, such as the child might not have been yours or she decided the relationship wasn't going well so didn't want to be saddled with a baby if you went off. Only she can know her reasons why but that doens't make it easier for you does it.

I dont know if I could continue in a relationship with someone who had deceived me so badly but the decision is yours, wait until she comes home & try to have it out with her. If she cant or wont discuss it then you know the answer.

[sbk]

I wasn't meaning to sound like I was laying the blame either way, I was trying to point out that you need to have a long hard look at the state of the relationship. Oftentimes we choose to ignore that which is painful, the proverbial head in the sand, as it is easier than facing up to the reality. I don't know what her motivation was, but, as I said, considering the general beliefs here, it must have been pretty darn serious for her to make such a major move in your relationship without discussing it with you first.

My only thought is that you really delve into how things have been going lately, and then, after you have had a chance to really think things through try to talk to her calmly about it. It may be a relationship breaker, but then again, it may be that the relationship was already broken? Or it may be the event that ties you together because you finally get everything out into the open. You can only know until you try.

[BlimeyCharlie]

I wasn't meaning to sound like I was laying the blame either way, I was trying to point out that you need to have a long hard look at the state of the relationship. Oftentimes we choose to ignore that which is painful, the proverbial head in the sand, as it is easier than facing up to the reality. I don't know what her motivation was, but, as I said, considering the general beliefs here, it must have been pretty darn serious for her to make such a major move in your relationship without discussing it with you first.

My only thought is that you really delve into how things have been going lately, and then, after you have had a chance to really think things through try to talk to her calmly about it. It may be a relationship breaker, but then again, it may be that the relationship was already broken? Or it may be the event that ties you together because you finally get everything out into the open. You can only know until you try.

My only other though for her to make this decision is my work. I run a business in the UK which i've left dormant, but i've been asked to start a project in Janruary. It would mean i would have to make a visit for two weeks to do some planning before the Jan start. This still isn't enough to make that kind of decision though. She wasn't overly impressed about me going there, but for 2 months work i would need to have worked 5 years as a TEFL teacher here to earn the same.

She sempt to understand it would benefit us both in the long run if i just did 1 or 2 projects. I kept asking her if she was ok with this as she kind of said ok but with uncertainty.

I will give her time to talk, but i don't know if i can feel the same, as she asked me if we could have a child, and i was delighted with that.

Edited August 30, 2006 by BlimeyCharlie

[taxexile]

something doesnt sound quite right here.

a woman , 4 months pregnant , walks into a hospital one afternoon , and has an (illegal)abortion , just like that , and then trots back home ?

what sort of hospital is this , what sort of doctors work there ?

sorry to hear about your situation , i really dont know what to say.

[LaoPo]

something doesnt sound quite right here.

a woman , 4 months pregnant , walks into a hospital one afternoon , and has an (illegal)abortion , just like that , and then trots back home ?

what sort of hospital is this , what sort of doctors work there ?

sorry to hear about your situation , i really dont know what to say.

Second that Tax!...BUT...I have a strong feeling here's more to this whole situation...

Remember, we only hear one part of the story: His...not hers....

LaoPo

[britmaveric]

Seems a little rash and anyone else have a hard time believing this latest wrinkle. As for the legality - know at least one well known hospital that does the deed.

Edited August 30, 2006 by britmaveric