I am "old" fashion or what?

[zeichen]

"So be maried = the man take his wife to be served ! Not for COMPANIONSHIP or sex and this for sure at a older age ......OR"

I know that you cannot seem to comprehend this but the thread is not about what motivates the man. The OP is asking about advice on what to do with his wife and her need for comparison to others perceived happiness.

The discussion is on Thai women, not gay thai boys dating old guys. Please contribute relevant discussion.

You don't see me posting in the gay forum, why are you commenting on something you don't have any sort of reference?

[Mudcrab]

All Thai women, and before anyone says it. YES all of them, I can just hear some of you now. Well Im 100% sure my wife is not like that. I have news for you. SHE IS They are interested in one thing only, Money....and the material things it buys. End Of !!!

I have seen so many times, as soon as the husband dies, the house gets sold, and they move away with their Thai boyfriend. In some circumstances he doesnt even have to die. Oh Darling Im going to visit my Mum for a few days, BULLSHIT.

My advice to any Farang is stay alone. When you want a bit of company pay for it, as little as possible. You will save yourself a lot of heartache and loads of cash.

i pity you your assumption that these relationships are limited to geriatrics with open wallets.

But he has done a lot of research - read Private Dancer and Thailand Fever - twice!

The font of knowledge of all things Thai ....he doesn't even need to have to come to Thailand, let alone actually meet a Thai woman to be an expert.

[faraday]

"All Thai women, and before anyone says it. YES all of them, I can just hear some of you now. Well Im 100% sure my wife is not like that. I have news for you. SHE IS They are interested in one thing only, Money....and the material things it buys. End Of !!!"

stopthegreed,

Did you eat lead paint chips as a kid?

There are literally 100,000's of very humble and non materialistic people in this country. The majority of women are hard working and contributed not only to their family but support their own parents as well. NOt every woman needs or desires a man to support them. There are a lot fewer housewives especially from middle and upper middle class families here in Thailand than in Korea or the US.

So you have met every Thai woman to be able to come to this conclusion?

What about Gay women & Toms....?

[wowfactor10]

Sounds you have a great marriage...

So u living in the middle of nowhere? and how is that for u socially?

Your wife is she finished her school ? i mean can she go search a job?

what is the age difference?

Yep, I have a great marriage, exactly what I wanted, I'm very happy.

Living in a moobaan 15Km from CM, all middle class Thais, no foreigners.

Wife just finished high school, starts university in August.

Job ...... maybe after university.

Age difference ........ big.

Enjoy the ride...

[faraday]

All Thai women, and before anyone says it. YES all of them, I can just hear some of you now. Well Im 100% sure my wife is not like that. I have news for you. SHE IS They are interested in one thing only, Money....and the material things it buys. End Of !!!

I have seen so many times, as soon as the husband dies, the house gets sold, and they move away with their Thai boyfriend. In some circumstances he doesnt even have to die. Oh Darling Im going to visit my Mum for a few days, BULLSHIT.

My advice to any Farang is stay alone. When you want a bit of company pay for it, as little as possible. You will save yourself a lot of heartache and loads of cash.

How long did it take you to meet every Thai Lady, in order for you to come to this conclusion?

[faraday]

Re post # 97

I incorrectly quoted Zeichen (sorry mate).

No idea how to delete the post.

[Wadan]

It is never a wise idea to try and shield anyone , particularly an adult from people with dissenting ideas. This spouse has clearly stated her role and the husband's role in a marriage. Nothing in her assessment is about love, togetherness and working together. It is all about his providing what she wants and she giving her body in return.

Unfortunately too many farangs have fallen victims to these types of women here. It is a no win situation. Once this happens it simply gets worse. Money women cannot be satisfied. They keep wanting more . There is no end game in keeping up with the jones's.

We farangs play into this plot. we created it , we fuel it and the bar girls have mastered it and play it better then the farangs. We take poor girls from earth floor huts and put them in castles, buy them stuff they never dreamed off, ......... simply to get a young girl that was an impossibility back in their country.

This is the criteria they set for happiness. A hot pretty looking cutie , and nothing about character. If this is the happiness we farangs idealize then we are a sick bunch . Don't blame the poor Thai girl. She may not be intelligent but she know how to manipulate those who think with their dick.

[bogozy]

to Senior Member:

Yes this is the main problem, in a lot of marriege, with big age differences. Old bloke awaiting for a true love, because he lost his mirror, or his self esteem is srewed up into so highness, but supported only by a big wallet.

If a 50-60 years man should like to have a young girl, please accept the financial matters of the relationship. No complain about this-that.

[n210mp]

Good and bad people all over the place (world)

Its all in the luck of the draw really, there doesn't seem to be any "good management course" in the process of selecting a spouse but in defence of some of those wives who started out well but finished up bad then on balance you only need to see the quality of some of these so called Farang men to completely understand why the woman went bad on them.

Yes I have heard of, on the face of it good men being fleeced by their wives partners but having met a few of these sad characters they seem to be the sort led by their small head and not the big one in marrying the women that they married.

I have friends who are notorious "butterflies" and they take the piser out of me for being straight with my wife, then when the shizer hits the fan they complain about the "bad Thai woman" who has just sold their house, car and gone back to the village.

I am sure then when some people leave the UK or the West in particular they lose all the inbuilt common sense that they had before they hit the shores of pattaya and became a victim of a self obsession called Pattaya Puuusy euphoria.

[micmichd]

Thank you guys for so many good comments and advice, sharing your own experiences in Thailand.

.

I undertand people's frustration in not to have all what its wants, or others have, that happens specially in inmature people.

in my case, probably my wife is frustrated because I do not have more to give than to pay for our basic iving expenses. No new car or new house, not superflous spendings, just having a calm and happy life...but...looks like that is not enough for her. I can understand, because looks like most foreigners here are really "buying" its spouses, with luxury them never had before in life. Some guys also likes to show off the money they have, or what are buying, etc, that in my opinion it is a very stupid attitude. But, stupid or not, really may afect some women minds..At least...looks like it is doing with my woman, after her meeting so many of those cases. I am not the kind of person will limit or control my wife friendships.

Our argument this time, happens exactly after accepting a new couple invitation for lunch, and the restaurant they elected was the most expensive in town, and all the conversation was about the new couple purchases.....To make things worst.....in this new couple, for a change, the farang was younger than his ugly, fat, and older wife. My wife is very beautiful, and 15 years younger than myself.

Sure, comparing with my financial situation, every farang out there is a millionaire, but my wife knew that before getting married with me, and she was fine with that.....until now.....founding out what other farangs are giving to their Thai wives...or the way they spend money.

My wife never before had experience dating farangs..and she is financially independent. In some ways, with more assets than myself.

After few years in the marriage, I was not expecting this " change of mind " ... and to keep her away to these situations is not easy. Most of her girl friends are married or dating farangs, some in long distance relationships. and getting money for the "waiting". Another non sense.

Anyway..... I told her that will be better for her to look for another husband, or a rich lover, if she is unhappy......even if will be a sad resoltution for myself...and the end of my first, and probably my last Thai marriage.

I do not need to "buy" a wife. Never did.

And looks like I am "old fashion"... and/or in the wrong culture. If not for love.... getting married do not make sense to me.

I don't know what country you come from and where you get your money from.

Thai women want social security for sex, and every Farang woman would want the same. In the West, many Farang women get social security from the government. But they are quite sexless in comparison to Thai women.

I'm German, and I get reasonable pensions. When I die, my wife will get half of the pension as a widow.

Yes, I also bought her gold and a car, and I spent quite a bit of money for the family party in Isaan. In fact, I got (and get) everything back. The car is in her name, so she has to pay taxes and insurance for the car while she drives me around. She's got a job in Pattaya (not in a bar), and we don't talk about money or presents anymore.

The show about who had the richest and most generous Farang is over. It finally caused all kinds of silly rumours which upset her.

Once again: see if you can show up with a reliable source of income that would still be coming in when you die, and make a calculation on this. Thai ladies are quite good in calculations.

[csabo]

...and I say again. Every man is paying for it. One way or another, a woman's companionship is never free. At least the unmarried guys can trade in for a new headache occasionally. True story. I was having serious problems with my ex-wife and not long before we split she rolled over one night and said "Next time, I'll marry for money". I looked her in the eye and said "Next time I'll marry for love".

[MyFriend You]

I didn;t see th quetion asked: How long has he been married, and how long diod he kow his wife beforw they got married....................when did the "Advisors" come into the picture.................tell her to lose the friends, or lose the husband.

[maidee]

if you married a bargirl or whore, that used to f many men a day for money ...

i did not you are ...

are you saying your wife might divorce you and go with her friends lifestyle

did you upgrade her life, but it is not enough ? she needs more more more ?

time for an upgrade

[louse1953]

This only applies to some Thai women who marry farangs.What happens in a Thai marriage????The green eyed monster has killed many a marriage.

[louse1953]

The ladies who have their hubbies round their little finger usually are the ones bragging about stuff, well thats the way I have seen it. Plus many justs tell lies about the cash they have thrown at them, we have caught a few out in the past.

I am not one of the 'rich' guys and Mrs.Trans knew that when we teamed up and so far so good.

Over the years have seen poor folk taken out of poverty (usually cos a husband has abandoned them with kids) by a farang then after a few years of 'hi-sodom' start bleating about other birds having more cash to play with, forgetting where they were in the past. I know of a couple of birds who now are 'fishing' on the Net for someone with more cash, yeh, disgraceful.

My missus knew the situation going in.Broke now,but know how to generate big bucks quick.Do you want to get on board?Well she took a chance and doesn't regret it.She once told a woman that i had heaps just to shut her bragging up.The positions have changed now,because she trusted me to play the long game.

[micmichd]

In a Thai marriage you marry a woman who has not enough social security to feed her family.

You're ATM, yes. But you may get something in exchange: Sex with a beautiful wife and a caretaking family.

In the West you get neither.

Edited May 27, 2015 by micmichd

[samuibeachcomber]

To your question: "I have an old fashion thinking? I was spoiled by former farang relationships?...or it is just the Thai women thinking about love?"

The answer is NO, most Thai women do not think of love in this fashion. There are plenty of Thai women who are with relatively poor Thai guys and they genuinely love these guys. HOWEVER, if you're directing that question towards Thai women with farangs....well, the answer is a little more tricky. Many Thai women are with farangs for the financial benefit. In time, they may or may not fall in love with said guy.

You need to get your wife away from these so-called "friends." But if these friends of hers are her true lifelong friends that she'll never part with, then you're in big trouble my friend.

yes this is a big problem,you see and hear it a lot,thai ladies comparing their assets now they have a farang man.I have a similiar problem to the OP and i tell my lady to stay away from these women,and that it will only make her unhappy and discontent in the future.Fortunately for me she understands and has done just that.

[ttthailand]

If money was the only factor why do some Thai ladies have teachers who only make 30k a month as boyfriends ? I think there are many factors that go into these relationships and one can offset the others. One thing for sure however is that a Thai lady has to have a big face in a farang relationship. If the guy is young and very handsome the money factor is less important. If the guy is fat, ugly, stupid or looks very old the only way the girl can show herself to be successful in her relationship is money. I think too that it also works the other way around, if the girl is fat, ugly or old just about any guy will do as the expectations from everyone are much lower.

[samuibeachcomber]

If money was the only factor why do some Thai ladies have teachers who only make 30k a month as boyfriends ? I think there are many factors that go into these relationships and one can offset the others. One thing for sure however is that a Thai lady has to have a big face in a farang relationship. If the guy is young and very handsome the money factor is less important. If the guy is fat, ugly, stupid or looks very old the only way the girl can show herself to be successful in her relationship is money. I think too that it also works the other way around, if the girl is fat, ugly or old just about any guy will do as the expectations from everyone are much lower.

yes there is a expectation on the part of the thai lady to be taken care of financially(no social security) i see no problem with this,every man must take care of his lady,and as you say the older the man and younger the lady that expectation increases in value.

But what i hate and probably everybody else does too is this "comparing assets"...it can lead to a lot of unhappiness,and is very shallow of these "gold diggers"

[ttthailand]

When you ask your lady why she loves you the truth can be known by her answer. Normally I think the first response tells the tell... If she says something along the lines of " because you take good care of me" or the more obvious " because you give me many things" I think money is the major factor. If she says because you are handsome or that you excite her then I think you are on the right track. Let's face it, people are attracted to other people mainly because of the way they look. Why were you attracted to your girlfriend ? What would you first say if asked ?

[ttthailand]

If money was the only factor why do some Thai ladies have teachers who only make 30k a month as boyfriends ? I think there are many factors that go into these relationships and one can offset the others. One thing for sure however is that a Thai lady has to have a big face in a farang relationship. If the guy is young and very handsome the money factor is less important. If the guy is fat, ugly, stupid or looks very old the only way the girl can show herself to be successful in her relationship is money. I think too that it also works the other way around, if the girl is fat, ugly or old just about any guy will do as the expectations from everyone are much lower.

yes there is a expectation on the part of the thai lady to be taken care of financially(no social security) i see no problem with this,every man must take care of his lady,and as you say the older the man and younger the lady that expectation increases in value.

But what i hate and probably everybody else does too is this "comparing assets"...it can lead to a lot of unhappiness,and is very shallow of these "gold diggers"

I agree with you.

Something I have seen is that Thai ladies really do like young handsome farangs. If someone shows up at an event or gathering with there new handsome young man all the girls will be jealous. They will talk all night about this and the money issue is less important.

Money issues start when the farang becomes a cheap Charlie and questions every baht or the other factors I suggested come into play.

[mikiea]

While living in the US, my wife met quite a few married Thai women over the years, and nearly all wanted to know 3 things: How much does your husband make?, How much did your house cost?, and How much does your husband give you each month?.

Fortunately, my wife subscribes to the western "none of your business" attitude when it comes to these things, and quickly distanced herself from these women after blowing off their questions. In her mind, it was much better to have just a couple of good, close, decent female Thai friends, than a horde of materialistic hangers-on. She really handled those situations well.

the Chinese are the same , you are lucky , ya got a keeper .

[EmptyHead]

"In response I told her many times, that in my opinion, is not a difference with a street prostitute selling sex for money, and some of her friends, having many "paying" lovers or getting married for the money."

Deceiving someone for money is worse than what the prostitutes do.

[longstebe]

Her words are very alarming mate, she doesn't need an explanation from you she needs showing the door.

[louse1953]

ah one more thing I forgot to mention. If the age difference is big (i.e. 25, 30 yrs +) than it is obvious that one of the key motives will be money/financial status.

Not always treu !

My partner is nearly 40th years younger then me.

A few weaks after we met and I got the feeling it will be ok, we got a good long talk about money and our way of living.

On this time I did not tell him how much I have a month, now after 9 years he know.

Each problem and surely about money was and still is cleared by a relax talk if the time is there. If something goes to far and will make us say stupid things, I go for a short walk with the dogs. Come back and talk if we calm down.

He knows where the money is, where my bankcard and the pincode, even knows how to use my internetbanking. NEVER A SINGLE BAHT HE TAKE.

And yes, sometimes I must remember him to take more care with money, but he is learning quick.

It's to put most things right before going in a deeper relation are get married. Not during.

The problem is that most man have there brain between there legs in the first time of a relation.

It take 3 weeks before we make our first homework,before we feel just happy we found each other and talk it out.

Your a brave person.After 9 years he is learning quick!!!! I bet he is.

[louse1953]

To your question: "I have an old fashion thinking? I was spoiled by former farang relationships?...or it is just the Thai women thinking about love?"

The answer is NO, most Thai women do not think of love in this fashion. There are plenty of Thai women who are with relatively poor Thai guys and they genuinely love these guys. HOWEVER, if you're directing that question towards Thai women with farangs....well, the answer is a little more tricky. Many Thai women are with farangs for the financial benefit. In time, they may or may not fall in love with said guy.

You need to get your wife away from these so-called "friends." But if these friends of hers are her true lifelong friends that she'll never part with, then you're in big trouble my friend.

You can take your wife away from her friends but they still have facebook and line so OP will have the same problem where ever he moves.

If you take away her smartphone and move away, that's another story.

If you are low enough to do that,you have lost already.

[longstebe]

To your question: "I have an old fashion thinking? I was spoiled by former farang relationships?...or it is just the Thai women thinking about love?"

The answer is NO, most Thai women do not think of love in this fashion. There are plenty of Thai women who are with relatively poor Thai guys and they genuinely love these guys. HOWEVER, if you're directing that question towards Thai women with farangs....well, the answer is a little more tricky. Many Thai women are with farangs for the financial benefit. In time, they may or may not fall in love with said guy.

You need to get your wife away from these so-called "friends." But if these friends of hers are her true lifelong friends that she'll never part with, then you're in big trouble my friend.

You can take your wife away from her friends but they still have facebook and line so OP will have the same problem where ever he moves.

If you take away her smartphone and move away, that's another story.

If you are low enough to do that,you have lost already.

Exactly, the problem will remain.

[micmichd]

ah one more thing I forgot to mention. If the age difference is big (i.e. 25, 30 yrs +) than it is obvious that one of the key motives will be money/financial status.

Not always treu !

My partner is nearly 40th years younger then me.

A few weaks after we met and I got the feeling it will be ok, we got a good long talk about money and our way of living.

On this time I did not tell him how much I have a month, now after 9 years he know.

Each problem and surely about money was and still is cleared by a relax talk if the time is there. If something goes to far and will make us say stupid things, I go for a short walk with the dogs. Come back and talk if we calm down.

He knows where the money is, where my bankcard and the pincode, even knows how to use my internetbanking. NEVER A SINGLE BAHT HE TAKE.

And yes, sometimes I must remember him to take more care with money, but he is learning quick.

It's to put most things right before going in a deeper relation are get married. Not during.

The problem is that most man have there brain between there legs in the first time of a relation.

It take 3 weeks before we make our first homework,before we feel just happy we found each other and talk it out.

Your a brave person.After 9 years he is learning quick!!!! I bet he is.

Maybe it takes 9 years to value the advantages of a permanent income if you never had social security. My gf also learned only recently how to read my pension accounts, gross and net and all this stuff.

[micmichd]

Your wife's friends should be aware that many Farangs are in fact extreme braggarts and sometimes have a real bad memory.

They talk about their houses which in fact belong to their parents or a bank. They "forget" that being divorced means paying for ex-wife and kids. They forget how much money they actually owe to Farangs and Farang institutions.

On Facebook or Skype you cannot see this, and bar girls usually don't care.

But wifes should care before they compare fresh apples to rotten apples.

[MaeJoMTB]

"My partner is nearly 40th years younger then me."

Perhaps post in the gay section because this is a discussion about his wife not a "partner"

The point the other posters were talking about applies to heterosexual relationships with foreign men and Thai women.

I do feel that the OP has married a gold digger in disguise.

The only thing that I would do from now on is not to meet these people she talks with. I wouldn't go out to dinner with people that only talked about their money and what they buy.

I would take off for a month or so and live in BKK. Tell your wife that you need a break from her. Tell her that you thought your life was built on mutual love and respect and that you were building a life together, not building a life for her. You feel taken for granted and not appreciated and if all she wants is a rich man to care for her go ahead, but he will also treat her like a subservient mistress and not a wife. Also tell her that you could also find someone younger that wants less than she does.

Or be a wussy and hen pecked. Take a stand or don't. Would you rather be alone and confident or with her and feel unworthy?

Is a longtime partnership between two people not the same as be married ?

The only thing you need to marry is if you got childern are if one of you die the finances are regulated, for the rest nothing.

Read between the lines what I want to say ...PLEASE The only thing is that partners not talk enought and make there points before going for there future. OK

Nope, nothing like the same, unless your partner has ovaries and menopause.