Gigs - A Purely Thai Construct?

[mssabai]

I had an interesting chat with a friend of mine about gigs. Up until then I had thought of gigs as similar to mia nois. A predominantly male 'possession' (ie the man will be in a relationship and the woman wouldn't). However a friend of mine said that increasingly she was hearing of her Thai girl friends having gigs outside of their own relationship and that frequantly there was no sexual relationship...merely a lot of phone flirtation...and that often it didn't ever go beyond this. I too have a thai girlfriend who has just had a six month phone relationship with a gig whilst in another relationship. She did actually leave her first relationship in the end.

My friend is convinced that this is one of the first steps in the sexual liberation of Thai women, but is this really a new phenomenom?

What are other ladies perceptions of gigs? Is it just a term for the 'other' person, or is it a status of relationship that we just don't have in the west and therefore are unable to define using our own social codes?

[Sheryl]

Well as I understand it (and I have a 22 year old niece in university here so I'm pretty well up on current mores among the Thai college set), a gig is a casual sexual fling, just for fun, with no expectations or commitment attached. A gig is by definition not a real relationship. Altho I suppose you could have a relationship as a friend with someone and also have them be your gig. (sort of a "friends with benefits"thing).

As I have heard it used it always means actual sex but I suppose it could also be applied to just flirting or mild fooling around.

Hardly a unique Thai concept but its open acceptance among women is something new and pretty much limited to the younger generation and in cities or colleges. And while it has become acceptable -- even trendy -- among them, it's still kept secret from parents.

[pampal]

A "Booty Call" is what we call it

[samran]

maybe it is becoming more sexually orientated, but I've always heard it used in a pretty platonic context.

[AlexLah]

Just here in Isaan with some of my staff and confirmed that a "Gig" is what we call in my homecountry a: *uckbuddy.

One of the guys introduced me to his "Gig" last nite and I was introduced to another lady apparantly going by the name" Gig.

Finished my Coke and went to my room to continue reading my book.

[mssabai]

Yep I am aware that the current usage and perception of the term is a *ck buddy (especially amongst men in a relationship)...but I am more interested in how thai women, who are still not openly 'sleeping around' are using a gig to satisfy aspects that they are missing in their relationships not including the physical side. Conversations with gigs quite often include protestations of love and can be incredibly romantic, but often with no discussion of leaving the respective partners and often limited - if any - meet ups. This is definitely not a friends with benefits scenario. I equate it to getting that beginning of the relationship feeling minus the sex whilst in a long term relationship with someone who you are not going to have that feeling with again...

[Andiamo]

Mmm great thread Ms Sabai.

I had also understood it to mean both a "sexual" and/or a "platonic" relationship (with a lot of flirting etc). However, would be great to get any of our Thai Visa Ladies perspectives! I think the whole way Thai females view relationships has undergone a huge stepchange, but would be interesting to hear from Gals "in the know!"

[britmaveric]

Unattached shags.

[Andiamo]

Unattached shags.

Well that's one way of putting it!

[Sheryl]

Well, all I can say is that among the (Thai) female college set, it means what Britmaveric said. And isconsidered not only "OK" but trendy, altho of course not all young women indulge in it.

[villagefarang]

They love to come up with new trendy words for the same old thing. "Sing" was another similar term. As in the term "laa sing". Thai women have been stepping out for some time now but always have to be very careful as their reputation is still quite important.

For the more adventurous, a secret liaison with a farang was a good dead. Unlike a Thai guy we didn't know her friends or family, so could not accidentally, or maybe intentionally, ruin her reputation if things were kept undercover so to speak.

[Momo8]

I'd like to know how many western women have entertained the idea of a sex buddy or actually have one. I'm not qualified to comment on Thailand but many women and men here have sex buddies.Or in the case of rich Hongkongnese men they have a wife a mistress/es and also a wife over the border in China.

Interesting topic.

[kat]

hmmm .... I'd love to talk more here but I don't have the time, and I won't elaborate as much as I'd like because there's too much to say.

However, I will say that I'm a strange combination, because if there is nothing that I want, I will remain alone rather than hook up with whatever is available. In the past this was only for practical reasons, and not overly moral or emotional ones. LOS was an exception, because after awhile I refused to hook up with most guys just on principle, because I felt the dating culture was so horrible. Even when they tried to play me, they were so stupid and obvious I couldn't even feel jealous or played because I was happy to see them go. So, I don't know how to answer your question in regards to Thailand, Momo.

I may not know how to answer it in regards to home or "normal" circumstances either. All of my "one-night" stands over the last 10 years turned into explosive sex and longterm dating or relationships. I guess my instincts became finely honed.

*And come to think of it now, I think it is because when you spend a lot of time refusing what you don't want, you can recognize what you do want immediately.

Edited November 16, 2007 by kat

[wolfmanjack]

It has been explained to me as someone that you have sex with on a semi regular basis so a one night stand would not qualify under this definition. I was also told that it pertains to someone who has not attained the minor wife / minor husband status or boyfriend / girlfriend status. This information comes from someone in Chiang Mai though not Bangkok.

[mssabai]

Momo - To tell you in all truth, I have entertained the idea of a sex buddy but I am just not able to control my emotions to the degree that is needed and therefore tend to either stay clear, or go the whole hog. Based on my own personal feelings and many conversations with friends, I believe it is a lot harder (though not impossible) for women to detach themselves from sex than men... I have certainly had times when I have gone into a 'fling' completely confident of my own ability to detach....and then fast forward 2 weeks and I am checking my phone every half an hour....because the 'guy that I don't really care about' hasn't called me back (and don't say you have never done this girls!). But I also do wonder if this is an age thing. Ia min my mid 20s and now in my second long term relationship. I wonder if after a few more failed relationships up my sleeve, and a lot more wisdom, then I would find it much easier to seperate my heart and my body - I do hope so because I think in principle a fxxk buddy is a great idea!

Bringing up the gig thing again, I have just had a conversation with a friend - thai, male, Bangkok born, middle class. His views are that gigs do not have sex and may only hom and not kiss on the mouth. He did not give a name for a sex buddy though so I am going to ask him next time I see him what he would call that.

[toptuan]

Well, just don't pull the faux pas I did last week:

In my home country, a "gig" is a performance (usually once or twice) that you play at--such as a local band having a "gig" in a disco of a neighboring town.

So, I walked up to one of my Thai university students, who plays in a rock band, and asked: "How many gigs did you have in Udon Thani province last weekend?" Face flushed, he nearly ate his textbook.

[sbk]

Great story toptuan

[Momo8]

Funny Toptuan,yes in Australia it's the same.

As to the sex buddy thing,I guess women here are more practical.Something for something or quid pro quo.Personally I'm with Mssabi on this one,women can't completely detach themselves emotionally forever.Then again one Chinese friend who is a 'mistress' loves the fact that she gets all the perks but doesn't have to live with the guy because she can't stand him! I don'tknow how that logic works but it's been going on for years apparently when he's in town.She gets the big apartment,the credit cards,the maid etc and has great sex with him but....

[Crow Boy]

I put this up in the Thai Language topic a couple of days ago about a faux pas using the word Gig

CB

[kat]

hmmm .... I'd love to talk more here but I don't have the time, and I won't elaborate as much as I'd like because there's too much to say.

However, I will say that I'm a strange combination, because if there is nothing that I want, I will remain alone rather than hook up with whatever is available. In the past this was only for practical reasons, and not overly moral or emotional ones. LOS was an exception, because after awhile I refused to hook up with most guys just on principle, because I felt the dating culture was so horrible. Even when they tried to play me, they were so stupid and obvious I couldn't even feel jealous or played because I was happy to see them go. So, I don't know how to answer your question in regards to Thailand, Momo.

I may not know how to answer it in regards to home or "normal" circumstances either. All of my "one-night" stands over the last 10 years turned into explosive sex and longterm dating or relationships. I guess my instincts became finely honed.

*And come to think of it now, I think it is because when you spend a lot of time refusing what you don't want, you can recognize what you do want immediately.

It has been explained to me as someone that you have sex with on a semi regular basis so a one night stand would not qualify under this definition. I was also told that it pertains to someone who has not attained the minor wife / minor husband status or boyfriend / girlfriend status. This information comes from someone in Chiang Mai though not Bangkok.

I know WJ - I know what a gig is in the Thai construct, and you are right. I was just answering the question based on my own experience.

[kat]

Funny Toptuan,yes in Australia it's the same.

As to the sex buddy thing,I guess women here are more practical.Something for something or quid pro quo.Personally I'm with Mssabi on this one,women can't completely detach themselves emotionally forever.Then again one Chinese friend who is a 'mistress' loves the fact that she gets all the perks but doesn't have to live with the guy because she can't stand him! I don'tknow how that logic works but it's been going on for years apparently when he's in town.She gets the big apartment,the credit cards,the maid etc and has great sex with him but....

BTW, Momo: I also talk about this at length in your thread "Question for Women." I have combined what we talked about here and on the other thread because they are related for me.

Talk soon.

*For the record: on the other thread "Question for Women" I have taken up the challenge to see if I can, in fact, have a gig, one-night-stand or sex buddy without emotional attachments. I'll test this theory soon, I think.

Edited November 16, 2007 by kat

[girlx]

To tell you in all truth, I have entertained the idea of a sex buddy but I am just not able to control my emotions to the degree that is needed and therefore tend to either stay clear, or go the whole hog.

me too! sigh.... how do men do it?

[DamianMavis]

We are wired differently, the universe programmed us to spread our seed. Ever hear the song "Hetero Sexual Man"? That song pretty much sums it up with the line "I wanna make every woman I see".

Damian

[kat]

Yeah, but we've become pretty adept at tripping up the wires of you guys

[mssabai]

To tell you in all truth, I have entertained the idea of a sex buddy but I am just not able to control my emotions to the degree that is needed and therefore tend to either stay clear, or go the whole hog.

me too! sigh.... how do men do it?

by keeping their brain somewhere different to us

[dominique355]

My Missus tells me that this gig thing isn't really new to Thai ladies. They used to call that "Nam wan" (Sweet water)

[mssabai]

My Missus tells me that this gig thing isn't really new to Thai ladies. They used to call that "Nam wan" (Sweet water)

Ahhh, that's interesting. Was it used in a platonic sense?

[dominique355]

My Missus tells me that this gig thing isn't really new to Thai ladies. They used to call that "Nam wan" (Sweet water)

Ahhh, that's interesting. Was it used in a platonic sense?

Oh no, not just platonic, more like a short time "mia noy" for the lady. Usually younger and stronger than the hubby.