Senia

ok so here goes, I did a post a few months ago about having too much advice from the locals ............. lol latest update : I got myself evicted lmao

long story short , I had a baby in March , first 4 months I was here there was no problems at all . Then the BABY came............ the second I stepped out of the door would be comments, advice etc about the baby , non- freaking - stop , it drove me mad.

and they would draw conclusions based on what they see for 1 time, like I gave my baby cold milk ( pumped ) and they saw it , so they drew 2 conclusions a. she doesn't like to breastfeed 2. she only feeds her baby cold milk

they see him in disposable diapers ok a few times, conclusion , she's too lazy to cloth diaper her son, he going to be bow - legged!!!!

then I had chicken pox - yes as an adult so I had to get a neighbour babysit him, what does she do ????? gives him only cold milk , leaves a disposable diaper on him for like 6 hours !!!! And the best part , fed him water cos he didn't like the formula milk ....................well DUH he's been breastfed all the way , I told her 6 times to not give him water and she still did it !!!!

but what made me take him back after 2 days only was that she self medicated him !!!! After repeatedly telling her that he has a yeast infection on his neck, to NEVER let it get wet and what does she do ???????? yes, then she tries to fix the problem by applying baby oil on it !!!!! ( I also gave her the medicine for the yeast infection ) , took me a week to fix the problem after I took him bak.

After I took him back I ignored everybody , seldom took my baby out and if I did, covered him up so that no - one could see him until I got into a cab .

neighbour was landlady's daft sister, so I got evicted .......... good thing is that I found a great apartment at a better location and a REAL sitter nearby , FOR THE SAME RENT ................yay

advice for OP , move on, it's not worth it

OR like bina says start new gossip

1. why is everyone their own boss here ?

2. why do the men here especially like to spout out advice that have no medical or scientific reasoning behind it at all. And they get pissed off when you do offer a rational reasoning.

3. Is it me or is "control" a big thing here.

4. If you hire someone to do a job why should I be the one to listen to her and not she listening to my instructions ??????

5. Are even foreign non- expat women second class citizens here ?

Is it worth to buy a condo in Bangkok just for rental income ? Anybody doing this now ?

1. I am a foreign mother to a Thai child. can I get visa extensions based on this, if yes how do I go about it.

2. Buying property in Thai child's name and mother's name only ............ possible?

3. Opening a bank account for the both of us. ( No work permit yet )

Basically it's a trust issue, I do not trust Thai father in all matters relating to my child's money.

The one thing I keep seeing in this thread that makes me curious is about baby sitters. The Thais I know who have kids say that getting a baby sitter is not at all common (in fact never heard of by many) in Thailand. If somebody has a live-in nanny that is a different story but it is my understanding Thais rarely leave their babies with anybody when they are "babies" and when they get a bit older it is only family members. The thought of having the 14-year old neighbor girl watch your kids for the night isn't the norm as it is in the west.

But please correct me if I am wrong.

yes it's true, there are many cases of abuse by hired sitters. so i 've been told ( not farang babies, thai babies by thai sitters ). also there is cultural differences too, it's not taking about care of the baby , but taking care of the baby "how mommy " likes it." like over-feeding, overbathing ( in cold water ) & swaddling , it's so ingrained in their minds that , that's what the baby needs, nevermind his screaming and crying and sweating ......... it's good for the baby

as a parent I have had my difficulties finding someone to care for my young child, I do however have a lady who comes by to watch him , then I take the heat for "not loving" my baby to let someone else "care" for him . I get heat for taking him out with us too, for " exposing him " too soon . you can't win

Very few parents appear aware that other diners in the same restaurant are not enchanted by their children...

They should teach their brats some manners... or not bringing them at all in a restaurant!

you tell that to me at a restaurant and I will show my child proper table manners when I gouge your eyes out with a fork !!!!!

what is a 2000 baht meal ???? back home that would be one of the places to bring kids to

for me it's really a question of sitters, I have 1 semi - decent part time nanny, but she is still unable to keep an eye on him for longer than 3 hours. She's the best I ve got so far.

there's also my husband who doesn't trust anybody with the baby , I have to agree with him on this. Unless it's a relative or very close friend, a stranger ( anywhere not just Thailand ) will get frustrated taking care of a young one for long periods. I get frustrated sometimes, the lack of adult company, lack of sleep , constant worrying etc. And I am his mother !!! imagine a stranger going through this ....... but I digress

i would have agreed with you when I was single but I really cannot now. I am glad that we are in Thailand because most Thai's love kids ....... all kids. So maybe learn that from the locals, I am trying to .

the main issue is like what bina says, spelling and pronouncing the name, even a name like Dex gets Thais confused, they say it funny even when they get it right. and his Thai name makes sense to them when papa says it but when I say it they again get confused. my poor boo may actually be called Boo for as long as we are here .............. lmao

I tried this at my birth club, it was a huge success so I am trying it here. Start a facebook group for all of us with kids here......

Anybody game ??? ( please only normal, or moderately dysfunctional families )

"keng leng " ( talk too much )

probably, keng leng, more likely means healthy or strong.... not talk too much;

if my Thai serves me correctly.

But then again, who knows? LOL

My husband is right , I really have to learn Thai. maybe you are right they keep describing my boo as keng leng too

again he is a big baby ......... I skipped the post natal diet part, waiting til he hits the 3 month mark to start

lol lucky you Carry, hubby insisted that we use his surname, I named my son Dex because of that, anything else with more than 1 syllable would be too much . he has a thai first name

dex( ter ) after the boy genius ( cartoon network ) and serial killer ( showtime )

Rue Fang / Forethat : It's really hard because they are disecting my "motherhood" skills, which I will be the first to admit is none, but I rely on baby sites and pediatric sites and my grandma ( over the phone ) for help. But it's hard because they are bent on tradition . Like Gregb describes it "they cry if you don't feed them fast enough ", she probably knows that something is wrong but she does not know what else to do and how to do it differently.

it's gotten worse now, neighbour has been bitching to everyone that I am "keng leng " ( talk too much ) when I counter his stupid advice with actual facts, he can't get it through his thick head that mothers use the internet to raise a child !!!!! and his stay at home wife gossips to EVERYONE!!!!

IMAFARANG : please re-read thread

MikeyIdea : my baby actually likes the dark, I always thought that he is too young to care, he is however fussy when left alone for too long in his own bed so he sleeps with me almost every night, but I would prefer him to eventually be independent

GregB : you spoke too soon, just last Friday, cleaner comes in and declares that my boo is big enough , next month I should be starting solids .................. at 3 mths I think not !!!

I have to go with recommended criterias ( I let him lick stuff though - applesauce and a raisin bun ........ shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh don't tell )

Vont : ....Not everything the Thais are doing is wrong Senia, just most of it ....

What criteria do we use to judge or decide that most of what Thais do is WRONG or INCORRECT.... pls?

modern pediatric care vont - even Thai doctors agree with what I am doing. Thai doctors know of the problems with overfeeding, swaddling , not sending baby for necessary treatments etc. I am with Mikey on this.

my baby has a yeast infection on his neck, they keep gossiping on how I don't bathe the baby because he stinks, I do ....... everyday, with warm water. But a YEAST INFECTION STINKS and water makes it stink even more !!! produce more yeast !!!! I don't speak enough Thai for me to get the message through to them , instead, I just don't take him out where they can smell him ............. poor boo has been in the room most of this week

Sarahsbloke : I realised my mistake when I came back , must have had a concussion when the mobile struck me on my head !!!!!!!

also I can't spell

congrats on baby

sbk : as a moderator ................... you rawk !!!

From the way you write I assume you are non-Thai, I assume your husband is. Thais will often (always?) comment about luk kreung, usually in the positive and made in the best intentions. The issue about making negative comments about their own baby/child is however often a superstitious gesture to discourage evil-spirits from taking the child, their soul or some-such.

The other comments might also be well meaning as often in Thai families when a child is born the family members flock together to help stay with the new mother and take an active role in the work involved. When you are seen in what seems to be isolation (?) that is probably stirring a feeling of empathy in at least the other Thai Mothers, hence their desire to help you as to their eyes you appear without a support network.

The issues you have with helpers, this is staff management. If their kids are dicking around inside I might suggest that you tell them that you have a headache and the child needs to stay outside, every time. You pay them you should feel strong enough to call the tune. The washing etc. have the list of tasks they have to do while you are playing with your child.

I get the impression you are baby savvy with regards to baby health etc and maybe you might find some more detailed support at http://www.mumsnet.com/ rather than ThaiVisa.

HTH

it's not about baby support , thanks for the tip though

it's about dealing with meddling locals

I am taking the wimpy way out ........... sending my boy back to Singapore when he is 6 - 16 years. Then he can decide to be a Singaporean or a Thai national .

at the very least he has his O levels UK which is internationally recognised and cannot be bought !!!

rgs2001uk - "learning difficulties" = laziness

Thailand I find is generally backwards. Even as an Asian, I find it very difficult to relate to some of their views, and a lot of it is in child raising....... see my rant/thread . I did have a heart to heart with a Thai father recently, his son is in university and he is also concerned about what the education system is lacking. He is weathy by any standard , maybe that is what gives him the priviledge to be concerned

simon 43 - costs broken down to a monthly average ?

I have been checking out nurseries for my baby - 80 000 a year on school fees alone for a 2 year old

sarahsbloke ........... right again

if you read my post I did also question father's involvement with his kids.

I had assumed that they were living in the city or at least near one

I still however do not consider myself all that westernised, modern maybe, my emphasis is on the kids overall well being

if they are going to spend their lives in a village, not have any access to anything "western or modern " then yes, 20 K would be a bit much, but speaking as a mother, I choose to open my son's eyes to everything I possibly can, and let him make decisions on what he wants in life. Even if he eventually decides to live in a village lol . But I will not deprive him of options which is what being brought up in a village will do to him .

I had assumed that OP and mother of kids wanted the same ............. in that respect I could be wrong

....this is the time when the baby needs to feel the physical presence of the mother and father.

But in terms of reality, the baby just has not developed such high and advanced senses of love and reciprocity as yet.... is my humble one man opinion.

Regardless of what I said, it is mighty good to feel the way you did. Yes, particularly infants they do need the most caring and loving from loving and appreciating parents. But the infant is incapable to feel the same way parents do at that point in time.

Congrats. :jap:

maybe not, most likely no .............. but what I can say for sure is, when there are 3 people looking at my baby, he is only looking at me !!!

when he cries, or is fussy , just the sound of my voice from the other side of the apartment, quietens him . I am his "go to " guy when it comes to soiled diapers, food, comforting ( when a flying mobile whacks him on the head ) .

it doesn't have to be the child's natural parents, anyone can play the role of an infants caretaker , but it's best when it is. Because that's when the bond starts and develops.

I was raised by my paternal grandmother for my first two years, even now as an adult she is my "go to " guy

One of the many things I have learnt by raising my own baby is that I have learnt to listen , I have had this discussion with several cousins of mine and we all agree that our parents don't really know us. My grandmother knows me better than I know myself !!!

DO you know that a "crying baby" and "sleeping like a baby" are myths ???? Most regular healthy babies hardly ever cry and although they sleep a lot , it's seldom over 5 hours at best , and it's not quiet deep sleep at all .

I am learning from listening to the sounds that my infant makes and his actions, to take appropriate action. If I am not his primary caregiver , how will I know ?

sarahsbloke is right many wives spend money on themselves rather than the kids. that's terrible but I personally know of 3 cases.

rgs2001 the focus is more on heath, not on mental development like school grades and extra ciricular activities be it some kind of musical instrument or sport

example: there are 3 toddlers living in the same building as me. all their mothers' focus on is that they get fed , bathed and clothed which is a great start , but then there are also things that they can "introduce" and encourage in their kids like music, art ( kid's art ) , outings to the zoo , aquarium, park etc. one of the kids doesn't even have toys the poor thing ( not from a poor family- middle class business owner same as me ) . AT that age they are curious, so encourage it , not just by letting them watch TV ....... that's a cop out , out of the three only 1 mother ( 2 year old gorgeous girl ) takes the time to go out with her kid, buy her age appropriate toys and take her for strolls everyday .

20 k a month should include all this , I am assuming that kids ( maybe 2 ) are older ? what school are they attending ? extra classes ? extra cirricular classes ? does she drive ? taxi fares ? rent ? does she work ( I am assuming no ) are they eating right ? are they healthy ? do their clothes fit ? are their teeth straight ?

I am a stay - at - home - mom of an infant, living in a cheaper side of Bangkok , rent alone is 5000 baht ( inc. internet, water, electricity , landline ) , weekly groceries 1000 baht , cleaners/ babysitting about 300 - 400 a week , then there are doctor's visits, laundry - 200 baht a week , baby stuff , stroller, playpen etc, food that I buy usually 25 - 80 baht per meal, it all adds up. Imagine if there are older kids , what with Wii and playstations, computers, dance/art/kickboxing/swimming whatever lessons , tuition. their own rooms, she will need a bigger apartment .

don't give me that western BS, I am not a westerner I am a mother who gives a dam_n about her kid or else I wouldn't have one

It's gotten a little bit better now they see him at 2 months and he is ( ok bragging here ) already achieving milestones much sooner than expected , like focusing on faces, babbling non - stop and better than average head control , of course they are most impressed by his size, he is big even by farang standards ( dad is 6'2") . They are however still baffled by the concept of pumped milk and frequent outings .

lol sorry trying out multi - quote

do you also get people offering to adopt your baby/s ? I got 1 at the supermarket the other day and yes the vendor again, this time it was the father ............... what gives???? my baby is all asian , cute as a button , they keep calling him "nallaa" ( supposed to mean like really pretty for a boy ....... i think ) and I very much would like to keep the little guy

Senia, I really enjoyed reading your first post in this thread, I know exactly what you're going through (well, I'm not the mother and I think this is related to female hormones and similar, so maybe not exactly...).

One thing you should know is that it is Thai tradition to help the mother the first month or two after birth. This usually means that a sister or other female relative moves in and takes care of the baby for a month or two until the mother has had time to recover from birth. For me as a westerners this is ludicrous - I believe the first month at home with an an infant is the single most emotional and private moment you can possibly imagine and no outsider is getting access to my family during this crucial moment in an infants life - this is the time when the baby needs to feel the physical presence of the mother and father. I cant speak for the mothers, but as a father I would feel both dumped and worried if a stranger took care of my baby - not to mention the feeling that someone else might do something to my baby that I knew wasn't right - like bathing the baby in water to cold. My daughter has only screamed ONCE during bathing, and that was when the hospital had to "show us" how to bathe her before we brought her home. Every time WE bathed her she smiled and laughed and really enjoyed having her bath (go figure...). But this is probably WHY you got so many unwanted advices and offers to help, and even proposals to adopt your son - they simply felt sorry for you that you were on your own without getting much help.

Stop paying attention to all advices you get from strangers - female intuition is strong and in combination with common sense and modern information channels like Internet and similar I'm confident you're the most qualified to know how your son is doing, and should be cared for. So stop paying attention to strangers who "knows better", because they dont. Period.

It's gotten a little bit better now they see him at 2 months and he is ( ok bragging here ) already achieving milestones much sooner than expected , like focusing on faces, babbling non - stop and better than average head control , of course they are most impressed by his size, he is big even by farang standards ( dad is 6'2") . They are however still baffled by the concept of pumped milk and frequent outings .

And by the way, its not "nallaa" but "naarak", meaning "cute" (น่ารัก), and the only thing you have to worry about is when the Thais eventually start napping your son out of his stroller, because he's so cute they simple HAVE to cuddle with him...

Get used to it.

already there they passed him around for photo op with handphones I don't really mind that . It's just the adopting part that makes me wonder if they are questioning my mothering skills.

20 k a month is ridiculous, is she a full time mom ? that's not enough if she is

when was the last time he's been here to check on his kids ??

lack of developmental education here is a huge problem , is any money going towards that ???

no pain killers ?????

first child ............................ keep an open mind. 12 th hour of labour I was begging for a C-section, while they were "preparing for my C " I dialated and had a "natural" childbirth .

LOL if you include the two fat nurses who jumped on my belly to get him out

forethat I am in Rangsit, things are better now that a neighbour recommended a clinic nearby

inthepink ............. start worrying about when baby arrives ........... seriously, read the thread I wrote yesterday

I recommend you join babycenter birth clubs

www.babycenter.com and mothering.com and a few other pediatric sites like Dr Greene

congrats , when are you guys due ?

Greg I will laugh about it when it's OVER !!!!!

my baby sleeps in a playpen that we traded the crib for cos baby likes to kick .......also papa gets freaked out to sleep on the bed with the baby on it , too scared that he would roll over Little One

cradle is too hot , I use it during the day so he knows the difference between night and day , my only consolation is that my husband has "gone over to the other side" trusting baby sites more than tradition, especially after doctor told him exactly the same thing as I did .

OMG i can't imagine poor babies puking all the time, my LO puked 3 times in his whole 61 days, only when I had to clean the yeast infection on his neck ( yes really fat baby ) and it killed me to see him uncomfortable and smelly.

Childhood must be a nightmare here !!!! force -feeding while lying down ????

ahead of you there, I hope, I got LO a big ass playpen to sleep in , and play in when he is older, I am already ( having given up all hope for a full time nanny ) scouting out nurserys in the area.

you got twins ???????? if you need any advise about your kids PM me, I know how a twin feels, identical ?

do you also get people offering to adopt your baby/s ? I got 1 at the supermarket the other day and yes the vendor again, this time it was the father ............... what gives???? my baby is all asian , cute as a button , they keep calling him "nallaa" ( supposed to mean like really pretty for a boy ....... i think ) and I very much would like to keep the little guy

when I had my baby , my moronic husband had to work the following weeks, so I was alone with my first child.

I did have someone come in to help me the first 10 days , and now 2 x a week, also the food vendor from downstairs agreed to deliver food daily.

Problem 1. on the second day the sister ( vendor , family business) came up and spoke to me at length in Thai , motioning that someone coming up to my room , I thought she meant her parents to see my baby ( her mother had once offered to take my baby if I didn't want him when I was pregnant ) but instead her brother came. and he hung around after delivering the food, trying to "make conversation" . I had to point to the door for him to leave.

I never asked them to deliver again. 3 days later I went down to buy food and the whole family was staring at me.

not wanting any trouble or bad blood, I went over and bought food from them, when the mother asked me why I didn't deliver I said that I didn't know how to order certain foods in thai, she then asked me ( in front of son ) pointing to my crotch ................ pain ya ??? I said yes , very very pain. then the sister was clearly telling the brother to not talk to me ........... he hasn't since

But from then on , the sister (who came up to my room) , on a regular basis, would make comments on what I ate, what I ordered, basically everything !!!!!

even my baby was said to be as pretty as a girl - unlike hers !!!

sometime last week I gave her a dirty look and since then she has been nice-r

but I kinda understand them, when commenting on my son's features, she looks at her own kid (19 mths ) and says in disgust to him , what he's lacking, great mom huh ? in her defence she did bear an ugly child, takes after his mother !!!!

Problem 2. a neighbour who sometimes babysits, when I disinfect my room . noticed poop on my son's leg , suddenly I am a "bad mother" who always uses disposable diapers, never bathes her child, never swaddles the baby .

well DUH if I am sending baby to your room for an hour knowing that he has an exploding poop problem then yes, I am going to put him in disposable diapers so that there won't be any mess on your bed....... I usually send him there in his cradle too. but darn baby is too beautiful they put him on the bed

I bathe my baby in the evenings, I deal with a lot of poop , my son kicks a lot , I am not altogether too concerned about a poop smudge on his leg. his diaper rash is gone he is not in any pain or discomfort and he will get his bath and be PROPERLY cleaned in the evening , or when I notice the smudge !!!! no big deal !!!!

we are in thailand, IT IS HOT HERE !!!! my baby usually sleeps in a t shirt and diapers , he always kicks his blankets away so we don't put one over him unless it's exceptionally cold . a check with websites and they will tell you that all baby needs is what you are wearing and an extra layer............ well I am nude most of the time !!! and the doctor told me the exact same thing a t shirt and a diaper !!!

and NOT swaddled in a blanket with a towel over him

I use cloth diapers on him , not those square linens but with real diaper covers. only when the cleaners come to my room then they 'discovered' that she does use cloth on him.......... and good stuff too , and guess what , baby does get a bath everyday "shocker' !!!

and the help is no better either , the first one would charge me a flat hourly rate, but bill me for hand- washing his diapers, which I told her she didn't have to , and bill me extra for it during her hours, and I had to do most of the work myself cos all she wants to do is play with the baby !!!!

now the two girls are way better but they ask 1 million and 1 questions that is just not right ...........how much does your husband give you every month ? why doesn't he come home every night ???

and when my baby was taking his bath she dumped a whole lot of cold water in his tub,

he used to freaking love bath time !!!!! he was shivering and quiet ............... my baby happily babbles a lot usually during bath time

then proceeds to strongly recommend that I put his cradle on the bed !!!!

she obviously has not heard "rock a bye baby"

then just yesterday she picks stuff out from my grocery bags and asks me if her son could have them

( I had actually considered buying small treats for her son but thought against it , as it may be expected habitually)

and today her son was in my room, fidgeting with the mobile over the baby 's playpen , I had to tell him nicely to not touch it 2x the third time I raised my voice

and just before I write this post guessed what happened ??? good thing I was also in the playpen , mobile bounced off my head , struck my still breast feeding baby as it fell !!!!!

WHAT THE FLYING fuc_k !!!!!!!!

now they are upset that I don't take their advise, to the vendor I just ignore their advise, to the neighbour, I kinda defend myself then tell him that I got the facts online ( yes I have a fat baby ) but it's ok cos I eat more calories as required for breast feeding mommas .

I do not get the logic of a pregnant lady stuffing herself to the point that she has a c - section for an overly large fat covered baby , then starving herself after the baby is born to have a small baby afterword !!!!

I did the opposite, ate enough to have a healthy mostly blood covered baby in a very good birth weight ( 3.350kg ) eat as a breastfeeding mother should and have a fat but healthy baby ..............

I also don't get the logic of feeding the baby all the time until LO vomits , just feed on demand , when you have enough fat in you , baby will fatten up nicely , no puking at all.... even the doctor told that it's a frequent problem here

how the hell do I deal with all this shit !!!!

it's worse cos I know they mean well ........ I cannot lose the cleaners though her son nearly sent my LO to the hospital