Hi everyone,
I’ve been stuck in a draining, dysfunctional relationship for almost 13 years, and I don’t know how to get out without feeling guilty—mainly because of the 14 dogs we live with. The truth is, I’m the only one who actually cares for them. I cook for them, clean up after them, prep their food daily, and do all the real work. She just lives in the same space.
This partner of mine is lazy, uneducated, irresponsible with money, and emotionally checked out. I’ve sponsored multiple things over the years—guesthouses, her spending, daily expenses—and she’s managed to run everything into the ground. She hoards clothes, handbags, and dogs while expecting me to keep everything afloat. The place is filthy, rat-infested, chaotic—and I’ve tolerated it far too long.
While I’m at home scrubbing floors and feeding dogs, she’s out with her friends 8 to 10 hours a day—BBQs, parties, hikes, shopping—then comes home late. When she is home, she’s glued to her phone, scrolling YouTube and Facebook while the TV blasts Thai soap operas in the background. It’s mind-numbing. She contributes nothing meaningful and expects everything.
There’s no real communication. When I’m sick, she doesn’t even notice—no help, no care, nothing. But if *she* needs something? I’m expected to drop everything and pay, fix, or sort it. I know I sound like a real mug—and that’s probably because I am. I’ve been holding this mess together out of guilt and attachment to the dogs.
Now that I’ve finally refused to sponsor her anymore, she’s suddenly “looking for jobs”—or at least pretending to. The reality is, she’s extremely unlikely to get anything. She doesn’t even have the most basic qualifications, and even a waitress job is a long shot. And even if she does land something, it’s not going to sustain her lifestyle of parties, outings, and hoarding.
I know this is a self-created trap. I could walk away and have a more peaceful life elsewhere, but the dogs keep me rooted here. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do you leave a situation like this without abandoning the animals? How do you stop being the caretaker for someone who offers nothing in return?
Any insights or hard-earned advice would really help.
Thanks in advance.