Chads

Maybe you didn't read through the entirety of the posts I made, understandable cause they are quite long. But anyway I never let any woman be "in charge" of me before. I would try to give them equal say in things (that also means that they should share and pay for things sometimes), and hear out their opinions, but I've never let them run my show (at least financially).

Hell i would get tired of you real fast. To have equal say the girl has to pay 50%... Youve got to be kidding!

I think you're misunderstanding me and maybe I'm not making things clear enough. But that's alright, this is an internet forum and you don't know me in person anyway.

What I mean is that in instances like wanting to buy a bottle of collagen pills just to try them out. I seriously thought she didn't need them but she kept saying her friends think it's really good so I told her ok let's split the cost, but I still think she doesn't need those (especially at her age).

I don't ask her to split costs to "have equal say". I split costs only on things that I feel are a waste of money, and because I don't want to spoil her. And I rarely do it, I've probably only done that like 3 times over the past 8 months, so I think you've misunderstood me.

sounds like another where the girl had one thing in mind and it wasnt love. When will these clowns ever learn.

Feeling sorry for a girls familys poorness is not a valid reason th move the girl in.................lol.

Maybe you're right. And if you want to call me a clown, go ahead because I don't really know you and neither do you. But I know myself, I've mindfully not spent too much on her, I've enjoyed my stay here, and having her stay with me has given me great company.

Kind of like a dog!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls anywhere do liked to be lavished with WHATEVER, $, gifts, etc. Mayebe her friends all get things and all she gets is companionship..................lol.

Actually all her friends and she herself knows that she gets more stuff than all of them. What I meant is that I have money to spare for her which I do spend on her, and the cost of living in Thailand is low enough so I don't really feel like I've spent a lot in comparison to what I earn/have.

Maybe you didn't read through the entirety of the posts I made, understandable cause they are quite long. But anyway I never let any woman be "in charge" of me before. I would try to give them equal say in things (that also means that they should share and pay for things sometimes), and hear out their opinions, but I've never let them run my show (at least financially).

people treat you how you let them treat you.

That's right. Compared to my ex-girlfriends, I know I've let things go too easily with her. I guess it's cause of her financial background and how much she struggles.

So after our conversation last night, her behavior has changed, improved (of course it's too early to tell). I did decide that if I was going to move, I'd do so only next year. So I guess I'll observe how she is for the next 2 months. Thank you all so much for your comments and advice.

A story about Yingluck will always carry a picture.

Not so with Yaowapa, for obvious reasons!

"You talkin' bout me?"

About time.

Women as "Political Sock Puppets" - I guess that is a new role...

Well said. Did the NYT writer even bother reading up on the negative and positive of her before writing this?

How sad...

sounds like another where the girl had one thing in mind and it wasnt love. When will these clowns ever learn.

Feeling sorry for a girls familys poorness is not a valid reason th move the girl in.................lol.

Maybe you're right. And if you want to call me a clown, go ahead because I don't really know you and neither do you. But I know myself, I've mindfully not spent too much on her, I've enjoyed my stay here, and having her stay with me has given me great company.

so you have been having fun banging her and it has not cost you too much money. now you are bored and want to move on but feel guilty?

Nice twist, but no, that's not how I'd describe this scenario.

If she loses you she has less money to send home to the alcoholic leeches, she's building a house and paying for them as you are indirectly, by paying for her living expenses - rent and food. As that's all she would really spend her money on.

She's using you as are the leeches who have already most likely told her to guilt you into giving them money directly or get another farang that will.

If you really want to find out the truth tell her she needs to contribute a few thousand to rent and a few thousand towards food.

Thing is, she hates those leeches. She often talks about the problems they cause her mother back home, even to her friends (I can understand Thai). And that's precisely why she wants to move her mum out of that house. So I highly doubt she's going to do anything for that bunch.

The reason why I don't have her contribute to rent and food is because I wanted her to have more money to save for building the home.

Maybe that's what's bringing her down then, but the thing is you're obviously not happy not just with the relationship but where you are living. You can't live your life for someone else. If you have kids then yes it changes, but you should end this before you do and you can't leave.

Unfortunately, you're probably right

OP (who knows the girl BTW) claims she's hardworking and supports her family in whatever way she can.

Still many posters here find it necessary to put her in a negative daylight without even knowing the girl.

I wonder why ?

I'll stick to my original advice i.e. be a man and talk to the girl, she deserves at least that.

Jeeezzzz.

Yermanee

I don't blame them though, because they've probably seen so many bad examples before. Though it'd be nice if they'd take my word it, it's understandable that they make such assumptions.

If she loses you she has less money to send home to the alcoholic leeches, she's building a house and paying for them as you are indirectly, by paying for her living expenses - rent and food. As that's all she would really spend her money on.

She's using you as are the leeches who have already most likely told her to guilt you into giving them money directly or get another farang that will.

If you really want to find out the truth tell her she needs to contribute a few thousand to rent and a few thousand towards food.

Thing is, she hates those leeches. She often talks about the problems they cause her mother back home, even to her friends (I can understand Thai). And that's precisely why she wants to move her mum out of that house. So I highly doubt she's going to do anything for that bunch.

The reason why I don't have her contribute to rent and food is because I wanted her to have more money to save for building the home.

sounds like another where the girl had one thing in mind and it wasnt love. When will these clowns ever learn.

Feeling sorry for a girls familys poorness is not a valid reason th move the girl in.................lol.

Maybe you're right. And if you want to call me a clown, go ahead because I don't really know you and neither do you. But I know myself, I've mindfully not spent too much on her, I've enjoyed my stay here, and having her stay with me has given me great company.

You've already stated that you don't love her. She probably realized that long before you did, saw the handwriting on the wall and has been waiting for the other shoe to drop for a long time.

Believe me even the dumb ones have got incredibly sharp radar when it comes to emotional rice-bowl issues.

Now that your own thinking along these lines has been solidifying into concrete ideas about what you'd like to do, she's responding appropriately to the impending breakup. None of this has anything to do with how wonderful a person she might be, what her motives might be etc, all that's irrelevant isn't it?

All of this IMO simply reinforces what I wrote earlier so I'm not going to repeat myself.

I did love her. I've only started thinking 3 days ago that maybe I don't anymore. I hope you'll believe me when I say that she wouldn't have realized that long before me, because even up to earlier this week, my positive feelings for her have been made clear.

She surely couldn't have thought that there's going to be an impending breakup 2 months ago when her change in behavior started. Trust me, I was totally fine with her.

As for how to leave, I think leaving suddenly without telling her in person, and just leaving a note on the table is going to be really sad. I know she's going to be terribly hurt by such a thing, and I don't know how I could sleep at night after doing such a thing. But as others have mentioned, the unpredictability of her reaction to it if I do it face-to-face does seem scary.

You have to sit down and talk this out with your girl friend

Fine advice, but even if the cause of her distancing herself has been her realization of or even desire for the coming split, don't expect it to be a calm, rational or productive discussion, unless she's a very very unusual girl for here.

Some people don't mind big emotional drama scenes; personally I'd rather get a root canal without anaesthesia. But that's just me, if you don't mind them by all means feel free to do it gangnam style.

Firstly I might have to comically clarify that I'm not a "farang", I'm an Asian foreigner. And yes, she's young and attractive, and if you'd allow me to mention, so am I. I have had many other options but I chose her, because I saw how poor her family is and how hard she works and sacrifices to support it (I saw that as a good quality and a reflection on her character).

Like I said before, she gives 50% of her salary to her widowed and sickly mother, who is paying the bills for an extended family of aunts and cousins who are mostly freeloaders and drunks. Her dream is to build a small home for her mother and her to stay in, and move away from that old family home her late father built (even the cops come over sometimes because of the stupid crimes those cousins of hers commit).

As for talking to her, I unexpectedly had a chance to do that last night. She was repeatedly replying in a bad way when I was trying to tell her about cleaning up after she's done, so I replied with "Alright, I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I wasn't really that angry, I just wanted to let her know she's really pushing it. I rarely let myself get angry or have fights with people, that's been my nature at home, with friends, and at the workplace.

So I went to bed, and she kept asking me if I'm angry. I told her no I'm not, I just wanted to tell her something and it's so hard to do that sometimes. A few more lines exchanged and she went to shower, slamming the door after her. I just said, "Well suit yourself" to myself, and tried to sleep.

She later got into bed and asked me if I want to talk about anything. So I told her I wasn't so angry, but I do think especially over the past 2 months, she's not been talking to me like she used to. I told her that my mannerism towards her hasn't changed, but hers has.

She said that was just her way of "joking". And yes, she does have a slightly abrasive way of joking with her friends, but the way she does it with me doesn't seem playful at all really. She said over time, she got closer to me and got to know me a lot more like her long time friends so she treats me the same way. She said if I don't like her talking loudly (that's the way she describes it), she'll stop.

I told her that I appreciate her treating me like one of her close friends. But I don't want her to stop the way she's talking completely, because that's what she's comfortable with. I told her that talking "loudly" to me is fine sometimes, but not all the time. I told her that I smile and talk to her nicely or in a normal tone of voice almost all the time, but she doesn't. Again she said she was only joking, and that she'll stop talking like that totally. I told her no, that's not what I want.

All through that conversation in bed, she sounded like she was going to cry. I do believe she doesn't want to let go of this relationship. Does my financial support have most or everything to do with it? I hope not.

As for expecting her to say; thank you" for the simplest things, is that for real? She is probably giving up hope on a relationship that she sees as going nowhere for her and is feeling downhearted.

What you really want is someone that will fit in with your schedules and lifestyle without any compromise on your part. Are you an only child and spoilt by your parents, someone who always got his own way? As it appears you haven`t developed mentally yet into a muture minded person.

I didn't mean she has to say thank you for the simplest things now. What I meant is that she was really thankful for everything in the start, and now it seems like anything I do for her isn't even deserving of a genuine smile.

I don't know why she thinks the relationship is going nowhere for her though, cause I do take care of almost all her needs - except giving her a lump sum of money every month. She's also struggling to build a home for her mum back in her home province, which I sometimes help a little with financially. So if she really thinks going somewhere for her means showering her with money and paying for every expensive thing she brings up, then I guess that's not the kind of relationship I want, even if I could afford it.

Anyway, I'm not an only child, I'm the first of 3 children and I was never spoit. In fact, I grew up during the time my parents were at their poorest. I don't think I'm immature because I've been working and living independently for far longer than the friends I grew up with, but I would agree that I don't have as many years of experience as many of you here.

The only upside about this whole matter is that I guess I'm lucky that I'm still relatively young, giving me time to learn and start anew.

Why are you telling us this?

I just felt I had to share this with some people other than my best friend. I know we may never each other in real life, but looking at some of the replies to this, I think it was well worth it opening up.

So I've always wanted to live somewhere within Southeast Asia and my 2 favourite places have been Thailand and Indonesia. I wanted to move to Indonesia, but the nature of my work didn't allow me to.

I've been travelling in and out of Thailand every 3 months for years now. 8 months ago, I finally decided to move here and stay for an extended period, even considering staying here for good.

I got a nice apartment, and enjoyed my time here. But no matter what I did, I end up missing life in Yogyakarta, Indonesia. It's the cultural activity, from art to music, to the nature of the people (I generally find them to be nicer and warmer, and I just get along with them better, but that may be a personal thing). Thai people are nice, but not as nice as the Indonesians in my opinion. I also find it easier to build friendships and bond with Indonesians. With Thais I always feel like I'm pretty "outside".

Youth culture there also has more hints and understanding of western trends and styles than here in Thailand (I'm only nearing 30 years old now, so I guess that's why these things are more relevant/important to me).

But despite missing the place so much, I had a good Thai girlfriend here who made it all better. I'm not a bar-going person, so we only go dancing in a club once a month. Hanging out with her friends and her was enough to keep my social needs satiated, since I was busy with work (internet based) and music production (I'm a DJ on the side) anyway.

So it all went well enough, till I started feeling that my Thai girlfriend is taking me for granted. Because she has a job for herself, I don't give her any money monthly. All I do is take of the rent, our meals, and buy her some clothing once in a while.

I wanted to give her a better standard of living, because I saw her family home and thought it was sad. But I never gave her too much, just as I advise people here.

Even so, over the past 2 months I've felt like she doesn't talk to me as nicely or not even in a normal tone of voice sometimes, even though I maintain the same level of communication and warmth to her as I did from the start.

She used to say "thank you" for the simplest things that I helped her with, but now she doesn't anymore. Now she just asks me whatever she wants, sometimes even without any warmth. Perhaps she's forgotten how she used to live.

Did I end up spoiling her? Maybe I did. But I do know that I didn't lose or spend too much on her.

So I've almost 90% decided to move out of Thailand at the end of this year. I'm going to follow my heart and move to Indonesia. The only thing stopping me, that 10%, is the woman that I loved.

My best friend has told me to just leave, and never look back, he even thinks I should move out right away. But I can't do that because I'll feel bad that I gave her a better life for a while then left. And I don't want to tell her that I'm leaving because of her. Maybe she's not as perfect as she seemed when I met her so many months ago, but she never ripped me off, she never stole anything from me, she accepted it when I said no, she cared for me when I was down, she was faithful, and she was and still is a dedicated daughter who sacrifices a lot for her mother and family (like giving half her salary to them).

Even so, eventually I'm going to have to tell her. Because I'm not in love with this place. And worse, because I think I'm not in love with her.

Does anyone assume my wife is a prostitute?

SC

I don't think people assume your wife is a prostitute. But if you'd wanted to clarify that in forum for expats in Thailand, I'd understand why.

Hell, I could live much more cheaply in many places in America than on Phuket.

I don't know why that isn't repeated more. For those who don't know small town US in the warmer climates in the cheaper states, but know only the big city, maybe they just don't get it. The US isn't nearly as expensive as other prominent Western countries, and small town US is a bargain too. If you live a high lifestyle in either country it will cost. But the US has many affordable places, and the retired have cheap health care insurance - something which could really become an issue in LOS. There are also safety nets for seniors 65 and older. But bluntly put, good safe clean food and consumer items are cheaper in the US. Housing isn't expensive in the less expensive states but the infrastructure is 100% first world.

It's the girls.

Of course it is, but it's not just the girls, if my dick fell off tomorrow I still would never want to live back home no matter how "clean" the food or 100% the infrastructure.

It's bloody BORING, the so-called "culture" is totally STIFLING, all so either incredibly white-bread homogenous or flat-out dangerous.

And that's how I feel about big-city life where I feel comfortable, small-town living in the south or out west? forget it. . .

But that's just me YMMV

If I had to choose one single issue to decide which country to live in, it would definitely be the girls. So long as I still have hormones in my body, it's a pleasure everyday just looking, never mind doing.

Somehow, I have to wonder if the guys that claim not to be attracted by Thai women have any hormones present, LOL.

Maybe he just generally prefers other kinds of girls more than Thai girls. I feel that way too. Just cause some people don't like mint ice cream doesn't mean they don't have any taste buds

I doubt you came to Thailand to study Buddhism. If one were trying to emulate or follow the teachings of the Buddha he would not need to discuss the previous employment of his spouse with strangers; I hope.

Think about it for a second. How secure is a man that he needs to tell total strangers that his wife was not a prostitute. One would hope by contemplation and study that one would have a bit more serenity.

Rather than being insecure, maybe he feels good/proud telling people his wife was not a prostitute? Nothing wrong with that.

I don't want to get into a discussion on how "Buddhist" that is. But I do know that I would never marry a bargirl from any country. If any of you have, and feel that it's good for you, then good for you

Do you tell people you don't know that your wife is not a prostitute? My God man. I have been married four times that I remember and I never ever told anyone that.

Is telling people that your wife is not a prostitute normal among people you know? Has anyone you have ever known told you that his wife was not a prostitute?

I guess he wanted to clarify since this is a forum for expats in Thailand, and based on the kinds of posts one can come across, assumptions may be made. I didn't mean he'd say that to people in person. He's saying that in the context of this forum.

I doubt you came to Thailand to study Buddhism. If one were trying to emulate or follow the teachings of the Buddha he would not need to discuss the previous employment of his spouse with strangers; I hope.

Think about it for a second. How secure is a man that he needs to tell total strangers that his wife was not a prostitute. One would hope by contemplation and study that one would have a bit more serenity.

Rather than being insecure, maybe he feels good/proud telling people his wife was not a prostitute? Nothing wrong with that.

I don't want to get into a discussion on how "Buddhist" that is. But I do know that I would never marry a bargirl from any country. If any of you have, and feel that it's good for you, then good for you

Wonder why he's covering his face in the photo? I mean, if it's such a shameful act to be caught for, then why do it in the first place? Pathetic.

Truly a laugh a minute.

"Your country is on the road to a true democracy and you have one of the best economic plans i have ever seen, which country are you from sorry I forgot".

I'm from Thailand.