tolsti

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is

absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his

new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A

little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and

shouts at the top of his voice.

"Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord!".

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's

varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale

and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.

When

he finishes the whole place goes wild.

The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz

chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit pi$$ed off by this, Stevie, being

the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz

improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really

tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show off

his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a

jazz chord". Well and truly pi$$ed off that this little guy doesn't

seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the

stage

"OK smart ass. You get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and

starts to sing .....

"A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

My last dayin BKK was Sunday 15th May. I needed to get from my hotel to the airport which is only about a 10 minute drive. I had a load of luggage.

I called a taxi driver that I had used twice in the past 5 months and asked him to come and pick me up at a set time...... of copurse he was late but took the time to call me and tell me that he was on his way.

He lugged a huuge Samsonite into the backk seat and two other bags into the boot and off we went. We chatted litle on the way as I was a bit preoccupied with thoughts about leaving Thailand but did mention that I was leaving and would not be returning in the short term future.

Anyway, coming up the ramp to International departures I started to get some money out and looked at the meter..... it wasn't on.

I said..... no meter?..... his reply was "that's because today you no pay" "you go England no come back...ok, today you no pay"

I had a battle to give him a 100 baht ending up saying "this is not for the taxi, this is for you to drink beer for me tonight"

I'll never say anything bad again about BKK taxi drivers.

Well, here I am in the UK after a pretty amazing flight. Starting with the check in

at Don Muang everything went like clockwork. The Business cClass ticket took care of the over weight problem ( I reckon I had about 55 kgs). Then I went into the newest Royal Orchid lounge for a couple of beers and a snack beore boarding on time. Inflight service was full business class as they had changed the aircraft and it was real treat. Good food, industrial strenght G + Ts and spot on service. 2 meals later and it was Abu Dhabi.... into the the lounge there for an hour and a half and then on to LGW. Once again, the full works and great food. On time into LGW and bags on in 15 mins from arrival ( priority tags worked).

I would not hesitate to use Etihad again and warmly recommend them for service and price. These guys are going to start winning awards soon.

I tried to read this but with all those >> marks it is totally unreadable.

If you are going to cut and paste something surely you can take a little time to make it readable!!!

Have a look at Etihad... very helpful and they have some offers on at the moment

went to Etihad today to book..... very friendly and helpful.

Turns out BKK - AUH does not have a full business class service at the mo... will do from October. Instead they offer a premium economy to AUH and then business onwards to LGW. Premium econ offers (they say) biz class service but seats are not as big and no personal TVs. But they gave a price reduction so I've ended up paying 27400 for the trip. As regards the baggage allowance they said we normally don't bother you if you have upto 40kgs. Point is that they were up front about all this and didn't just leave it to me to find out. Happy so far..... I'll tell you how it all goes later.

BTW they have some special offers on at the mo.... says 40 000 for 2 people to Europe.

Dear Alcohol:

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours.

My friend, you always seem to be there when needed.

The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even

around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when

we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.

While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I

feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is

important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or

necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those

ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to

hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good ! meal, but why do you suggest

that I eat a taco with chilli sauce, along with a big Italian meatball

and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat

after a few cheese curls & chilli cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I

think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to

do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black &

blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.

Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the

front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting

ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's

debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable!

My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken

(water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing

out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should

be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

> >

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like

to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of

great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion

when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my

grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer

no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions &

hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

> >

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

> >

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

One thing to be aware of if you decide to go the excess baggage route... The maximum weight for a single piece of luggage going into Europe is 32kg. If you try to check in a 35kg suitcase, they may ask you to repack it (I had this on an intra-Europe flight a couple of years ago.)

The Health & Safety law changed in early 2003 and since then, this limit has been in place.

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What a great forum this is..... ask a question and you get all sorts of helpfull answers. Thanks everyone. I have been looking at flights and found Etihad @ 30,900 Baht Biz Class one way so I reckon with that, a positive smiling attitude and smart appearance I should manage it all OK...... unless of course "anyone knows better" I'll have to ditch some stuff anyway..... not too much call for shorts and flip flops in the UK!!

Hi all,

Planning on going to Cha am next week with the family, anyone know of decent cheap bungalows or hotels please???

Thankyou.

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I stayed at Gems.... clean enough, quite comfortable and near the beach. They're bookable on the net. B'fast was a bit of a scrum though over the weekend lots of Thai families.

I am a Southerner and I see many uneducated answereing...shame.

skycop

Educated???? with spelling like that?? ANSWERING...shame

At the airport-TERMINAL 2, directly opposite the entrance doors you will see a "BAGGAGE FORWARDING COMPANY"  they are kind of near where you pay your departure tax.   

They will do it all for you at reasonable prices...by distance I would imagine.  A friend used this service and was very pleased with the results. 

Arrived just fine about 6 days later.   

Forgot the price but I remeber thinking..."that is not half bad..."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for all the suggestions.... I'll look into them all.

Not only has this been interesting but now educational.  Speak more of your African food using Grits.

Can you eloborate on sadza and boerwors.

Thanks.

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Boerewors (An Afrikaans word, 'Boere' meaning 'farmers' and 'Wors' meaning 'sausage') is a sausage probably created by the pioneers (Boers) two hundred years ago.

1.5Kg beef

1.5Kg pork

500gms pork "spek"

20gms whole coriander

30gms salt

5 ml fresh ground black pepper

2 ml fresh ground cloves

2 ml fresh ground nutmeg

150-200 ml wine vinegar

90gms casings

Method:

Scorch, mill and sieve the coriander. Cut the meat into 50 mm cubes and add all the ingredients except the spek and vinegar. Mix well. Mince the meat, cut spek into approx. 2 mm cubes, add spek and vinegar, mix lightly but thoroughly. Stuff casings.

(spek = the hard white fat between the skin and the meat on a pig)

Sadza is Zimbabwe's version of the stiff porridge or dumpling common all over sub-Saharan Africa; a Fufu-like staple usually made from ground maize (corn), as is Zambia's Nshima or Eastern Africa's Ugali. Sadza is always eaten with a meat or vegetable soup or stew or sauce. In Zimbabwe, the word sadza itself is practically synonemous with lunch or supper; having sadza implies having a vegetable or meat dish to accompany it.

What you need

four to six cups corn flour, white cornmeal or ground maize -- or -- millet flour

water

What you do

In a large pot, bring four cups of water to a boil.

Remove about a quarter of the corn flour and set it aside. Place the remaining corn flour in a large bowl. Mix the corn flour with four cups of cold water. Stir until the flour-water mixture is a thick paste. (You will need both a strong arm and a strong wooden spoon!)

Slowly add the flour-water paste to the boiling water, stirring constantly. Bring to a second boil, stirring constantly while the mixture thickens. Do not allow lumps to form and do not allow it to stick to the bottom of the pot. Cook and stir for a few minutes.

Slowly add the remaining flour. The mixture should be very thick and smooth, like extra-thick mashed potatoes. At this point the sadza should begin to pull away from the sides of the pot and form a large ball. Cook for a few minutes more.

Transfer the sadza to a large bowl. With wet hands, form the sadaz into one large ball (to serve family-style) or serving sized-portions. Serve immediately with any soup or stew. To eat sadza: use your right hand to grab a bite-sized lump, form it into a ball, and dip it into the soup or stew.

Maize is Zimbabwe's number one agricultural crop. Sadaza is most often made from ground maize (corn), and this has been the case for a century or more. However, maize is native to the Americas, and did not arrive in Africa until after the time of Columbus. Before maize arrived in Zimbabwe, sadza was made from various type of millet native to Africa. To make sadza, use finely ground corn flour, or millet flour. Farina or cream of wheat might also serve as a substitute.

Thank you google.... I couldn't have put it better myself!!!

Good afternoon

I am looking to return to the UK towards the end of May for a while. As my return date is undecided I reckon to take my worldly belongings with me. Nothing much and no electicals but certainly more than even the most generous airline would allow as hold baggage.

So the question is and I ask for help here, can anyone recommend an agent in BKK who could arrange for a hard shell suitcase (big samsonite) filled with clothing (personal and used) with an all up weight of appx 35 kgs door to door BKK to Southern England. All customs declared etc and personal use only.

Hope this is the right forum but Mods feel free to move if you wish. I'd be grateful for any advice (polite that is!!)

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Only 35 kgs ? Why can't you take that on the plane with you ? Depending on your ticket, you may have to pay a little more for excess weight. When I went through Bkk last December, I had 50 kgs total. On China Airlines, no charge. On the Thai/Emirates code share I had to pay for being 30kgs over my limit.

Cheaper and quicker to pay the excess than to have it shipped by other means. I've put guys through here that were 8-10 kgs over the limit and the airline just shrugged and let them on with no charge at all.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks Kerry... sorry I should have been clearer....I will be taking another case with me which will be on the limit. That's why I am looking at this route. I'll be taking as cheap a flight as poss (9R excepted) and may end up transiting through Moscow so I am also looking to reduce the lost bags permutations.

Good afternoon

I am looking to return to the UK towards the end of May for a while. As my return date is undecided I reckon to take my worldly belongings with me. Nothing much and no electicals but certainly more than even the most generous airline would allow as hold baggage.

So the question is and I ask for help here, can anyone recommend an agent in BKK who could arrange for a hard shell suitcase (big samsonite) filled with clothing (personal and used) with an all up weight of appx 35 kgs door to door BKK to Southern England. All customs declared etc and personal use only.

Hope this is the right forum but Mods feel free to move if you wish. I'd be grateful for any advice (polite that is!!)

I grew up on grits. Only in South Africa we called it 'mielie pap' and you can have it runny or stiff or crummbed and with anything sweet or salt. A favourite is with a tamato and onion relish with Bar-b-q'ed sausage. The sausage contains beef, pork and mutton mixed with spices like coriander and cloves. OMG how I miss that now!

I worked out a deal with a friend of mine in South Africa. I send him game CD's and he sends me food. Sort of like a food for CD's program. I am just now waiting for my shipment of pap.

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North of the Limpopo it's called sadza..... sadza and boerwors is better than sausage and mash...... and as for biltong that kicks beef jerky into a cocked hat

at least the smelly backpackers on Kao San rd get a shower... like it or not.

An airliner which was forced to abort take-off twice after alarmed passengers spotted fuel spewing from a wing, is set to make a third attempt.

Britons have told of their frantic efforts to stop the Phuket Air flight taking off at Sharjah in the United Arab Emirates.

The flight from Bangkok to Gatwick was forced to abort takeoff twice after refuelling, according to some passengers.

According to one witness, passengers screamed and refused to sit in their seats as they demanded the pilot abandon his attempt to get the plane in the air.

Three hours later, the pilot tried for a second take-off after the Boeing 747-300 was fixed, but passengers again spotted fuel spillage and the plane remained grounded, she claimed.

Some 400 Britons were stuck in the desert stop-off overnight.

The duty manager at Sharjah International Airport told smh.com.au that the plane has been fixed and is due for departure in a few hours,

They (Phuket Air) said departure will be between 6am and 7am (1pm AEST). Flight is ready, fixed everything,'' Sultan al-Mazem said.

Passenger Michelle Richards, 53, of England, told smh.com.au the flight had been delayed by several hours.

``Providing they can reassure us ... I think we'll get back on the plane,'' she said.

But Ms Richards, who is being put up at the Sharjah Airport Hotel, said other passengers were more fearful about reboarding the plane.

``There's quite a few who aren't prepared to get back on the flight so I don't know what's going to happen when we get to the airport this morning,'' she said.

She said the cabin had been filled with screams as the plane gathered speed for take-off.

``As the plane was going down runway we heard this shouting. We just wondered what was going on. Everybody was saying: `Stop, stop','' she said.

It wasn't until the plane taxied back to the terminal that she and her travelling companion learned that the mid-take-off drama was sparked after passengers spotted a fuel leak.

Before yesterday's flight was aborted passengers had been made more alert because the pilot had announced there was a fire danger because fuel had been spilt during refuelling.

Jane Shackleton, 68, from Freshwater, Isle of Wight, was returning from a holiday in Phuket with her family.

She told her son Richard in London: "It was terrifying. Everyone was on their feet shouting and screaming for the plane to stop after a man next to the window started yelling that fuel was pouring down from the wing over the engine pod.

"We were all thinking about the Concorde crash a few years ago."

Mrs Shackleton was travelling with her daughter, son-in-law and their three children, aged 12, 11, and four and a 16-year-old niece.

Her son-in-law Dr Peter Hill, 46, also from the Isle of Wight, said: "There is no way I will allow my wife and three children to board that plane again. They are just too frightened."

Mrs Shackleton telephoned her son in London shortly after the aborted take-offs early this morning.

Richard Shackleton told the Press Association last night: "It sounded like complete and utter ghastly panic as a man leapt up from his seat yelling there was fuel everywhere when the plane was beginning to accelerate.

"There is some confusion. The airport are saying the plane will be fixed overnight and be made available for takeoff first thing tomorrow morning but a large number of passengers are refusing to get on the plane because the children are deeply, deeply upset."

He said the British embassy in Dubai was helping to find alternative flights for the passengers.

A Foreign Office spokesman said he was aware of the incident and officials in Dubai were looking into the details of what happened.

He said: "We understand they have all been put up in a hotel at the airport and our officials are trying to investigate what happened over there."

A Foreign Office spokesman later said: "The reports we have got are that it was a routine refuelling stop.

"On takeoff after refuelling, fuel was seen to be leaking by the passengers so the flight was abandoned.

"All the passengers are to be accommodated overnight in hotels in the area and they will all be given evening meals and breakfast.

"Then arrangements will be made for them to continue their onward flight."

The Foreign Office confirmed it was a Phuket Air flight.

The Press Association was unable to contact a spokesman for the airline at its Bangkok or UK offices tonight.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Stay at home in America, stop playing with yourself... you know it'll only bring hairs on your palms. When you are old enough to go on an airplane without an Unaccompanied Minor bag around your neck try coming here... by then with a little bit of luck they will have developed an ###### detector and you won't be allowed in.....

I'm up for it, bit of a lightweight drinking wise though.......pm me when date decided and I'll keep an eye out on here as well.

CNN is reporting that Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 6th Tour de

France title.

In a random check for banned substances, 3 were found in Armstrong's

Hotel

room.

The 3 substances banned by the French, that were found in his hotel room

were

as Follows:

(1) Toothpaste

(2) Deodorant

(3) Soap

I'll close the door quietly on my way out.........

One day I go to New York to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella da waitress i wanna 2 piss toast. She bringa me only 1 piss. I tell her i wanna 2 piss. She say go to da toilet. I say she no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She sat u better no piss on the plate son of a bitch. I dont know the lady and she call me a son of a bitch.

Later i go to have soma lunch at da restuarant, the waitress bring me a spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tells me everybody wanna fock. I tella her she no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say u better no fock on the table u son of a bitch. I dont even know her and she call me a son of a bitch.

So I go back to my room inna hotel , and there's no sheet on my bed. I calla da manager and tella him I wanna sheet. He tella me go to da toilet. So I say u no understand, I wanna sheet on da bed. He say u better not shit on the bed u son of a bitch. I dont even know da man and he call me a son of a bitch.

I go to checkout and the man at the counter say peace on u. I say piss on u too u son of a bitch.

I go back to italy!!!

C & A are no longer in the UK, all closed down a few years ago. Still in France and Holland

Just got given shed loads of gmail invites so if anyone wants one just pm me with your current address. Sorry but it doesn't support Thai script (yet)

" Golf is a good walk spoilt"......... Mark Twain