Many have questioned whether the OP is genuine or not. Because of my own experience I find everything you have written perfectly believable - so if you are genuine - don't worry about the stupid comments from those who are ignorant of such matters and you have my full sympathy for what you going through. What you have experienced is so similar to the nightmare I went through with my Thai ex-wife.
IMO this girl suffers from a condition called - Borderline Personality Disorder - or BPD for short. If you don't know about this - just Google it - there is a lot of information and sources of support on the internet. It is quite a common condition here in Thailand. It is rarely diagnosed professionally but if you read about it you will know whether her behaviour fits the BPD pattern - and other peoples' stories will help you to get insight into your current predicament.
You MUST stand up to her. The core feature of BPD is the fear of abandonment - and that is exactly what you are trying to achieve - and she knows it. If she has BPD she will do anything - literally anything - to prevent the abandonment - whether or not it is legally or morally acceptable. She will tell the most convincing stories to other people to try to gain their sympathy and get them to help her. If she has brains and money - she is virtually unstoppable - so you really have to be very careful. My ex-wife spent over 2 million baht hiring private detectives and expensive lawyers and taking multiple lawsuits against me - over a period of 3 years - all of which failed because ultimately there was no truth in her allegations that were just a product of her paranoid BPD imagination.
Her best and greatest weapon - as you have written about - is emotional blackmail - threatening self-harm and suicide - to manipulate and control you. These are usually idle threats - but not always as you know - and if she is BPD she is quite capable of self-harm and attempted suicide - you can read about it on many websites. I have multiple experiences - and how many trips to the emergency room at the hospital. It creates a very serious moral dilemma for you.
BUT - you MUST call her bluff - or she will just completely control your life. You are NOT responsible for HER life - it is up to her - and you must stand up to her. You MUST protect yourself. You MUST change everything that you can - such as phone numbers, online accounts and passwords, etc. If they are hacked - keep on changing them. She will not give up - so you must not too.
You MUST tell other people around you what is going on - so that they don't talk with her or provide her with any information that will help her - that is SO important. You MUST get the local police involved and make a report that she is harassing you with all the details - so that next time she arrives unexpectedly you can call them and get her arrested/removed. If it is anywhere outside - it is in a public place - so don't let the police make excuses - it is within police juisdiction. If necessary - get a court order in India based on what has already happened - to prevent her from coming to your house or your relatives' houses or from doing anything that is public disturbance or harassment in the law.
If you must come to Thailand - provide other people - if you don't 100% trust them - with false information about your trip and location - just in case she talks to them and they can't keep quiet. Be very careful about who you trust and what you say to people. Getting and buying personal information in Thailand is incredibly easy.
If she finds you in Thailand - and causes any kind of problem in public - go immediately to the police in the district where it happens - and --jengkwahm-- that is make a police report detailing exactly the what when where etc of everything that happened - with witnesses if possible. If you are married to her - the police may not allow it - but public disturbance is most definitely a crime in Thailand - so take a trusted Thai friend or lawyer to help you because it must be done in Thai. My ex-wife got a 2 year suspended jail sentence for causing a public disturbance in Lamphun so I have some experience.
You can also get a court order in Thailand to prevent public harassment - but you must make the police report first. Usually the first meeting for advice with a Thai lawyer is FREE - only after they have assessed the situation and advised you - they will require money for some specific actions that you have agreed. So you can get advice from as many lawyers as you want - and then see which one looks like they are the most competent for what you want to do - and then negotiate the fees - and NEVER pay up in full in advance - agree part payment terms.
If all else fails - and you can't stop her - change your identity - yes change your name etc - get new ID, new passport and everything. It might slow her down for a while - but not guaranteed to stop her! People with BPD are not rational in the same way as others - so it is a waste of time trying to reason and be reasonable with them - they will just take you for more rides on their emotional rollercoaster. You MUST protect yourself and family from her. If necessary - use her own tactics on her - threaten her and tell her exactly what will happen - legally of course - if she continues what she is doing.
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Another Awful Cross-Border Relationship Story - Need "Legal" Counsel/Advise pl...
in General Topics
Posted
Many have questioned whether the OP is genuine or not. Because of my own experience I find everything you have written perfectly believable - so if you are genuine - don't worry about the stupid comments from those who are ignorant of such matters and you have my full sympathy for what you going through. What you have experienced is so similar to the nightmare I went through with my Thai ex-wife.
IMO this girl suffers from a condition called - Borderline Personality Disorder - or BPD for short. If you don't know about this - just Google it - there is a lot of information and sources of support on the internet. It is quite a common condition here in Thailand. It is rarely diagnosed professionally but if you read about it you will know whether her behaviour
fits the BPD pattern - and other peoples' stories will help you to get insight into your current predicament.
You MUST stand up to her. The core feature of BPD is the fear of abandonment - and that is exactly what you are trying to achieve - and she knows it. If she has BPD she will do anything - literally anything - to prevent the abandonment - whether or not it is legally or morally acceptable. She will tell the most convincing stories to other people to try to gain their sympathy and get them to help her. If she has brains and money - she is virtually unstoppable - so you really have to be very careful. My ex-wife spent over 2 million baht hiring private detectives and expensive lawyers and taking multiple lawsuits against me - over a period of 3 years - all of which failed because ultimately there was no truth in her allegations that were just a product of her paranoid BPD imagination.
Her best and greatest weapon - as you have written about - is emotional blackmail - threatening self-harm and suicide - to manipulate and control you. These are usually idle threats - but not always as you know - and if she is BPD she is quite capable of self-harm and attempted suicide - you can read about it on many websites. I have multiple experiences - and how many trips to the emergency room at the hospital. It creates a very serious moral dilemma for you.
BUT - you MUST call her bluff - or she will just completely control your life. You are NOT responsible for HER life - it is up to her - and you must stand up to her. You MUST protect yourself. You MUST change everything that you can - such as phone numbers, online accounts and passwords, etc. If they are hacked - keep on changing them. She will not give up - so you must not too.
You MUST tell other people around you what is going on - so that they don't talk with her or provide her with any information that will help her - that is SO important. You MUST get the local police involved and make a report that she is harassing you with all the details - so that next time she arrives unexpectedly you can call them and get her arrested/removed. If it is anywhere outside - it is in a public place - so don't let the police make excuses - it is within
police juisdiction. If necessary - get a court order in India based on what has already happened - to prevent her from coming to your house or your relatives' houses or from doing anything that is public disturbance or harassment in the law.
If you must come to Thailand - provide other people - if you don't 100% trust them - with false information about your trip and location - just in case she talks to them and they can't keep quiet. Be very careful about who you trust and what you say to people. Getting and buying personal information in Thailand is incredibly easy.
If she finds you in Thailand - and causes any kind of problem in public - go immediately to the police in the district where it happens - and --jengkwahm-- that is make a police report detailing exactly the what when where etc of everything that happened - with witnesses if possible. If you are married to her - the police may not allow it - but public disturbance is most definitely a crime in Thailand - so take a trusted Thai friend or lawyer to help you because it must be done in
Thai. My ex-wife got a 2 year suspended jail sentence for causing a public disturbance in Lamphun so I have some experience.
You can also get a court order in Thailand to prevent public harassment - but you must make the police report first. Usually the first meeting for advice with a Thai lawyer is FREE - only after they have assessed the situation and advised you - they will require money for some specific actions that you have agreed. So you can get advice from as many lawyers as you want - and then see which one looks like they are the most competent for what you want to do - and then negotiate the fees - and NEVER pay up in full in advance - agree part payment terms.
If all else fails - and you can't stop her - change your identity - yes change your name etc - get new ID, new passport and everything. It might slow her down for a while - but not guaranteed to stop her! People with BPD are not rational in the same way as others - so it is a waste of time trying to reason and be reasonable with them - they will just take you for more rides on their emotional rollercoaster. You MUST protect yourself and family from her. If necessary - use her own tactics on her - threaten her and tell her exactly what will happen - legally of course - if she continues what she is doing.
I wish you well for the future.