Wasa

 

 

It is barbaric to give your child a worse life than you were given. Any western man who has a child in Thailand, or any other third-world country, should be ashamed.

 

... 

 

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Is Thailand a third world nation?? Seems to be a lot of happy kids around here nonetheless.......I'm back in Australia at the moment and the kids (when you see one, there's not many here) don't look any happier than those in Thailand

One of the problems with life, we are all mortal,, I know its stating the bleeding obvious but that is what we are really talking abut here.

 

I am sure you are a fit healthy fella and will likely carry on ticking for 20 years or more but like all people you will slow down. There is no shame in it, its just life. You have had children already and enjoyed that part of your life, so in my opinion don't go there. Remember the nappies, the schooling, the worry, the discipline, the terrible teens, the higher education and I haven't even talked about money yet.

 

Do you really want to be doing all that again when you are trucking through your sixties? At that time of life your time should be your own,you should be enjoying the freedom of kids and probably mortgages and all the stuff we get stuck in. You will never be able to experience that properly if you dive into reproducing again. 

 

So, just because it is possible to start again here in mature years doesnt not mean you should. What is wrong with a slightly older lady anyway,, I am not talking about a zimmer framed old biddy but perhaps early 40's, done the children bit and is looking to enjoy life.. I am not looking for anyone but I met one of the bar ladies whilst having a beer recently, she was in hr 40's (I guess), very attractive and her kids are grown up now.

 

For the young lady you met you also have to ask yourself why is she looking at a man in her mid fifties. I am sorry to say it but I know everyone thinks it, she sees you as potential easier life. Mid fifties, no mortgage, western, probably financially secure etc,, lets be really honest back in Aus how many ladies in their younger years jump for men 20 years or more their senior? Not many for sure,, here is different of course.

 

So, for the young lady I would let her go if she has her heart set on kids, it will be better for her and find yourself someone who is hot, a bit older and just looking to enjoy life..

 

Anyway, just my opinion, good luck fella, hope you end up happy whatever you do.

 

 

 

Great answer......just that one line you wrote-

".......just because it is possible to start again here in mature years doesn't not mean you should"

Just struck me as simple but so true.

 

 

What is wrong with a slightly older lady anyway,,

Menopause!
It's a deal breaker, and it's happening soon.
Psychological effects start in the mid 40s, continues on until late 50s.
If you've tried it once, you wouldn't want to risk it a second time.

 

 

Reading that brought back memories of my UK ex.............
 

 

Ha ha and my ex in Australia, it was the worst time, constantly sweating, can't sleep, angry as a hornet, snapping at me over every little thing. I tried to be empathetic, but in the end just too hard.... 

One of the problems with life, we are all mortal,, I know its stating the bleeding obvious but that is what we are really talking abut here.

 

I am sure you are a fit healthy fella and will likely carry on ticking for 20 years or more but like all people you will slow down. There is no shame in it, its just life. You have had children already and enjoyed that part of your life, so in my opinion don't go there. Remember the nappies, the schooling, the worry, the discipline, the terrible teens, the higher education and I haven't even talked about money yet.

 

Do you really want to be doing all that again when you are trucking through your sixties? At that time of life your time should be your own,you should be enjoying the freedom of kids and probably mortgages and all the stuff we get stuck in. You will never be able to experience that properly if you dive into reproducing again. 

 

So, just because it is possible to start again here in mature years doesnt not mean you should. What is wrong with a slightly older lady anyway,, I am not talking about a zimmer framed old biddy but perhaps early 40's, done the children bit and is looking to enjoy life.. I am not looking for anyone but I met one of the bar ladies whilst having a beer recently, she was in hr 40's (I guess), very attractive and her kids are grown up now.

 

For the young lady you met you also have to ask yourself why is she looking at a man in her mid fifties. I am sorry to say it but I know everyone thinks it, she sees you as potential easier life. Mid fifties, no mortgage, western, probably financially secure etc,, lets be really honest back in Aus how many ladies in their younger years jump for men 20 years or more their senior? Not many for sure,, here is different of course.

 

So, for the young lady I would let her go if she has her heart set on kids, it will be better for her and find yourself someone who is hot, a bit older and just looking to enjoy life..

 

Anyway, just my opinion, good luck fella, hope you end up happy whatever you do.

 

 

 

Great answer......just that one line you wrote-

".......just because it is possible to start again here in mature years doesn't not mean you should"

Just struck me as simple but so true.

One of the problems with life, we are all mortal,, I know its stating the bleeding obvious but that is what we are really talking abut here.

 

I am sure you are a fit healthy fella and will likely carry on ticking for 20 years or more but like all people you will slow down. There is no shame in it, its just life. You have had children already and enjoyed that part of your life, so in my opinion don't go there. Remember the nappies, the schooling, the worry, the discipline, the terrible teens, the higher education and I haven't even talked about money yet.

 

Do you really want to be doing all that again when you are trucking through your sixties? At that time of life your time should be your own,you should be enjoying the freedom of kids and probably mortgages and all the stuff we get stuck in. You will never be able to experience that properly if you dive into reproducing again. 

 

So, just because it is possible to start again here in mature years doesnt not mean you should. What is wrong with a slightly older lady anyway,, I am not talking about a zimmer framed old biddy but perhaps early 40's, done the children bit and is looking to enjoy life.. I am not looking for anyone but I met one of the bar ladies whilst having a beer recently, she was in hr 40's (I guess), very attractive and her kids are grown up now.

 

For the young lady you met you also have to ask yourself why is she looking at a man in her mid fifties. I am sorry to say it but I know everyone thinks it, she sees you as potential easier life. Mid fifties, no mortgage, western, probably financially secure etc,, lets be really honest back in Aus how many ladies in their younger years jump for men 20 years or more their senior? Not many for sure,, here is different of course.

 

So, for the young lady I would let her go if she has her heart set on kids, it will be better for her and find yourself someone who is hot, a bit older and just looking to enjoy life..

 

Anyway, just my opinion, good luck fella, hope you end up happy whatever you do.

 

 

 

Some medical stuff ...

 

If you do deicide to commit to having a Family ... where are the 3 of you going to live?

 

If that's Thailand ... do you have enough coin to support the Family?

If that's going to be the West ... has she visited your Country ... she may not like it there.

 

If you have decided to stay in Thailand ... have you asked where your gf will want to live once the child is born?

A move back to her home village or surrounds might be a request by her.

Again, not by every woman ... but a common occurrence.

 

Ignore the naysayers who say that you are to old to have kids.

My Dad was around your age when I was born ... and boy ... was I glad for that decision ... 

 

That's the technical stuff I can help with.

 

The question is then you have to look into your Heart and see what the answer is in there.

 

My Partner and I had Twin boys earlier this year ... and I / We are over the moon with joy.

 

 

If you want to take part of this conversation into a PM ... my doors open for you.

 

It's such a big decision, it's always good to chew the fat.

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Hi David48, thanks for the welcome and also for the great replies, the medical stuff is interesting but it's the life issues you raise in this post that I find I grapple with most.

I've really got some thinking to do.

When I get back to Thailand next week I'm gonna show my girlfriend your reply (she's 30 by the way) and go through it with her point by point and discuss each issue in detail. I'll write it out and also how each of us feel about each point. Then I'll bring it out a few weeks later and see if we still feel the same......sounds ridiculous I suppose but it's probably a better approach than I've taken to other important decisions in my life. 

We have discussed it in the past, but only in a half-hearted manner, because I never really entertained having children. But now I know and understand it's important for her, because she doesn't have any kids yet........ so we have to confront it head on now. 

Thanks for the PM invitation also, I'll do that when I can figure out how to.......

And your kids look awesome!! Cute photo and I can only imagine how happy you and your partner must be.

OK Wasa ... awesome first post and welcome to the Forum ... 

 

I am not so different from you ... a younger, but ballpark.

 

My choices didn't come down to ... I've found a nice Lady and she wants Children ... do I?

 

My choices were to find the Partner who I wanted to be together with for a long time and then decide if we wanted children.

 

I have and we did.

 

 

Just some facts ... and I'm not asking her age.

 

If your gf is of the age of 35 or younger, there is a good chance that she and you have a reasonable chance of conceiving.

 

Once the general age of 35 is reached, the likelyhood or a non-assisted conception diminishes.

 

Sure, there will be stories of Mothers, in their 40's bearing a child ... but that, medically, is the minority.

 

Source

 

As you can see from the graph above ... the age of 35 is a rough cross-over point.

 

By the age of 35, according to this chart a woman has approximately 6% of her ovarian reserves left.

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If you are mid 50's, then "bit younger" would be what..5 years younger than you..max 10? So you are talking about a woman in her mid 40s and up.
MOst of them would surely already have had kids.

Anyway, your mate who said go get a vasectomy and not tell her (thereby cheating a woman out making a choice to give up the chance of kids or not), is an assh0le

Hi LaraC, yeah, I probably understated the age bit.....my girlfriend is 30.

I agree with you on the vasectomy thing, it would be really unfair to her and I don't think I could live long term with a lie like that between us, I think I'll just be setting myself up for another failed relationship if I go down that road. 

After my two previous experiences, I've made a pact with myself that if I ever enter into another long term relationship it's gonna be completely open and honest from day one......no BS, no pretences, and all my cards on the table, warts and all. If she wants to stay with me after knowing all my good and bad points, and I want to stay with her after knowing hers, then we can each make an informed decision and hopefully stand a reasonable chance of long term success. 

Otherwise, I'm strong enough within myself these days to just walk away and carry on what I'm doing. At 55 I can't afford to repeat the mistakes of the past......

Have been reading TV for a few months now, and one thing for sure is that there is a lot of experience in here.

So I wanted to pose a dilemma which I'm sure many here on TV have encountered......

I'm mid-fifties, married and divorced once which was followed by a de facto relationship for 21 years. One child from the first marriage, one child from second and also raised a stepson from 18mths old to adulthood in the de facto relationship.

First marriage I was just too young and that marriage ended after just two years. The de facto relationship which followed I realized pretty early on in to it that I'd made another mistake, however, I just toughed it out until my youngest left home and then I left, which was a relief to both my ex partner and I. I have a very good relationship with all of the kids.......

Anyway, no more farang ladies for me!!

I have been coming to Thailand for around three years now and living and working here for the past year on a WP. I love the Thai girls and their culture and have had relationships with all sorts of girls here.

The only problem I have is that the girls I go out with are a bit younger than me and most seem to want children, which is understandable. Now I have met a lovely girl that I really like, and for the first time in three years I have a live in girlfriend. We did discuss the children subject at first, but haven't raised it since.

Over the last couple of years I've kind of entertained the idea of having more kids. But now I am back in Australia for three weeks on a work related visit and being here in a Western country again has reminded me of the realities involved in having children. I had kind of forgotten about it all as my kids are well into their twenties, but now after being here in Aussie for a couple of weeks I just find myself looking at it in a totally negative frame of mind...... 

So what to do?? I think when I go back to Thailand next week the first thing I'm gonna do is sit the girlfriend down and have the children conversation to see what comes out of that. She hasn't got any kids which is one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place, cos I don't know if I can raise another step child......But it's probably not fair on her to expect her to stay with me childless if she really has a strong biological urge for offspring.

I live in Pattaya and it is literally possible to have a different girl every night, which I did for quite a while....but the attraction of that can wear off after a while, and because I have a fairly demanding job I can't sit in a bar every night looking for a new girl to bring home....

So what should I do?

Should I just date older ladies who are past having children.....hhmmmm I don't think so? Or find a girl who already has children and just accept I may have to be a stepfather of sorts.....I don't really want this again......or just live alone for the rest of my days? 

I'm fit and healthy, not fat and physically capable of raising kids.

One of my friends just suggested I go have a vasectomy and not tell my girlfriend.......but as I said, I think this is not fair on her.

I'd be interested to know what has been the experience of others who have faced this situation....what decision did you make and if you did have kids how did it go?