scoteng

Hi, I have a baby due with my Thai partner in the next few weeks. I live in the UK at the moment and she's in Bangkok. Now I'm very confused as to how it works over there with the birth. She's told me that I need to send to her a certifcate of residence, proof of employment letter, certified copy of my passport, and a proven analylis of my DNA. Now I've got the first three things sorted, but proven analylis of my DNA? I don't know how it's possible to do this as I've spoke to some DNA companies and I've been told that it's only possible when the baby is born to test the baby in Thailand and test me here. Now she keeps on at me about the DNA but I don't know what to do about it, and also I don't get why the hospital is requiring all this stuff? Now I won't be able to get to Thailand for the birth due to the current pandemic, but can she not just put me down as the father on the birth without me being there? She mentions something about an ID card for the baby as to the reasons for all this stuff she's requiring? Anyone with some experience in this can enlighten me please. Also would like the baby to have my family name, thanks :)

Anyway after telling this girl that I have not sent my girlfriend any money I am assuming she told her boyfriend and then my girlfriend found out. She has deleted her Facebook account now, so I go to Skype and ask her why she do all this and all I got was shut up you don't want me then she is just ignoring. All I want is her to say to me why all this has happened and give me some kind of explanation. It's hard for it to be that's it, it's over just out of the blue and her not saying anything. Anyway hopefully other people read this thread and learn from it like I have now.

I think you misunderstood me. The above transpired on the INTERNET or by phone right? You saw the lady for a few hours and now have invented a relationship with a computer. Of the hours you have spent messing with this chick what percent has been in person? 1%? You are living in a virtual world like so many with long distance relationships and confusing virtual reality with reality. It's not the same.

No I have seen her in person for 5 weeks total. See her Skype everyday and was going to see her for 3 weeks I November. So for the 5 weeks that I was with her I grew attached to her, not with a computer.

Anyway after telling this girl that I have not sent my girlfriend any money I am assuming she told her boyfriend and then my girlfriend found out. She has deleted her Facebook account now, so I go to Skype and ask her why she do all this and all I got was shut up you don't want me then she is just ignoring. All I want is her to say to me why all this has happened and give me some kind of explanation. It's hard for it to be that's it, it's over just out of the blue and her not saying anything. Anyway hopefully other people read this thread and learn from it like I have now.

Gets better and better. This girl of my girlfriends ex is now saying that my girlfriend said to her boyfriend that I send her 30,000 baht a month. The mind boggles as to why she would lie to him about that? I have never sent her a dime ever!

I'm sorry but is this an INTERNET relationship? Why do you think anyone would be remotely interested except for other INTERNET Lotharios? One doesn't have relationships on the INTERNET. The whole thing is cyber humping nothing to do with reality. If I'm wrong correct me but it sure sounds like some kids on the INTERNET spoofing reality.

I met her in Thailand in March and spent time with her and returned to see her again in July. I had a planned to go see her for 3 weeks in November, but thank god I delayed booking it.

Gets better and better. This girl of my girlfriends ex is now saying that my girlfriend said to her boyfriend that I send her 30,000 baht a month. The mind boggles as to why she would lie to him about that? I have never sent her a dime ever!

So....is the ex's ex ex eyeing the money from her ex's ex ex thinking that her friend's ex could be her next as she's now an ex due to your ex's ex ex?????

Ha ha probably something along those lines. Just to say though that these 2 have never been friends. Only enemies it appears.

Gets better and better. This girl of my girlfriends ex is now saying that my girlfriend said to her boyfriend that I send her 30,000 baht a month. The mind boggles as to why she would lie to him about that? I have never sent her a dime ever!

Scoteng:

Possible scenario to consider:

OP's girlfriend wants to break up with OP, but can't because it's too stressful/emotional.

OP's girlfriend talks this over with FB friend. FB friend agrees with OP girlfriend to contact OP and pretend to tell OP a bunch of dirt, which has been tailored to sound believable with help of OP's girlfriend. Motive is to cause OP to lose interest in relationship.

This theory would explain a few things:

(1) What would motivate Facebook friend to contact OP? Revenge, yes. But if FB friend is jealous of OP's girlfriend, contacting OP only drives OP's girlfriend into the arms of Thai boyfriend? That seems contrary to FB's ultimate goal to get OP's girlfriend out of the life of Thai guy.

(2) Thai girlfriend going behind back of OP's girlfriend seems really risky for FB friend. Little skeptical that Thai woman would risk doing this, especially with a farang she's never met.

(3) Explains why OP's girlfriend's Thai boyfriend didn't get upset about OP running off with his girlfriend in July. (Thai boyfriend doesn't exist)

(4) Explains why OP's girlfriend still has OP's picture on FB profile page. (Ditto: Thai boyfriend doesn't exist)

Thais can be quite crafty at times. I can imagine the above scenario being a plot on a Thai soap opera.

Agree with pgrahmm that best thing is to not waste any more gray matter trying to figure this out. And agree with Berkshire don't try to understand, only accept. But whatever you do don't rat out the FB friend - - you could end up getting someone seriously injured or killed.

This theory could be possible but I don't think it is the case although some part of this could be true. I remember back in May received a Facebook message from a random Thai guy and it was a picture of him and my girlfriend together, but it was an older picture as she looked younger. Now this is the guy in question. I have looked back on her old profile she had on Facebook and there is a few pictures with this same guy. I also remember now the girl who contacted me yesterday was pointed out by my girlfriend that she is with her ex now. She said to me that he was no good and sold drugs. All this explains why her phone rings and cuts off our Skype calls regularly. She always says it's her mother or her friend (obviously boyfriend). Her phone rang a fair bit when I was with her 2 weeks in July and again she just said it was either mother, father, or grandma, which at least some of them were as I spoke to them briefly but I bet a lot of them were this Thai guy. I thought this girl might've been different as she showed no big red flags, and never asked me for any money ever. She also left her phone laying around freely and let me use it at my own free will, so thought she obviously has nothing to hide. Ah well it just shows you how smart these girls really are...

Scoteng:

It's good to hear from you. I think I speak for many others when I say we've missed you, and have wondered how things have been going. You've got a lot of character coming back and giving everyone an update. Thanks.

I'm not overly surprised to hear that the ex-husband popped back up on the scene. I live in a small village, and over the years have watched girls head down to Bangkok and Pattaya seeking their fortunes. A really common pattern is for a girl to get married in their teens, have a kid or two, breakup with their husband, and suddenly have to figure out for the first time in their life how they are going to support themselves and their kids. The local work options aren't very attractive, especially if the girl has only a 9th grade education (which is sadly very common).They end up heading to Bangkok and Pattaya lured by stories from older girls in the village of making easy money. Many end up coming back to the village after a short stint away because they realize that the life of a bar girl/go-go dancer/massuse, etc. isn't to their liking.

In hindsight it does sound like your girlfriend was telling you the truth when she said she hated the bar scene. It sounds like she was hedging her bets, and ultimately decided the best alternative was to come home and patch things up with her boyfriend/ex-husband. I know there are many exceptions to this, but one thing I have noticed about Thai men and women is that once they have children together, if there is subsequent infidelity, this doesn't always mean that the couple will split up. Under the circumstances you've described I would definitely not attempt to pursue this relationship further.

Above all else, the thing which makes getting involved with a bar girl such a crap shoot is you just don't know anything about her background. In many ways these girls are products of their environment and for a foreigner to really understand her, you've got to know where she's come from. A bar is such a completely artificial environment, and it's really hard to get to know someone during a month long vacation because it's not real world. When you throw in language barrier problems and cultural differences, it is really easy to let your imagination fill in the missing gaps, and presto - - you think you've found your soulmate and wedding bells are ringing in your ears. Any hints of incompatability are brushed aside as "cultural differences." But in reality, you really know very little about her.

As for your finding out about this before you purchased the plane tickets - - dude, you are a lucky guy!

Falling in love with anyone - - even a bar girl - - is an affirmation of your humanity, and don't let anyone here or elsewhere tell you otherwise.

I'll leave you with a quote from 'The Straw Men' by Michael Marshall:

'So what do you care? What was she - a working girl?'

As if whores and addicts were little more than unwanted pets,

as if they had never run laughing to the return of a parent,

or said a first word,

or spent long nights wondering what their stocking would hold.

Thank you, it's nice of you to say. She hasn't gone home, the guy lives in Bangkok. As far as I am aware he is not an ex husband or father of her child. What I don't get is why his girlfriend has just told me now? And why she is still with him? Is it normal for thai girls to accept this kind of arrangement of their boyfriends going off to see other girls? What I don't understand as well is why my now ex girlfriend is completely ignoring me, but continuing to use a picture of me with her on her profile pic, and also what does she think she will get out of ignoring me? Does she think she will start speaking to me in a few days and make some lie up? I think she will find out I know anyway from the boys girlfriend at some point.

Well I said I would keep you guys updated whether it was good or bad. The question was is thai bar girl different to most? Well the answer as I have discovered now is NO!

She's not been the same recently with me, although in bits she's been ok. For the first time since I have met her a big red flag has come up. The last 2 days she has pretty much ignored me, which has never happened before. I did Skype her and to my amazement she answered and I asked her what she was doing to which her reply was I don't know I cannot speak English, sorry today I cannot speak with you bye bye, and that was it. She was in a car at the time and I could hear thai being spoken in the background. Have said numerous things to her on Facebook since which she was ignored, apart from she said briefly that she has errands to run and that she is very tired. So she has gone from speaking to me throughout each day to not at all pretty much for 2 days, so obviously at this point I am massively suspicious and almost certain she is with someone.

So tonight I get a Facebook message off a random thai girl and I ask her why she want speak with me. She say she is girlfriend of my girlfriends ex partner. She tells me that right now they are together in her room, and that it's being going on for about 4 months now. Usually one day a week they see each other she says to me and that my girlfriend has been giving him money around 30-40k baht. She has been tracking him with gps on her phone and she said only time he didn't see her was July, and that makes sense as I was with her in July. I do find it weird that she has only contacted me about this now, especially as this is the only suspicious activity I have witnessed with my girlfriend. She skypes me a couple of times a day and always speaks to me on Facebook at all times pretty much, and this is the only time this has happened like this. She says my girlfriend wants him back now and that my girlfriend hates her a lot.

So there we have it. She is like most other bar girls sleeping around. She says she doesn't bar fine but I think with the amount of money she is giving him plus a couple of bits of jewellery that I have noticed on her recently, that I can pretty much confirm that she is doing bar fines as well. I do still find it weird that this is the only suspicious activity and then this girl gets in touch just now and not before. See what my ex girlfriend has to say for herself if she ever decides to talk to me. I have not let on that I know, so I am ready for the lies.

I was due to go see her for 3 weeks in November I just thank god that I have not yet booked flights and hotel yet, phew! Don't get me wrong I am gutted about this and I will miss her a lot, but least it's pushed me into doing something that I thought was probably right anyway, but just couldn't break it off with her as I cared for her a lot. At least now I can get on with my life and not have to worry everyday what she is up to. Whether she ever loved me or not I don't know, but I don't regret this as I have experienced Thailand and enjoyed her company. She helped me get over my long term ex girlfriend and I feel no anger towards her over this. Just got to accept this is the thai way for most of them. One thing I would like is an explanation, whether or not I get one I doubt it but we'll see.

One thing is for sure that this is over and I will learn from it and also I do have to apologise for me being naïve on here and not listening to people's advice who live and have experienced a lot more things in Thailand than I have. I admit I take my pants down that you were all right all along...... Thanks for reading

Just to reply back to a few people. If she really had a husband would she really tattoo my name which reads *** loves ****. Highly unlikely especially when the tattoo is visible. Also like I say I give her no money so what would be in it for her and the husband? I do not deny that this widely happens along with a lot of other crazy things in Thailand. It comes at no surprise to me to see all sorts of stuff happening regarding money etc as I see all the thais we get in the casino but the girl I am seeing seems nothing like the thai girls I know here. Not all bar girls have several phones for several boyfriends and several Facebook accounts. Mine has an iPhone 4, takes care of herself and hasn't asked me for anything. Now I appreciate a lot of advice on here and I know there's stuff that I have seen that I don't want to hear but right now I don't think a lot of the bad stuff applies here. At the moment I see good in her. Maybe that will change but I can't just hold bad judgement on her just because of the job she does. I now fully believe her that she does not bar fine. Since I posted on here it has made me think so much with the comments that have been posted and it made me very paranoid about her. I have started accusing her of all sorts and today she finally had enough of all the accusations. She deleted me on Facebook which she has never done as she didn't want to speak to me. I have said some pretty nasty things to her and I've had her crying all day. It took a lot of grovelling for her to accept me back as a friend on Facebook (maybe a bit sad I know but I felt guilty). Eventually after a few hours she agreed to Skype and she was in floods of tears and deeply upset with what I have said to her. She said she wants us finished now and I find someone with a good job. I managed to calm the situation down and she said I have 2 choices. You keep speaking to me no good and we finish or you go back to being nice and we continue. I chose the 2nd option of course. Maybe that will be regretted down the line, but right now my only regret is letting a lot of people on here get into my head with their comments. I'm just pushing her away and saying stuff to a girl I think is really nice. Right now I will carry on, and certainly start trusting her more.

Give you all 500/1 that she has a Thai husband min bet 50,000 baht. She's available all day to Skype until the early evening and when she gets home in the early hours. She lays on her bed so where Is the husband sleeping? Under the bed? Very unlikely.

youre 24 years old, very little experience in thailand and youre sitting here arguing with guys that have been around thailand and thais for 20 and 30 years. you asked for advice, you got advice and all you want to do is argue. you deserve everything you get.

Some people's advice has been good and I can accept what some people have said. It's people that are joking around saying idiotic things that annoys me death. This thread has become pointless now so people just stop posting. People can be brave to say a lot of things behind a computer screen. If they act like this in public they will not be liked by anyone and be decked a few times.

lol! now youre playing the tough guy as well as the know it all? if what is said on a public forum annoys you so, i would suggest you dont belong in a public forum. there is an ignore button you can use anytime you dont like what someone is saying to you but instead you revel in the back and forth banter. like I said, you dont deserve advice.

Don't care

Scoteng, why did you choose a gay anime character for your username ?

Seriously just google it.

Ha ha how random. I chose scoteng because I am an Englishman living in Scotland. Will have to think of a different username for future site ha ha.

Obvious troll.

Yeah wow I'm a massive troll look at me woo woo

Give you all 500/1 that she has a Thai husband min bet 50,000 baht. She's available all day to Skype until the early evening and when she gets home in the early hours. She lays on her bed so where Is the husband sleeping? Under the bed? Very unlikely.

youre 24 years old, very little experience in thailand and youre sitting here arguing with guys that have been around thailand and thais for 20 and 30 years. you asked for advice, you got advice and all you want to do is argue. you deserve everything you get.

Some people's advice has been good and I can accept what some people have said. It's people that are joking around saying idiotic things that annoys me death. This thread has become pointless now so people just stop posting. People can be brave to say a lot of things behind a computer screen. If they act like this in public they will not be liked by anyone and be decked a few times.

Give you all 500/1 that she has a Thai husband min bet 50,000 baht. She's available all day to Skype until the early evening and when she gets home in the early hours. She lays on her bed so where Is the husband sleeping? Under the bed? Very unlikely.

She's probably already married to a thai from young age and they have 2 kids. TIT.

Yeah she's married to a thai and her husband allows her to spend a couple of weeks at a time with a ferrang who is giving her no money. Likely story "TIT"

So OP....rapidly closing in on 400 posts. You haven't learned anything here? Is that what you're saying?

Pretty much learnt all that I have read on other forums. This girl is just being categorized the same as the rest, without any thought that she might be different. How many thai girls do you get shelling out 11,000 baht for a flight to Samui? She must care in some way if she is willing to shell out her own money.

you ASKED if we thought she was different! these guys gave their opinions. some say she is already hardened, some say she soon will be. some say she will in time IF you refuse to support her. do you really believe she enjoys working there and is happy waiting to see if this relationship goes anywhere? if you dont step up, someone else will take her out of there..you refuse to listen to anyone, so why did you bother asking? just go ahead and continue your little project. you dont deserve advice

I totally agree that she could go hardened at some point I don't deny that. In fact I think it's fairly likely especially I can't imagine her friends from the bar being a good influence on her. Time will tell, if it happens it happens, I will deal with it if it comes down to it.

If the girl gets on stage to do shows she must go nude.......................lol. Is that ok with op.............hahahaha!

It's acceptable

I have said to her numerous times if you are bar fining it's ok just admit it but she hasn't as she is not doing it

She's there to earn the bar fine ...not to pay it herself.

Telling you "she pays the bar fine every night" is as ridiculous as "she just went in for a drink because she was thirsty and took her clothes off because she felt too warm"

Sure she acts like your little angelic sweetheart... that's good business and the skill she shows only convinced us that she's a real pro.

Ok I worded it wrong. She doesn't pay everyday. She pays 8x600 baht per month as the minimum bar fines required per month is 8.

So OP....rapidly closing in on 400 posts. You haven't learned anything here? Is that what you're saying?

Pretty much learnt all that I have read on other forums. This girl is just being categorized the same as the rest, without any thought that she might be different. How many thai girls do you get shelling out 11,000 baht for a flight to Samui? She must care in some way if she is willing to shell out her own money.

I spoke to some veteran bargirls tonight. A few threw up laughing when i said theres bargirls that dont go with customers..................lol.

Overseas boyfriends are customers- you dang fools! one bargirl said.

They asked if i could intoduce them to one.. They wanted to se the UniCoRn live.

That's opinion of a couple of bar girls. We've had someone come on say today they know 2 girls in a bar that don't bar fine so it is possible.

Let's talk hypothetically...

Say you're 100% right on her history, you go to Thailand, the romance is rekindled and then you have to leave. Would it make a difference if she slowly drifted into doing tricks next year? Would that end things or would you be able to see it as just a job?

What about if she professed to be non-game and you found out that she was lying, would that change things.

These are tough questions for a man (kind of) in love. You may need to think about the answers.

That is very true. If I got someone to go in and I find out she was lying yes I would finish it. If she told me herself she was bar fining then it might be different as she is showing honesty at least. I have said to her numerous times if you are bar fining it's ok just admit it but she hasn't as she is not doing it

End of the day I'm 24 with regular job and no savings. I have nothing lose

This other thread sounds much better.

This so amusing how people think I am a troll. I've written a life story, done loads of posts, uploaded pictures but yet I am still a troll.

Scooter, we don't get many threads of this quality, so we automatically think you must be a troll because it's so entertaining.

You are just an amalgam of all our collective experience, whether personal or observed. We have seen this so many times.

You have said it yourself, that you might be in the lucky 5%. You're a croupier, so I ask you, are those good odds? Would you bet your future on it? Thailand has girls with much better odds.

What you have described in her history and her work habits tells us she is not the innocent newbie you think she is. She is experienced and fairly hardcore in my opinion, probably having graduated from cashier, to waitress, to Go Go, to putting on shows - that don't happen in a few months.

...we just a bunch of knuckleheads on an anonymous internet forum...but if you don't learn from history, you are bound to repeat it.

She's a newbie trust me. Seen her recent pics on Facebook with her working on the coaches and like I said I noticed she started becoming friends with all the bar girls on facebook when I was over there first time. She also wasn't going out drinking with them after work or anything until after about a month of me leaving which suggests she made friends after a while. She posts pictures with her friends all the time. That 5% only applies to any random bar girl. I have seen and spent time with this girl and feel she is decent so that percentage is totally different. Like playing a hand of blackjack. Before the hand the player is almost 50% likely to win the next hand only he gets dealt 20 against the dealers 8 and his chances of winning have significantly improved.