Thank you. Well, I guess I'm not your traditional monger because I'm not out there to party, get involved, spend much time with anyone, etc. I'm just there to scratch an itch and then leave. In real life I have had all types of meaningful, long term relationships imaginable, if there is even such a thing, and I've figured out (after decades) what works best for me. It's not a perfect system, and it may not be for everyone, but what is/does?
But it's also good that I have a few bad experiences (like last night) from time to time to help me always keep things in perspective and remind me that they are not there because they want to be. It also helps me from falling down that rabbit hole and ever thinking that there is something more to it. I guess to keep yourself on track with it you also need to take a glass half full approach and always look for a silver lining in it, even when it wasn't a good experience.
As for your situation and not being able to pull the trigger most of the time, I deal with that quite often too. I'm not sure that it's for the same reasons, but often I'm fearful of a bad experience and that's what causes my hesitation. But knowing that 1 out of 3 is likely to be really good, I plonker on.
In your case though, I can't understand how you would be driven to pull the trigger with a 60+ year-old woman? For me, it is so much easier to pull the trigger with a 20+ year-old brain dead sex worker than a post menopausal grandma. Anyway, best wishes with it all.