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scottiejohn

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Posts posted by scottiejohn

  1. 23 hours ago, connda said:

    I'm posting the link to these article here as I'm not sure if it in anyway is against forum policy.  I don't think so, but I'm not sure.  Just being safe. 
    https://www.computerworld.com/article/3219835/microsoft-windows/10-reasons-you-shouldnt-upgrade-to-windows-10.html#slide1
    https://www.windowscentral.com/14-reasons-not-to-upgrade-windows-10

    The first link is 1YO and the 2nd link 2YO.  These articles are dinosaurs in WIN 10 terms and bear little or no relation to WIN10 today or the upcoming update.

    Are you being paid for this anti Win10 tirade, if not why are you doing it?

  2. 1. Do you have shut down, restart, Hibernate and Sleep available on the power button or just 2 or 3 of those 4 buttons?

     

    2. Have you checked that all your WIN 10 updates are fully installing,  and not hanging (You said you upgraded from an old Win7 system, if so if you have some legacy MS Office programmes in the background Win 10 hangs on update!) Check you update report in settings.and check your system is fully "activated"!

     

  3.  

    A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

    The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.

    The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.

    The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

    "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

    "Oh yeah?" the man asked.

     

    "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

  4. Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order?

    A: "A beer for me please, and one for the road."

     

    A bee goes into a bar,

    It comes out 2 hours later buzzing

     

    Never text while driving, you might spill your beer.

     

    I don't recycle because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.

     

    My body is not a temple.....it's a microbrewery with legs.

     

    Anyone who says that beer is a depressant isn't drinking enough of it.

     

    A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."

     

    A soccer ball walks into a bar. The bartender kicked him out.

     

    A magician walks down an alley with his dog and it turns into a bar

    • Like 1
  5.  

    A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

    "You’ll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

    "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.

     

    I’ve been trying to do that for years!"

     

    • Like 2
  6. Phone conversation:

    WIFE: Hi Dear, what’s up?

    HUSBAND: Honey , Do you remember that Jewelry shop where we saw a beautiful long diamond necklace and engagement ring that you totally fell in love with but I just could not afford at that moment and I said that one day when I had the money I would buy them for you!

    WIFE: "Yes, the king of my heart, of course I remember, it was the day we got engaged after all."

    HUSBAND: "Oh Great and you remember although I didn’t have enough money to buy even a cup of coffee, never mind the ring, or the necklace, you accepted me and booked us into a smart Hotel two doors down and we celebrated our new ‘union’ and you had to work overtime for weeks afterwards to pay for the room when I got fired after the DUI and spent weeks in Goal? Well I am near there now!

    (The wife is totally relaxed with a big smile now and even blushing wishing and praying that he is about to but the coveted items.)

    WIFE: "Yes I remember both places my love!!!!"

    HUSBAND: "Good! I am in the bar between the two of them, I have run out of money again so can you come and pick me up!"

     

     

    (he is still waiting)

     

    • Like 1
  7. A Shot of Whiskey

    A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey then looks into his pocket.

    He does this over and over again.

    Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of whiskey and afterwards look into his pocket.

    The man responded,

     

    "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then I'll go home."

     

  8.  

    Q: What's the difference between you and eggs?

    A: Eggs get laid and you don't

     

    After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

    She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

     

    Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?

    A: A trip without the kids!

     

    Q: What do you call an IT teacher who send sexually explicit material to his students?

    A: a PDFile

     

    Q: What do you call lesbian twins?

    A: Lick-a-likes.

     

    Q: What do you call a Chinese midget?

    A: Tai Nee

     

    Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

    A: Ask your mother!

     

    Q: What is the definition of Confidence?

    A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"

     

    Q: What do you call a Chinese rapist?

    A: Rai Ping Yu

  9. On ‎07‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 8:42 AM, meinphuket said:

    I would imagine that they prefer to deal with agents processing stacks of visa appications from both a monetary aspect, to avoid long queues and, often lengthy and argumental, procedures involving individual applicants. 

    Use of Agents

    Every single Government/Official body (not just in Thailand) be it a local office or an Embassy loves agents. As you implied all the paper work has been correctly done and checked before it gets anywhere near the "office/clerk/official" and all they to do is a cursory check and everything processed in a much quicker time than processing individuals in a face to face situation.

     

    Their time/worksheets only show so many forms/applications processed, not the actual number of people they physically interview. As a result they look so efficient when agents use them as opposed to talking to each applicant.

     

    PS; 

    Here is a thought or twist on the "tea money scene";  Maybe the Officials bribe the agent to use them so the official’s "throughput" bonus goes up rather than the agent bribe the "official" for the appointment slot! Just a thought. (Del Boy would love the twist)

  10.  

    A Newfie went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like Newfies.

    The game warden ordered the Newfie to show his hunting license, and the Newfie pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its ass, and said, "This duck ain’t from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin’ license, boy?"

    The Newfie reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its ass, and said, "This ain’t no Quebec duck. This duck’s from Manitoba . You got a Manitoba license?"

    The Newfie reached into wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its ass, and said, "This ain’t no Manitoba duck. This here duck’s from Nova Scotia . You got a Nova Scotia huntin’ license?"

    Again the Newfie reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Newfie, "Just where the hell are you from?"

    The Newfie turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said,

     

     

     

    "You tell me, you’re the expert."

    • Like 1
    • Haha 1
  11. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

    A: Because (on the rare occasion they do think!) they believe red means stop.

     

    Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?

    A: Because everybody gets a turn.

     

    Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?

    A: Her feet!

     

    Q. Why did the woman want a divorce on the grounds of religious differences?

    A: He thought he was God and she didn't!

     

    Q: Why is marriage is a three ring circus>

    A: An engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffer-ring! 

     

    Wife: Honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear!'

    Husband: Kitchen, living room, laundry, dining room......'

    '

    Husband: "Hey babe, you smell that great aroma?"

    Wife: "No."

    Husband: "Me neither, start cooking."

     

    First Husband: "My wife's an angel!"

    Second Husband: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

     

    I was going to write a joke about alcoholic midgets but I don't want to lower the bar.

     

    A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, ?For you, no charge!?

     

    Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?

    A: "Olive or twist?"

    • Like 1
  12. The Penis Study:

     

    The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's Penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

     

    After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

     

    The Irish, unsatisfied with those findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks, at a cost of around $75.46, and many pints of Guinness, they concluded that reason a man's Penis was larger than the shaft was;

     

     

     

    to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the face.

    • Haha 2
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