Khon Kaen Dave

I have read what the opinions of the other posters about your situation.Now read mine.

The very thought that your wife wanders off i s horrifying. What if she does it when alone with the child. This, as said,could be a ploy to return to Thailand with the child and never return. For you to allow your child to go some 8000 miles away with this doughnut is a recipe for a possible disaster,for which you would be to blame,  and would never forgive your self for. There is only one way around this, and that is to refuse to let the child out of the UK. You have to go with her, end of. If you love your child, you would not put her at this terrible risk. For you to even consider it, makes me think that you are not completely all there. If your wife makes it hell on earth for you and your decision, so be it. Your wife may not return, but you will still have your daughter.

I was a single parent of my daughter because my wife was proved unfit. I thank the lord for British Justice in my case. But once parted by miles of ocean, you will have none.

5 hours ago, NancyL said:

What this means is that your solicitor will be able to charge a nice monthly fee for managing your estate and your wife will have to fend off requests from her worthless relatives every month for the rest of her life.

 

Better to select your wife wisely and educate her properly before you die.

 

Seriously -- this is possible.  I know a couple guys here who have patiently supported their wives through the process of growing beyond a M8 level of education to becoming licensed accountants with careers that will long outlast their husband's lifetime.  Along the way, the wives came to their own conclusions about their relatives in Issan.

Silly Nancy, my solicitor is my is a family lawyer and and also a family member.He is  my Fathers brother's son, my nephew. In every family, there is always someone who inherits the brains. He did from my aunt.

Think again.

4 hours ago, jeab1980 said:

The guy has married here his life is here his wife is here. Christ he cant take it with him. Would be exactly the same if he was married anywhere in the world. If its that important to him or you spend it all now dont leave a penny to the woman he or you married end of problem.

Now if you take offence to this i dont care. Can you really think the way you and he does. Talk about trying to control in life and in death.

 

Rest assured, i do not take offence at your remarks, simply because i do not care, what you say. I have made my arrangements with my solicitor, who is my family lawyer. I am safe in the knowledge that my finances are safe and sound and i can rest easy, when the day comes, that the grim reaper, who i also think of a friend will tell me to get my hat and coat, and tell me its time to go. Your post is irrelevant to me. However, i do not have to agree with what you say, but i will, defend to the death, your right to say it.

Mee wan dee

On 7/29/2017 at 1:30 AM, lopburi3 said:

Very true and not much that can be done about that other than family ed 101 - but he might be able to set up wife for frequent regular payments rather than bulk sum to help mitigate such actions.

Thank you.And that is exactly what i have done through my solicitor in the UK.

On 7/29/2017 at 1:58 AM, jeab1980 said:

Thats totaly irrelevent once he's done his bit and left his wife the money it's  hers then to do with as she pleases. You cant dictate about who gets what after your dead. If hes really that bothered leave it to a dogs charity. Would he have the same issue if married to a UK woman who had a  Daughter by a previous bloke who  was a fat lump and her boyfriend was a druggie ?

So all the money that the guy has worked for all his life to allow him a good retirement, ends up down the kharsie. Good bye 35 years of toil and sweat.

On 7/27/2017 at 3:13 AM, NancyL said:

And it's attitudes like this that cause guys to do nothing and thus leave behind big messes for their loved ones.  Yes, there is plenty you can do now to make life easier for your loved ones.  Get a Final Will -- one here and one in your home country.  Make sure your Thai wife has the appropriate tax I.D. number from your home country now so she can claim funds from your home country bank accounts and not have to figure out how to get a tax I.D. number for herself after you're gone.  Get your military records in order.  She may be entitled to a widow's pension that you don't even know about.  Have stamped originals of all your previous marriage and divorce records. etc,etc.

Ok, consider this. How can make sure that your wishes are carried out. My friend, has a good deal of money that he has made sure that is wife will inherit if /when he dies. The problem is that he will never be sure where the money will end up. His wife has a fat, lazy daughter, with an equally idle,drug taking boy friend. The wife as weak when it comes to her daughter( most Thai mums are) he is terrified that the wife will give money to the daughter and her boyfriend who will proceed to squander it on stupid things and drugs. How, then, can he be sure that this will not happen.Once the inheritance is released into the family, anything can happen.

6 minutes ago, steven100 said:

your giving it to the ex back home ....      you must have an understanding wife

What i am doing with my fiances and whatever else is not in question here. You would be very naive,if you have been here a long time, and have knowledge of what the thai system is capable of. Anything can happen. My post was, that what ever you do to insure your family and spouse gets what she is entitled to, is something you will never know, because you will be dead, toast, brown bread, kaput. And you will have no knowledge or input as to what happens. That is unless you are different, and are able to see over your wishes from the celestial plane. None of us know, we simply hope it will happen.

Not to be a killjoy, but i truly think that you can make all the arrangements  that will give you peace of mind, regarding your loved ones when you shuffle off this mortal coil. However, in reality, once you are gone, you will have no control, nor will you care what happens, because you will be absolutely unable to do anything about it. Sad but true.

4 hours ago, Lamkyong said:

i have an cordless electric chain saw   go anywhere   legal that is

Any Thais reading this and have a good idea of what the posts say will be glad the news is out. Pretty soon they will be using them as weapons, E.G,the girl that was cut up and deposited in bins lately. that size, taxi drivers will have them under their seats, sons of policemen and other untouchables will be putting them in the bike seat, just handy in case there is a punch up in one of their karaoke bars, or night clubs.

I dread to think of a chainsaw in the hands of a pissed up/druggedup Thai. If it takes off, we will soon be reading,"man cuts up wife with chain saw" on face book.

2 minutes ago, Goldbear said:

Wow Dave, quite the story. Thanks for sharing. I am glad that your daughter is doing great. 

Thanks for that. Its all true. Its even on Google. But for obvious reasons i cant give names. But the husband got 4 for the killing and 4 for perverting the course of justice. Afterwards the jury called the judge back and asked him to reduce the sentence, because after the evidence was heard, they recommended leniency. I was a main witness in the number 1 court at the Bailey. He ended up with 3+3. I like to think i was responsible for that. He went to the max security nick in woolwich. He was there a week and someone striped his face with a blade.

5 minutes ago, Retiredandhappyhere said:

I appreciate your comment, Dave.  As I had lost my business, which was my only source of income just a few years from retirement,  I decided to retire to Thailand 13 years ago and, as luck would have it, I have never regretted my decision.  Sadly, my ex-wife died of cancer  7 years ago, so her new husband benefitted from a substantial portion of the earnings from my 45 years of working life, as for some unknown reason, she failed to leave her assets to her two sons as promised.

 

Your experience of living near the sea, which is similar to mine, (living in Hua Hin), reminds me of an aunt of mine who had a beautiful cottage in South Devon in the UK about one km across fields from the sea.  After the first couple of years there, I do not think she saw the beach for the next 25 years, although she did enjoy the revolving light from the nearby lighthouse.

You must have still loved her. I know i did. I was married to a woman who gave me a daughter. The best thing in my life. Sadly, my wife became unfit, due to alcohol abuse. I divorced her after 10 years, having to do so for the safety of my girl.My wife was a violent, uncontrollable woman. I gave her everything she could want for. We had a beautiful house in the Kent countryside, she had her own car, but she was unstable. When my girl was 6 years old, my wife, assaulted a guy in a pub with a pint glass. I sent her to France, a place in the South, called Aude. The town was Saint Julien de briola.While she was away, i went to a solicitor and took out prohibitive steps orders, injunctions, and all sorts. My solicitor was a woman from a Sidcup office.Anyway she came back from her sisters in France but had to go and live with her parents. The judge was a ' Judge Carrington QC" who later became an order of the Garter, but i digress. I was given sole custody, care and control, with no visitation by my ex.

To cut a long story, a few years later, plod turned up on my door step. The outcome was, that she had married again and her husband had killed her. I was called by his solicitor and went as witness for the defence as i knew what she was like.It went national in the Newspapers at the time. The thing is that i had my daughter for 13years as a single parent. She was my life. But i never stopped loving her mum. Every time i looked at my girl, i saw her. My daughter has proved to be a treasure, she is a Fire fighter, black belt karate, and is at level 2 sign language, and she has never shown any of her mothers traits.You talking about the light house reminded me of a week we stayed in Dover, and we could see the Dungeness light. When it was foggy the fog alarm would sound. I never forget that haunting sound. I still love my ex, I always will. So i know your pain. You say that your wife died of cancer,7 years later. I know the feeling of frustration, of never being to ask my wife, Why?

 I hope that this story has shown you a kindred spirit.

9 minutes ago, Retiredandhappyhere said:

As your wife appears to be the main bread-winner with a good career and would clearly miss her family if you moved away "to the sea", I think you should stay where you are.  Your family could be worse off if your wife could not find such a well-paid position and she would undoubtedly, as a poster suggested, want to visit her family often, either with you or alone, in addition to which they might want to stay with you occasionally, which could present accommodation problems.  

 

Living near the sea always sounds great but many people who do so, rarely visit the beach after the initial attraction wears off and most would not want to swim in the heavily polluted waters in some locations.  I would advise that you confine yourself to occasional visits to beach resorts for holidays etc. and keep your wife happily living close to her family and present job.  If she were to end up by moving to a less satisfying job and to missing her family terribly, she would always tend to blame you for what she might consider as your selfish action in "making" her move.

 

I developed a good career in the UK and my wife, two kids and I enjoyed a pretty good relationship and lifestyle, but that did not prevent her going off with a guy she had only known for a few months after 37 years of marriage, with the excuse that I "worked too hard", even though for the last 22 years I worked from home. It was no consolation to me at all, when after two years, the divorce and the equal division of the proceeds of all our assets, including our home and my business and future pensions, she wanted to return as she had "made a terrible mistake".  This is, of course, nothing like your own position, but it does illustrate how easily you can be blamed for trying to do what you believe is best for your family.

 

I read your post, and i have the upmost  sympathy. It must have taken some getting over. For some weaker men, there would have been another alternative. You must have had to be very strong and i feel your pain.

As for living by the sea, the7/8 years i lived in Patts, i think i went to the beach a handful of times. After a while it was like, i never went there, but it was good just knowing it was there.

4 hours ago, jeab1980 said:

And if i may i would suggest you to mind your own buisness about how other people like to live there lifes in Thailand without comming across as look at me i have power. As you do. Just saying its good advise for all. Look after yourself but dont criticise others that dont abide by your rules

I dont advise any body how to live their lives. I dont care how other people live their lives. I am quite happy living my life the way i like. I really dont see that its any of your business how i live. If you dont like my way of life, dont read or answer my posts. Your insecurities are your own problem.

6 minutes ago, wildewillie89 said:

I really wonder what type of family you live in if you think if a farang has no 'power of purchase', then he must be seen as a 'weakness' or 'lose face' within the family context. What are you saying, if you stop buying them gifts they will talk bad about you? Or leave you? Yes, maybe you are right in a societal context - depending what 'class' or what 'morals' a group has who is discussing it, but a family context....really?

All you have to do is show some interest in the family and show that you care. Stand up when you need to. No way does that mean gifts/taking them out. For instance I had a massive fight with my work Director due to his family and my family clashing (both big opposing family names in the nearby city) - but I stood up for my family (risked my job).  If the family is super poor, yeah they may go for this gift giving thing, but even minimal wage jobs/no jobs have never acted that way with me. It definitely has no 'weak'/'lose face' conditions attached to it though. That is just marrying for money (gifts) if you believe that - which many families may do, but calling people 'fools' for actually gaining some real respect is a bit ridiculous lol.

A good family will just see that you made the effort to live in a third world country, rather than a first, and did that for them - rather than take their girl away from them, and they should not expect anything else after that. The wife of the District Office Director also told my wife this when we got our certificate, that you should not even expect him to work. Of course I do. But the point is the way things are done depends on what you marry into. My family on our first meeting told me they will never ask for money, or expect me to help if shit hits the fan financially, as if it does hit the fan it is because they have made silly decisions, so it is their own responsibility. The most I have bought them was 50  baht flowers on the mother in law birthday...and went halves in a car cleaning kit for the father's birthday.

Power of purchase in a family context....are you sure your family is not more of a business than family? Like a company giving incentives lol. If you are seen as 'weak', then hasn't the family just basically married you for some gift, rather than you? Which is completely fine, we all speak different languages of love if you like, but don't try and categorise all Thai 'villages' as being like that and then calling others 'fools', because you married into something that some may disagree with on moral grounds.

What village do you live in? if at all. You are painting fantasy assumptions in your own mind, if the above load of rubbish is anything to go by.Unless you are a villager, you have no idea of how much respect you can get by a simple action. I dont buy them gifts, or lend them money. My MIL is 77, i treat her well. I give her 2000b a month, that allows her to do what she wants. She is active and goes out and buys her own food and even takes the bloody dog for a walk. She helps her friends who have nothing. She thinks her SIL is Felag dee jai dee mach mach. Is that a problem for you. I like to make her life a bit better, is that wrong. As for the gift of a drill to my BIL, why is that a problem. Is it a problem for you that i take 10 or so kids down to the lake and feed them once a month. Again, a problem for you? Having building experience i also help with laying drains and tiling shower rooms, Free, A problem for you?  I built some wardrobes  in our house and the wifes sisters house, Problem?  So what are the moral grounds that i am conflicting with.

It is up to me how i treat my family and those around us. I suggest that you mind your own business until you can come up with something worth reading

14 hours ago, jenifer d said:

umm, as it says just below my picture, i live in Lanta; i have never even visited Samui, nor would i...

i am a published author who also professionally edits manuscripts from other authors for my publisher;

since i am not so distantly related to 2 of the last 5 US presidents, i was raised to NOT show off my class and breeding,

and was imbued constantly with the fact that "every person, every life, is a book- don't judge the book by its cover, read the story"-

i have no need to live a luxurious lifestyle or to "show off", and i am equally at home hanging out with a governor, big police, mayor,

kamnan, mafia chief, laborer w/dirt shack, street food seller, drug dealer, kratom partiers, and anybody and everybody in between

 

so, since we know that you can't be bothered to read, (for, indeed, in other posts- even recently- i have stated my Thai nickname)

so sorry that you feel so guilty about not speaking or reading or writing Thai (as well anybody who lives here should),

or about your only having Thais hang out with you when you're buying- i am never expected to pay for anything anywhere 

here that i am invited to go, unless you count the obligatory pulling out my guitar and singing for everybody as all join in,

and welcoming an and all comers to sing/play/jam with me...

And this is going native is it? Come to my village and see real Thais and how they live. Some of these people have nothing, but they scrimp and they feed their kids. Thats Native. Any way i am done with this. You live in a plastic world, god forbid if you ever have to make a real decision. And as the other poster said. A cure for cancer would be great if you have the time.

8 minutes ago, roo860 said:

 

In between all that socialising and hob nobbing can you spare 5 minutes to find a cure for cancer?

 

Sent from my SM-G920F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

Great quote, It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.

4 minutes ago, jenifer d said:

umm, as it says just below my picture, i live in Lanta; i have never even visited Samui, nor would i...

i am a published author who also professionally edits manuscripts from other authors for my publisher;

since i am not so distantly related to 2 of the last 5 US presidents, i was raised to NOT show off my class and breeding,

and was imbued constantly with the fact that "every person, every life, is a book- don't judge the book by its cover, read the story"-

i have no need to live a luxurious lifestyle or to "show off", and i am equally at home hanging out with a governor, big police, mayor,

kamnan, mafia chief, laborer w/dirt shack, street food seller, drug dealer, kratom partiers, and anybody and everybody in between

 

so, since we know that you can't be bothered to read, (for, indeed, in other posts- even recently- i have stated my Thai nickname)

so sorry that you feel so guilty about not speaking or reading or writing Thai (as well anybody who lives here should),

or about your only having Thais hang out with you when you're buying- i am never expected to pay for anything anywhere 

here that i am invited to go, unless you count the obligatory pulling out my guitar and singing for everybody as all join in,

and welcoming an and all comers to sing/play/jam with me...

I have read your post with interest, i can only say that i can see you singing 'Kumbaya' with your extended Thai 'family". You represent your self as a thai wanna be. There are many of you about. You are obviously so far up your own @rse that you cannot see that you are simply a felang woman with 'hangabouts' As for your guilt about my thai,i get by, but i dont speak Thai, i speak Isaan, which if you didnt know is a different dialect.You seem to think that you have the 'call' on thai culture. But i think you are going to be very disappointed later on in life. I also think that you are here because of some hidden problem that you had in your own country. But anyway, thats not here nor there YET. Enjoy your plastic life with your plastic friends. You wouldn't know real Thailand, if it came up and bit you on the arse.

3 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

Ok but you said no one gave you nowt so that's not entirely true is it. I said it twice.

Its true, i never wanted the house, but it fell to me. I have never made a penny from it. As i said, i do not rent it.but i pay the insurance on it and the repairs if i have to.What is your problem that you feel you have to prove that i am a store bought prince?

9 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

Sorry KKD I do believe you inherited a house in battersea from your old man God bless. So not entirely correct. Sorry to say I read your posts from time to time. And I'll respond generally to the BS about family first.

It was from my grandad. If you have something to say,please do it, i have no secrets.I have never made a penny out of that house. I do not rent it, nor do i let anybody stay there.That house will never pay me anything because it is already in the ownership of my daughter. My family solicitor has control over this. Of course if i die then my wife will receive a percentage of it, which is in writing.If she decides to sell it.which is my wish. I am sure that my daughter would rather have the money than a dusty old house in a part of London that she does not wish to reside. So my threatening friend, bring it on.

8 minutes ago, jenifer d said:

i agree with most of what you say, except for the beach part-

i live a 1-minute walk from a breathtaking, CLEAN white sand beach w/gorgeous, clear blue water and no jet skis, power boats, or prostitutes anywhere to be seen (but of course, i'm way in the south and far away from any city,

there aren't any cities larger than 40,000 people within 100+ km of us;

it seems as if the OP wants the company of other expats, otherwise why move? Thai village life is so much more

peaceful and cheaper- and if it's Pattaya or Hua Hin he's contemplating, he may love it but the wife probably won't

(especially Pattaya) IMHO, living in or near Bangkok is heinous,

although i love it there, the pollution attacks my skin and health rapidly every time i visit

I read in one of your earlier quotes that the Thai people gave you your Thai name after your 4th day there. when they knew it was your home. I would only guess what that name was. I also read the information of where you live and i know it is on Samui. How you describe it is beautiful, but i ask myself, is this the real world of a ' native Thai' I guess you must be a published author? are you a Jackie Collins or an Emil Zola. Your luxurious lifestyle must be a real inspiration to your 'real Thai friends' 

 Post me no more with your twee insults and criticisms of people that dont speak Thai, as you demand they must.Post me no more of your thai life style, when it is far more than any Thai could ever hope to aspire to.

2 minutes ago, jeab1980 said:

Low pay doesnt mean no money. Its called working to stop being bored as i did. Not about the money

. If you like to treat family so they suck up to you good for you. Petsonaly i look after my family not extended family.so no cudos to me does not matter. Sounds as though you think your a god amongst men. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 minutes ago, jeab1980 said:

Low pay doesnt mean no money. Its called working to stop being bored as i did. Not about the money

. If you like to treat family so they suck up to you good for you. Petsonaly i look after my family not extended family.so no cudos to me does not matter. Sounds as though you think your a god amongst men. 

 

 

 

 

Answer. You speak rubbish. When you marry into a Thai family you have certain responsibilities. I didnt want my wifes family to think that she had chosen badly. My Thai family have respect, and thats what you have to get when you marry into one. If they have no respect for you, you are 'kee Nok' birds shit. My wife is respected and so am i. We even got an invitation to the bank managers daughters wedding.Me thinking that i am a god among men only shows your insecurity in your position. But if you wantbto know, i am noe thief or London wise boy. I had to get a university degree in plumbing design, to earn the big bucks in my country. i worked like a bastard to get where i was. I paid into every pension i could. 20 years. Now i have what i deserve. Nobody gave me anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 minutes ago, jeab1980 said:

"Currently, my wifes family is quite good to me but there is always a bad apple- the eldest brother. From the start he was quite aggressive and disrespectful to me but it has been resolved now as we don't see him much at all. He basically doesn't come to our house at all thankfully. "

Resolved being the main focus.

He is moving not beacuse of the brother its beacuse he wants to swim in the sea. 

Where has this he hasnt got a lot of money come from! All ge says us his wife earns more than him. So does mine so does that mean i dont have the power of money behind me. Quite a leap there.

Read the post, my friend, he says he is on low pay. I live in a village and i know that the power of money is a real advantage. My wife's two sisters live either side of us. I often have a little party for them, or take us all out for a meal to the local fish restaurant. I do them  favours but i never lend them money. My sisters husband's drill broke, so i bought him a new one. I built some wardrobes for the other sister. Its called being the good brother in law. The matriarch of the whole family will not have a thing said against me. Thats called having the power of purchase.If  a felang has no purchase power, it is considered a weakness, and he loses face within the family circle.For what i spend, which is nothing to me, i get a lot of cudos in return, and it makes my wife feel good. Now tell me that doesnt matter, and i will call you a fool. I still say, beware the brother.

2 minutes ago, jeab1980 said:

Cant remember him saying the in laws were there 24/7or in fact there was a problem with the in laws save a grumpy brother who he doesnt see. What he said was he wants to be able to swim in the sea.

 

If he is persuaded to stay in the family circle, i would beware the Brother. You never can tell what is on their minds in cases like this.Thai women have very strong ties with their families. Its almost like a chain wrapped around them. They wont insult or argue with the elders, they will find it hard to move away. Dont forget that a disgruntled Thai male can make a lot of problems for a felang who does not have the power of money behind him. He will also have a bunch of mates, to whom he has told the tale. Step carefully my friend.

6 hours ago, jerojero said:

Be prepared for her many repeated trips home to visit her family. Eventually she will say it's optional for you to join her, then her visits will become longer and longer, leaving you alone more and more. And finally she'll tell you she's not happy apart from her family and more unhappy than being away from you. All the above may indeed happen, especially that she's financially self sufficient.

 

 

Sad but true.

21 hours ago, BEVUP said:

Yep be careful of the red light jumpers also i like to burn them of so i am not stuffed around when needing to change lanes (thats bikes & all)

The other reason they are slow is apparently from what i heard is that they like to start off in 3 rd gear on the presumption that it saves fuel (hate to see what it does to engine)

Yeah, the third gear jumpers are of the same educational level that has convinced motor cycle riders , that driving with your lights off, saves on battery power.