popshirt

I am in the U.S. right now and I have seen nothing about this incident in newspapers or on the news here. Maybe not surprising as this country is quite insular but I would have thought the L.A. Times would have picked it up.

I really like being referred to as farang. I actually see it as a sign of respect. And it usually means I am offered the best seat, served the tastiest food first and generally made to feel very welcome. Of course my Thai family and friends call me by my first name.

I don’t tell my Thai lady the truth and she does not tell me the truth and we both don’t admit if we are angry.

I have adapted to the Thai culture well and caused no friction.

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This is SO difficult to do. It makes me sad to try and guess what is upsetting my Thai partner when I know I'll never get a direct answer to a question. And it is even harder for me to keep my questions and irritations under control. I'm not sure it is healthy for westerners to do this.

Sorry to see you go, Steven. I have enjoyed your posts, including thinking about your "list" and also the list provided by Top Chinese. Both were provocative in a positive way, even though I didn't agree with many of the points contained therein. Hope you come back soon.

I love the Malaysia Hotel. I would say the place is at least 50 percent gay. The 24 hour coffeeshop is 90 percent gay (and oh so colorful....ladyboys,rentboys, tourists,you name it). The later the hour the better. The rooms are shrines to the late 60's/early 70's. Rates range from 500-700 baht. Pool is small but decent. Its a very well run place for very little money. Great location, close to subway.

And four or five good "gay" restaurants within walking distance!

But I am told the Tor Tor 3 or FETF is CRUCIAL to transferring money back OUT of Thailand without subjecting it to tax. So hang on to those documents!

Are there any "Well-stocked" pharmacies that anyone can recommend? I've been to 6 local pharmacies in the Sukhumvit area, and they at most have one of the 5 meds I need to find. Is there a "super-pharmacy"?

I have been told that the pharmacy at Chulalongkorn Univ. medical school has the best selection of drugs in Bkk., but I do not have personal experience with this.

Thank you Sheryl. He is a Thai citizen. We will investigate this option.

I have a Thai friend who has chronic hepatitis-b. His disease has progressed to the point that his doctors are recommending Interferon-alpha injection therapy which is a standard treatment for someone like himself who has an incredibly high viral load and has been monitored for about a year now. Ultrasound tests and liver biopsy also indicate treatment is necessary, and soon. My question arises about the cost of treatment. He hopes to undergo treatment at Chulalongkorn Hospital and the doctor there estimates that the cost of the drug therapy will be around 600,000 baht. Yes, six hundred thousand baht. He knew it would be expensive but we were astonished to find it THAT expensive. The alternative is cirrhosis, possibly liver cancer, eventually a liver transplant (if a donor can be found) or death. Does anyone reading this have experience or advice concerning the cost of this treatment. Of course he will approach other government hospitals to compare costs before making a decision. In his case, it may be academic anyway since neither he nor his family has anywhere near that kind of money and he has no insurance.

it's been told here before ... chatted twice on gay.com then started dating

Almost ditto for me and mine. Except it was Gaydar. And we were not so much physically attracted as we were interested in each other's culture and lives. He wanted to practice English. And we did that online--at a distance--for almost a year, nearly every day, for at least an hour. Then we met and it was like being with a known friend, except the physical presence created a wonderful sexual tension that surprised us both. That was 3 years ago and we are happy together. I must admit I knew nothing about "rules" at that time but I have many farang friends who end up with "questionable characters" ..........I was lucky.

Great post, Top Chinese. Thank you for speaking your piece on this.

I'm not in LOS this weekend, am now in another LOS as in Angeles, but hope to meet you some day!

Dukkha sez :".............. and why should I expect him to deny them because I pay the rent..."

Exactly! And if it works for you two, great!

It is all shades of George W. Bush taking advantage of the 9-11 catastrophe. Shameless politics!

I am a gay fiction junkie, and by gay fiction I mean "mainstream" gay fiction, not necessarily erotica (although I read some of that as well!).

I have found a selection of used fiction at Dhasa Books on Sukhumvit but it is fairly limited and remains somewhat static over time.

I have two questions:

(1) Where are the best places to fiind and buy gay fiction in Bkk?

and

(2) What is your experience with mail order from the US/UK/OZ to Bkk? Do any of you belong to gay book clubs in English-speaking countries and receive books by mail?

Thanks. Back to my book.

I miss the time that I had easier access to gay films (note not porns!), like going to theaters to see gay/indy films. Although Bangkok is not too bad in this regard since we have House and Apex, but still...

What and where are House and Apex. Please, I wanna know. Thanks

I think that until recently the idea of "gay" was fairly new. You had your kathoeys and your "men." "Men" could either be straight or "gay kings," which meant active position, without losing any masculine cachet. The kathoeys and softer gay guys were "gay queens."

I think there's much less homophobia here, in the sense that a "straight" man will not necessarily go into a huge personal crisis over having sex with a guy- body contact between friends is much more common. So I think divisions between identities are not so clear-cut, or perhaps not even so important. Unfortunately, I think that exclusionary Western notions of gay *VERSUS* straight are becoming more widespread here, and in a sense they bring homophobia with them.

I don't like to talk with Thais about homophobia in the U.S. because I don't want them to emulate its ugliness. I've heard very nasty comments from exchange students in different schools here and in other Asian countries who more or less thought all the boys around them were gay. The only persons I've met or communicated with who seemed to care a whole lot whether I was gay or straight or create any problems over the issue were foreigners, of course.

"Steven"

I certainly agree with Steven's comment :

"I think that exclusionary Western notions of gay *VERSUS* straight are becoming more widespread here, and in a sense they bring homophobia with them."

Maybe it would be better to avoid the use of these labels and just BE.

IJWT, could fuzzy be translated as vague...we are at the point that in my advancing years it is likely that I will predecease Sam and I dont want to leave a mess for him to deal with..I have made a thai will which he will be the sole recipient of any monies here in thailand, as for my monies in Australia he is aware of amounts and that he will also be the beneficiary of same...this arrangement will be handled by close friends in Australia who have clear instructions as to how the disbursement is to occur..with my history of being totally careless with money Sam is best qualified to deal with this sort of thing...I could not have made a committment to him without being totally honest about our financial situation, it does not leave me in any way vulnerable but rather in peace as to what goes to whom and how much...I dont expect that all farang/thai relationships follow my example but have decided what is best, the codicile being that if we are not together all this will change...great to hear PB that you may be changing from your two wheels to a more safe mode of transport with four wheels, best of luck and trust your recovery is well on the way.... Dukkha

I agree with PB, I made it clear to hubby early on that I didn't feel responsible for his family, I was & still am happy for him to use some of his salary to help out his mum on a regular basis but some months, when we have an increase in outgoings, that he can't send any. He & they are fine with that.

My husband obviously knows how much I earn & so does his mum but it was explained very carefully that the cost of living here in the UK means that although it sounds a lot & is in thai terms, it isn't in the UK & that there is very little left over.

That said, when we first met I wasn't working & was living off savings, so "my" money wasn't an issue as I had one amount & it was only ever going to go down so there wasn't anythign to spare out of my budget.

My husband and I have striven to build as equal a partnership as is possible given our difference in age and financial resources. In order to do this I have rather fully disclosed my financial situation. But as the old lady in the red cloth coat said, sometimes you have to "just say no". This is a good thing because it establishes boundaries and also makes plain what can be expected in the future. I remember when my husband lusted after a rather expensive new camera "which would benefit the entire family, especially his sister who raises orchids and requires fotos to advertise them" I said no. That was a while ago and I explained that the camera was neither an emergency item nor was it a necessity. On the other hand, when his Mom had to stay in the hospital for a few days, I offered to pay the bill and did. Behaviors are sometimes more useful than laying down rules. But we are all learning as we go along. I just never forget who I am and get "lost" in the relationship. For one thing, I refuse to "buy-a-Thai" and my husband admires me for this. It also gives him freedom to make his own decisions.

gabrielcnh1, any kind of public affection outside of the city is generally not done, I know the younger generation of thais are more open & obviously in tourist areas with a bar scene it's all over the place but in the presence of the family, no, period!.

My husband advised that even holding hands might cause embarrasment for his older relatives, although in a weird case of irony, his mum did prepare a bed for us both to sleep in (but it was in the same room as her, the old aunt & the 2 kids, so therefore ok!! )

I would avoid being overly affectionate with your bf whilst there, the more you get to know them the more you will be able to loosen up. After 5 years together & 3 years of marriage, he can kiss me in front of his mum now, but just a peck on the lips. Soooo racey

I am forever amazed at the Thai response to a gay relationship. My husband's father is in the military, his mother from a rural farm and yet they presented us with a gleaming "Electrolux" toaster for our apartment at our second meeting. The first time I met them we traveled to their farm (they also live in Bkk) and were given the matrimonial bed and private bedroom of mom and dad who then slept on pallets in the living room. When husband's father comes back to Bkk after weekends at the farm, he always brings eggs, a variety of fruits and vegetables and also a tin of tea he has purchased as a gift to us.

I, too, was somewhat puzzled by the lack of enthusiasm expressed when I brought gifts to the family. No oohs and aahs, no shredding of wrapping and passing around. But I discovered that the gifts were appropriate and appreciated.

In the longer term, you need to be prepared for family financial emergencies, even in so-called Thai middle class families. I have made clear the difference between a gift and a loan, as this is a part of my culture and important to me. This distinction has been respected every time.

Good luck! Isn't this a wonderful journey we are on?