marc26

On 11/28/2020 at 7:38 PM, Pilotman said:

Our Thai/Brit daughter was born in Thailand, as I was travelling a lot with my job, she effectively stayed with her grandparents for the first 2 years of her life before coming to the UK permanently , BIG BIG BIG mistake.  Thai Grandparents are terrible at bringing up kids and it took us years to get over the medieval way she had been taught as a young child.  I know its a generalisation and many young Thai mothers don't have the option of taking care of a child, but grandparents are generally no answer to child rearing, far from it. 

What do you mean as "medieval"?

My MIL raised my stepson but she was unrelenting with him. She wouldn't allow the kid to go anywhere.

Now that he lives at Thammasat, we can hardly get him home.

He loves living on his own and has grown leaps and bounds from when he was under my MIL's strict hosuehold

This has nothing to do with the topic, sorry

But I went to US Consulate in Vancouver last week to renew my passport.

They do individual appointments by time, it was so weird being in the consulate alone

As for the wedding affadavit, when I did mine long time ago, there were agencies outside the gate

I talked to one and for a relatively decent price(i'm thinking 8k) they did everything to get me married

All the paperwork, I didn't need to go to foreign affairs, we skipped the line at the amphur

It was well worth the price so if you see them outside, ask them

On 11/18/2020 at 10:46 AM, lovethai123 said:

 

 

One of your previous thread was about price to build a house as your wife wants to gif to your MIL and you mentioned she would move out of BKK. Your BIL quoted 200-300 which is too much. But that's not what I am worried about here.

 

 

 

 

I wanted to comment on this, because I think it is an interesting discussion...........

The 200-300k quoted was because I would want a high build quality and space that could fit in as a guest house with a house we eventually build.

I don't want to spend 100-150k for a shack that I can't use later.

My wife would be perfectly happy with a house that is 1.5/2mil baht. 

But to me, that would be wasting 1.5/2mil baht because it would be a house I don't enjoy staying in

I'd rather pay4/5/6mil for a house that I enjoy( our deal is whatever my wife contributes to a house, I double. She gives 1mil, I give 2mil for 3mil total).

This is a house her best friend just built for 1.2mil

My wife says she'd like a little bigger but I'd want it a lot more high end, not really concerned about having it too big,

2 hours ago, jomtienisgood said:

Depends on how many of the dancers are Katoeys.. 5555555

Well we know some guys would pay more for that!

Just maybe not at their wedding 5555

1 hour ago, lovethai123 said:

You are a lucky man if all that is true.

Not everyone here is so privileged.

 

But instead of calling me a nosy you could appreciate me for being interactive. Other haven't interacted much. I have. Coz I have a golden heart just like you. 

You  a good man. just like me. 

 

.........

 

Read your post again. I am glad there is at least one man I have encountered whose thai partner who can earn enough for herself. You are one lucky man. Never let her go. Never ever.

 

????????????????

I was only joking about the nosy part   ????

I don't mind engaging, that's what forums are for

I mentioned she makes her own money,  it's only natural to ask how.

My wife has always liked to have her own money

When she 1st came to Canada she hated relying on me for money.

After a few months we put up an ad for her to clean apartments.

She is an obsessive clean freak so it suited her.

Well she got extreme lucky in that her 1st call was a management company that had 100's of apartments.

They would pick her up and she'd have 2 apartments to clean and she made $25cad/hr cash

She loved it because they were empty apartments and she'd put on her music and clean.

Some Thai expats that knew us asked if I was embarrassed that I work in the stock market and my wife is cleaning apartments.

I said not at all and even had her clean some of the guys in the office place.

I had no hesitation to tell anyone that my wife was a cleaner, when she did that 

To me, a job is a job.

Her marking her own money then and now makes our relationship a 1000x better

That doesn't mean it works the same for everyone but it works for us.

She likes to say

"I like to have money in my pocket "

On 11/14/2020 at 8:22 PM, jonny5 said:

Sorry i tried to edit post but couldn't.

I've been will the GF 15 years , got 3 kids , house , cars etc etc.

 

So thought it was time to get married. 

It will be a village wedding (Korat) , I was looking at the over all cost and breakdowns if possible?

Wedding party, Food, Drinks , pre wedding photos, all that sort of stuff.

Thanks hope that makes it a bit clearer

My wife was just at 2 pretty nice village weddings, she said the buffet food was 1500baht/table of 10, so 150pp

I think she said the big band was 70k, but I think they can get pretty expensive, depending on how grand you want to go

2 hours ago, lovethai123 said:

her line of work in both the places? 

You are a nosy <deleted> 555

But I don't mind answering..............

My wife's business in Thailand started off with her installing awnings for a graphic design shop. They would design the awning and have it fabricated and she would install them.

That branched out into a myriad of jobs from "wrapping" cars/motorcycles(putting logos on trucks/bikes........she's done big jobs for Kawasaki) to helping design signs for a couple of hotels and install them.

Her big jobs are building booths for trade shows. Her biggest job is the Auto show every December, they build out multiple booths for that.

They have built out booths/stages for Robinsons Department Store fashion shows/product launches

In Canada, she  works at a Thai restaurant. She made really good money but that obviously isn't the case now...........

During the height of the pandemic, she was in Thailand and took advantage of the durian shortage and was driving down to Rayong and selling them in her Samut Prakan neighborhood. She made 200/cad per day but that was only for a few weeks

She likes to work and make her own money...........and she enjoys my money as well  ????

21 hours ago, lovethai123 said:

It's not adopting really then.

 

It's more like supporting a life. That is great. Wonderful Idea. Is your MIL healthy? Are you sure she will be able to take care of the child for the next 18 years? 

 

One of your previous thread was about price to build a house as your wife wants to gif to your MIL and you mentioned she would move out of BKK. Your BIL quoted 200-300 which is too much. But that's not what I am worried about here.

 

You take a child from her real biological mother. An old woman gets the child and feeds him with your money. What if the MIL passes away in few years?  Who would be there with the child then?

 

Is it possible for you and your wife to pledge to support the child even though he is with his mother? Just let the child stay with the mother. Pledge to support him until he lands at a job. 

 

The adoption question was my own curiosity on how the system is in Thailand, not for this particular situation

I think giving money to help would be easiest for us/MIL but from the girl's desperate pleas to my wife, it seems she needs more than financial support.

She's in her early 20's, works full-time and has no other family support

By the way, the child is her grandson, not like she is giving them away to a stranger..........she's asking family to help. Doesn't have to permanent

it's an occurrance that goes on in a huge % of Thai families all over the country

My wife wasn't raised by her mother...........and I'd challenge anyone to find a closer relationship than theirs

Hell, my aunt basically shared raising me with my Mom, I was the baby of 7 with a deceased father. 

There is even a famous saying............."takes a village" for a reason

18 hours ago, lovethai123 said:

Thai relatives often con the foreigner. The foreigner would be sitting in far off lands and working hard but relatives would quote a huge price for anything like house repair etc, 

 

Hope u didn't send 10000 CAD to that BIL

I've been with my wife for 18 years, he's been playing the long game then! 5555

We have done business together many times. over the last 10 years, I've got returns back on all of it.

He had a very skilled job as a door installer/maintenance until going into business with my wife and venturing out on his own as contractor.

Plenty of guys get ripped off in Thailand, my wife makes her own money when she is in Canada and has made her own money when in Thailand

5 minutes ago, lovethai123 said:

Sorry, I don't know. But I just don't understand why would someone keep making kids if you can't afford. 

And have "MIL" look after the child? Really?  The child is 2.  

 

Are you sure the money you send for the child will be used solely for his upbringing and not spent by MIL on lotteries.  You are creating one more mouth to feed. And you said you won't mind adopting 2-3 kids. What do you mean by that? Adopting and raising in one home as the parent or sending money for food to Thailand? 

 

See, It appears you are a good man, you have a great heart, If you really want to help a child, take him to Canada to live with you legally. I have no idea how it's done but I am sure it can be done. Search for some thai lawyers. I have seen law firm advertisement on this forum too. Take their advice.  

 

Due to corona, it will be difficult and slow.  

 

Good luck. Hope you can change a  life. 

I 100% agree with you about people having kids they can't afford.......

My MIL has her own little daycare that she has had for about 10 years in Bangkok. She takes care of neighbor's kids from the time they are born until they are in school full time. She usually has 2 kids going at a time. She has a good reputation so she is asked constantly if she care for others. She makes decent money for herself doing this and she really cares for the kids, as they are her own.

She has the 1st baht she ever earned, so her next lottery ticket would be her 1st!(now can't say that for her daughter 555)

And my thinking was she does this for neighbor's kids, we should help with her own grandson. As I said, the Mom of the child is a good girl.

I would help with the costs because I do think the mom needs help

I told my wife we aren't able to adopt the child but we can help, a 2yr old in Bangkok wouldn't cost much.

Just tell the Mom that my MIL will do it on a temporary basis

As for us adopting. If it ever came to pass, it would be to adopt kids to live with us in Canada. But it is just a thought and this incident just made me curious.

Anyone have any experience adopting children in Thailand

I've been with my wife for 18 years, married for 12 1/2 years, we have my 19yr stepson

I wouldn't mind adopting 2 or 3 kids but actually, my wife was approached by her brother's ex-gf

They have 4 kids and the brother doesn't take care or help financially

The ex-gf is a good kid, works hard but just can't afford 4 kids

She asked my wife to take the youngest, 2 years old.

We probably won't be able to because we doing Permanent Residence in Canada, but may have my MIL look after the child

But it got me wondering if anyone has experience with adopting in Thailand and the process

Thanks

14 hours ago, Virt said:

 

I don't get this Thailand is ruined and so. It's still a great place to visit. 

Sure it changed, but all places changed worldwide since mass tourism started. 

 

I however met a lot of old timers sitting in the bars complain about how things changed, everything is to expensive and so on and bloody tourists ruined the country. 

 

Don't they realize that they too are tourists that started the problem....we're all part of that.....

Thailand change because we travel there. 

 

Been to Thailand 12 times and had great vacations and will continue to visit when this Corona chaos is over.

 

I hope to be one of those 8 millions so I can get back to Samui in July. 

 

 

The only ones who complain are the ones who went to Thailand to feel special for once in their life.

I think it was 6 years

Met my wife my 1st trip to Thailand

I was 30yrs old, she was 21yrs old.

But as usual, Thai girls want to go 0-60 in a relationship and I wanted it to be more casual

Seen each other on maybe 7-8 trips in 2/3 years

But went our separate ways, she moved to Italy for a couple of years

But we ended back together

So known each other 18 years, married for 12 years

My stepson is 19yrs old at Thamassat University, we have a great relationship. Always in touch with each other

We still would like to have a baby in the next year or so and even maybe adopt another child(or two!)

On 4/1/2020 at 8:31 AM, Muzzique said:

You are in a pickle but it is a rod of your own making. Thai culture is based on respect and for a girl to go with a man especially a Ferang before marriage can seriously damage her reputation in her village community. This is doubly so if you do not marry. Just because she was married before does not mean that she is easy and you should have respected that but despite that she gave herself to you expecting you to be the one. 

 

Once she became pregnant she expected you marry her. It is not unreasonable for her to ask for this for the sake of her and her families reputation.

 

As part of this it is expect of you to pay a dowry or Sin Sod. This is not a cash sum for the sake of it. It shows how much you value her and you are paying back her parents for the way they raised her. During the wedding the whole village will be shown the Sin Sod and it shows that she is a woman that you value and you are refunding the investment  her parents made in making her the woman she is. This is a matter of pride for her and without this it indicates you have no respect for her or her family and she is worthless. Her reputation will be destroyed and her family will feel ashamed.

 

The money asked was too high and you could have negotiated. For a woman on her second marriage and with a previous child a figure of 300-400,000 would have been more reasonable.

 

When you refused her family would have thought it was just negotiation and perhaps your partner told her parents you would offer 500,000 to ensure they would allow you to marry but was reluctant to tell you.

 

When you said no to her you totally shamed her, you basically said she was worthless and let her to go back to her family pregnant and without honor. She would think you used her then cast her away like an old shoe. That you had no compassion and she meant nothing to you.

 

From then on she was motivated by the pain you caused to her. If you would not value her then she would not value you. 

 

When she tried to reconcile I assume you still did not understand her. She gave you another chance but again I assume you put your foot in it. You had another chance to apologize and perhaps give her honor again but you didn't take it so she went back assuming you had another reason for not marrying her. Another woman perhaps.

 

She decided to forget you and to find another guy who would respect her and when you got angry she tried to hurt you. Thai women can be very unforgiving and if you hurt them will hurt you back. Then you contacted her new guy it was basically saying I don't want you but you can't have anyone else.

 

Then you asked to come to the delivery. She was having a child out of wedlock which is a huge shame for her, you had refused to pay her Sin Sod, and you just wanted to come and watch the results of her dishonor delivered. You really rubbed it in.

 

I am not surprise she didn't want to see you or let you see your child. You totally destroyed her reputation and shamed her and her family. She would want to treat you as a low life and take as much from you as she can to get back at you.

 

Then when she did offer an olive branch she sees THAT picture which totally confirms her belief that you were going with others behind her back.

 

Thai woman have a power temper and if you cross them you will get back a whole heap of trouble. Trust me I know.

You used her, shamed her, cheated on her and left her with a totally destroyed life. You are the one who created this and you are the one being made to suffer for it by her. Instead of offering to provide a home for her and your child you stepped over the fact of what you did and treated her as if she was nothing to you and said it is just for your son.

 

She is the mother of your child and if you love your son you should take care of both him and his mother as she is the one who he will love and be closest too. Hurt her and you will drive him away from you.

 

I hope you will now see what you did and what it created. I know this was done out of ignorance and you did not realize the consequences of your actions but this is what you did to her. This is why she treats you like she does.

 

How you move forwards is up to you. You made this mess and fixing it it up to you. 

 

The advice you have been given here is relevant, but if for a year you were fine and she wasn't asking for money at this time I feel sure that was not her initial motivation. What you did next made this mess.

 

If you offer money to give you her son I think you will make the mess even bigger. However I think you should know what you did. It might not fix anything but it will give you a clearer insight into what you did to her.

 

Maybe too much water has gone under the bridge but perhaps you can talk to her about what you did and how ashamed you are of your actions It might change things.  There is no simple answer to your dilemma I'm afraid.

 

This post is delusional and this thinking is the main reason so many guys have issues with their Thai wives/gf's.

Talk about putting the Thai girl on a pedestal while you give up all your culture and values.....

Be a normal person, be secure in what you offer as a way of lifestyle and normal support(not money) that any man would do in a marriage.

Don't be a pushover, like so many guys are in Thailand

If you are offering a good life and good marital support..............than be firm in that from the start

If the girl is actually into you for more than just money she won't worry about all this nonsense that goes on in Thailand with farangs and Thai girls

It amazes me that guys were intelligent enough to make money in their own country but seem to check their brains in when they fly to Thailand

The bottom line is so many guy are insecure and they think the only way they can keep a girl is to throw money at her, or to make themselves feel like a big shot.

Just be normal................

If you 

8 hours ago, lust said:

I find that many of the westerners I come across have some quirks about them, or are total nutcases to be honest... Not all, but many... Thailand is a place for many misfits..

I have met and have so many friends in Thailand

I feel lucky to have met all these great guys from around the world

But on the flip side, the farangs are the worst part of my 20yr experience in Thailand

Has anyone flown from BKK to North America(Vancouver) recently, or their Thai wife?

Just wondering if any scheduling issues, cancelled or flight changes)

Thanks

On 8/8/2020 at 4:23 PM, bodga said:

I fail to understand this "needing to love" to be able to live anywhere. I dont need to love Thailand or its people/culture to be ok with living here.

That seems odd to me. I wouldn't live anywhere I didn't love...........

And the fixtures in a lot of these places aren't even comparable to lower end fixtures in apartments in North America

Here is a different take of sin soht

What will you do about your son being requested to pay sin soht?

Will you help them?

My stepson is 19yrs old, goes to Thamassat University and runs in some pretty well off crowds.

If it is part of the culture, I wouldn't be against helping him, I'd look at it as if helping kids back in US with a wedding

I just don't know what my cut-off would be amount wise

It's an embarrassment but honestly, it has been for quite some time.........

Two of the biggest challenges in my lifetime, mass shootings and Covid, and the big bad bully just gave up and shrug their shoulders.

But if you at so many other issues.

Higher education.............It's criminal how expensive college/university is in the US

Then you look at most of the rankings that you judge a country by(education, health, etc) and they are nowhere near the top in most of these

My Thai wife cried with joy when she got her 10yr US visa(we live in Canada)

Now she refuses to go to the US

What a turn of events in our life

Even before the pandemic, we were looking at the different places my stepson can go to study abroad on an exchange program and he could go to Los Angeles and we had no desire to send him there. Rather he go to Europe.

And Trump has damaged so many relationships with our allies that they then realized they can get on without us............The US was faltering before Trump, but he put the mail in the coffin.

It will never recover from his Presidency..........

23 hours ago, kuma said:

Always interesting the signifivant default to buy land in thailand where the village of the girl you met lives. On our list of criteria, that was never even included. After 17.years and significant visits to more than 40 provinces, we closed on the place that seemed most attractive to us, rented here for a few years to confirm our thinking, then just about a month ago bought something. Wifes family home was never a criteria. 

Actually, mother n grandmother in the end decided to get a place and come here anyway, once they discovered how great a spot it us. They have their own place, in same area but enough away that we connect once / week or so, not a communal all in one property idea. 

Wife does not farm either but got enough space to grow some fruit as a hobby and for her to start a restaurant, her real.joy. bkk not far away so easy to go if we get the itch, but really now head to the islands more if we do head out. Will always love bkk but this place is paradise.

Find what you want, not get painted in to buying on the basis of someones birthplace only, imo

I come from an extremely close family and my wife does as well.

We have a plan to now start spending 3 months per year in Boston near my family and friends.

So I don't know if it is a default as much as what seems normal in our lives.

We enjoy being around family and friends..........

My only demand is that we are at least a 10-15min drive away from her family's area. I told her I have no desire to live right next to my brother/sisters, so I don't have a desire to live right next to her family either.........

3 hours ago, billsmart said:

We don't lease our land; we work it ourselves as contractors. We hire people to till, fertilize, plant, tend, and harvest. Most times, they are a different set of people for each task. We have leased out our land out in the past to be farmed by someone else, but made much less profit doing that, and, the treatment of our land was not always what we would have expected. And, yes, often, the lease is paid, at least in part, by giving a portion of the harvest.

We are a bit too city for that 5555

But you sound like you enjoy it, that's all that matters